A/N We don't own Twilight or The Bad Mother's Handbook. We are just having a little pervy fun with the characters. OK maybe a lot of pervy fun with the characters.

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Prologue - Goodbye Guildford

Theme song - Coming to America by Neil Diamond

I stood in the center of my childhood room. The walls, shelves, and closet were bare; having packed up all of my things and shipped them ahead of my arrival. The room was an empty shell, sort of like my parents marriage.

"Let's get a move on son!" My father's voice rang out through our home. "We don't want to miss your flight." He continued to bellow from the first floor.

As I stepped out of my room, grabbing my luggage on the way out, I paused at the door frame. I said a silent goodbye to the Daniel that I had been in secondary school. At university I could be someone new, but university in America meant that I could reinvent myself.

My father drove me toward my future and with a one armed hug bid me goodbye.

The airport was crowded and people were brushing and bumping against one another. As I raised my hand to look at my flight itinerary, someone bumped into me roughly. They grumbled an apology and I was pressed into a tall blonde goddess.

She shrieked and I started apologizing. "I-I-I apologize. S-s-someone bumped into—"

"I have to be on a flight in twenty minutes." She exclaimed and looked down at the coffee that now soaked and stained the front of her uniform.

Uniform, flight attendant uniform, she was a Flight Attendant. Immediately my mind went to the place that it didn't need to be. The wet material of her blouse clung to her breasts in such a lovely fashion that I could see the indentation of her lacy bra and her hardening nipples. I almost had to wipe my mouth.

"Now I have to find a way to change and get to the plane," she continued to grumble.

"I-I am so sorry." I looked around frantically and grabbed the handkerchief from my pocket. "Let me help you –" I began to pat at the coffee soaked blouse.

"Oh my god!" She smacked my hands away. "How dare you!" She slapped my face and stormed off with her rolling luggage. Oddly enough I was totally aroused.

A group of people had formed and were snickering at me. I adjusted my glasses, dropped my head, and headed toward the ticket counter. Visions of lacy covered breasts were dancing in my head, as well as my glimpse of her delicious round ass, covered in that tight polyester skirt. Polyester, man-made material of the Gods!

Once the airplane had lifted from the ground, I mumbled 'goodbye Great Britain' and sat back for the remainder of my flight.

"Are you a doctor?"

My head snapped up from my book to see the curious glance of an elderly American woman who was seated next to me. I pushed my glasses back up my nose before shaking my head. "No, university student."

She smiled warmly. "You are going to college in America?"

"Yes." I smiled and looked back to my book.

"So, you are going to become a doctor then?" She kept pressing the doctor inquiry.

"Um…well perhaps someday but for now I plan to major in biology." I looked at her in confusion.

"Oh," her eyes shifted to the book in my lap, "I just assumed –" she motioned to the text book.

"Oh," realization dawned on me. "Oh, no, I simply find this topic fascinating." I gave an appreciative sigh.

Her stare became one of confusion, but intrigue. "The female pelvis?" She almost choked out the words.

"Ah, yes. Blandine has a very informative stance on this underappreciated region of the female anatomy. It's quite fascinating." I continued to inform her of how her pelvis had been designed with am emphasis on pregnancy and childbirth, as well as the specific exercises to increase flexibility, strength, and coordination of each pelvic function. At the end of the flight, I was still clutching Blandine's text 'The Female Pelvis Anatomy & Exercises,' while the elderly woman practically ran from me. I sighed as I shoved the heavy textbook into my messenger bag and then slung the bag over my body.

You aren't starting off very well with being a new man, Daniel! I lectured myself mentally and straightened my back. I was in the United States now and it was time to put all my months of research into action. Hello America!

Stepping off the plane at the Seatac Airport I realized that it was even more crowded with bodies than the airport back home or maybe they were just bigger bodies? No, Daniel, This is home now. I squared my shoulders and made my way through the chaos.

As I got through a massive crowd of business persons, airport employees, and other travelers I was greeted by a sea of delicious corn-fed American derrieres. I knew at this point I was going to love America!

* Wham * Flailing my arms out from my sides to catch my balance, I grasped onto the nearest stable object. My hands landed on the broad muscular shoulders of a very large man.

"Watch where you are going!" He screamed at me and I flinched away.

"I apologize." I looked around, still a bit distracted from the beauty surrounding me. Damn! It was that moment that I also realized that I had not gone in the correct direction for my luggage arrival. One glance at my Swatch watch told me that I would have to run to make it to baggage claim in time to see my bags float down the conveyor belt and make sure nobody steals them. I'd read the crime statistics for the US, so I was a bit paranoid. "Bollocks!" I hugged my messenger bag tightly to me and darted through the crowd and down the escalator to see my rainbow luggage set revolving around the baggage carousel all alone.

I then took the airport shuttle directly to the McCarty Hall dormitory at the University of Washington. My new home.