Hi! This is Part One and Part Two of my "On the Backlot With the Girls" series. Part One was written on February 10th, 2008 and was subsequently published on Ultimate Disney Forum, Little Ariel Forum, and VMKingdom Forum. It is, of course, a little outdated so I've written a follow-up to accompany it which is a little different in style, and much longer. For you to (hopefully) enjoy, here are "On the Backlot With the Girls" Parts One and Two.
On the Backlot With the Girls, Part One
Pocahontas: Every since CGI got big, work's been slow.
Snow White: At least you got a sequel! I'm in one movie! ONE! Sure, I got a guest spot in Who Framed Roger Rabbit but-
Cinderella- Shut your pie-hole, Snow! Your voice is giving me a headache.
Belle- You wanna smoke?
Cinderella- Sure (takes cigaratte). Hey, Belle, how you doing?
Belle- I haven't had a real job since the 90s.
Cinderella- But I thought you had a new project coming up. Enchanted Tales, I think.
Belle- Someone stole my role (looks at Jasmine)
Jasmine- It's not my fault people like me! And at least your platinums didn't tank!
Pocahontas- (eyes bug out) Platinums?!
Belle- Ariel, how are you doing?
Ariel- Just great! I didn't have to work with that show stealer, Melody, in my latest movie.
Pocahontas- I heard the plotline sucked.
Ariel- At least I have fans!
Cinderella- Where's Aurora?
Ariel- She's getting restored.
Cinderella- Oh, I wonder what color she'll be.
Belle- That reminds me. What ever happened to those other princesses. Um... Keepa, Pegara, Nulan, and that girl from The Black Cauldron?
Ariel- What's "The Black Cauldron"?
Cinderella- Ugh.... Well, I have to go.
Belle- Yeah, I have an audition.
Snow White- And I have a documentary.
Pocahontas- And I have... nothing.
Ariel- And have a sequel, a franchise, and Broadway play!
Jasmine- cough-show off-cough And I have to wait another 10 years for a new project.
All girls walk off.
On the Backlot With the Girls, Part Two
(Grand fanfare erupts on the Disney Backlot as Princess Tiana rides on a float, lovingly admiring her Prince, Naveen. Princesses Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, and Aurora are sitting on a bench.)
Ariel- Bitch. We'll see how happy she'll be when she's got eight sequels and a brat to keep up with.
Cinderella- (puffing on a cigarette, and smirking) Still upset your Broadway show closed so soon?
Ariel- At least my show didn't debut on a cruise ship.
Cinderella- Yeah, your's was in a toilet.
Ariel- Why, I never-
Belle- Girls, girls, calm down. Both of you know you can never be as successful as me- I had a long run in a fabulous Broadway show, I'm the smartest of all you idiots, and most impressive of all, I'm the !STAR! of the only animated film to be nominated for Best Picture. So shut your faces.
Ariel- (under her breath) But you didn't have a TV show…
Snow White- LA, LA, LALALALA, LA, LA, LA, LA!!!!!
Aurora- Oh, for heavens sakes Snow, shut up! You've been talkin' for seventy years now, don't you think it's time to give our ears a break.
(a bird lands on Snow White's hand)
Snow- Hello little birdie. It's so nice to see you. You see, I'm so lonely because these girls won't speak to me. Will you be my friend?
(bird nods "yes")
Snow- Oh, thank you! La, la, la, la, la.
Bird- Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.
Snow- La, la, la, la, la, la.
Bird- Chirp, chirp, chirp.
Snow- La, la, la.
Bird- Chirp, chirp.
Snow- -la-la, la, la.
Bird- Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.
Snow- La, la.
Bird- Chirp, chirp.
(Cinderella smacks the bird off of Snow White's hand and it lands with a bang to the ground. Standing up, on one little leg, it looks pitifully at Snow, and she bends down to pick it up. However, the birds begins hopping away, and Snow runs after it, "la-la"-ing all the time.)
Aurora- Thank God she's gone.
(The other Princesses nod their heads in agreement)
Aurora- Did you hear that?
Unknown- It's me.
(Out of the shadows comes a slender figure in a pink dress, with a brown paper bag on her head, with poke-holes for the eyes in the middle)
Cinderella- (very dramatically) Oh my God! It's an Untouchable!
Unknown- Princess Eilowny at your service.
Ariel- (scoffing) Princess! You aren't fit to wear the title, you flop!
Eilowny- I come in peace, Princesses. We must discuss of Giselle.
Aurora- She should be ours. Poor, poor, successful moneymaker, doomed to obscurity with your kind, all because some actress would sue for using her image. Despicable.
Eilowny- That's just it! She won't wear the paperbag!
Ariel- Well force it over her big forehead you dopes!
Belle- Still jealous of the new redhead, Ariel?
(Ariel sticks her tongue out of mouth. Then, suddenly from out of the sky comes a woman clutching an umbrella)
Mary Poppins- We'll take her. She's suited to our kind- the halfies.
Ariel- Yeah, dump her on the British bitch!
Mary- (to Ariel) Cheeky. Now, where's the girl?
Eilowny- Here she is.
(A tattered and dirty Giselle is flung from the shadows to Mary. They take off into the air)
Belle- (to Mary) Chim-chim-cheree!
Mary- Oh, shut up, you twit!
(As Mary and Giselle fly out of sight, Eliowny stays for a few seconds, and finally collapses on he knees)
Eilowny- Please, please let me stay with you!!!! I don't want to go back there.
Cinderella- Take her away.
(Royal Guards, who just happen to be standing there for no reason, drag Eilowny away)
Jasmine- (running down the Backlot with Pocahontas and Mulan) YAY! YAY! YAY!
Belle- What is it, Jas, Jas, Jasmene?
Jasmine- Jasmine, Jasmine. We used to be friends Belle. Don't forget me just because I don't have a Platinum anymore!
Belle- Well, Jas…mine, what brings you here?
Jasmine- Tiana's in OUR group!
Ariel- (shocked) No!
Jasmine- Yep, yep, yep! The Princess and the Frog was only a moderate success!
Aurora- That's too bad… But we'll take Poca back now.
(Pocahontas begins squeeling with excitement and runs over to the Princesses)
Jasmine- Why Poca?
Cinderella- Didn't you hear? Her movie's number two on the all-time grossing movie list.
Jasmine- That's not fair! That movie's Avatar.
Aurora- Same thing. (Pocahontas sits on the bench) Welcome back, Poca.
Pocahontas- This is the happiest day in my life! To be accepted!
Jasmine- But, but, no! No, this can't be! It's not fair!
Cinderella- Get your magic carpet ride out of here. (Jasmine starts to leave, but Cinderella pointing to Mulan adds) And don't forget Ching-Chang-Chong either! (After the two leave, everything is quiet)
Belle- So did you guys hear they made boy movies here too?
Aurora- (shocked) No!
Belle- Mmmhmm. There's this thing called Treasure Planet…