The Many Trials and Tribulations of Finn
SG: I got this idea in Animal Parade's opening sequence. Just so you know, the boy hero is Kevin from ToT and the heroine is Molly from AP. I also don't have this whole thing planned out. I'll just be cranking out chapters when I feel like it.
Chapter 1: m0lLy and Kev1N
You'd think that being a magical fairy under the tutelage of nature itself would net an easy coast through life. You'd think that "Oh, I have magic to help me, so I can do anything!" And you would be pretty much right, until you had to save a tiny island from utter entropy with the help of only two idiots.
Hello. My name is Finn. Welcome to my life! Right now, I'm traveling with Molly and Kevin, two siblings from the big city with absolutely no perspective, self-control, or for that matter, brains. Once I realized they could see me, I convinced them to take up farming on Castanet Island, making it sound like it was a breeze and fun and – as they wanted me to put it – "epic win."
Yeah, because everyone knows that farming is a fulfilling and easy lifestyle.
Once I got it through to them that they were the only ones who could see me, I then drilled it into their heads that they needed to help the locals by saving the divine, now wilting, Goddess Tree. And I mean, drilled – I had to give them homework five nights a week, with due dates and everything.
"Hey, guys!" I said to them. They were hitching a ride on the back of Cain's horse cart because "walking is for poor people." Yeah, they're gonna love it here. "We have to see the Harvest Goddess as soon as we get there!"
Kevin rolled his eyes, and Molly turned on her back. "Are you even listening? This is serious!" I insisted.
"Chillax, man," Kevin said. "Don't be such a spoilsport." Molly burst into tears. "I hate spoilsports! Why does the world conspire against me?" Cain turned his head to see what the commotion was about. "Everything all right there, young miss?"
"Yes, I'll manage…" Molly made a sniffling noise, and concluded, "somehow." Kevin put his hand on his sister's shoulder. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" He hissed.
"Right-o, then," Cain intervened. "You mind if I ask you two a few questions before we get there?" Molly instantly cheered up. "I luff answering questions!"
"What's you're favorite food?"
Kevin responded heartily. "Raw cowflesh!" Said Molly "I adore fried sashimi!"
Cain decided to lay off the questions for the rest of the trip.
Two painstaking hours later, the rancher said, "We're here."
"Oh my god!" Molly squealed. "It's run down and barely standing! Just like I wanted!" The three of us jumped off the cart, and bid Cain farewell.
"Hello, hellooo!" A disembodied voice called. A short, round, balding man emerged from the path Cain had just departed on. "Helloooooo! I'm Mayor Hamilton, and I welcome you to my fabulous town!" He walked over to the ranch house, which was as decrepit as Molly had made it out to be. "Do you not find this building to be simply divine?"
Kevin whispered into Molly's ear, inaudible to Hamilton, but completely hearable for me. "We need to be careful around this guy. I think he's gay." Molly looked shocked, but then nodded her head. Great, so they were idiots, and homophobes!
Hamilton went on a rant about the house, the land, the town, the whole package! "Finally, he said, "you two both owe me 5000G for the whole thing!"
"WHAT? 5000! " Kevin said. "There's no way that could be right!"
Mayor Hamilton thanked us for our time, and asked us to come into town to meet everyone there. So much for getting to the Goddess on day one.
In Town Hall Mayor Hamilton offered to show us around.
"No way!" Molly said in response. "I'm a big gurl now!"
"I thought you still used diapers?" Kevin inquired.
"Pardon me?" Molly responded, deeply offended that her brother would make such a serious accusation. "I use pull-ups! There's a DIFFERENCE!"
As Mayor Hamilton stared at my two friends, I realized this was going to be a long day.
STOP ONE: SIMON'S PHOTOGRAPHY
"Hello there," said the mellow man behind the counter. He was middle aged, and had, - wait a minute, BLUE HAIR! How does that work? "Are you two tourists?"
"Nope!" Kevin said. "We're the new awesome ranchers!"
"Liek," Molly said, "Totalelz."
"Well, my name is Simon, and this is my photography store an"-
"Give me a camera NOW!" Kevin yelled. I groaned inwardly.
"Well, I'll give you one, if you just hold on and"- Simone began, offended.
I whispered to Molly, "Shouldn't we do something before he maims Simon?" Molly waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, you know Kevin. When he gets like this, it's best to just let him have his way." I vomited on the inside, realizing the implications of that statement.
"I am going to have to ask you to leave," Simon said.
"Well, fine," Kevin said, hurt. "If you don't want my money!" He turned to his sister. "Let's leave! This place obviously is too cramped for our style!" Kevin and Molly stormed out, noses in the air.
STOP TWO: SONATA TAILORING (NOW WITH LESS LUNA)
"Oh my," said the older woman. "We're almost out of yarn."
"But," the blue-haired girl responded meekly, "We need it to make clothes…"
Kevin giggled at the younger woman. "She has blue hair…"
"Kevin!" Molly scolded. "Freaks have feelings too!" So they didn't notice Simon's hair discoloration, but this new chic stuck out like a sore thumb for them?
"What, really?" Kevin said astonished. He must not have believed Molly so he turned to the woman and said, "Do you have feelings even though you're a freak?"
The girl burst into tears and ran into the next room. "I'M A GIRL AND MY NAME IS CANDACE!"
The older woman turned to us. "We are closed today. If all you are going to do is make fun of my granddaughter, then I am going to have to ask you to leave."
"Yeesh," Kevin said. "No need to be so sensitive."
STOP THREE: BRASS BAR
Kevin and Molly (and by extension, me) had been invited for free tea at the Brass Bar by some blonde slut. Kathy, I think her name was.
