OK, so this was written during a fit of snow-induced madness so you'll have to let me know whether or not you like it and if you think it's worth continuing.
This fic is B/J/E and there will be polyamory and slash so if you don't like either of those I suggest you stop reading now.
I don't own Twilight. Just this fic.
No Regrets – Chapter 1
I had so many regrets.
I regretted helping Maria win her territory. Although I imagined myself in love with her, I was not blind to her faults. I'd seen power corrupt before and knew that her increased desire for control would only become stronger. I also knew that I was the power behind her rule and that I could have quite easily won all of our land, and the humans within it, by myself. I knew it was only a matter of time before I became just another threat to her rule and she attempted to crush me under her foot as she had done with so many others.
I regretted staying as long as I did. Letting the weight of human sadness and terror beat against my consciousness, cracking my soul into pieces until I was nearly half-mad with the torment.
I regretted my inability to feed as a normal vampire without feeling the pain of my victims. I had to leave Peter and Charlotte, knowing that despite their ability to love strongly, developing ties to each other like I had never seen before, they would never understand why I couldn't hunt as they did without losing my sanity.
But most of all I regretted Edward.
I had never heard of singers before; every other human had smelt and tasted exactly the same to me, each one indistinguishable from the next. I never knew that there was someone out there specifically designed for me and all I had to do to gain a soulmate for this life and the next was to just leave them alive.
I had been in Chicago at the time, weak and almost insane with hunger, when I first became aware of his existence. The whole city had been panicked - in the grip of the Spanish Influenza epidemic. Although I was ravenous almost to the point of rampaging through the city indiscriminately, the sickly aura that permeated most of the people I crossed discouraged me from feeding.
The overcast day had allowed me to prowl the streets undetected, and I rambled through them with no direction, sending the all the little people in my path scattering as they scrambled to avoid my unnatural presence.
I had been muttering to myself – another reason why I was being avoided – when I realised that I was about to pass a hospital. Normally I avoided them like the plague, the smell of freshly-spilled blood was too tempting to resist and unless you picked your meal well it was far too dangerous to risk exposure in such a way.
About to hurry past, I suddenly froze – a silent statue in the middle of the cobbled road. Venom began to flood my mouth as a hungry growl ripped out from my chest. That scent. I had to have it. Directing all of my focus on that incredible scent – that blood – I turned abruptly towards the hospital, stalking in front of a carriage that was ambling by and sending the horses pulling it rearing up and away from me in fear. Nobody noticed me crashing through the doors, sending them flying into the walls behind, it was late and I detected only a few healthy heartbeats moving around the building.
I got lucky – all the humans appeared to be located in the upstairs of the building, the scent I wanted was coming from the basement. Moving as quickly as possible down the stairs, I entered the room where my prey was located.
It took me a second to locate him. This ward, if you could call it that, had obviously been set up for those who were beyond all hope of saving and I briefly wondered if I would have to mutilate a corpse to get at the blood I craved. But no... The blood was fresh, which meant that a heart was still beating it around a body, no matter how weakly.
My eyes locked on him, a beautiful copper-haired boy, his skin flushed with the last remnants of the disease killing him. My haste was momentarily tempered and I sidled slowly up to him, noting the shallowness of his panted breaths. This boy was nineteen at the most and his death was inevitable, whether by my hand or that of the influenza.
I found the fact that I hadn't already killed him somewhat disconcerting and my hand reached out of its own accord to trace his face. I watched, detached from the experience, as my palm ran over his shock of hair, surprisingly bright in comparison to the sickly white of his pallor. My fingers trailed down his cheek, marking out the line of his jaw, before coming to rest over his jugular.
And I was hungry again.
Pushing his head to one side, exposing his neck, I was shocked when his eyes briefly fluttered open to gaze at me. I had never seen that shade of green before and have never seen it since. It was another thing that was unique to this boy. He licked his lips before speaking and my eyes flickered repeatedly between his mouth and his pulse, unable to tell which looked more appealing to me.
"Are you an angel?" His voice was dry and raspy with disuse and I paused, shocked by his question.
A breeze blew through a high window in the corner of the room, carrying the smells of the room, the corpses and this boy to me more strongly than before. I shuddered as it hit my nosebuds and lunged, burying my teeth into his soft, fragile skin and growling around the mouthful of heavenly elixir that I was rewarded with...
