Summary: Paul loves Bella, but what will happen when not only his anger but his past catches up with him? Will Bella forgive him? Which would mean going against what her family and friends say, will they approve? A/H, OOC
A/N: So I'm back, this is new, I don't know what I want to do with it yet. R&R and tell me what you think. I own nothing, S. Meyers owns it all. Expect the song that inspired this all, Life after You by Daughtry; they own that! On with this story!
Few reminders: AH a little OOC. Families, read carefully, we've changed it up!
Esme Cullen- Mother, Interior Designer, CEO of her own company
Dr. Carlisle Cullen- Father, Doctor at local hospital
Jasper Cullen- Older Brother, freshmen at Washington University
Bella Cullen- Youngest child, Senior at Forks high school
Victoria Hale- Esme Cullen's older sister, stay at home mother
Dr. James Hale- Victoria's husband, works with Carlisle at the local hospital
Rosalie Hale- Only child, Senior at Forks High school.
Renee Swan- Mother, works at Forks High School as the nurse
Sherriff Charlie Swan- Father, Sherriff of Forks
Emmett Swan- Older brother, freshmen at Colombia University (there on a football scholarship)
Edward Swan- Twin to Alice Swan, Senior at Forks High School
Alice Swan- Twin to Edward Swan, Senior at Forks High School
Harry Clearwater- Father retired from work
Sue Clearwater- Mother, works for Esme Cullen as an interior designer
Leah Clearwater- older sister, Senior at La Push High School, BFFL's with Bella, Alice and Rosalie. Engaged to Sam Uley
Seth Clearwater- Younger brother, sophomore at La Push High School
The Blacks: Stay the same, just Billy and Jake. Jake is still friends with Bella, but also Alice. Jake also graduated last year and is enrolled at Everett Community College is best friends with Paul.
Paul Johnson lives by himself, he graduated last year and is enrolled in Everett Community College.
Sam Uley graduated two years ago and attends Everett Community College. Engaged to Leah Clearwater.
Others will be introduced as we go, but they're not that important, j/k ;)!!
Now, for real, off we go!
Chapter One-Life Without you
I let her walk out of my life, what was I high. I loved her more than any guy could love her. It's been two months since I last saw her. She won't answer any of my phone calls; she won't answer any of my messages on Facebook. I thought maybe I could move on, yeah right, that was a joke and a half. I finally pulled into work, I worked at a chain restaurant in Port Angeles, and of course Jake was there before me.
"Where have you been, James is going to kill you. You're late, again!" Jake was so nervous I would get fired, James is our boss and he hated it if you were late.
"Back the fuck off! At this point, I really don't give a fuck if he wants to fire me. Let me lose everything! I don't really give a fuck anymore!" I shook violently, everyone seemed to be on my fucking ass these days, I fucking miss her, and all he can worry about is if I'm late for work!
"Jeez, I'm sorry man; I didn't realize you were still hung over her!" He shook his head, "Hey you know she called me last night, right?"
"What and you didn't tell me!?" I wanted to punch him square in the face.
"Well yeah, hey I'll tell you after work, I need a ride home again. The Rabbit needs more repairs, the thing is gonna end up costing me a fortune." He laughed and shook his head.
"Whatever. Yeah I can give you a ride home." We both lived on the reservation, La Push, so it wasn't really a hassle to give him a ride. I walked in the restaurant, put my waiter's apron on and logged onto the computer. It was Friday night, so we would be busy; I headed to my first table. I almost passed out right there. She looked up at me and her chocolate brown eyes met mine. Her beautiful brown hair came down in waves; it was longer than the last time I saw. She had dark circles under her eyes; she was losing sleep over what I did to her. God I will never live this down. She was sitting there with Alice Swan, Leah Clearwater, and Rosalie Hale. Must be a girls night out to cheer Bella up, she stood up and walked toward the entrance with tears streaming down her pink cheeks. All the other girls got up to follow her out, Leah was from the reservation, I knew her but we weren't the greatest friends. She surprised me when she came up and slapped me. "What the fuck was that for Leah?" a low growl was building in my chest.
"For doing that to Bella, fix it. She knows you didn't mean what you said, she still loves you." She lowered her head, and walked away. Leah and Bella hung out when we dated; I was shocked to see Leah mixing with Bella's "school" friends, Alice and Rosalie. The only thing that they had in common was that they all hated me. Alice, Rosalie and Bella were seniors at Forks High. Leah was a senior at the local school on the reservation. Jake and I graduated last year. I stood there in the middle of the restaurant with everyone starring at me; I turned around and walked out. James came running out of the restaurant screaming something like "don't come back, your fired", but at the time I really didn't care. I hopped into my deep forest green Toyota Tundra pick-up truck and gunned it out of the parking lot. I drove to First Beach, it was the only place I could walk and think with no one bothering me. I thought back to the day I first met Bella.
It was two years ago to the month, I went for a walk to clear my mind. I saw Jake talking to a petite girl; she had the most beautiful chestnut brown hair that fell in waves to the middle of her back. She had her hands on her hips and looked to be scolding Jake. He then picked her up and threw her into the water. I ran over to see why Jake would do that. "What are you doing?" I practically yelled.
