Title: God Will Forgive

Chapter: Guilt

Author name: DocJorgensen
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Angst, Drama
Characters: Siegfried, James,Tristan

Ships: None

Rating: K+
Spoilers: None
Summary: In his guilt, Siegfried can only hope God Will Forgive.

DISCLAIMER: Behold! I own nothing.
Author Notes: I wanted to see Siegfried guilty about doing something to James for once. I mean, he can do it for Tristan, but not for James? So, with that in mind, a little longer story about Siegfried and the consequences of what he has done. If interest, I will indeed continue.


Guilt was not something that Siegfried Farnon felt often.

But he did now.

It rose, squirming from his gut and, writhing into his chest. A black beast, whose bloody claws, ripping and shredding, tore into his heart. They were cold, those claws, and the beast was a chilly one.

It made him restless, unable to settle, constantly fidgeting, unable to face what he had done.

He hadn't meant to. It was meant to be an odious job, difficult possibly, not a…

Not a near disaster.

Siegfried ripped his eyes from where they stared at the tabletop, fingers clenched on the arms of his chair frantic to get away from his guilt.

He sat heavily, wishing that anyone could say him from this, wishing to forget, the large whiskey tumbler at his elbow no help now.

But oh! He could remember, and his cowardice was damning.

"It'll be an easy job, James! In and out." He had said, confidently blowing past James' objections. Oh, how wrong he had been.

"But Siegfried! It's your night on duty. Helen and I…" Siegfried remembered, anguish making the memory sharper, his glance of annoyance, then of resignation and duty. How many times had he done something similar?

Was it really worth it?

Was it?

Siegfried clamped his eyes shut, willing away the tears the threatened to fall, and put his head in his hands.

Desperately not looking at the seat to his left hand, where James always sat.

Empty.

The job, well simple enough, a whelping bitch, but he had had some troublesome situations with Mr. Howarth before, and weaseled out of it.

Like a coward.

And James, James had agreed. As always. He wasn't one to bow from his duty, out of distaste.

A coward! That's what he was.

Just a coward.

Siegfried shook his head, ran his hands through his blond hair and quickly got out of his chair.

He had had a date. Who even cared now?

He would go and visit James. That's what he'd do.