I guess I should be happy.
I mean, everything is going so well. We're safe, again. The forces of evil are vanquished. Light has triumphed. The streets are safe once more. My friends are alive. *I* am no worse for wear. The night is once more peaceful. By all rights and purposes I should be, at the very least, content.
Unfortunately, my body and heart don't agree with that logic. I'm restless tonight, and I have no idea how to fix that.
It all started with a simple hold-up. Martin's convenience store was taken over by some every-day thug looking for cash. A straight-forward maneuver for the bunch at the 101st. Hell, with all the crap we've handled in the last few years, this should have been a walk in the park.
It wasn't No, no one was seriously injured, but they could have been. God help me, they *should* have been.
Damn Kermit. He's so... cocky. He should have listened to me!
::sigh:: Sam Martin was so calm. I'd have been surprised if he hadn't been. This was the fourth time in as many years that he's been robbed. He just handed the money over, pressing the silent alarm in the process. Smart man.
Before transferring to this precinct, I had only pulled my gun twice. Once to stop a running perp in my beat days, and the other to cover the body of my dying partner. Both times, I hesitated. Life means so much more to me. Even when I knew that it was me or them, I paused. Now... God, tonight... I pulled it with out a second thought. *What* has happened to me?
I had been standing behind the squad car, keeping an eye on the fresh batch of rookies they sent me. It seems that every non-ranking officer in my precinct is a rookie. ::sigh:: Standing behind that black-and-white, I watched as my officers moved closer.
They were in standard V-flank. Four on each side, ending with Kermit taking point. Skalany and Jody the rear cover. It was damn basic. The first maneuver taught at the academy, and we had to go and screw it up.
The idiot man inside should *not* have seen them coming. Damn it. There were five in the back, waiting for the signal to storm the place. Everything started out as planned. Kermit smashed the main window (Martin stopped trying to collect for the other 3 we'd broken just two weeks ago,) tossing in a few cans of gas. The customers were smart. They plastered themselves to the floor faster than lightening. God, how *could* he...
The thug had known. He'd had a mask. When Kermit cam in, gun sights high, the thief was low...
There is no way in HELL he should have survived that. That bastard had him, point blank, in his sights. I should be standing in the morgue identifying his body. Instead, I'm sitting in a hospital waiting room, slouched in a plastic chair sipping horrid coffee.
Dammit. He has been in worse situations than this. Hell, we all have. Why is this affecting me so much? He-WE faced down a *time demon.* A simple burglar should not do this to me.
I have been a police officer for nearly twenty years. I was a police officer before it was "hip" to be a female cop. I heard the "women should be mothers not fighters" speech so many times, I could recite it word-for-word. But it's times like these... No one would ever get me to admit this out loud, but that chauvinistic creed has some merit.
He almost died again. I could have lost him. Again.
The silent strength I have come to rely upon so heavily, the gentle humor... With one bullet ::poof.::
But he's okay. It missed.
The plaster three- *three dammit*- inches above his head would never be the same, but he walked *walked* away with a slight cut to the head. Hmph. The man has more lives than a cat.
I love that man. More than I ever thought I could. He is the one person in this world I can _truly_ say I would spend the rest of my life with.
I need him.
I should be happy, but I'm not. He should be dead, but he's not.
He isn't here yet, but for tonight... He will be.
(Final Edit 6/27/98)