"I don't wanna change. I wanna stay right where I lay.
Eyes closed, head down on the pillow.
Better change, before it's too late. I'm guessing this is growing up."
Coffee Break; Forever The Sickest Kids
Ever have one of those moments in your life where things seem to slow down and you actually see what's in front of you? I'm having one of those. It's graduation, officially the checkpoint of the rest of my life. As much as I hate high school, I hate growing up more. I'm not ready to be independent, to be off on my own in the big bad world.
Alright, I'll admit I'm being a little dramatic, but if you were in my shoes, you'd understand.
When I was thirteen, my parents died in a car crash. It was tragic, and it's hard for me to remember. But I do remember what happened afterwards. After all, I am living it still. I had no grandparents to help raise me. I had no aunts or uncles or family friends. I had only one person to take care of me, and that was my big sister, Jane. She was sixteen at the time.
I had never met someone so selfless and loving in the world. She immediately took on the mother role, making sure I had everything to live a healthy life. She quit school so she could work as many jobs as she could take. Every hour of the day she worked to make enough money to keep us in a home and have food in our stomachs.
My sister sacrificed her life for mine. As soon as I could get a job, I got one, willing to do anything to pay her back. We lived an extreme life and now that I'm almost an adult; I don't want to let that go. I'd rather eat Ramen every day of my life and sleep in the cold instead of being off on my own.
I know I need to grow up – but not yet, I'm not ready. All I can do is what I'm supposed to do, and let life take me under its wing and pray that it's good to me. As someone handed me my diploma, I felt a shock run through my body.
This was it, the end of it all, but the start of everything. What was I going to do?
"GRANT!" a voice called out to me. I wasn't sure where it was coming from. There were people everywhere; students, teachers, parents, family. It was a madhouse. The only person I had with me was Jane, but she couldn't make it.
She had to work.
"GRANT!" This time I recognized the voice. I turned my head and spotted my overly large best friend making his way through the crowd to get to me. I couldn't help but to smile at his angered face. He grinned at me, all the while grimacing at the people that kept him from getting over to me. His dimples were large on his cheeks. His face was growing a tad bit pink due to the heat and the people that were so close together.
Eventually he broke free and made his way to me, his brown hair messy atop his head and his robes too short for his body. He kept his diploma in his hand, clutching it. I couldn't help but to laugh. Everyone figured Emmett wouldn't be able to graduate, seeing as how he was probably one of the worst students in the school.
He came straight to me, pulling my tiny, lanky body into a hug. I melted in his arms. I felt slightly sad and awkward when he let me go, but ever since I told him I was gay he had become very cautious of the things he did around me. We used to go swimming at the local pool a lot, not anymore. We used to wrestle for fun, not anymore. We used to talk about masturbation and who we thought of when we did it, when I accidentally let it slip that I thought of him once, he freaked. I couldn't blame him, really, but that wasn't the way I wanted to come out to him.
He was okay with me being gay, really, he was. He was just freaked out about me hitting on him and making a move. I wouldn't, I knew Emmett was straight – I just miss the old us, when we were Emmett and Alec, two best friends. Now we were Emmett and the Fag. Not something I like to think about daily.
"Dude, we're graduates. You know what that means?" he asked excitedly.
Unsurely I said, "That we're graduates?"
He rolled his eyes. "No, it means we're going to be college studs. And do you know what that means?"
"That we'll still have to do school for another four years?" Emmett confused me.
"No! Dude! The three B's - Babes, Booze and Bros."
"Ah," I replied, acting like I knew what he was talking about.
"But for you I guess it's the two B's and the one D." He laughed. I punched him in the shoulder.
"You're a real ass, you know that?"
"And that's why you're madly in love with me," he stated, batting his eyelashes like some buffoon.
"Shut up," I groaned.
He smiled at me, his dimples popping out again. Without a word, the two of us made our way to his Jeep. We had made plans. Instead of celebrating with our family and friends, the two of us were going to go pick up Jane from work and take her out on a date. The poor girl has been working her ass off, turning down plans with friends and even dropping out of her night classes.
