Chapter 26: How to Save a Life
So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride
What if I lose my heart and fail the climb?
I won't forgive me if I give up trying
Adele, "He Won't Go"
"Mom?" I asked groggily. "What are you— what's going on?" I tried to shift into a more comfortable position on the hard, uneven bed, but I couldn't move. My body was heavy, and my muscles were sore and stiff, but the leather straps holding my wrists and ankles to the bed were what paralyzed me.
"Oh, Bella. Thank goodness you're awake," Renee sniffled. Her face was splotchy from crying. She scooted her chair closer to my hospital bed, snaking her arm through the railing to grab my hand. I flinched at her touch, unable to do anything to stop her.
"Dad!" I cried out, seeing him standing near the window with his head down. "What happened? Why are these on me?"
"Everything's gonna be all right, honey," Renee said, brushing loose strands of hair away from my face.
"I'm gonna go get the nurse," he answered gruffly, refusing to meet my eyes before he walked out of the room.
"No, Dad! Don't leave me here! Help me! Dad! Dad!" I screamed, thrashing against the restraints.
"Shhh, baby. It's okay," Renee tried to soothe me through her tears, but her words didn't calm me. Instead, they had the opposite effect.
"Help! Somebody help me! Please! Help!"
The door to my room swung open and a blonde nurse came bustling in. Charlie trailed behind her. He looked exhausted and clearly upset. I settled down slightly when the nurse greeted me.
"Dr. Cullen will be in shortly," she said after checking the monitor and taking my vitals.
"Can you take these off?" I asked rudely before she could leave.
She shook her head once, saying, "You'll have to discuss that with Dr. Cullen when he checks in on you."
"Argh! Get these fucking things off me," I yelled.
"Bella," Renee scolded before softening her tone, "calm down."
It was clear that neither of my parents were going to release me, so I bitched and moaned until Dr. Cullen knocked at my door. He poked his head through the crack before swinging the door open completely. And when Kate followed him into the room, I shouldn't have been surprised.
"Finally," I huffed angrily, loud enough for them to hear as they stopped at the foot of my bed.
"Good afternoon, Isabella," he greeted, picking up my chart. "How are you feeling?"
"How do you think I feel?" I snapped, and if I could, I would have crossed my arms defensively over my chest and stomped my feet like a petulant child. "This bed is uncomfortable, my whole body hurts and you won't give me anything, and these stupid straps are digging into my skin. I feel like shit. You would too, if you were in my place."
"Do you know why you're here?"
I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to remember what led me to this moment. I could remember jumping off the cliff into the icy water and being unable to find the surface. I could remember Jake and Edward fighting over me, and the hurt etched into Edward's face. I could remember being terrified of Edward wanting me to go to the hospital, so terrified that I ran away and still ended up there.
I stifled a gasp as my eyes flew open, my right foot jerking and pulling on the restraints as I tried to slam on invisible brakes. "There was a deer in the road. I tried to avoid it," I whispered.
"It's normal for your body to be sore after a car accident, but it should go away within a few days. You have a few bumps and cuts on your face, as well as a bruise on your chest from the seatbelt, but those will fade in time. We also had to put on a new cast." I looked down as Dr. Cullen said this and found my warped black cast had been replaced with a hot pink one. I couldn't help the groan that escaped me as he continued, "You are receiving Tylenol through your IV drip, because like last time, that is all I can prescribe."
"Why?" I asked sharply. "This is nothing like the last time I was here."
"While you didn't overdose this time, there were traces of Vicodin in your system," he replied.
Charlie stepped forward, his voice hard and demanding. "Where'd you get the pills, Isabella?"
"Charlie," Renee reprimanded, glaring and shaking her head at him to stay quiet.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I denied.
"Bullshit, Isabella. You failed another drug test when you were brought in here a few days ago. For the second time in a row. Now, where did you get the pills?" I stayed silent, refusing to answer him. He continued, "You were driving under the influence. You're extremely lucky that you weren't injured too seriously. What would have happened if you had hit another car instead of a tree? Do you realize the severity of your situation?"
The room was quiet for a minute, minus the constant beeping of the monitor. Charlie shook his head in defeat. He moved back to his spot by the window as Kate cleared her throat.
"Carlisle, why don't you take Isabella's parents back to your office or to the cafeteria while I talk with Isabella?" Kate requested.
"Sure. Charlie, Renee, if you'll just come with me."
