Song: Wave Goodbye bye Chris Cornell


Words get tangled on you tongue,

"He was right, you know," Kyle mumbled, cracking open a beer as we sat around the grave. He took a long swig of it before continuing. "We were never great friends. We sucked as friends, really. He deserved better."

and you stumble on your feet -

It's been exactly five years now since Kenny died for the last time, and no one really seems to be over it. I know I haven't been able to come back to his grave until now since his funeral. It was just too real for me, which is really fucked up, since I should've thought more about his feelings than mine. I guess it's not like he'll really care all that much if I leave a bunch of fucking flowers or something. He's gone.

when you miss somebody.

"I can still barely believe that he's dead," Stan said. "I keep half expecting him to just show up, like he always does, you know? Sometimes I swear I hear his voice or see him on the street. It's so cliché and gay, but.."

And everywhere you think you see them,

Butters nodded. "The other day, I thought I saw him in a coffee shop. Some guy had his exact laugh, I swear. I almost asked the man if he ever knew a Kenny McCormick, but I thought that might be rude."

walking down the street -

I gulped down half my beer. Man, I wish I had their problems. I want to be able to hear his laugh or catch a glance of him on the street. Maybe then I could convince myself he's not just gone. I could convince myself that heaven is real, that he's in a fucking better place or some shit. I don't know. I just don't want to believe he's actually gone this time, but I can feel it. I can feel how gone he is, and I can't pretend that he's watching over us in some special heaven where they put the suicidal sex-addict smokers who were genuinely good people. I'm not sure if the Christian heaven takes into account that Kenny had shitty friends and a shitty family and a shitty life and is more forgiving because of that.

when you miss somebody.

"Do you remember when we had a test in math, and everyone was stressing so much the night before, except Kenny? He was just smiling and reassuring us we'd do fine and then the next morning, right before the test, he pulled the fucking fire alarm," Kyle said, with a laugh.

Yeah, when you miss somebody,

I smirked. "He was always pulling shit like that. Fire alarms before tests, fake calls from parents to get us out of class…"

you tell yourself a hundred thousand times,

"He never did those things for himself, though," Butters said softly. "He only ever did that if he knew we needed to postpone a test or skip a class. He just knew."

"Nobody ever lives forever,"

Stan grabbed another beer, having already finished his. "He always noticed those types of things. He paid attention. Too bad we didn't."

so you give it one more try:

There was a silence. I swear, you could almost ran the cloud of guilt right out of the air. Stan should keep his bitch mouth shut, it's not like we don't already know how guilty we are. I think about it all the time. Saying it out loud isn't going to help.

To wave goodbye, wave goodbye...

"I miss him," Butters said, clutching the soda he brought instead of beer. "I sure wish I could tell him how sorry I am."

Every hurtful thing you ever said

"We all want to," I muttered, lighting a cigarette. "No use agonizing over how impossible that is."

is ringing in your ears,

"I miss him, too," Stand said, barely audible. "He was a great person."

when you miss somebody.

None of us have been around much since his death. We all went to separate colleges, came back for holidays, occasionally saw each other. But it was always the same empty small talk. How are you liking your school? What's your major again? Great seeing you!

And every thing of beauty that you see-

After Kenny's suicide, we were all itching to get away from South Park. I guess it was just too hard to be here, see his house, his favorite restaurant, but to never see him. And hanging out with these guys the summer after graduation, it was so obvious that he was missing.

it only brings a tear,

I don't know about everyone else. But I just needed to get away. I'm sorry, Ken, I know you didn't want it to be like this.

when you miss somebody.

Kyle sighed. "I haven't visited his grave enough. I tried, you know? I tried to fucking talk to him, sitting here. But I just felt so goddamn stupid, talking to a slab of rock pretending it was him."

Yeah, when you miss somebody,

The is the first time in several years that I've seen all these guys at once. The first time in over a year that I've seen Kyle at all. We all lied and said we would keep in touch in college, that we wanted to. Really, I think we were all counting down the days until we could go somewhere where no one would remind of us of Kenny.

you tell yourself that everything will be alright.

Also, I just wanted to go away from all the annoying fucking people from school. I remember one day, Bebe running up to me and hugging me. I think it was two days after the assembly where they told us Kenny was dead. She told me how much she missed him, and how she wished she could've helped him. It was so frustrating, seeing all these people who never knew Kenny, saying how much they missed him, showing up to his funeral and fucking talking in front of everyone about him.

You try to stand up strong and brave,

I hated it. It drove me insane. I just wanted them to shut the fuck up. Out of the four of us, not a single one got up to talk at the funeral. We just couldn't handle it. But it was worse watching strangers act like they gave a shit about Kenny.

and all you want to do is lay down and die.

Kyle actually stormed out of the funeral at one point. The church was so packed, I don't think anyone except us really noticed. He came back, much calmer, and reeking of cigarettes.

How long I've waited for an answer or a sign...

I still think about finding Kenny body, bloody and cold, almost every day. I have nightmares about it so often. I relive it constantly, the sense of urgency, the panic. All of it.

Lonely and weary from this troubled task of trying,

It always ends the same way. Even in my dreams, I'm never fast enough to save him.

to wave goodbye.

We all sat there in silence for a while. There was nothing to say, really. We didn't want to talk to each other about this anyway. We just wanted to talk to Kenny.

So now you start to recognize that every single path you see,

"Do you think it'll ever get easier?" Stan asked.

leads to a tear in your eye.

No one responded to him for a while. I guess we didn't really want to admit that we all knew what the answer was.

So wave goodbye...

"No," I said. "He'll always be gone."

Wave goodbye, wave goodbye

We sat there for a while longer, occasionally telling an old story about Kenny, silently wishing there were new ones. Kyle told us about when Kenny taught Ike how to make a bong, how pissed he was. Stan told us about the night that Wendy broke up with him for the last time, and Kenny egged her house with him. Butters told us about when Kenny dragged him along to go break into the principle's office and change their grades. I told them about when Kenny found a stray kitten, and brought it to class every day for a week until he gave it to me to take care of.

Wave goodbye…

We'd all heard these stories a thousand times, and told them a thousand times, and we were going to tell them and hear them a thousand more times. Because this is all we have left of Kenny. The stories he gave us, the memories we have. There won't be any new ones.