Disclaimer : I do NOT own, just the twisted imagination that came up with the idea. *Dies of laughter*
Note : This idea sprung into my head while conversing with Faecat. We had this little dialogue going about hiding down Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's armor with popcorn and little T.V.s and this came from it. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
Summary: Sunstreaker is still learning to put up with humans. What happens when a bunch of humans decide to get to know him on a whole different level? Rated for my very twisted sense of humor.
It was another normal day at the Diego Garcia base.
Or rather, it was about as normal as it could be, with a bunch of giant alien robots. Especially considering one was hopping down the hall like he was dashing across hot coals, cussing in English and Cybertronian both as he practically hop-scotched over humans in the halls.
A low growl escaped Sunstreaker's throat as he glowered at the humans who dared to find amusement in his predicament. "How about I step on you and see if you're still laughing? Pathetic insects!"
"You don't wanna do that. You'll have our grins plastered to the bottom of your feet, along with our fleshy organic insides." Mikeala smiled sweetly, even as he shuddered violently at the mental image. "Besides, you might wanna reconsider who you're insulting, considering Iam one of the medics who often takes part in your regular checkups." Raising an eyebrow, she stepped to the side as he roared angrily. "Jeez, no need to pull a tyrannosaurus Rex there, Sunny." Her eyes suddenly widened and she took off when his optics flashed red briefly.
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
All that was left in the silenced hall was the tiny 'eep' of a mousy squeak as the human disappeared into one of the human-sized quarters at a speed that left a trail of dust and several confused people behind her.
Turning back, Sunstreaker resumed his hop-scotching over humans as he made his way down the hall, muttering about the nasty messy insides and what it'd do to his gorgeous wheels if he got any on them. Not once did he realize who was all hearing him, and just what he was getting himself into.
Sarah Lennox shifted her hold on Annabelle slightly as she grumbled, stalking off down the hall. Any who paused to greet her and caught her expression, quickly hastened to disappear from the base as quickly as possible, knowing someonehad gotten on her bad side. Marching into the main Autobot hangar, her eyes darted around and she smirked when she found several of her human allies, and a certain Autobot she was looking for.
But what was even better, her husband was there to take Annabelle so she could let off a little steam, and the main cause for her irritation was nowhere to be found.
With an almost eerie smile on her face, she sauntered over to her husband, smiling wordlessly up with an overly familiar expression on her face, and was quite pleased when he raised an eyebrow and took Annabelle.
"Who was it this time?" He almost sighed the question. "Skids and Mudflap have been off base for the entire time you've been here, and I think Ironhide learned his lesson after he woke up with deflated tires and painted a hot pink."
Her evil smirk grew at the memory. "Don't worry, honey, just a minor incident Iwill take care of." With a peck to the lips and a pat on the cheek, she turned and marched towards the human teens Sam and Mikeala, who stood at the base of Ratchet's feet. "You three, I need to borrow you." She looked up at Ratchet, mostly. "We have a little issue to settle with Sunstreaker, and I have an idea how, but I'd like a little advice, first."
Nothing more needed to be said.
Ratchet gave them all a lift to his med bay, where he locked the door behind him. "What did he do now?"
"Apparently 'disgusting, flesh bag humans' kept crawling down his armor with useless questions, spilling messy substances and somehow finding themselves under his feet a lot. He almost stepped on Annabelle-" Her eyes flashed dangerously. "And even when he noticed her and stopped at the last minute, no apology. No regret. Just more griping about 'fleshy organics'."
The others all stared in horrified shock at her words. They all knew Sunstreaker was, by his own brother's admission, a cruel, stubborn glitch, but they never thought his disregard for humans was so low. Of course, they also knew a lot of it was for show, he was calming down in their presence, but to blatantly disregard a human baby in front of it's mother?
Yeah, he was so dead.
"So tell me, can I rip his spark plugs out?" She smiled up at Ratchet, sweetly, batting her eyelashes in a way that even the hardest of bots had a hard time denying. "Pleaseeeee?"