Charlie rushed out of the room first, not waiting for the others. Renee, on the other hand, had a hard time letting go of my hand as tears formed in her eyes. Finally, she let go, sniffling and telling me she loved me. I didn't watch as she and Dr. Cullen followed after my father, leaving me alone with Kate.
"Why don't we start off with what happened that day leading up to the accident. Can you take me through that day?" Kate asked as she sat down in Renee's vacated chair.
"Why don't you start by taking these stupid things off? Now," I demanded.
"I need you to calm down before I will consider taking off the restraints. You were put in those for not only your safety, but the staff's as well. You became very combative when you were brought in. So show me that you can stay calm while we talk."
"I'm not talking to you until you get me out of these," I said, scowling.
"Okay, Isabella. I'll just wait until you're ready," Kate replied, settling back in her seat. "Myself and Dr. Cullen are the only people who are authorized to remove the restraints, and I can guarantee he'll ask the same of you as I am."
I realized this was probably true, so I begrudgingly told her the basics. "Fine. That day I went to school, then out to La Push to see Jake, and when I was coming home, I swerved and lost control of my truck."
"What happened while you were in La Push?"
"I just told you. I went out there to hang out with Jake."
"And…? What did you guys do?" she prodded.
I sighed, frustrated because I was sure she already knew this. "I wanted to go cliff diving. I'd seen some of the boys doing it when I'd been there previous times. I was tired of waiting for him to show up, so I decided to just do it by myself."
"And Edward. He was there." It wasn't a question.
"Yeah…" I trailed off. "So?"
"Did he do it as well?"
"No…" I responded slowly, wondering where she was going with this.
"Why not?" she asked as she crossed her legs.
"I don't know. It's not as if we share a brain," I snapped.
"Well, why do you think he didn't do it?"
"Because he didn't want to. He thought it was dangerous."
She nodded at this before asking, "Do you think it was dangerous?"
I squirmed minutely under her gaze and decided to answer honestly. "I guess it kinda was…" It had been dangerous. I had almost drowned.
"I know we've covered this before, but I need an honest answer from you. Was this cliff diving incident a suicide attempt?"
"No!" I cried out defensively. "I already told you, the boys out there do it all the time." And this was true; I hadn't been trying to kill myself. I was trying to punish Edward for caring about me. I was trying to push him away before he decided I wasn't worth the trouble. I'd rather leave than be left.
"And the car accident?"
"What about it?" I asked cautiously.
"Was that an attempt?"
I hesitated, unsure of the true answer to that question. There had been several times that I imagined just crashing my truck to end it all. I winced as I remembered what it had been like, how painful it had been. "No, I- there was a deer in the road," I replied weakly after a moment. I'm sure she recognized the unspoken admission. "Can we stop talking about this? Please?"
"Isabella," Kate began, leaning forward in her chair. "There is a difference between Dr. Cullen and myself. As you know, he fixes the physical things in your body, while I help fix the emotional aspect. And just like a bone can break or a muscle can tear, the mind can become diseased too. Some diseases are incurable, but most are manageable."
"Okay…" I trailed off. I kept my face neutral as I looked over at her, not knowing where she was going with this. I wanted to snap at her to stop talking to me like I was four years old, but I held back.
"One disease is called borderline personality disorder, or BPD for short. It's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, as well as emotional trauma. Emotional dysregulation, ongoing trouble within relationships, impulsive behaviors, and feelings of insecurity are common in patients with BPD. People with BPD often engage in self-destructive acts, like rage attacks, promiscuity, and even substance abuse."
My stomach dropped and my heart lodged itself in my throat. That sounded a lot like me, and I didn't like it. I worked to keep my neutral mask on, but her next words completely shattered it.
"BPD can occur in anyone, but it is usually triggered by some kind of traumatic event. Now, I don't know what happened to you before you came to live with your dad a few months ago, but I want to help you get past this," Kate said.
"Wait. What the hell are you trying to say? That I'm emotionally retarded?" I asked in disbelief.
"Of course not, Isabella. This is by no means an inadequacy of any kind. I want you to know that I am not diagnosing you at the moment for two reasons. The first being that BPD can take several months to accurately diagnose, and the second is that I don't specialize in this disorder. But based on our conversation today, as well as our previous sessions, I've noticed you're exhibiting a majority of the nine symptoms of BPD."
"You don't know what you're talking about," I said vehemently, shaking my head. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine!"
