Hi! I had this really cool dream that I based this fic off of. In the dream Batman was sick and fell into the water and Joker lovingly helps him and somehow they end up riding in a submarine! Lol. Hope you like it!


Bruce Wayne looked out from the top of his pent house. Below him was Gotham. The city that never slept, yes it was a beautiful place to be in the daytime but when the night fell the stench of darkness rose up from the streets. It made the playboy feel a bit wary about his nightly job as Batman, the protector of Gotham. Would he ever be able to scrub this city clean? It felt like such a burden sometimes. A rather pathetic sneeze exited him, getting lost in the night.

"Are you alright sir?" Alfred's worried voice rang in from the communicator in his helmet. Batman let out a sigh. Of course his servant would have to have heard that.

"Yes Alfred, for the tenth time I'm fine." The dark knight explained with a sense of resignation.

"Please excuse me for being worried. I told you going out with Samantha in the rain wasn't the smartest idea. How do you expect to defend Gotham with a cold?" The butler worriedly asked.

"Alfred, thank you for the concern but I'm fine." The younger man declared with a certain finality in his voice. He could hear Alfred sigh at the end of the communication device. He could just picture the butler with his fingers pressed to his forehead counting to ten, trying to calm himself.

"Fine, Mr. Wayne but please do be careful." The man servant professionally stated before the communication was cut . A small smile rose to the millionaire's face, it looks like he had upset Alfred yet again. The Dark Knight looked toward the sky. He wasn't disappointed when he saw the a Bat symbol reflecting off of the clouds. A cold rain poured down on the dark city and the sky didn't seem like it was going to clear up anytime soon. Gordon had been forced to remove the Bat symbol when Bruce decided to take the blame for the Harvey Dent incident. It had become somewhat of a running joke for the bad guys to put one up as a challenge.

A growl exited the Batman as he jumped off the top of Wayne Tower. He landed gracefully into the Batmobile (throught the opened top) that sat just near the entrance, this was so it was inconspicuous enough not to draw attention. He had recently added an extra cloaking device, making the car seem invisible. Another sneeze exited him as he touched the key pad to unlock the automatic steering from within the mechanical masterpiece.

A sense of vertigo swam around in Batman's brain as he sat, making it difficult for him to focus. He hadn't slept more than five hours in the last week. It was hard. He put in at least six hours a night as Batman and when he did come home to sleep it was only for a few minutes before he had to get dressed to go deal with another problem at Wayne Industries. He thinks sometimes that if it weren't for Alfred taking the time to force him to sleep, he wouldn't ever get any rest.

It certainly didn't help that he had a cold. To keep his playboy image he had decided to date Samantha, one of the newest vogue models that was coming to America straight from Paris. They were supposed to go out to dinner but it had started raining. He was just about to call and cancel the date when he heard a knock on the door. He never would have expected to see the model waiting outside and demand that he walk he to the nearest café in the rain. He thought that it wouldn't hurt to humor the lady but when he found out she was serious about walking ten blocks in the freezing cold rain, he made a mental note to never call her again. Bruce had come home with one of the worst colds he could ever remember having. Thankfully Alfred had broken up with her on Wayne's behalf. The last thing the millionaire needed was another stalker.

Another sneeze exited him, this time accompanied by chills. Maybe he did need to rest. Bruce quickly shook his head despite the headache the action caused. He was Batman and Batman didn't rest while there were criminals still lurking about! He would rest after he stopped whatever plan the villains of Gotham had concocted tonight. He laid back as the Batmobile began to drive on automatic, following its computers to the location of the spotlight.


The Joker looked at the newly flooded Arkham Asylum. When he was out he had read that the Asylum had once been a watering hole long before the current building was built. A maniacal laugh exited him as he took in the scenery. It had been a typical escape with a new doctor who was stupid enough to hand him a pencil to let him draw….for therapeutic reasons of course.

It was humorous how many people you could kill with one little pencil. Oh look! There was Billy that sad little security guard that had been extra rough with him. He sure was smiling now.

Once he had killed the great majority of the patient, nurses, doctors, and security guards he had thought he would turn this great big party house into the watering hole it used to be! The grandiose plan could be linked to too many days in isolation. Hey, he had to think of something to pass the time!