Mikeala snickered and turned to Sam. "And you said I had the look down."
"You do, she's just had more practice perfecting it." He smirked back.
Shaking his head, Ratchet dimmed his optics briefly. "I'm not certain damaging one of our better melee fighters, quite possibly irreparably, is a good idea."
"Nothing's 'irreparable' to you." Mikeala murmured quietly, earning her a raised optic ridge from the large yellow bot, and smirks from her fellow humans.
Pausing for only a moment, Ratchet sighed. "You said you needed advice, not permission." He turned back to the human and tilted his head a little, admittedly curious and more than eager to be a part of whatever she had planned. Anything to get back at that arrogant, conniving glitch.
"Oh! Yeah. He was muttering about humans always crawling down his armor." She basically repeated something she'd said earlier, even as that devious smirk was back. With her eyes flashing evilly, she stood up and began explaining what it was she was looking for, and wondering if it was at all possible.
As the two humans and lone Autobot medic listened in, dark, evil smirks began to form over their faces as well, and they began plotting for real.
(The Next Morning)
"You guys be careful. My bro doesn't have the sense of humor I have." Sideswipe smirked as he held the door open, whispering quietly to keep from onlining his recharging twin.
"Which is why you're my favorite twin." Mikeala smirked up at Sides, patting a wheeled foot gently as she walked by. "And you'll be getting a full wash and wax later." His quiet dreamy groan had her giggling and rolling her eyes at Sam's slightly jealous look as she led him into the room, right behind Sarah Lennox. "OK, we'd better get to work."
"Talk about getting into his wires." Sides snickered quietly as he lifted the humans up to the berth. "I'm gonna be filming this! It's gonna be priceless!" Of course he was in full prankster mode by now, and more than happy to cooperate as he sat back and watched the humans work.
Sarah was first, fueled by her own personal annoyance of the bot. Getting onto her stomach, she began to wiggle under his armor plating at a point that Ratchet had pointed out was safe for human entry. She remained near the red and yellow wires, as they were the most sensitive ones and had the most room around them for crawling. She carefully made her way through the mass of tangled wires, getting caught up more than once when Sunstreaker suddenly shifted.
A tug on her leg had her looking down and smirking at Mikeala who was right behind her. Sam had chosen the only other readily accessible easy entry point, despite his reservations on where it was located, so the girls made their way up to the small space next to his heavily armored spark chamber, curling into thick wires and making themselves little nests. Then they each pulled out special harnesses, only to pause when Mikeala brushed against a yellow wire and Sunstreaker jerked.
"Oh yeah, we're giving 'getting into a bot's wires' a whole new meaning." Mikeala snickered a little as she carefully fastened herself to the main energon line behind her, thankful for it's heavy durable containment, which meant they would be safe where they were. "We're tickling him." Her eyes twinkled as she slipped a tiny ear piece into her ear and winked at Sarah, who nodded back. "Ready, Sam?"
There was a hiss of static before a clearly nervous laugh came through. "Yep. Strapped in and ready to go. You know, Fair rides are gonna have nothing on this when we're through."
The girls cracked up, no longer bothering to be silent as they shared an evil look.
Reaching out, Mikeala began stroking her finger along the yellow wire, feeling the bot shiver and shake, before there was an almost deafening 'BAM!' on the armor plating above them and the sound of metal scraping over metal. She stopped, grimacing as she rubbed at her ears, before smirking. As the sound ceased, she reached out and stroked the cable again.
A series of angry clicks and whistles sounded, and she couldn't help but gasp as the body seemed to shoot and their position was turned almost sideways. The girls shifted in the mass of wires, even as Sarah idly smirked and pulled a bag of popcorn out of the small backpack she'd carried with her. "Want some?"
The body froze, and a low, threatening snarl reached their ears.
