Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything else pertaining to the Twilight Sage. The only characters that are mine are Allie, Caleb, and the Smiths!

Esme POV:

"It's here!" Emmett exclaimed, running into the house.

"What?" I asked suspiciously. It was never a good thing when he was excited.

"What did you do?" Edward hissed. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"What?" I looked over at Allie who was frozen in her seat.

"Emmett and Jasper decided it would be an intelligent idea to sign the family up for Wife Swap."


"Rose," Emmett said, trying to comfort her, "it's just a show. Jasper made me do it!"

"Did not!"

"Uh huh. You manipulated my feelings."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Allie said quietly. Rose rushed over to put her arm around her. That was a relationship nobody had expected. Maybe because Allie didn't like becoming a vampire either, even though she had Caleb. Both of them had found our family, well, Alice had gone and hunted them down after seeing them in a vision.

"You'll be fine," Alice promised, grinning. "If it makes you feel better, we're going shopping later."

Allie smiled slightly. "A little. Caleb?" It didn't surprise anyone when she automatically asked his opinion. They had fallen in love as humans and were changed at the same time by somebody unknown. He had stalked them down until he was able to get them alone. Allie missed her family terribly, but it was better now that most of them were gone.

He shrugged. "I guess I'm okay with it." He squeezed Allie's hand.

"Allie, you know you can do it," Bella said softly. "Have a little bit of faith in yourself."

"I do." It was true, Allie was just as confident as Rose. Maybe that was another reason they got along so well.

"Yeah," Emmett said. "You're what, like seventy now? Let's see, twenty-one plus fifty-four years is seventy-five. You've got enough self-control that one little tiny human in the house won't overwhelm you. You go to school everyday."

"I know, but I don't live with them."

"You live with Nessie and Jacob."

"Nessie's part vampire, and that dog smells disgusting."

Rosalie laughed and nodded. "When can we get rid of him?"

"Never," Renesmee said, walking through the door. "I love him. What's going on?"

"You're moronic uncles signed us up for Wife Swap."

"Sounds like fun, Blondie," Jacob said. "What's wrong?"

"Besides the fact Caleb and I never lived with a human?" Allie asked sarcastically.

"You guys aren't newborns anymore, so what's the problem?"

"I can understand where they're coming from," Jasper said quietly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," Allie said quickly. "I'm just nervous."

"So the vamp that's as conceited as Blondie has self-esteem issues."

"Watch it, mutt," Rosalie hissed.

"Why are there only two girls in this family that appreciate my presence?"

"I never said I appreciated it," Bella muttered. "I tolerate it for my daughter's sake."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about you, Bella. I meant Esme."

"She doesn't like it either," Alice said.

"Why don't you guys like me?"

"Well, I don't because I can't see as clearly with you around. Rose doesn't like you because you make fun of her. Allie doesn't like you because you because you call her 'Blondie's brunette twin'. Bella doesn't like you because you imprinted on Nessie. And Esme doesn't like you because you leave her house smelling like dog."

"Oh, whatever. And I only called Allie that once. Then had Caleb on me with Emmett just standing there laughing and encouraging him to rip my head off."

"Stop fighting!" I shouted above the noise. "It's too late to do anything about it now, but we'll have to discuss it with Carlisle. Allie, are you going to be okay?"

She nodded. "I wouldn't be surprised if that dog had something to do with it, though."

"Stupid vamp that can copy any other vamps gifts," Jacob muttered.

Edward had him pinned in two seconds. "One, stop with the insults to my sisters. Two, why the hell did you give those two idiots that idea?"

"What did you do, Jacob?" I asked.

"I, uh, said it would be funny to see what would happen if our family was on the show?"

Rosalie growled. "I'm not surprised that you put that idea in their heads, you mutt."

The front door opened.

"Carlisle," Emmett whispered. "Jasper, get it all calmed down."



"Never. Emmett, you're my brother and I love you, but you're an idiot."

"What's the point of your stupid ability to copy everyone's gifts if you never use them?" Jacob asked.

"I do use them." Suddenly Jacob was floating.

"Allie, put him down."

"Not me, Esme, I swear."

"Caleb, is it you?"

"I got tired of him insulting Allie and Rose." Jacob started spinning.

"Caleb, can you please put him down."


"Gently!" It was too late, Jacob ended up sprawled on the floor.