That only took a trip to the basement to bust the water pipes. The water flowed out of the busted pipes like a waterfall. The Joker then went to the nurse's station to apply a quick coat of makeup which Bernice (the nurse) had rudely taken from him. Sadly there wasn't any green hair dye so it looks like he would have to be satisfied with his greasy blond hair tonight. He had luckily found his normal attire with his purple jacket stored in one of the lockers. He didn't know what they did with his pants, so sadly he would have to keep the lower part of his sanitarium style, but he had his light green shirt back so that would have to do.

He didn't know how lucky he had been when he had read that there used to be a submarine room when he stole the asylum's old blueprints (out of pure boredom). The Joker had always wondered why the asylum was situated so close to the riverfront. He didn't know why he found that information so amusing, it was just that he had to check to see if the "submarine" room was still running! Think of how jealous all the other mob bosses would be if he managed to steal a submarine!

He walked through the asylum and ignored the bloodied walls. The hidden door should be around here somewhere. The Joker felt at the walls looking for any secret openings. Luck seemed to be on his side for when he pulled at the trashy green wallpaper, underneath it was a door. He liked green well enough but the dusty dark evergreen color was enough to make him think about finding the company who would dare make such a color and blowing it up. He would be doing the world a favor really. He had read that the room was supposed to be there as an escape route in case of an emergency. The problem was that the map was at least fifty years old and only a few of the employees that knew where the room was were dead or had long since moved.

The Joker let out a squeal that sounded like it belonged to a school girl instead of a mass murderer. The room not only still existed but seemed to be in working order! There was a cement walkway to the middle of the room which came out to a cement island. To the end of the cement floated a giant submarine in the deep river waters that were let in at the open bottom of the building. The water was icy cold in the New York winter. The Joker couldn't help the bounce in his step as he looked at the beauty.

The clown hastily undid the hatch on the submarine and jumped down into it's vast space. There was a control panel to the side which controlled the submarine's movements and a large window to see out to the sea. This was just too good! The Joker's painted smile widened as he thought about what he could do with the place! How many criminals could say they owned a submarine! the Joker would bet not many! He would be just like a fish! Instead of causing fear to human he could now also add sea creatures to the list!!!

He couldn't wait till his Bat saw his new toy! Speaking of the Batman he had yet to decorate for his equal's arrival, and he so wouldn't want to be rude.


Batman let out a loud sneeze as he climbed to the top of one of Gotham's largest broadcasting tower. The air was still chilly which was slowly sinking into his Bat suit. Alfred said he would start beginning to install a heating unit for the suit but it most likely wouldn't be done until next winter. Wayne scoffed, a lot of good that would do him now! When Bruce finally reached the top of the tower there was a large bright light that had other dead muggers arranged to make the bat signal. Five hench clowns stood beside the light, each rubbing their hands together, trying desperately to warm up in the frigid winter breeze.

Batman jumped to the top of the roof, enraged at what he saw. Why did they always do it like this! Was it too much to ask that once, just once, they arranged the light with something other than dead bodies?! The hench clowns being the drug addicts and mentally challenged individuals they were didn't stand a chance when the Bat decided to attack. Within seconds the whole group of terrorists were lying face down on the roof. Adrenaline powered the Bat as he kneeled down, grabbing one of the addicts by the hair.

"Where is the Joker?" He menacingly asked.

"He..he..said …to come to the Arkham Asylum…Please don't kill me!!!" The hench clown pathetically whimpered. Batman scoffed as he forcefully slammed the minion back down to the roof, making the addict faint. Bruce jumped off the tower and landed once again in the opened roof of the Batmobile. He let out a moan as the migraine began to make itself known. He could do this. He just had to beat the Joker and he could go home. Easy, right?


When Batman had arrived at the Asylum the first thing he had noticed was the floating corpses on the ice cold water. The whole asylum had been flooded to the top of the door, which stood open and had the water slowly running out. It surprised Batman that no one had noticed the asylum in this condition but it was in the middle of winter at the dead of night and any of the doctors that could have called for help had most likely been killed. He wished that he could be appalled at the bloody scene before him. Blood mixed in with the water, it was painted on the walls, and some even had splattered up to the ceiling.

Batman stalked along the walls where a large sign was made with blood and glitter that pointed an arrow down the hall. Sniffling the Batman walked down the hall to be met with another sign with another arrow. For about ten minutes the Bat followed Joker's clues when he saw a spot on the wall where the wallpaper had been torn off. On top of the door hung a large sign that proclaimed "Here!!!". The Dark Knight sighed.

