yeah, I know. Don't even go there. *grins* But it's here, albeit ridiculously short. The reason it is short is because I wanted to give you something, and I wanted to keep the really good stuff for the next chapter. *evil laugh* I was torn, deciding whether I wanted to make this a huge chapter, or split it, and I opted to split. So here is the explanation I promised so many of you when you reviewed me with loving 'what the actual fucks'. I hope I'm making sense with this. But trust me, we'll be getting into what exactly happened between Jasper and Bella in the next chapter. You can thank one of the new Jasper's Darlins for this chapter, for flattering me into finishing it. She knows who she is.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
I was getting ready. I tied my hair up-I didn't feel like messing with it, I rarely did-settling for a blue ribbon tied around my ponytail. I ran my hands down my white eyelet shirt and tugged at the hem of my blue jeans. This was good, wasn't it? I looked good. But not too good-I probably wasn't going to put out. Now I knew for certain I wouldn't. I was digging through my closet, trying to find an acceptable purse to take with me when it hit me. I could feel the blood leaving my face, the room started to spin…the works. I slumped against the wall.
I had sex with Jasper.
I walked in that room, and I let him have me against the wall, and I didn't even remember that was…that we had never…What was I thinking? All this time…all these weeks! And just the sound of his voice, a touch of his hand, and I completely fucking forgot that wasn't in the stipulations! How the hell did I forget? That's not like forgetting milk at the grocery store. That's big. This is big. And he let me? Hell! It was his idea! I growled under my breath as I stormed around the room, half tempted to drive down to his office and demand an explanation. I was barely able to process it as I tried to finish getting ready. Why? Why would I….It didn't make sense! He knew full well it wasn't part of it; he'd been with me enough. And here I was thinking we had a nice little…a nice….
A nice little what, Bella? I paid him for sex. That was all. Dear God, don't tell me I was having feelings for him too! I sat at my kitchen table and put my face in my hands. I needed to man the fuck up. This shit had to stop, and it had to stop now.
I picked up the phone and dialed Edward's number. I was in no frame of mind to go on a date, so I apologized and asked if we could go out tomorrow night instead. I threw on a pair of shoes and grabbed my purse, everything else forgotten as I made my way towards Jaspers office.
I was meandering around my office in a morose mope, my last appointment for the day having left already. I was cleaning up, changing the sheets, things of that sort, when my gaze wandered to the wall.
That Wall. Holy shit. Wait a second. I wasn't supposed to sleep with her. And….I did. I fucked her, good and proper, right up against that wall. Why didn't she stop me? I broke my contract with her. And she liked it, and acted like it was nothing. I found myself sitting on the floor, absolutely, utterly confused. How does this happen…and how does it get by me?
I sat there, blinking at my hands for a few minutes when a slow realization came to me. It was natural. It felt….normal.
Is that why she cancelled? Fuck. She probably thinks I'm some sort of fucking pervert…even though I am and that's my job and now I'm just talking fucking jibberish. What did I even do? Call her? Apologize? No. Peter….I needed to be –him- and test her mood, and see what's going on and…I let out a deep sigh as I listened to my own thoughts. I've gone absolutely mad. This dangerous web of lies was growing bigger and bigger, and I couldn't help but think maybe I should just…leave it alone and call it good. Save myself the trouble. And then I thought of her, and I felt sick.
And that's when I knew I was really fucked.
I needed to go. I needed to go home, and figure this out, and decide what I was going to do. I raked my hands through my hair almost frantically, pulling and tugging as I tried to get a handle on myself. I could fix this…I could. Rationality, that's the key.
I was formulating a good plan from my spot on the floor when I heard the doorbell ding, indicating someone coming in. I cocked my head to the side to listen, not used to people coming in after hours. I stayed where I was though, just in case it was a client.
But it wasn't just any client. It was Bella. And I could tell this because her normally melodic voice was full of pure, unadulterated rage. I could hear her screams from here, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just slightly terrified.
"Where in the actual fuck is he, Angela?" she screamed, and I could actually feel the blood rushing from my face. I wasn't scared of her…I was scared of her seeing me. Then she would know. She would know. "I have a bone to pick with him so if he's hiding back there…" she trailed off for a moment, "You hear that, Jasper! If you're back there you better get your happy ass out here RIGHT NOW."
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
What do I do? Do I run? This place had a back exit.
"So help me God, I will come back there and get you!" she screeched, and I could hear Angela trying to quell her. It wasn't working. I could hear her shuffling around behind the counter. Fuck me. This was going to happen, and I didn't have anything to say to this woman.
This can't happen now. I was panicking. Full blown panicking. Before I knew what I was doing, I was on my feet, and I was running, and then I was outside. I climbed in my car and peeled out of there like I was motherfucking Batman.
I, Jasper Whitlock, ran like a bitch.
I thought I was going to have to fight Angela. I didn't want to do that, she was a sweet girl. But she wasn't letting me tear him a new one. She kept going on and on about him not being there, but I didn't believe her. I could feel him, like that wasn't creepy. So I gave her my best 'get the fuck out' face I could muster and shrugged past her, thrusting open the back office door and looking around.
Asshole wasn't here. I narrowed my gaze and took a look around, but I was rewarded with nothing. Slinking back up front, I mumbled an apology to Angela, who looked surprisingly un-surprised at my intrusion, before walking back out and getting into my car.
I needed a new plan. I wanted to place all the blame on him, I really did…but I knew that I couldn't. Because I was there too, damnit, and I liked it. I didn't say anything, and I didn't even fucking notice, and I needed to sit down and figure out exactly why that was.
I needed Rose. I was going to fess up everything. Because I needed someone to help me make sense of myself, and I couldn't do it alone.