"Cliff diving and substance abuse are risky behaviors that fall under the category of impulsivity. Self-harm, such as cutting and suicidal behaviors, is also a symptom you've been displaying."
I really didn't want to talk about this, about the truth behind her words. I didn't want to talk to her at all, so I began to deny. "Jesus Christ. Cliff diving is a sport out there, so sue me for trying to relieve my boredom in this stupid, small town. And as for the rest of it, I've already told you that it makes me feel better."
"Feeling of boredom, loneliness, and lack of fulfillment are associated with BPD. This emptiness usually feels like there is a black hole inside of you, and you try to fill it with sex, drugs, and/or food, but none of it ever seems to be truly satisfying."
I stayed quiet, letting her words sink in. For years, there had always been a feeling deep inside me that never seemed to be sated, and I'd always had trouble trying to put it into words. Kate did so simply in just one sentence.
The food, the sex, the drugs… they never seemed to be enough. And while this tore at me, I felt a sense of relief wash over me.
Kate continued, "I've noticed from all of our previous sessions that your emotions, feelings, and reactions change quickly and you seem to have trouble settling down. This is also known as emotional dysregulation which seems to go hand in hand with two other symptoms of BPD — your rollercoaster emotions and explosiveness."
It was hard to believe this applied to me, but the more I thought about it, it did sound like me. I did jump from one emotion to the next. Often times, when I would suffocate from my overwhelming emotions, it could take me a few hours or even a full day to truly calm down and feel like I could breathe once again.
"Unstable or rocky relationships are common for people with BPD. Not only does emotional instability wreak havoc in all your relationships, but worries about abandonment can also hamper them," Kate explained.
Well, that was definitely true in my case. None of my relationships were stable. At this point, it actually felt like everything was crumbling around me. Was I really ruining my relationships because of a fear of being alone?
"In some of our sessions, when asked about what you want to do in life, you didn't seem to know. Other times, you'd tell me about all your future goals, like jobs for instance, and these shift quite frequently. Unclear and unstable sense of identity is also a symptom."
I instantly recalled the night I had dinner with the Cullens. I had been asked about my plans for college, for the future, and I could only respond with vague answers. I realized then everything I felt and thought were contradictions. Everything. There was absolutely nothing that I was certain of.
Kate brought me out of my thoughts, saying, "The last symptom is dissociation, which means feeling out of touch with reality. I don't believe this applies to you. And while you don't have all nine symptoms, you only have to display five to be diagnosed with BPD."
"What does this mean for me? Am I going to have my life taken away? Will I have to live in a psych ward with all the other crazies, never to see the light of day again?" I asked in a panic.
"Not at all, Isabella. Having BPD does not mean you are crazy," Kate replied in a calm and gentle tone. "There are different treatment options available. Dr. Cullen and I have discussed with your parents—"
"You told my parents?" I asked, my tone slightly hysterical. "What the fuck happened to doctor-patient confidentiality? Is that just null and void for me?"
"I need you to calm down, please. You've been doing so well during this conversation," she said. "If you can continue to show me that you can stay calm, I will take the restraints off."
I heaved a sigh, trying to relax, but it pissed me off that my parents knew. Even more, it was embarrassing that something was wrong with me. I wanted to keep it all to myself. "Okay."
"Don't forget you are still a minor, Isabella. We were required by law to tell your parents. And because of our suspected diagnosis, as well as your instability, we felt it was crucial to talk to them as soon as possible about your treatment options."
"Fine. What are my options then?"
"There are inpatient psychiatric wards, partial hospitalization which is also known as day treatment, group and individual psychotherapy. There is a treatment facility in Colorado that specializes in BPD and other similar disorders—"
"No," I said simply, interrupting her. "I'm not going to Colorado."
"Your parents, as well as Dr. Cullen and myself, feel this is the best option for you," she replied, shifting in her chair.
I looked away, focusing my gaze to the rainy day outside. "I don't want to go. I want to stay here with my dad and my friends. Why can't I just stay here and see you? I thought you wanted to help me. Why are you trying to get rid of me?" I questioned, finally looking back in her direction.
"I assure you," Kate began, leaning forward, her elbows resting on her knees, "I am not trying to get rid of you. The best way I can help you is to make sure you get the best help with someone who is familiar with BPD. Dr. Garrett Peters is a friend of mine and Dr. Cullen's, and he's been working with people who have BPD and its treatments for close to fourteen years."
