Well, another gift for my Mio clonísima AmeliaBadguy. Love you and I hope you like this!


Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, except my ideas. The rest belongs to JK Rowling and the TV series "Doctor House"


Dumbledore knew Severus had a problem that no wizard doctor could resolve. Unfortunately, he had to see a muggle specialist. Severus didn't want to talk about it, but Dumbledore insisted. What annoying that man could be! Snape was going to see him so Dumbledore would leave him alone. Surely they weren't going to detect anything.

He walked slowly, his robe was rustling and nurses looked at him with surprise. What was he dressed like? Was he perhaps an assailant? The women were watching him, but he barely paid attention. He would just go to the consultation that had already been made in advance. The rest could go to hell if they wanted.

He stopped at the door which specified the name and thought. Surely it was a silly Muggle and would suffer as one. But it was all to get Dumbledore out of him and that dirty "problem".

- Good afternoon, " said Gregory House, after a couple of hours waiting. Snape's brow, began to rise violently "sorry, but the nurse dint want to open her legs. Medical emergency. What is your ...?"- turning he said "Oh, I see …"

Severus looked at him without understanding what he meant. House pulled the lollipop from his mouth, stopped tasting it to look at him. Snape stared at the candy and continued to raise his eyebrow. It would probably get numb and then he would not be able to put it down.

- "Sorry dear, the operating room is on the right. Yes, I understand how you feel. You look awful."

-" Of course, I could not expect anything else from muggles like you."

- "Excuse me? I do not speak German, I speak only sex and French kissing. You're not asking for one, right?"

I was about to kill him. Dumbledore I could bear, but this was too much. House looked at him and shook his head. With a soft smile, he pulled a box of pills.

- "I prescribe a good surgery, a visit to a decent clothing store and a good hair wash. Ah, I would prescribe sex but politics don't let me. But if you want, use it as "stimulant" - he said and then took his staff. He was limping, that was his weakness.

- "I see that muggles are quite disrespectful. Of course, why I thought that Granger could have the opportunity? Now I know better…"

- "Granger? Is that a band? Sorry, just put it on Facebook. Sorry to leave you, but I don't have much time. Lunchtime is approaching and I want to see some nurses, collect their trays."

- "You don't know who you are speaking to. No wonder morons like you perish before our dark lord."

- "I'm not Christian, I'm an atheist"- mentioned House, with a lollipop in his mouth "but tell your lord, you need more love. By god, haven't you looked yourself in a mirror?"

- "Unacceptable!" - bellowed Snape and closed his hand in his pocket. He shouldn't hurt the Muggles, should not ...

- "Yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But don't worry, that in bed is relieved. Get yourself a double bed, a girl in the corner and say Yahooo!

He intended to retire, but a yellow hand closed on his shoulder. Since I was there, at least he was going to listen to what I had to say. House turned and stared at the unfathomable black eyes of that character. He stared for another moment longer and cocked his head to see what lay on the stretcher… The wand.

- "Dude, Halloween doesn't start yet. I know you're ugly, but dressing up is not going to help. Although I admit, no one is ever old enough to eat candy, " he said, showing him the lollipop.

- "I came for a consultation and I will get one" demanded Snape reluctantly, with a silky voice.

- "No, the audiologist is not here. Do you smoke? Cause your voice sounds like you've cried for hours. Ah, so that is it. You are loud in bed and don't want your wife finding out.

- "You are an insolent" ratified Snape, with a more threatening tone. It usually worked with his students. House smiled and shrugged.

- "Relax, hospital policy is secrecy. And how was she? Pretty?"

Severus said nothing, he shouldn't lose his time. He took his wand and simply stepped to one side of him with an inscrutable look. House tilted his head and watched him carefully.

- "The dark lord will perish you! Filthy Muggles!"

- "Give my regards and tell him I want some girls for Christmas! I've been good!"

Much later, Severus Snape returned to Hogwarts. He was angry and nobody could walk in front of him without him taking points from their houses. He walked to Dumbledore's office and entered, placed a piece of paper on the table. Dumbledore looked at him and smiled very gently.

- "Well, Severus? Do you remove your hemorrhoids?"

- "No, but I won a night of sex and a gateway to Las Vegas."