"Yay! Bats! I knew you wouldn't disappoint me!" The clown happily yelled to HIS Batman from the cement island in the middle of the room.

"What did you do Joker?!" The Batman growled, though the little sneeze at the end of his sentence didn't exactly help the image he was trying to portray. The Joker let out a laugh, his red lipstick being stretched as far as it could as the madman smiled.

"Oh, you didn't like the decorations? That's rude Bats, and to think about all the work I put into your little greeting!" The clown said with mock sadness. Bruce gritted his teeth as the anger for the person in front of him overtook his logic. The clown saw his enemy charge at him and grabbed his knives. The two traded brutal punches.

Joker jumped, slicing one of the joints of the Batman suite. The Dark Knight let out a gasp at the unexpected pain. The high jumping kick that the clown executed hit Batman straight in his chest. The pace of the battle was high as always but the Dark Knight didn't seem to be able to keep up with it. The migraine was making each movement slower than what it should be.

The kick propelled Bruce backward making him fall into the winter water. He could only describe the experience like a thousand knives made out of ice stabbing him all at once. His body froze upon impact, quickly going into shock despite the Batsuit. He felt his breath slowly escape him. He wanted to swim to the top but it felt like his arms were made of lead. His vision slowly began to dim.

"Bats! You Hoo! Bats!" Joker yelled into the murky black water that his Bat had just fallen into. Little bubbles of oxygen surfaced to the top of the water before popping. The Joker let out an exaggerated sigh.

"You have got to be kidding me. Can't have you drowning now can I? You owe me Bats!" The clown smirked to himself as he took off into a running dive into the waters. Within a few strokes he saw his Bat floating underneath the water. The Joker swam next to the man, pulling the Dark Knight out of the water. The murderous clown shivered as he roughly grabbed onto the cement. Batman continued to lay still. The Joker looked on in what could be considered an affectionate concern. A slow smile arose to the murderer's face. The Joker brought his lips down onto his rival's cold unresponsive one. Wayne's chest rose and Bruce immediately coughed up the water in his system. The millionaire let out a groan as he unconsciously leaned into his enemy.

The clown made an annoyed face. This wasn't as much fun if Brucey was sick and weak. He supposed that he would help his Bat out this time. It never hurt to do a nice thing just to rock the metaphorical boat. The murderer shrugged and grabbed a coat that he was planning on wearing later from the side of the room. He gently guided his enemy's arms through the holes with what could be described as the utmost tenderness. .

Bruce was well aware of what was happening, but even as he wanted to protest he couldn't. His head hurt so much. Have you ever had that feeling where your head felt like cotton, where everything was fuzzy and time starts to take on a sense of its own? That was exactly what the playboy was feeling now. He could feel himself nodding off, staying in the special place between sleep and awareness.

He felt warm lips and a smear press to his pulse point on his neck. The Joker laughed as he grabbed some of the crayons out of the water that had floated in from when he flooded the Asylum's activity room. The clown then picked his "enemy" up and jumped in the submarine. With all the time it took Batman to reach him earlier, the Joker had plenty of time to decorate. He had put in two beds, complete with blankets (which had been stolen from the "good" rooms). He gently took off Bruce's mask, and unzipped the top of the batsuit. He felt along his rival's skin wincing at the coldness. He then grabbed the blankets and lovingly placed them on top of his sick equal. Batman moaned at being taken care of but he couldn't bring himself to fight. The Joker let out a chuckle. The Dark Knight was too cute like this. Another kiss was placed on the playboy's lips.

Joker then shrugged and activated the submarine's controls, set to go to his dock hideout. He plopped down on the second bed, covered himself and began coloring (with a stolen coloring book from the activity room). He would help his equal get better and maybe even "complete him" while Batman was staying at his base.

Wasn't it great? The man who never allowed himself to sleep was finally sleeping and the man who only killed for fun was now coloring in a coloring book. The Joker laughed. Fate has a funny sense of humor.


Was that random because that was my dream that inspired this weird little oneshot! Oh and if you didn't notice the Joker knows all about Bruce being Batman, I mean the Joker is insane, not stupid and if anyone really stopped to think about it it would be obvious that Bruce Wayne is Batman. Please review and tell me what you think!