Emmett laughed, but stopped suddenly when Carlisle walked in. "Uh oh. Hi, Dad."

"Who broke what now?" Carlisle asked wearily.

I kissed him quickly before anyone could say anything. "How about everybody sits down before we discuss this rationally." As rationally as a house full of teenaged vampires and a shape-shifter can get.

"Twenty-one," Alice murmured, sitting next to Caleb and Rose on the couch.

"You're not the only one," Emmett complained, plopping down on the other side of Rose. "I'm twenty and she treats me like I'm two."

"Because you act like it," Carlisle said. "Now, Esme, please tell me what happened."

"It appears your sons have decided to sign us up for a reality show." They were in so much trouble.

He looked at Edward and Caleb and seemed surprised. "Were you two with those three, too?"

"How do you know it was us?" Emmett asked.

"Sh, or do we need to go back to the talking stick?"

"Uh, that was broke," Alice said. "Remember, Caleb had it and Emmett wanted to talk so they got into a huge fight over it?"

"Oh, yes. Well, no talking until I call on you. I shouldn't have to do that with ten adults, but I guess I do. So, I'm guessing it was Emmett and Jacob for sure. Jasper you, too?"


"Okay then. What about the girls?"

"No," Bella said. "Just the three geniuses."

"I take that offensively," Jacob said.

"Maybe she meant it offensively, mutt."

"Rosalie, Jacob, stop. Now, I want everyone's opinions on this one at a time. Esme?"

I looked at my children. It was difficult living in a house of twelve, and quite noisy at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way. "I guess I'm okay with it. Just one thing, no doing anything to embarrass your father or I on T.V. He still has to work at the hospital after this is over." I watched as Allie, Alice, and Edward reached across to put a hand on Emmett's mouth before he commented. "Edward?"

"I think they're a bunch of idiots, but it's too late now. Nothing can happen to us, we've got Alice, Jasper, Allie, and I so I think we're safe."

"That reminds me," Carlisle said. "Absolutely no using your gifts on the human. Edward, Alice, I know you can't help it. Bella, I don't think she'd notice yours. The other four, absolutely no messing with her with your gifts. Bella?"

"It's not that bad of an idea. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to blend in a bit more after this."


"I love the idea!"


"Or we could stand out a bit more. Everybody will recognize us after this."

Emmett raised his hand.

"Yes, Emmett?" I asked wearily. I didn't think I wanted to hear what Emmett had to say.

"Can't Allie do her little mind wipe thingy on the humans in that town so it's like they never saw us on T.V.?"

"It's not a mind wipe thingy," Allie said. "The vampire that had that gift explained that you could persuade people to think what you wanted them, too."

"So, you can still persuade them to think that, right?"

"I think so."

"Okay, that's settled."

I sighed, relieved that that was taken care of. "Rose?"

"I married an idiot. Alice married an idiot. Nessie married an idiot. That's all I have to say."

"Rosalie. Allie, what do you think?"

"I…I think it'll be okay."

"Some psychic you are."

"Shut up, Emmett. Alice?"

"It'll be fine," she assured her. "Emmett, you know Allie hasn't mastered that gift yet."

"Thanks," Allie sighed. "As long as it'll be okay."


He shrugged. "I'm fine with it, I guess. Just kind of sucks that I can't freak the human out." One of my vases started floating as he laughed.

"Okay, then, I guess it's all agreed on," Carlisle said, scanning the note. "One week from now Esme will leave. Let's go, you have to write the note."

I looked at my children again. Time had flown by so fast, but I was comforted that I had eternity with them. Renesmee was happy and healthy, which made Bella, Edward, and Jacob happy. Alice was her normal hyper self, even more so since Allie joined the family. She had finally found someone that liked to shop as much as her. Allie was over the bitterness she had first felt and enjoyed tormenting Jacob as much as Rose did. Emmett was happy because he now had Caleb to help prank people with, even though Caleb was a bit more mature than him. And Jasper no longer thought of himself as weak. My family was perfect, hectic, but perfect. I'm sure the new mom wouldn't think so, though.

"Let's go," we heard Alice exclaim as we headed upstairs. "We're going shopping!"

I laughed as Bella groaned, some things would never change.

Okay, so that's it for now. Please review whether you think its good or terrible.