The sound tires on my lips
To fade away into forgetting
I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Whisper- A Fine Frenzy
It's hard to explain what happens in the days that follow but my life becomes a blur of activity; amazingly through it all Edward is there. It isn't until after all the tests are run and my CAT scan results are back that the doctors are able to piece things together.
Even then, it's still guess work.
While the death or my Mother and my Father were real, everything that happened in the aftermath was not. I was suffering from a form of paranoid delusions, at least that's what they seem believe. There is all this documentation that backs their claims, all this paperwork that's hard to understand. When they set the police report in front of me, everything kind of comes back to me.
And even then, it's hard to endure.
Charlie and Mom were fighting. It was something I could clearly remember and also something the neighbors reported in the days after everything had happened. Their fights had been escalating for some time when one of them just snapped.
There was a scuffle and someone grabbed a knife. In the ensuing fight, the knife ended up in Charlie's stomach. They say they're not sure if he bled out or if he died instantly but they tell me it was quick and most likely painless. My Mother, in her grief over what she had done, took the knife to her wrists and ended her life.
It's all so confusing to me, so hard to understand or believe. When I explain that my fear of James came from my Mother and the stories she told me growing up they explained it as a kind of group hysteria. I had loved my Mom so much, was so trusting of what she was saying that in a way her paranoia was taken up by me.
I start meeting with a therapist once a week and each morning I have a small pill that I have to take. I've been living on my own for years, but that doesn't stop Mrs. Cullen from worrying. A week after I'm out of the hospital, I move into their home.
It's an adjustment, but slowly life becomes normal again. I still miss my parents, miss the guidance that I thought they brought to my life, but I quickly learn that I have a new set of people (a new family) that I can rely on. It's nice.
It takes a few weeks for me to get up the courage to go back to school. I'm not sure if it's more worry about what my peers will say or if it's more a fear of falling back into an old pattern. On my first day back Edward holds my hand as we walk through the door and Alice troops along beside us jabbering about some sale going on at the mall.
It feels normal and it's exactly what I need.
I'm not sure how my life would have turned out if I hadn't come in contact with the Cullen's but it's not something that I like to think about. I picture the paranoia I endured; the constant fear that something would happen to me or that he would find me. I read through my old journals, saddened by the scared little girl that I see shining through on each page. I want to burn them, to forget at least for a little while that she existed. Instead I keep them as a reminder of how much things have changed and how bad things could really get. I know I have so much to be thankful for, so much to live for, and I don't have to hide anymore.
Edward leans over and places a small kiss on my forehead, his eyes looking down at the book in front of me with a small smile on his face. There are so many things I still haven't told him and we still have so much more to learn about each other but we've got time. As much as this new relationship excites me, it also scares me. I know now, though, that Edward will be there.
And in the end, that's all that really matters.
Short, sweet, and to the point. I want to thank all of you who took the time to read this story (and also for those of you that reviewed). You guys are amazing and I loved hearing everything that you had to say! Your support means a lot :)