"This is so wrong," I all but moaned.
"I know," he whispered as he pushed me back against the wall. His lips descended on mine once again.
This was not a slow kiss. It wasn't soft butterfly kisses that make old ladies cry in movies. No, this was raw, the kind of kiss that made your toes curl and sent shivers flying down your spine. It felt as if someone was playing the bongos on my heart.
This shouldn't be happening. I repeated this over and over in my head, but every time I told myself this, I just wanted it more. But again, it was wrong, and it was selfish. I had to stop it.
"Stop," I meant it to sound demanding but it came out as a whimper.
He pulled away, leaving his forehead resting against mine, staring at me in a way that should be illegal.
"I don't want to."
His breath washed over my face as he leaned in again. But I had made up my mind, and this needed to stop. I twisted my head to the side. Rejection flashed in his sparkling eyes and it nearly made me cave.
"Why can't you ever just do what you want Bella? You over think everything. You make yourself believe that you're protecting yourself and everyone else, but you end up hurting people. People that care about you. Fuck, you're killing me right now." His voice was pleading and I didn't dare look at his eyes.
"This is selfish. It's wrong. We can't keep doing this."
"And why can't we? Why is it so selfish?" His words sank into me like a needle.
"You know why. And what about that girl you were with tonight? Or last night? Or what about Tanya? I suppose you're magically over her now." I quickly replied in a harsh tone.
"That girl tonight was a distraction, from you. And it was never Tanya I struggled to get over. I was struggling to get over you Bella. You couldn't look in front of your face and see what was there. It kills me to see you with other guys. Those girls were to forget you, not her." His words rang with clarity and truth, but I didn't want to believe it.
"And I'm supposed to just believe you? You never once made me think you wanted me. You never did anything." I choked back a sob.
"What the fuck are you talking about? Does this not mean anything? I kissed you, more than once. And you always kissed back. We had fucking sex. Is that me not doing anything to show you how I feel? This was only ever a game to you. I've fought for you. I've tried to get you to notice me. But I'm done now. I give up. You're apparently too oblivious to notice when someone cares about you." With that said, he pushed away from me and stormed off.
So much for not being awkward, right?
I stared after him not quite knowing what to do. I was in shock. As the shock wore off, the realization sunk in. I was in love with him.
It was raining. How romantic for a kiss, right? Not. It was the middle of February, so it was freezing, and this was not just some drizzle. This was a downpour complete with sleet. I was confused and fucked up. Hell, I didn't even have a jacket on. And now I was alone. I ruined the one good thing I had. The one thing I needed to always be there…
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