"Isn't there someone who's closer?" I pleaded, my eyes watering. I didn't want to leave. Not again. "Maybe in Port Angeles? Or even Seattle? Why do I have to go to Colorado?"
"I believe a change in environment will be very beneficial to you. Not only will you encounter people who understand firsthand what you're going through, but you will also be able to focus solely on your recovery."
"I can do that here," I argued.
"The people in your life have been enabling your self-destructive behaviors. Your substance abuse and self-harming behaviors will be addressed in your treatment. If you stay here, there would just be too much temptation. You need this."
I had no response because I could no longer deny the truth in her words. And there was no point in fighting against her. The decision had already been made. There would be no going back.
"Do you have any questions?" she asked. When I shook my head, she stood up and pressed a button on the wall behind me. It didn't take long before a voice came through the intercom.
"Can you have Dr. Cullen send Isabella's parents back in, please?" Kate requested.
"Wait!" I cried out. "Can I see Dr. Cullen? I just wanted to ask him something."
Kate nodded and asked the nurse to have Dr. Cullen return to the room with my parents.
"I'll have him paged."
"Thank you," she said, turning back to me and reaching for the cuff around my wrist. "You've done well staying calm, so I think we can take these off while we wait for your parents."
"Thanks," I mumbled after a few minutes passed, rubbing my wrist. I was finally free to move around, no longer attached to the bed. I readjusted the bed so I could sit up fully before quietly asking, "When am I leaving?"
"It will most likely be tomorrow unless Dr. Cullen thinks you should stay here longer. The treatment facility is expecting you, but we've been waiting for you to wake up so we could explain it all," she said.
"What about school? I'm supposed to be graduating soon."
"The school has already talked to your parents. Unfortunately, you've already missed too much school, and you'll have to retake your senior year," she replied.
"No. There has to be something I can do. I need to graduate this year."
"Let's worry about your treatment and recovery for now. Then we can deal with school," she said as my parents and Dr. Cullen walked back into the room. Kate moved aside as Renee resumed her spot beside my bed while Charlie stood behind her chair.
"You had a question, Isabella?" Dr. Cullen asked.
"Y-yeah," I replied. "If I'm- if I'm leaving soon, can I see Edward before I go? Please?"
Dr. Cullen and Kate exchanged glances before looking to my parents. I glanced at them hopefully. I needed to see Edward before I left. Dr. Cullen brought my attention back to him as he said, "Of course, Isabella."
"Today?" I requested.
He looked down at his wristwatch, nodding. "School should have just gotten out. I'll call him and have him stop by on his way home. Was there anything else?"
"No. Thanks, Doc," I replied.
"Okay, Isabella, we'll be back in a while to check on you," Kate said before she and Dr. Cullen disappeared through the door.
Once the door was shut, Renee launched herself at me, sobbing, "Oh, Bella."
"Stop it," I snapped, pushing her away. "Get off me."
"It's okay, baby. It's all gonna be okay. I'm so sorry. I never should have sent you here. This never would have happened—"
"Are you kidding me, Renee?" Charlie interrupted, moving to stand at the foot of my bed. "Weren't you listening to a single thing Carlisle said? Of course this would have happened regardless of whether she was with you or with me. Besides, the whole reason you shipped her off to me was because you couldn't handle her misbehaviors. And you didn't want to do a goddamn thing about it. Isn't that right?"
"Well, then why didn't you do something about it?" Renee sneered at him.
"Because I didn't know the extent of her problems," he exploded. "But you — you did," he accused, pointing his finger and shaking it at her. "I didn't cause this."
"You guys can stop talking about me. I'm sitting right here," I added in their argument, getting irritated. I really hated when they fought.
"What are you trying to say? That I'm a bad mother?" she shrieked, ignoring my comment.
"Yeah," he snapped. "You're the one that broke up this family and left. You took my daughter from me."
"If you cared so much about her, you would have tried to see her more. There was nothing stopping you."
"That is such crap, Renee, and you know it."
"Shut up!" I yelled, sick of listening to them fight. "If you wanna keep arguing over whose fault it is that I'm so fucked up, then just leave the room, go outside, whatever. Just get the fuck away from me."
They both stopped, looking at me in shock before Renee turned back to Charlie and shouted, "You see? See what you've done?"
There were a few taps on the door before it quickly swung open to reveal Dr. Cullen and Kate with Edward standing behind them.