"Hey Paul, oh um Paul this is Bella Cullen, Bella this is Paul Johnson. Bella lives in Forks, but we're pretty close. Huh Bella?" Bella and I just sat there staring at each other, she had brown eyes, I that glistened from the water. They were so deep, I could look into her eyes forever; they went perfectly with her skin color. She reached her tiny hand out, for a handshake.
"Nice to meet you Paul." She shook my hand, I didn't want to let go, ever. She had such a beautiful smile too, beautiful full, pink lips. Her lips curled over her lips in a very loving and caring way; I could watch her facial expressions forever. Then she blushed when I held her hand a bit too long. "Earth to Paul, Paul you okay?" She asked and I could listen to her voice for hour, it was silk, so smooth calming too; her voice had instantly calmed me even more than I already was and it would never grow old or annoying.
"Oh, I'm sorry; it's so nice to meet you Bella." She blushed a rose color again and it made her look like a supermodel. "Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?" I gave her my best cocky smile; what I like to call it the 'Paul's making a move' smile. She blushed again and adverted my gaze by looking down to the ground.
"Wow, umm, no I don't think so." I could see, Jakes eyes he was getting pissed.
"Hmm, well, you're making a move on Bella. Really Paul?" I totally forgot he was there. I could have sworn it was just Bella and I .Oh well, a guy can dream, right?
"Jake, can you just shut it for five. I'm trying to get to know Miss. Cullen here." I gave her my famous smile again. "Miss. Cullen could I take you out to dinner sometime, sometime very soon?" She blushed and continued to advert her eyes from my gaze. I placed two fingers under her chin and lifted it up so I could look into those gorgeous eyes.
"Why Paul that would be wonderful!" She laughed, and it was music to my ears. "But you should know, I just moved here, so my dad will want to meet you. You must know Dr. Cullen, right?" Holy shit, now the name clicked, Doctors girl, okay Paul play it cool.
"Yeah, I knew that. How 'bout Saturday night, I'll pick you up at seven." She smiled again.
"Okay, I'll pick you up. But I will be there at six thirty, to impress Dr. Cullen." She giggled a perfect giggle.
"Sounds perfect Paul." She laughed again. I reluctantly let go of her chin but she continued to look up at me. I turned to walk back to my truck, when her voice reached my ears, "Paul, Jake and I were just going back to his place, and I was going to make lunch. You want to join us?" I looked at Jake and he was fuming, he was turning deeper shades of red by the minute. Well, I couldn't refuse; I smiled and nodded.
"Count me in, sounds like fun." I turned back to her and Jake. She shivered as she came out of the chilly water; she was only wearing a pair of light blue jeans that looked tight, and a tight neon pink shirt. I shrugged out of my black leather jacket. "Here, you look freezing." She gazed up at me through her thick eyelashes, with her brown eyes twinkling but confusion struck them. She still smiled warmly up at me.
"I am thank you." She put it on and I watched her breathe in deeply, then she snuggled into the jacket trying to get warmer. It was huge on her, the sleeves were way too long, and it fell to the middle of her thigh, but she still looked damn fine in it. I knew this was risky, but I was already going on a date with her. I walked up beside her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into my side. She stiffened at the gesture but slowly relaxed and leaned into my side. We slowly walked back to Jake's house, and I knew I would hear it from him later.
Man, I wish I could take everything back. Everything I said to her that day. I didn't mean it and had no idea why I said it. I loved her and I still do. Leah's word played over and over in my head. I broke my Bella's heart. I knew that, but how do I fix it? We had such a long relationship filled with so many memories, how could I have let her go. God I miss her. I miss everything about her, the way her hair smells, the way her eyes twinkle in the moonlight, the way she would slap me after I made a smart ass comment. Her smile, just thinking about it makes my heart break. The way she looked in the restaurant made my heart break. She looked broken, dark circles were casted under her eyes like she hadn't slept in days. Her eyes, they didn't twinkle the way the used too.
The day I let her walk out, ugh, it's burned in my memory forever. I want to drive up to her house, knock on her door and drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness. If she were to forgive me, I would kiss her with all the love and lust I had for her, and never let go. I would make promises and keep them until the day I died. I wanted to marry that women, all I wanted with her was a life full of laughter.
I pulled my phone out; I had to try to call her. I know she wouldn't answer, but I would leave another voicemail. It was the only way I could hear her voice. I know, I know, pathetic. Just to hear her voice, but that's what I have been degraded to. It rang and rang but no answer, figures. Hey this is Bella, I'm not here right now, you know what to do. Beep…
"Hey Bella, its Paul. Please baby, call me. When I saw you today, well I realized just how much I still loved you. Please call me, please." I shut my phone, was I just wasting my time? She would never get back with me, I screwed everything up. I thought back to that night and argument we had…
"GOD BELLA, I TOLD YOU, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HANG AROUND HIM!!" I had just walked in on her and some Edward kid 'studying'; it was more him studying her body. I told her he was no good, but she continued to let him in her house to 'study'. I shook violently as I yelled at my Bella.