...only to be torn away from the boy and thrown into the opposite wall.
The bricks groaned with the impact of my body and I threw myself into a crouched attack position, ready to take out my assailant.
It was another vampire - blond with strangely-coloured gold eyes and wearing the uniform of a doctor. We both crouched, frozen in a macabre tableau, for endless seconds – sizing each other up. I was ready to pounce despite not feeling any anger or aggression from this vampire, just curiosity and compassion.
A pained scream interrupted our challenge. The boy. I had bitten him, but not killed him, which meant...
The venom was spreading. My venom.
A wave of heat and pain hit my senses sending me reeling and the blond vampire turned his back on me, hurrying over to the boy. "Edward? Edward, can you hear me?" A hoarse wail was his only reply.
Edward. That was the boy's name. I tested the sound of it on my tongue and decided I liked it.
The vampire-doctor was now frantically checking the boy's – Edward's – vital signs, while I stood there stupidly. Despite the painful sensations that pricked at my skin, I was glad that this vampire had stopped me, that I hadn't killed this boy, that he would now be one of us.
Huddled in a corner, I watched as the vampire pulled back the covers of the bed, lifted the boy gently up and began to make his way around the maze of bodies to the stairs and the exit. Before he began to climb up, he swivelled back towards me. "We need to leave now. We can't risk anyone hearing Edward's cries. Are you coming?"
He didn't wait for an answer, hurrying up to the ground level, and I sped up to follow him out of the hospital. He had his own steam-powered carriage waiting out back which he loading the writhing boy into before turning to face me.
"I'm Carlisle Cullen. I'm a doctor at this hospital... and you are?" He held his hand out and I reached out to awkwardly shake it.
"Jasper Whitlock, sir."
A piercing scream from the carriage echoed around us and the doctor instinctively cringed at the noise. "I should remove Edward back to my quarters for his transformation before he draws any attention to us. Would you care to join us, Mr Whitlock?"
"Major," I corrected. "I was a Major... before."
He raised an eyebrow in concession, and although I saw only curiosity and felt no suspicion from him I couldn't stay. "I should go."
Nodding, he leapt up onto the seat of his vehicle, waving as he fired the engine and powered down the road. An inexplicable ache began to develop in my chest the further away from me he got and I somehow I knew that it was because the boy was being removed from my presence.
"Stop!" I shouted, running to catch up with him. The doctor politely pulled over and waited for me to reach them. My eyes were fixed on the boy and I wasn't sure that I was capable of pulling them away. "Will..." I paused, feeling idiotic for the question I was about to ask. "Will you please take care of him... for me? He's... important."
"Of course, Major."
I nodded, then ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I had to get away. Away from the vampire doctor with his inscrutable golden eyes and away from the beautiful boy whose scent was so appealing to me.
Yes, I regretted Edward, but not in the way that others might think. I didn't regret changing him, however accidental that deed may have been. It kept him alive and for that I was grateful. What I did regret was leaving him and running away.
By the time I came face to face with him again, by Alice's machinations of course, it was too late. Edward didn't recall anything beyond the fire of turning, and even if he had I would be nothing more than the memory of a fever-induced delusion.
He was still beautiful – even more so now that he was a vampire, yet amazingly his physical appearance hadn't changed that much. He was still young too; younger than I had originally guessed, just seventeen to my twenty.
And I was still as powerfully drawn to him as I had been when he was alive.
Luckily, in this life he appeared to feel a pull towards me as well, although this was manifested between us as a strong brotherly bond rather than the romantic, soul-deep connection that I craved. Alice told me that I just needed to be patient - that Edward was innocent and naive and needed to come to terms with his feelings in his own time. I told her to mind her own business.
I had spoken with Carlisle about the incident in Chicago several times over the years and from his time with the Volturi he recalled the legend of la tua cantante. Edward, he theorised, was my singer. It explained the need I felt to be near him now and to consume his blood when he was human. Edward was, for lack of a better term, my soulmate.
We never told him this though. Just like we never divulged that it was I, and not Carlisle, who made him. Carlisle had already been planning to change Edward before I got to him. Apparently he had promised Edward's mother, who had perished, that he would save her son by any means necessary. It was better for the family that this continued to be the accepted truth. Alice was the only other person aware of what had really happened that night.
So no, I didn't regret Edward. I couldn't.
But I did believe that he was the one; my only singer.
I was wrong.