Part of the Insomnia Scrabble Project. See Author's Notes
Word List for this Story: Lived, sieve, slow, easy, chisel, suck, fact, froze, made, not, moan, blunt, wan, on, day, share, pond, rag, pity, teen, idea, age, trance, film, rite, note
Burning the Film Away
Lin had lived with the knowledge for more time than he cared to consider. Normally placid he was currently a complete wreck internally. Adjusting to seeing "Naru" falling for Mai tore him up. He'd thought he'd been able to sieve through the tangled mesh of his feelings to expel the sinful feelings out of himself. That he'd been able to refocus those intense desires into a "brotherly" affection, almost paternal. At least that's what he was trying to convince himself of. He'd talked himself into not liking Mai because he was being protective, not because he was jealous of the admittedly attractive girl. The boy was only 18 and hadn't had much experience with women. He really didn't want to think how long ago he realized he'd had to refocus those feelings and how young he had been then. He shivered at his own depravity.
Now he watched them talking – or rather Kazuya talking and the little chit giggling as they were carrying equipment back to the van.
"Naru – when should I come back into the office?" The small wide-eyed girl said as she attempted to flutter ridiculously long eyelashes at him.
He hated that she called him "Naru". It was insulting to call your boss a narcissist. Plus that wasn't really accurate. Only people who did not know Kazuya as Lin did thought that about him. He was self-assured – business wise at least, but not conceited.
Kazuya had that feint little smile that showed he was finding her rather amusing. Lin had rarely seen that delicate ivory countenance show any hint of emotion. He certainly never smiled liked that at Lin. Lin never did anything that could be construed as amusing.
He realized he had stopped to watch them and needed to start walking before anyone noticed he had slowed down and how far behind he had gotten because of it.
"Hey Lin, what took you so long?" Kazuya asked in the oddly calm voice as Lin had joined them at the van.
'Damn it - why did he have to notice?' Lin berated himself. He put the camera case down and said "Just picked up some cable I saw that I had forgotten," he said softly back.
Mai hadn't noticed them talking at all as she had her back to them hanging up various electrical cables. In fact she was still rambling on about Ayako. Lin had tuned her out as he usually did. He caught the last part of her sentence "and then she snored! Snored really loudly!" Mai giggled some more. Lin was unsure of why Ayako's sleeping habits were so entertaining, but then Mai was still young. He gave a half-hearted laugh to act like he'd been paying attention after Kazuya laughed with her.
Mai turned to face him with an incredulous look on her face as if she'd never heard men laughing before. To be fair, she probably had never heard him laugh before. He rarely did. Even Kazuya looked at him but then turned and put his hand on Mai's shoulder. It made him cough in surprise and sudden surge of anger and jealousy which he quickly turned into more laughter trying to hide the reason for his now reddening face. Better to be thought laughing then to have them know he was turning red from flushing in anger or embarrassment.
After a second Mai turned red and then said quietly, "Oh – I guess I shouldn't really say things like that. It's not very kind of me." She covered her mouth with her unpolished hands.
Kazuya nodded and squeezed her shoulder. "No Mai – it's really not. How would you like it if she spoke about you?" Mai flushed deep scarlet and Lin almost felt bad for her.
That is until Lin gave him a smile hint of a smile and said "But take it easy Mai – no harm done. You didn't even damage Lin's face with laugh lines. But no more – you wouldn't wna tto break his funny bone after spraining his ankle."
Now Lin flushed a little and froze. Kazuya had made a joke – he actually made a joke. Completely deadpan of course, but still. Even Mai recognized the rarity of that event and began to giggle nervously. Kazuya never joked. It began to seep in that this little girl could make Kazuya laugh and he couldn't. But he wasn't going down without fighting.
"Well I guess I should be more careful since I don't believe SPR's health plan has coverage for a sense of humor." Lin said it very coolly while looking into Kazuya's chiseled face and dark eyes.
For a second he thought he saw a flash of emotion. No one else would have noticed it, but Lin did. He quickly looked away from his eyes not wanting to drown in them, but made the mistake of looking at his pale pink lips which were quivering slightly in mild amusement. A flash of heat soared through Lin as a quick image of leaning forward to suck on those lips popped into his mind. He stepped back quickly to turn away "I'll..I'll go get the rest," he said quickly and abruptly walked back towards the building they had been working in.
Lin hurried into the large conference room they had used for their headquarters during this job. There wasn't much left so it would only take a few minutes, but those would be precious minutes he could use to put himself back together. At least the rest of the crew had already departed.
As he mindlessly picked up and packed various cables, remotes, EMF readers into the case, he began a long discussion with his own subconscious.
'What is wrong with me? I must be some kind of pervert. The fact is I am seven years older. His mentor for God's sake. I've known him since he was a child.' His sub-subconscious decided to pop up an opinion as well 'He still is a child' and this began a further argument. 'Well technically no – he is 18. And really when was he ever a child? With what he's gone through…' Lin realized he was now arguing the opposite as he began to realize how much of a child Kazuya wasn't anymore.