"Is everything all right in here?" Dr. Cullen's eyes raked over the scene before him, looking to me first before moving his gaze on to my parents. They were both red in the face, just as I was, I'm sure.
"Everything's just fine, Carlisle. Could you leave us?" my dad asked.
"No, don't. Dad, Edward's here. I wanna see him."
"Not right now," he told me, before addressing Edward. "I'm sorry, son, but you'll have to come back at another time."
"There won't be another time if I'm leaving tomorrow," I said, irritation clear in my voice. "I want to see him. Besides, you and Renee are just gonna keep arguing, so you might as well leave my room now."
He was about to retort when a sudden ringing pierced the air. A few seconds passed before a look of recognition settled on Renee's face. "Oh! Sorry," she added to Dr. Cullen. She grabbed her purse that had been resting on the floor, settling it in her lap. It look her a minute of digging through her ridiculously large and messy purse before she pulled out her cell phone, though it had already stopped ringing. She glanced down at the screen, saying, "It was Phil. I should probably call him back. I'll be right outside if you need me, honey." I ignored her, thankful to have gotten rid of one of my parents.
"Come on, Charlie," Dr. Cullen said. "Let's give them time to say their goodbyes."
"But—" he tried to argue.
"Just go, Dad," I huffed, impatiently.
He sighed in defeat, walking over to where the others were. He stopped in front of Edward and glanced back at me. "I'll be back in 20 minutes."
"Fine," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. I dropped them back onto my lap once Edward and I were alone in the room.
I watched him stand awkwardly by the door for a moment before he caught my gaze and shuffled farther into the room. He didn't drop into the chair beside my bed that Renee and Kate had used; instead choosing to sit at the small, circular table in the corner of the room. He slouched forward, resting his forearms on his legs and kept his head down. His shoulders drooped as a heavy sigh escaped him. I wished that he would look at me. The brief glance we exchanged had been enough for me to see that he was just as exhausted as my father, but I needed more. It was obvious that I'd broken him, shattered him completely. But I needed to know if I'd destroyed him yet.
God, I hoped not.
It became painfully evident that he wouldn't be the first to break the silence, but I didn't know where to start. There was so much that needed to be said, and I was now working with a very short time limit. I wanted to tell him what was wrong with me and to apologize for all the shit he had to deal with, but an invisible force — one that had always been there — prevented me from saying what I was thinking. So, true to my nature, I tried to avoid my problems.
"Erm… hi," I said quietly, squirming in my hospital bed.
He still wouldn't look at me as he mumbled, "Hey."
I squirmed again. "How was school?"
"It was okay," he replied with a shrug.
"How's- how's Alice? And the others?"
His minimal answers unnerved me, and I suddenly found myself asking, "Are you mad at me?"
His head snapped up sharply and his green eyes intently searched my face. "Why would you think that?"
"Well, you're barely talking to me or looking at me," I said, shrugging slightly as I looked away. I brought my gaze back to him, adding, "Besides… there's plenty that I've done for you to be mad about."
Heaving another sigh, he dropped his head into his hands. He scrubbed at his face vigorously before roughly running his hands through his hair a few times. "I'm not mad at you, Isabella."
"But you are mad." I'm not sure if I was asking for clarification or if I was simply stating the obvious.
"Yeah," he admitted. "At myself."
"What? Why?" I demanded, shocked and angry that he thought he was to blame for any of this.
"Because I could have stopped this from happening. I should have stopped it. I mean, I saw it coming from a mile away and I did absolutely nothing. Jesus," he said, gripping his hair and tugging on it. "I've come so close to losing you so many times in the past few months. I just… I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you."
"It's not your fault, Edward," I told him. He opened his mouth to retort, but I continued, "There was nothing you could have done."
"Yes there was. I could have—"
"No," I interrupted him. "I've been this way for a long time. And this," I said, waving my arms around me, "this was bound to happen. There was nothing you could have done to stop it."
He knew I was right, but there were still feelings of blame that he couldn't let go of. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, tugging at his hair again as a silence fell over us.
"I'm emotionally retarded," I blurted, exhaling sharply. My anxiety spiked as I broke through that invisible barrier, but I felt some relief at being able to say what I wanted… needed to say. "At least that's what Kate said." His hands fell from his hair, and he raised his brow at me, waiting for me to explain. "Okay, well, she didn't say that exactly. But she did say there was something wrong with my brain. A chemical imbalance or something."
