A/N and Disclaimer I just found this on my computer and it may be the funniest thing I've ever written (if I do say so myself... and I do). It is based on the famous scene in "When Harry Met Sally" but instead features James Potter and Lily Evans. Neither JK Rowling's creations nor "When Harry Met Sally" belongs to me. Enjoy!
"What do you mean. I've had plenty of girls." James boasted easily.
"Making love is a bit different than riding someone like they're a broomstick, Potter." She whispered, self-conscious of the conversation topic.
"Not that different. Both ways it's fun." He smirked.
"Maybe for you, but what about them?"
"What do you mean? Every woman I've ever been with has been satisfied completely." He grinned cockily.
"You've made everyone you have ever been with orgasm. Every one." Lily asked flatly, clearly not believing him. "How do you know?"
"What do you mean how do I know. I just know."
"You have made every woman scream out your name as she climaxed, quivering in ecstasy as she completely forgets everything but your lovemaking, the feel of your bodies becoming one, the thrill of your rhythm and the taste of that salty sheen making your bodies slick as you thrust together in perfect harmony and the way your mouth makes her feel on fire. You've made every woman feel that?" She asked, laying a hand high on his thigh to illustrate her point.
"Yeah. Pretty much." He said with a gulp, his eyes already darkening with lust.
Lily gave him a mildly withering look before turning back to her desert. He shrugged, also returning to his food, stealing glances at her as she neatly set down her fork. At her first moan, he assumed she had just eaten a particularly delectable morsel. By her third, he was concerned.
"Evans, you alright?" He asked as she began writhing, threading her fingers through her hair as her chest rose and fell, making her bosom swell against her uniform.
"Oh, James." Her response wasn't toward him, but was rather a throaty, lustful acknowledgement as she closed her eyes with a sigh. "Oh, James…" She moaned again, running a hand through her hair, eyes still closed in ecstasy. "Oh, yes. Right there. Oh, right there!" Her breath came in short hoarse gasps and he watched as her hands began undoing her tie and unbuttoning the top few buttons of her uniform as she got more and more involved in her fantasy. James felt himself respond to her moans and tried to discreetly readjust the napkin in his lap, watching her legs part under the table, making her skirt ride up and expose her smooth thighs far beyond where James Potter had ever dared to hope to see.
"Yes! Oh, James! Yes! Yes! YES!" She finally climaxed before opening her eyes and continuing to eat her desert as if the entirety of the Great Hall hadn't just witnessed her behavior. James glanced around to see that he hadn't been the only one affected by her antics. Sirius had pumpkin juice dribbling down from his open mouth and Peter was adjusting what James hoped was only a napkin in his lap. Even Remus was affected by her performance, although he handled it with a bit more grace than the rest of them. James was still watching her when the silence of the Great Hall was broken by Dumbledore's amused voice.
"I'll have what she's having."