The images came unbidden into his mind of when Lin had first realized how attractive the young man was becoming. A picture of a slender young man walking out of the bathroom with only a towel. The pale wisps of dark hair on his chest and armpits – oh so slight, but enough for Lin's eyes to look at the slight musculature of his arms and legs, of his now erotically pink nipples and how they tightened in the chill air, jet black hair touseled and towel-dried. It was an image he had lived with for 6 months now that had begun to make this craving for him so much more urgent lately.
Lin sat a set of cables on the table and groaned as he realized his cock was beginning to harden. He palmed it quickly in order to try to calm it down.
A sudden noise froze him in place. It was right behind him. 'No – please no," Lin pleaded silently.
"Lin – you ok? What are still doing in here?"
Of course Kazuya had come back to check on him. Lin had been too lost in his thoughts and took longer than he should have. Now – the man was standing literally right behind him, invading his space as if he knew something. And here was Lin with his hand on his own crotch now trapped between him and the table he was standing by. If he jerked his hand suddenly, Kazuya would know where his hand had been. Could Lin think of a reasonable excuse? For his hand maybe, but not for the rather large erection pressing against it as Lin hadn't had time to make it go away. How could he have not heard him enter the room. How could he have not made any noise?
At that very moment he felt a warm hand grasp his left shoulder as an even warmer arm draped loosely across his back. 'This is NOT happening,' Lin tried to deny to himself even as he heard himself moan slightly as the movement from Kazuya pushed him slightly forward and his cock harder into his hand. He knew it to be a moan of despair and desperation and then suddenly realized that was not what it had sounded like.
A small snicker came from his right ear as the hand on his left shoulder squeezed just slightly. Yes – it was definitely Kazuya – his scent too well known to Lin to be denied. For a brief moment he had hoped it was Mai whom he could easily lie to, but Kazuya would see right through him. He could feel Kazuya raise up in his toes a little to look down over Lin's right shoulder. "Are you masturbating on the job Lin?" he asked bluntly.
Lin wanted to die – he turned his head to the left in shame to look away from both Kazuya and from his own disgrace. He tried to actually step away but Kazuya held a surprising strong arm on him to keep him in place. Lin was confused and embarrassed. He'd never been held by Kazuya and it both felt wonderful and humiliating.
"Are you thinking about your lover touching you there? Stroking you tenderly? Or do you like a firmer hand?" Kazuya was breathing more heatedly and just a touch softer. Lin had tilted his head closer towards Kazuya in order to hear him better subconsciously and as soon as he realized it, he paled and became more wan than ever – quite impressive considering his usually pale pallor.
He felt a hand slide on and around the front of his right hip. A hand not his own. And his nerves fired as he felt Kazuya's groin slightly push into his right buttock. Lin's breathing felt heavy – his pulse began to race. 'What is he doing?'
"No – I uh…" Lin couldn't pull a complete thought together.
"Hush, Lin. You're no good with words anyways. I knew this day would come. I've been waiting for this day to come." The tone of Kazuya's voice was husky and slightly darker than usual.
Lin stood in shock as he felt Kazuya's hand begin to wander up from his right hip and stretch across his chest with a smooth yet light, exploratory stroke.
A shiver passed through him as Kazuya's light fingers went over his nipple, pause, and then pinch it lightly. Lin jerked a little in please. "Oh…oh yes…um Kazuya – wait." Lin finally pulled his own hand from where it had been frozen earlier to cover the searching hand and stilled it for a moment.
"I've waited long enough," Kazuya said quietly and moved his hand once again, this time down and across Lin's taut stomach, smoothing over unexpectedly tight muscles and then reached further down. As Kazuya's palm smoothed over Lin's now impressive erection, he thrust into the fleshy roundness of Lin's right butt cheek even more decidedly.
The feel of Kazuya touching him, of his heat beside and behind him was almost too much.
"Mai!" he yelled in desperation.
"Excuse me?" Kazuya gripped Lin's crotch almost a little too hard and Lin left out a squeak of surprise. "What about her?" Kazuya sounded a little cold, but didn't release Lin from his grasp.
"Just…where is she?" Lin panted.
"Why –would you like her to join us? Maybe you'd prefer this," and he grabbed Lin's cock and twisted, "to be her hand instead?"
Lin looked back panicked, "No – no!
Kazuya loosened his grasp a little and began stroking Lin's cock lightly. "Good – I don't like to share."
Lin's eyes widened in surprise as he looked Kazuya in the eyes for the first time and saw the desire in the darkened orbs.
He whispered '"I thought you liked her?"
"She's sweet…but sweet is not what I want." Kazuya stated very clearly.
"Oh…," Lin was nonplussed even if a wave of relief swept through him, "but…what if she walks in?" he asked hesitantly.
Kazuya pulled Lin towards him so they were face to face but Kazuya had pushed Lin back against the table a little so he now stood over him a bit. He leaned down and swiped his tongue up Lin's long neck to his ear, "Monk and John were going to have a picnic at the pond. They came back to see if we wanted to join them. I told her to go on ahead," he explained softly.