I waited. I'm not sure what I was waiting for, though. Maybe I was trying to give him time to process. Or maybe I was just wasting time because if I said it out loud, then it would make it that much more real. But whether I wanted to admit it or not, I owed it to him. To be honest about what was wrong with me.
"She thinks," I began, struggling to continue, "that I have borderline personality disorder." I gave him a minute to mentally sort out what I'd just said before I continued. "And Kate and your dad… they both think I should go to a treatment facility to get the help I need."
He was silent for a moment. "Okay," he said slowly. "And you're leaving tomorrow?"
I nodded as a lump formed in my throat.
"Do you know where you're going?" he asked quietly.
"Somewhere in Colorado," I croaked. I sucked in a breath, looking up at the ceiling as I willed myself not to tear up. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't hold them back any longer.
Edward was immediately sitting beside me on the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around me as I sobbed into his chest. I gripped desperately at his shirt while he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. I don't know how long he held me like that, but I didn't want him to ever let me go. I needed him.
"Come with me?" I pleaded through another sob. "Please?"
His arms tightened minutely. He sounded pained as he replied, "I can't, Isabella. You know that I can't."
"Please, Edward? I need you. Don't you love me?" I hiccupped.
"Of course I love you, Isabella." His voice cracked.
"Then come with me," I begged. "I can't do this without you."
"Yes, you can," he said strongly, pulling back to look me in the eyes while keeping me locked in his embrace. "I know you can."
I shook my head before I buried my face in his chest again. We both got lost in our thoughts. Would getting help mean that I would lose myself, who I was? Would things get better or would they just get worse? My biggest fear, though, was losing Edward. My sobs grew hysterical, and I cried, "I'm scared."
"Shhhhh. I know," he uttered into my hair.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Edward, for everything. Can't we just leave? Go somewhere else and start over? I'll get help and we can pretend this never hap—"
He cut me off, pressing his mouth to mine roughly. He tangled his hands in my hair as he moved his lips over mine, keeping the kiss innocent. This kiss wasn't a passionate, in-the-heat-of-the-moment type of kiss. Instead, it was full of desperation, sadness, guilt, and most of all, finality. This was a goodbye kiss. I gasped, sobs rocking my body while tears streamed down my face. He didn't hesitate in his kisses, continuing to place them all over my face.
If this was going to be our last kiss, at least for a long time, then I wanted to make the most of it. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes, so I could see him clearly. My eyes almost began to water again at the thought of possibly forgetting what he looked like, what he smelled and tasted like… I shook my head, locking my arms around his neck as I pulled myself closer to him.
I leaned in, breathing deeply before closing the distance. His mouth was hot, and I could taste my salty tears as I traced my tongue along his lower lip. Once he granted me access, I deepened the kiss. It took him a moment before we battled for dominance. I half-moaned, half-sobbed into his mouth and he let out a pained groan.
Eventually he pulled out of the kiss, leaving us both panting heavily. He leaned into me, resting his forehead against mine with his eyes shut. He looked like he was in pain… he looked the way I felt.
"Isabella," he whispered, sounding broken. "You need to go. As much as I don't want you to leave, what I want more is for you to get better, to get help. But you've got to want it too. You won't get any help if you don't want to get better for yourself."
"Edward…" I murmured, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck.
"You know how much I love you, and that will never change. Okay?"
I nodded. "I love you too."
He was about to say something else, but the door opened and he pulled away from me. We both looked over to find Charlie standing there, with a disapproving look. I wanted to roll my eyes because it's not as if he just caught us making out, but I couldn't; I was too emotionally distressed. And I think Edward was really trying to break it off with me.
"Can you give us just one more minute, Chief?" Edward quietly asked.
I think my dad got the same vibe I was getting because he just nodded, warning, "Make it quick, son."
Edward nodded, waiting until the door shut again before he turned back to me. He took my hand, lifting it to his mouth where he placed a kiss. He looked at me intently as his lips disconnected with my skin. "I don't know if I should say this, but I feel like I need to. When you leave, I want you to focus on you and only you. Not us. But when… if the time comes… I'll be waiting."
He stood abruptly, placing one last kiss on the crown of my head. He lingered there for a few moments before he stood back up. I wanted to cry out as he walked over to the door. I wanted to just grab a hold of him and never let go, but I didn't. He opened the door and started to walk out, but stopped at the last minute. There was pain in his eyes, but he held a smile on his face for me.
"I'll see you later, Isabella."