She needed a few hours of fun and peace. After all, I owed her everything I could offer. And Emmett had a soft spot for her; probably because she was always there for him like she was for me. Jane was loved by most people. And when I say most, I mean about 1/3 of all the people she knows. Jane can come off, well, strong. Some like to describe her as the word bitch. I, on the other hand, just think she has a tough exterior. She's been fucked over so many times that she's just lost the will to allow anyone who isn't willing to stay in her life go.
She was an incredible person, once you dug down enough.
Once we had her in the car, after tricking her of course, we drove to her favorite restaurant. But something was off. Emmett and I were our normal selves, but Jane – she was acting odd. She was eating a lot, which is weird for her; she usually feels guilty about things (in this case, it would be missing work so she could eat a pricey meal when, in the end, she'll need that meal in a few days). She was eating like she had never eaten food before.
"Jane?" I cautiously asked.
Her blue eyes looked up onto mine.
"What?" she asked with a mouth full of spaghetti.
"Are you alright? You're acting…peculiar." It was the best I could do.
She stopped chewing and glared at me, totally confused. Emmett continued eating, eyeing a girl sitting across from us.
"What are you talking about? I'm just eating," she hissed back.
A grumpy mood before bedtime? Yep…something was definitely wrong.
"You're just not acting yourself today. Is there something on your mind?" Usually, if Jane was overly-stressed out, she'd lose track of herself. She was still Jane, just kind of jumbled up inside.
Her eyes grew wide and a look of guilt took over her.
"Oh no! I know that look!" I shouted. Emmett snapped his eyes to me, then to her.
"What? What look?" he asked, panicked.
Jane closed her eyes and looked away.
"JANE!" I shouted, my palms beginning to sweat. "What did you do!?"
She sighed. "It's not that big of a deal, really."
I clenched my jaw and stared at her, my eyes narrowed upon her petite face.
"You know how I've always wanted to work for Eclipsed right?" Eclipsed was a record label for musicians. It was a big one for Indie and Alternative music. My favorite bands came from that label. Jane had always wanted to be part of something bigger then her. She'd always loved to help out with people, be bossed around in a way. She figured that working at a big company like that would give her those opportunities.
I nodded my head and said, "Right."
"Well. A friend of a friend works there, and he sorta, kinda got me a job there." She said it like she was about to be punished. I wanted to laugh.
"Jane! That's great!" Emmett boomed, taking the words from my mouth.
"What he said," I spoke, smiling widely at my big sister.
She smiled at the both of us and we all continued our meal. Once finished we headed for Emmett's Jeep; but Jane wasn't through with the news.
"You know where Eclipsed is, right?" she asked me.
"California?" I guessed.
Emmett clucked his tongue. "That doesn't make sense. How can you work there when you're stuck here in Washington?" Oh, Emmett. You can be so dense, I thought theatrically.
"Well, that just means I'm going to have to go there if I want the job," Jane replied, her voice bored.
I turned around in the seat, my eyes finding their way to hers without even trying.
"You're going to California," I stated.
She grimaced. "I'm moving to California."
I didn't want to be selfish. I hated those thoughts, especially after everything Jane had done to keep me under her wing instead of in some foster home. But, sometimes, we all think with our wants.
"What about me?" I asked, my tone sad.
She grinned half-heartedly. "I've thought about that. I can't afford for you to stay with me. I'll be living in a one person apartment that I can almost afford."
"So I can't come with?"
"You'll be in college soon," she quickly said.
"Jane. We – I can't afford college."
"I'll get you into college, I told you not to worry about that. I'll make everything good for you, Alec. I promise. You just need to have some faith in me."
"Faith is what I always have in you, trust is another matter," I said back. She snorted, and we all laughed.
IChimpz/Zee : Well. Here it is. Props goes to Brittany for writing the first chapter. I'm excitied, but I'm going back to my hole. Review. (:
Zombie's Run This Town/ Brittany : Mm. Zee, so lovely. Thanks to TRDancer for beta'ing this. Kind of a filler starter chapter, but oh well. It WILL get better.