"So, we're alone?" Lin asked as he looked up beginning to feel the first surge of confidence. Kazuya smiled at him. More sweetly and more hungry than Lin had ever seen. "Yes…alone and locked in." Kazuya cupped his face then reached down to begin unbuttoning Lin's shirt. 'Let's get this rag off you," he muttered as he opened the shirt and then began to lick and suck his way back down Lin's neck and across his clavicle and began working his way down the center a little.
"Oh – yes…" Lin moaned breathlessly and bit his bottom lip. 'So good..so, so good'.
He looked down to just in time to see the dark headed man look back up and him and grin ferociously. "Yes you are. You taste so good." Kazuya hummed.
A moment of clarity passed through Lin. "Kazuya – wait – stop. This is isn't…ooh..yes," as a particularly strong moment of suckage caught his left nipple. "This isn't right. You're so…eep!", he felt a hard tweak of the right nipple as his left was then bitten, "young," he continued. "I'm too old for you. You can't possibly want..."
"You talk too much," Kazuya grunted.
Lin put a hand in Kazuya's hair and pulled his head back and forced Kazuya to look at him. "I mean it Kazuya. I've known you for how long? You practically grew up under me."
"Under you – yes – that's what I want. To be under you," Kazuya was not smiling. "To be next to you, over you, with you - is that so difficult for your old, feeble mind to understand?"
"I'm too old," Lin continued protesting, much to the disappointment of his body.
"Of course – look how old you are, how weak. Your muscles are completely atrophying," Kazuya punctuated these remarks with small bites all over Lin's supple chest and stomach. "Your skin so saggy," as he pinched his already reddened nipples. How could I possibly want you?"
Kazuya began climbing on top of Lin and pushing him back on the table until Lin was flat on his back with his knees dangling off the edge and Kazuya crouched on top of him. "Maybe it's just…maybe I feel sorry for you. I feel bad that no one could ever want these old bones," and he picked up Lin's right arm and softly kissed the inside of his palm. He dropped the arm suddenly. "Maybe it's just a pity f*ck!" he spat out in anger now then dropped down and kissed Lin hard, forcing Lin's mouth open and taking control of Lin's tongue.
Lin couldn't respond. He let Kazuya take control for a moment as he felt the younger man thrust against him – hip against hip, lip against lip.
Kazuya slowed a moment and touched his forehead to Lin's "And of course I'm just an innocent little teen who has never seen much of the world. Maybe it's a pity f*ck for me too."
Lin grabbed the back of his hair again and pulled Kazuya away. "No need to be sarcastic," he said in a flash of heat then looked away. "I just…I don't want to take advantage of you," he finished quietly.
Kazuya pulled his face back to him and looked crouched back up on all fours over Lin. "Lin – do you have any idea how long I've wanted this? How much I've wanted you? I was an adult a long time ago – chronology not withstanding. Age means nothing." Again he lowered his forehead to rest against Lin's forehead, "You - you mean everything," he said so quietly Lin almost didn't hear him.
Lin had been watching him as if in a trance and then it broke. He reached up to pull Kazuya to him and pressed his lips to him. Kazuya tasted strong and slightly bitter like the coffee he had been drinking and Lin thought nothing had ever tasted so fine. Kazuya responded in kind.
The heat between them rose. Lin's legs wrapped around Kazuya as if in a fervent effort to never let him go. He began to feel a haze, a surrealness surround him, as if he was in a film but the projector was overheating and the film was beginning to burn. And in a way he was. His fantasies were coming to life. This was no longer in his mind's eye but very real. All those long nights when Lin had tied to pretend he wasn't imagining this very thing – they were burning away in this fire.
It wasn't all just heat and lust and sex either. Kazuya kept whispering "Lin, Lin, Lin…" as if he was praying to him in some long forgotten rite. Lin had never heard him so needy, so emotional.
Kazuya stopped to gaze into Lin's eyes and Lin felt as if he'd not be lost in them, but rather found. Kazuya's dark hair was wildly mussed, his lips swollen and red, his pupils dilated, skin flushed scarlet. Kazuya gazed at him as he ground his cock into Lin's groin – not animalistic rutting, but almost a promise for later. Kazuya smiled as his thrust again smoothly, the light behind his head causing a halo effect.
"You are so beautiful Kazuya," Lin couldn't help himself. Kazuya smiled sweetly.
"It wasn't that long ago I thought I was lost, that I'd never be happy. That I'd never find you," Kazuya admitted to the man below him. Lin noted the wistful gaze on the man's face.
"You've always had me." Lin reached up and stroked the side of Kazuya's face tenderly. Kazuya leaned into it for a moment and everything was still.
The Kazuya grabbed his hand a kissed the palm once again. "And now I want to have you in a completely different way," Kazuya even chuckled a little. Lin wondered how he found humor in this situation. "But maybe we should take this home and not here this empty building. I don't want you thinking this is a side effect of the job we just finished. I want you at home – at our home." And Kazuya kissed him fiercely before leading him out by the hand. Lin knew his life would never be the same again.