"PAUL ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH, I WAS STUDYING FOR THAT PHYSICS TEST!!" She started to cry. She turned back to me with tears streaking down her cheeks. "Paul," She took a deep breath, "I don't love him, I love you, but if you can't handle that I study for tests, with my lab partner, then maybe you're just a jealous freak. I'm done arguing with you about this; it's for school, nothing more."
"Well maybe I am a jealous freak! But I care, and he's no good Bella." I continued the argument, when I should have just dropped it.
"His sister is my best friend, how can I not trust him, he's okay Paul. I only have eyes for you, I love you, and you know that." She cried a little harder and the tears flowed freely down her cheeks. I shook my head. She touched my shoulder trying to calm me and bring me to my senses, she looked up at me with those chocolate brown eyes; tears still flowing.
"No! No Bella! You can't trust him! So basically if you trust him, I can't trust you. I'm done with this shit! We are obviously not meant to be; maybe I wasted my time with you!" I turned, making her hand drop from my shoulder and I could hear her whimper. From me acting like this; I headed to my truck without turning around. I heard Bella fall to the ground and start to sob even harder than ever before.
"P-p-p-Paul, p-p-please, you can't leave. Please, Paul, I love-ed you." She sobbed and shook with pain that I was causing here but she used past tense, without another word, I walked to my truck, and peeled out of her driveway and out of her life. If I couldn't trust her with a few things that I asked her to do for me, how could I trust her in the long run.
UGH! How could I let that little fucker break my relationship with Bella? Well the whole trust issue broke my faith in Bella, and that tore our relationship apart. There were other times when I asked her not to do something, that I didn't feel safe with her doing that. Like the motorcycles she and Jake had. That made me pretty upset, that could have killed her. I asked her not to go to a party that was being held for the seniors at Forks High, being thrown by that Edward kid and his family. That night I ended up picking Bella up at his house, shit faced drunk. That made me mad too, but then when they were together alone at her house that just put me over the edge. I stood up and stomped my way back to my truck. I might as well sleep on my complicated life. I miss her and wish she and I was together. I needed to fix things between her and me. I love her; she is and always will be the women of my dreams.
I pulled up to my house; Jake was sitting on the porch. "Hey, after the scene at the restaurant, I figured you would need this and someone to talk to." He held up a brown paper bag, which inside held a six pack. Hell it was illegal but Billy probably got it for him so it made everything cool. Plus the reservation people really didn't care.
"Yeah, your right I do. God Jake I miss her." And at that point I could feel a lump forming in my throat and knew there were tears threatening to escape. "Huh, man, I never knew life would be so difficult without her. She kept me grounded, kept me sane, she was my everything. I never even thought about consequences when I said those words, was I out of mind? I wish I could take every one of them back. How is she? I know she didn't look good, but she was still as gorgeous as the day I met her. Am I rambling?" Jake just shook his head and patted my back.
"She hates you, but she calls me every night to wonder how you are, and cries to me how much she loved you and how she still does. She doesn't sleep much, she has nightmares. Oh by the way, Charlie hates you too!" He looked at me and I gave him a death glare. "Here," he threw me a beer, "I told her to call you back, but she says she can't and won't talk to you over the phone, but if she sees you in person she says she'll remember the last night you were with her. You know it was a wrong move, he was there topick up the pieces that night and comfort her. I heard through Leah, he wants to ask her out." I started to shake thinking of Bella dating him, I wouldn't let her, couldn't let her. I had to figure a way to talk to her and show her I still love her.
"Jake, what do I do? I can't live one more day without her." I shook my head; I couldn't deal with this heartache anymore. "I'm going to bed, leave the beer in the fridge, and lock the door behind you. I will see you tomorrow. 'Night Jake."I walked up my stairs and slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. I let the hot water hit my back. I could have stood there for hours but my cell started to ring from my pocket in my pants. I reluctantly turned off the water and stepped out. After I securely wrapped a towel around my waist and pulled my phone out, it was a text, from Bella. I flipped it open, so happy that she finally wanted to talk.
I miss you…I wanna talk, I just don't know when yet, I'm not ready… you really broke my heart…
I didn't know what to say, I knew I had but at least she wanted to talk she just wasn't ready.
I miss you too; I'm ready to talk when you are. I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering I caused you, can we please start over?
I waited impatiently for Bella to text me back. Why was she all of sudden ready talk? Well I don't give a fuck, I miss her! I turned my TV on and flipped through till I found some movie. My phone went off; it startled me out of my day dream.
No, we can't just start over. We need to talk through our problems.
I sighed loudly, I wish we could just start over, but there are problems to be talked through, but god I miss her.
Okay, I understand. I still love you Bells…
If only she knew how much I missed her. I slowly drifted off to sleep with Bella being the main focus. I said that over and over in my head, almost like a lullaby. If only she knew how much I missed her…
A/N: Not sure where I want to take this. But what do you think? Should I continue? What are your ideas? If I do the next will be in Bella's POV, so you'll see where all the problems stem from. Then the story will unfold, you haven't met everyone yet…trust me ha-ha ha! So tell the truth. Reviews are love and I love them too!