Chapter 4: Fail Fantasy Seven

"So why are we going back to the Brass Bar?" I ask.

"Because," Molly insisted. "Cloud works there! I wanna ask him out to the Firefly Festival with me!"

"As for myself," Kevin said, "I wanna feel his spiky hair and see if it punctures my palm!"

It was the last day of spring. Kevin, Molly and I were outside the Brass Bar, waiting for Chase to arrive. The sky was a mix of hues, reds, greens and blues.

In response to Kevin's comment, I said nothing.

The Church bell chimed 6:00, and the doors flew open with Molly and Kevin's arrival.

"Did'jya miss me?" Kevin shouted into the bar. After a moment of silence, Kathy said "No, not really." Another pause. "You owe us 9001G for the table you ate."

"What? 9"- Kevin started before I interrupted him with "Down boy. DOWN."

Meanwhile, Molly approached Chase. "Salut, mon ami. Ça va?" Chase sighed a defeated sigh. "I don't speak idiot."

"Then I'll just use plain Engrish!" Wait, what? "Go festival me with you will week morrow next?"

Everyone in the vicinity stared blankly at Molly, before Chase said "Fine, if it'll get you to stop stalking me."

The next week, we were at the Firefly Festival. I know, I can hardly believe how far we've come either.

"Hey, Renee!" Kevin said. "Sup?"

"I'm pregnant."

"That's wiggity-wiggity-whack, yo!"

"You're the father!"

"Don't be player hatin' on me!"

"It's due at the end of Winter."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"


"In that cause dawg, we got nuttin' to worry about!"

Renee stared blankly at Kevin for a moment, seemingly offended. Then, her normal, pleasant demeanor returned and she said, "Y'know, since I'm already pregnant, we should have as much sex a possible!"

I decided I hadn't heard that. Meanwhile though, Molly and Chase were curled up by the river.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Molly asked.

"Yeah. Because you are here." Chase seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself.

"If you listen to the sound of the papercrafts floating, it's like you can hear melodies of life."

"Molly. Take my hands."


"Cause they don't wanna live without your hands."

"You're so romantic…" She stared off into the sky dreamily, draping herself around Chase. "Cloud? Use your buster blade on me." I barfed inside.

On the way home, we passed by a beach. As Kevin insisted "The marine ecosystem won't mind if I use it as a little farmer's room."

For a third time: UGH.

"Hey, look!" Molly pointed out.

There it was.

The Yellow Bell.

Collin's spirit slowly lifted itself out of the bell. "My power is so weak… I can feel the life force draining from my ever lim- wanna hear a joke?"

Ignoring Collin, I turned to Molly and Kevin. "Okay, I read on a fansite that we need to collect moonlight from the bell at three stones across town"-

"Why do need stones?"

I thought for a moment before conceding. "Touché."

Kevin held the bell up to the moon, and Collin was restored. I heard Molly utter a "That was anticlimactic, under her breath."

We headed for the pedestal at Marimba Farm. "Darn it," I said. "There's a fence blocking the way.

"We just jump over it," Collin said. "Dur."

The sun was rising as we came to pedestal, where Craig was praying. He looked up and saw us.

"You didn't see anything," he said.

"Yeah, I di"- Molly started.

"I'm an atheist!"

Craig left, and we put the bell back on the pedestal. "Now," Collin said. "I need to make sure we all have the same goal here. What is our mission?"

"World domination!" Molly said.

"Make lots of money!" Kevin insisted. I was about to protest when Collin said "Glad to see we're on the same page."

And thus, the power of earth was restored to the land.

Author's Notes: I am SOOOOOO SORRY this took so long. Everything has been really hectic on my end. I promise the next update will come sooner. And I also promise no more Final Fantasy jokes. Unless you want them, of course. (Props to anyone who caught the Final Fantasy jokes in this chapter.)