Aries and Libra

By: 1000th Ghost

*Special thanks to the website I found the amusing paragraph on (even though they need to proofread, lol)!*

"Arnold is like me in that he has to think things over a long time, before coming to a decision. That I believe is a Libra characteristic. Go Libras."

-Craig Bartlett, creator of "Hey Arnold!"

She needed to know for sure.

She could scheme and stalk and think things would go her way for once only to have them come crashing down. But she had no surefire, sealed deal, one hundred percent guaranteed method for deciphering whether or not she and Arnold would ever get the sappy, stereotypical, gag-worthy happily ever after that she so desperately wanted.

"So…Pheebs…you know anything about fortune telling?"

Her best friend looked up from her book and blinked. "Fortune telling, Helga?"

"Yeah, yeah, you know," Helga said, waving her hand dismissively, "crystal balls and fate and stars and Nostradamus and……and crap like that." She paused. "It's for a project."

Neither bothered to mention that they were in the same fourth grade class and therefore had the same assignments.

"Well," Phoebe started, smiling knowingly, "there's no way to know for sure. People have been attempting to catch a glimpse of future events for centuries; it's a common curiosity. Psychics and 'fortune tellers' often tell very vague predictions that can be interpreted to relate to any event once it actually occurs-"

"Criminy, Phoebe!" Helga interrupted, desperation clearly written on her face. "I was looking for a definitive answer, not a textbook explanation!"

"Sorry!" she squeaked. Then she thought for a moment and said, "How about astrological signs?"

"You mean, like, horror-scopes?"

"Horoscopes, yes. A person's astrological sign corresponds to what day they were born on and-"

"Blah, blah, sure, horror-scopes. I've seen them in the paper, I know how they work. Do they…uh…I mean, can they tell if…"

"Romantic compatibility is one of the most common uses for astrological signs," Phoebe said absentmindedly, turning back to her book. "Perhaps you could touch on that in your…project."

"Hmm…" Helga nodded. "That could work. Oh, and, Phoebe?"

"Yes, Helga?"

"This conversation…never happened."

"Right. Forgetting!"

March twenty-fifth meant she was an Aries. If Big Bob ever left the morning paper laying somewhere convenient, she would sometimes skim her horoscope halfheartedly. Apparently, on various days, she was going to become fabulously wealthy, meet the love of her life, try out a new look, have friend trouble, meet the OTHER love of her life, find yet another love of her life (who happened to be dating the friend she had just gotten over the trouble with), and throw "the party of the year". Ridiculous.

But those were as inconsistent as weather forecasts. Compatibility was a concrete fact that was not determined by day-to-day fluctuations but by the stars themselves.

October seventh. Libra. Sure, sometimes she might glance at his daily prediction, too. Nothing too strange about that, she told herself.

"Aries and Libra love compatibility". Click.

The search engine brought her to a site that had a nice, neat, no-nonsense paragraph, free from Phoebe-like tangents.

There is a powerful initial attraction between these two opposites, for in certain areas each supplies what the other lacks.

"A powerful initial attraction". That certainly sounded promising. It was true, too: besides…what, their hair color?...they were complete opposites. She was tough and rough and he was caring and sharing…he needed a backbone and she needed a heart. But she was his backbone; when did he ever retaliate or get wound up (or completely flip personalities and drag a certain "blind" girl across the dance floor) except when around her? And he was, of course, her heart, the one part of her that ached and swooned and simply wanted to be loved back.

Both are fond of of sexual pleasures, but the Aries probably will try to go too far too quickly.

"Okay, ignoring the repeated 'of'…way to proofread," she muttered.

She attempted to be angry, but how could she with that statement staring at her? Between blushing and wondering if her increased heartbeat was audible to the rest of the household, a little conversation replayed itself in the back of her mind.

"Whoa, this is all happening too fast. I feel-I feel dizzy. I need to lie down."

"Wonderful! I'll go with you!" Her hands cupped his head lovingly.

She was completely conscious of what she was suggesting, regardless of any "heat of the moment" or lovesick haze that clouded her mind. She had waited for him six years – six years! – and was it so wrong that her indescribably monumental love needed to be brought to fruition?

"NO!" An initial reaction of shock, understandable. But even as he said it he clutched onto her, and she moved her hand to his shoulder, telling him that he was her own. "I mean…" He meant that he wanted it too, of COURSE, he did because they were somehow supposed to be a juvenile union pitted against morals and society in their own deliciously sinful passion. And he closed his eyes and lowered his head, a second away from surrendering to her. Or was it not surrendering to her as much as it was fulfilling his own desires? Then his watch beeped. "There's no time for that!"

She had been so close but not close enough to make her beloved football head comply with her fantasies.

The Libra is inclined to idealize everything and can lose all illusions.

He saw the good in those who had no good, he knew every cloud had a silver lining even when it didn't, and to him, love was a fairytale concept that looked lovely and fragile and ideal on paper. He was in love with the theory of love. But could he handle what she knew love really was: possessive and controlling and satisfyingly addicting and hopeless…a blessing and a curse? Physical as well as emotional?

Later Libra will look for someone less demanding, and Aries will bind someone more adoring.

Wait, wait, wait, no, this was NOT what she wanted to read. "Someone less demanding"? Was she too much for him? "Someone more adoring"? It didn't matter if he never loved her with the same intensity that she loved him, she needed him.

The physical connection is possible, but only temporarily.

Why? If they had it now – and they were only nine! think of all the time they still had to bring their love to completion time and time again! – why not forever and a day? She could never have enough of him. She doubted he would ever tire of her. Was it because they were too different then? Because she was the bully, and he was the victim? Because she was realistic, and he was idealistic? Because she wanted him, and he wasn't sure? Because she was Helga, and he was Arnold?

The marriage is very rare.

Helga reached down and yanked the computer's cord out of the wall socket.

Stupid, typo-ridden star predictions created by a bunch of hippies and their inability to actually go out and get what they wanted…heck, she'd take scheming and stalking over this any day! She would make her own freakin' future.

"Astrology sucks."

The End