"Hey there, guys," she said, leaning on the table. "How's the tea?"
"I love it!" Kevin replied. Wow. It looked like Kevin wasn't going to get us kicked out-
"Yummy!" Molly said, having bitten off a chunk of the table "This wood tastes great!"
I jinxed it, didn't I?
"What are you DOING?" Said Hayden, Kathy's father and the owner of the bar.
"She's eating your table," Kevin said. "DUH."
"Stop!" Kathy said. "We still need that!"
Molly looked deeply ashamed, and spit the portion back onto the part of the table that was still standing. It was mushy, and not something one would eat off of.
Hayden stepped in, and picked both Molly and Kevin up by the collars of their shirts. He carried them to the door and threw them out. They landed on the cold cobblestone walkway. Hayden closed the door and yelled "AND STAY OUT!"
I sighed. "You two are going to get us kicked out of every store on the island aren't you?"
Simultaneously, the siblings said "We aim to please!"
STOP FOUR: CHORALE CLINIC
"Hello," said the older woman behind the counter. "My name is Irene, and this is Chorale Clinic."
"A doctor's office?" Molly asked. "Does that mean you have morphine?"
"Umm, no…" Irene responded.
"That's too bad," Kevin said, and turned to leave. Oh my god, we weren't going to get kicked out!
Molly ran to the back, and started rummaging through cabinets! "Sweet! Marijuana for medicinal purposes!" And she injected her self. "Oh…" She let a burst of ecstasy escape her lips.
"Goodbye!" Irene said.
STOP FIVE: THE FISHERY
"OH MY GOD!" Molly screamed as we entered the fishery. "SA-SHI-MI!" She turned to store's owner, a middle aged man with a weird-shaped head. "I luff sa-shi-mi! Could you maybe make some fried for me?"
"Well," The man said "it's not sashimi of you fry it"-
"HOGWASH!" Kevin burst out. "I eat raw cowflesh three times a day, and even though it isn't cooked, it's still cowflesh!"
The man stared at Kevin blankly for a moment and said "You do realize raw meat is poisonous?" Hmmm. I wonder if that explains Kevin's IQ problem?
"Oh, don't be such a spoilsport," Kevin said.
"Kevin," I said, "you should be careful about what you say," I lectured him, wary.
"Why?" Molly burst into tears. AGAIN.
"I HATE SPOILPSORTS! GO AWAY!"
"Ummm…" The man said.
"Fine! I'll just have regular sashimi!" Molly then stuffed her face with the raw fish on display in the store.
"Wait!" The man said. "You have to pay for those!"
"What?" Kevin said. He too, was gorging on the fish. "I can't hear with all this work my stomach is doing! Try telling me when I'm done!"
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
STOP SIX: OCARINA INN
The Ocarina Inn was a quaint building. In its kitchen, were two women, one old and short, the other young and blonde. Great, a dumb blond cliché.
Kevin sniggered at the older woman. She and the blonde turned around. "Hello," the older woman said, "my name is Yolanda and this is Maya my"-
"You're short," Kevin said. Molly inquired "Calcium deficiency, right?" The older woman off screaming "I'M NOT SHORT! MY BODY IS JUST DISPROPORTIONATE TO MY HEIGHT!"
"Please leave," Maya said. "And if you come back, you have got to teach how to make her cry like that!"
STOP SEVEN: CELESTA CHURCH
A priest named Perry greeted us. And, get this: he had blue hair! Navy, anyway.
After the two Terror Twins managed to scrounge up enough brain power to exchange pleasantries, a woman came in. Her hair color was undeterminable because she kept her head underneath a jacket hood.
"Hello, Mira," Perry said. "Here to mourn the loss of your husband?"
"Yes," she replied, but before she could sit down, Molly laughed. "You're husband died? Man, some people just can't hold on to a guy for two seconds!"
"Molly," Perry said. "Please stop."
"Why?" She asked. "It's hysterical!"
"Leave, the both of you," Perry demanded.
Molly stuck her nose up in the air. "Fine! I shouldn't stain myself with inferior females anyway!"
At this Mira ran out of the church crying. And – wouldn't you know it? – her jacket hood came down, revealing purple hair.
GOD! What's next? A spiky haired, angst-y teenager?
Wait, don't tell me –
STOP EIGHT: CELESTA CHURCH GROUNDS
"OHMYGOD!" Molly exclaimed upon exiting the church. "Look!" Overlooking the ocean was a young man with spiky red hair.
"Oh. Hey," he said. "You sound like someone who enjoys life." He then went on a rant. "You're lucky. I can't even cook anything worth eating…"
"I was right!" Molly said. Still high from the marijuana, she continued "Spiky hair. Emo. Fresh out of the teen years – goodness, you must be Cloud McStrife!"
"Really?" Kevin said. Theyn then went on a fanboy/girl rant. "I love your game!"
"I love you!" Molly said.
"My name is Chase…" The boy said. "Listen, would you mind leaving my alone?"
"Whatever you say, dreamboat!" Molly responded.
Walking towards away from the Church Grounds, I pointed out, "We're done so we can go to the Goddess now!"
"I want to go to Town Hall!" Molly insisted.
"Yeah," Kevin said, "don't be such a spoilsport."
Molly burst into tears.
A part of my soul died.
TO BE CONTINUED… (Maybe)
Author's Notes: I hope you enjoyed this. There are two factors that will determine if I continue this
1. How far I get in the game: I will probably use one chapter for one bell.
2. How popular the story gets: I won't continue this unless I know there is an audience for it. So please, leave a review!
And, like I said before, I might not continue it if I don't feel like it. Just saying. REVIEW PLEASE!