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Understanding

"What is going on in here," Dean said as he stumbled through the door, gripping onto the door frame. He came to a halt when he saw Sammy laying back on the bed with a woman between his legs.

"Uh-Dean-wh-what are you doing here!" Sammy stammered as he sat up and tried to cover himself with a sheet so that he wasn't exposed to his brother. The woman he was with was also unclothed, but she had hidden meekly behind Sammy. Dean had to at least admit that she was a pretty girl.

"Leaving," Dean slurred as he walked back out of the shabby hotel room. Not having anywhere else to go, he climbed into his Impala and kicked back. Who knew how long it might take his brother when he was with some hot chick. "What a night," Dean whispered to himself. "Where were you on that one Cas?" Dean shouted loud and clear.

He suddenly felt a throbbing going on in his jeans and he cursed under his breath. Groaning, he looked down and said, "You're lucky I'm drunk." He fingertips fumbled as he pulled himself free of his constrictive clothing. Slowly his hand started to lightly massaging his erect member. A few minutes, lots of moaning, and a lot of panting later, Castiel's named slipped from his lips as his orgasm came, which was than followed by Deans body toppling over in the front seat and passing out from all the liquor he consumed that night.

In the morning he heard one of the many hotel doors slams, causing him to jolt up and awake. Dean looked down as his blurry vision started to recede. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, and even his pants had been buttoned back up with his member tucked away neatly inside. It was as if his drunken arousal had never happened. But then, Dean couldn't remember anything happening last night. With the headache he had, he didn't even remember walking in on Sammy and his girl or even drinking the previous night. The only proof was that his head was throbbing and he could remember crap.

Then he saw him, Castiel stepping out of Sam's hotel room. Getting out of the car Dean stood and stretched. He gave Castiel a small and unenthusiastic wave, but Castiel wouldn't meet his gaze. Dean grunted and walked into the room looking for Sammy.

"What's up Cas's ass this morning?" Dean asked, looking at Sammy's clean freshly showered form. Sammy placed his comb and shaving gel into his bag then finally he spoke.

"I don't know Dean, why don't you ask him?" Sam grabbing his shirt and slipped it on. Then he opened his computer to look for a new sensational hunt.

Dean gave Sam a dirty look for pushing off the subject and headed out the door. It took Dean only a few seconds to spot Cas. As he walked over to him he searched for the right words to say.

"Cas, what's wrong? Is there a reason you are avoiding me?" Dean asked as he tried to get Castiel to face him and look him straight in the eyes. No matter how much he tried, Dean couldn't get him to look anywhere else but the ground beneath where his dress shoes were perfectly placed on his angelic feet.

"I can't continue on with you and Sam. I can't come on the road with you anymore, Dean." Castiel looking up at Dean for a second. Dean couldn't help but looked baffled as leaned against the nearest car.

"Why, what happened? Did the heavens call you back?" Dean was trying not to sound too worried or letdown.

"No, Dean this is something I must do for myself." Castiel pulled something from his pocket, holding on to it intently.

"Can you tell me why you're leaving?" Dean asked looking away from Castiel's eyes when the angel finally looked up.

"It's to protect feelings," Castiel simply said, looking back at the ground.

"When the hell have feelings ever mattered to you?" Looking taken back by what Dean said, Castiel took a step back.

"They have always mattered to me. They matter to me because I am here to protect you Dean, that means your feelings too when I can stop it." Castiel's eyes saddened.

"You and I both know that that is a load of bullshit Cas. Now tell me what's really going on!' Dean demanded, almost angrily, as he grabbed Castiel's chin and forced him to look him in the face.

"I saw you, last night Dean." He looked into Dean's face and saw the confusion. Castiel quickly continued so that he wouldn't lose courage, "Last night you were plastered Dean, you walked in on Sammy and this girl having sex. Then you walked back out to your Impala and climbed into it. You got aroused and, well you started to…well…um-" Castiel stuttered, embarrassed by the conversation between them. But again he caught his train of thought and continued, "You 'pleasured' yourself Dean." Castiel had said uneasily, looking for the right word.

Dean's cheeks started to redden from knowing Castiel could watch him while he was doing anything. Defensively Dean demanded, "Why were you watching me Cas?"

"I check in on you from time to time. It just so happened that when I did you were doing…that. Something at the end did surprised me though and it's the reason I have to leave Dean. You said a name," Castiel spoke softly now, "Mine." With the ending of that sentence Castiel looked down at Dean, noticing his heavily blushing cheeks.

Dean didn't speak he just kept his eyes to the ground. He spoke in barely a whisper, "Your leaving because you don't like me in the way that I do you. I bet you think I'm some sort of a freak, don't you?"

"No, I'm leaving so that you don't get hurt." Castiel looked at Dean, wishing that he hadn't.

"Hurt Cas? You really think I will be hurt by you giving me what I've wanted most since we met? You, Cas? I mean, the one night stands stopped and the drinking increased, all because I knew I would never get to be with the one I loved the most." Dean's eyes went wide as he realized he had just admitted to Castiel that he loved him.

Castiel dropped his gaze and sadly said, "Dean the angels will come after you, humans and angels don't do things like this. I can't be with you Dean, it's just not possible."

"Can't or won't Cas? You of all people know I can handle what ever is thrown at me. Demons, shape shifters, vampires, hell I can even handle angels. I have handled them all Cas. You are the only one I am willing to fight the heavens to be with, and I know I'm going to have to. Hell, I'll even wipe that smirk of Zacharias' face. I am in love with an angel!" Dean screamed to the skies.

Castiel's hand came to rest on Dean's shoulder, shushing him because there were people around. Dean smirked at Castiel and brought there lips together. Smiling when they pulled away because the angel before him looked dumbfounded.

"So, Castiel are you willing to show me how much you love me?" Dean asked wriggling his eyebrows and causing Castiel to blush even deeper.

"I know you are not talking about dragging me into bed after just claiming me for your own, now are you?" Castiel smirked.

"No I plan on taking you into that hotel and ravishing you on the couch and making Sammy watch." Dean laughed as Castiel's eyes got huge. "I'm just kidding Cas," Dean pulled Castiel closer to him placing his chapped lips against the angel's smooth, welcoming mouth.

"So what now," Castiel asked Dean, looking at him like he would know.

"Will you stay Cas?" Dean asked him quietly. His eyes beginning to shine from building tears that would only be let loose if the wrong answer came.

"I will stay Dean, but you have to expect that the angels are going to come after you. Always remember that I love you Dean," Castiel said franticly.

"I know Cas and I love you too," Dean said before placing a small kiss against his soon to be lover's mouth. "As for the angels, when the clouds are rocking…they better stay in the heavens!"