"Think he's hip to us yet?" Mikeala reached into the bag. "Oh! Popcorn! And it's extra buttery, too! Thank you!" She cackled evilly at the horrified yelp above her, before sticking a few popped kernels in her mouth, and nearly choking on them when their little nest suddenly seemed to bounce wildly. "Whooooo! Giddy-up little, uh...bottie?" She looked at Sarah a long moment.
And nearly fell out of her nest to see Sarah's red face as she covered her mouth, laughing her ass off and trying not to choke on the mouthful of popcorn she was eating. She swallowed, clearly with difficulty, and snickered again. "Yee-haaawwww! Go Sunshine!" She reached out and tickled at the yellow cable, and grabbed onto the popcorn bag that was almost shaken out of her grasp when the body trembled violently.
The roar had the girls covering their ears, and Mikeala shoved an ear plug from the bag into her free ear, before handing a pair to Sarah. "Pass the extra butterypopcorn, please?" She grabbed another handful, her eyes widening when a piece slipped from her fingers, leaving a buttery trail over a lot of Sunstreaker's wires. "Oops. Crap, we're making a mess."
The high pitched, horrified, shriek they all heard, despite having their ears blocked, and the humans squealed excitedly as the body they were in began to shake and shimmy for real.
Yeah, after this, fair rides would have nothing on them.
(Out in the main Hangar)
Sideswipe was doubled over in laughter as the main security camera in their quarters showed Sunstreaker squealing like a girl and shimmying across the room, trying to dislodge his resident humans. "Oh slag, this is priceless!"
Ironhide was holding Epps by the back of his collar, keeping the laughing man in place as Will reached into his breast pocket and pulled a wad of cash out, before he patted his friend on the shoulder.
"No hard feelings, buddy. I just know my wife. You don't mess with her, or our kid, and get away with it." He smirked hugely, before handing roughly half the cash back and turning back to the show.
Sunstreaker began doing cartwheels and back flips across the room, before wildly shaking his torso side so side, his fingers scratching wildly at the seams of his armor, causing everyone to laugh even harder.
"Are we certain the humans are safe?" Optimus Prime's tone actuallysounded choked, and one glance showed he was struggling with all his Primely might not to fall over laughing his aft off, much like Jazz was, at his feet.
"They're fine." Ratchet's voice was rather high pitched and he snickered, his body trembling.
Sunstreaker then ran off the computer screen, and the bots hurried to scramble, not wanting to give away that they'd been watching his humiliation. After all, just because Optimus Prime had a 'no-harming-humans' rule, didn't mean there was a 'no-harming-bots' one too. The only one not in a hurry to hide was Sideswipe, as he changed cameras, watching as Ratchet rushed down halls and into the med bay for his portion of the prank.
As the medic attempted to look casual, fixing tools on trays, he stumbled and nearly face planted on the nearby berth at the high pitched shrieking coming his way. Oh Primus!He snickered and slowly turned to the door, just as Sunstreaker ran in. "What is your problem?!" He felt one of his optic ridges ticking with his struggle to keep them lowered in a narrow eyed glare.
"I need your help!" Sunstreaker ran over, yelping and scratching furiously at his armor, not even caring for the moment that he was stripping his own paint.
"I don't care! I have things to do, if it's not life threatening, leave!"
"You don't understand!"
"Oh crap! Damn, we're leaving a huge trail of butter all over his wires." The voice sounded oh-so innocent, but Ratchet could hear the muffled laughter, as Sunstreaker scratched first at his chest, then at his hips and crotch plating.
Leaning in, Sunstreaker's optics were wide, and one was beginning to tick. "I've got humans!"
The way he said it sent all three humans into hysterical laughing fits inside his armor, and he screeched and jumped around, scratching more and more. "Wow, I feel like a crab." Sam suddenly commented, his voice coming from Sunstreaker's left hip, near his groin plating, and sending all three humans into such powerful laughter, even Ratchet couldn't help but laugh along, hearing them gasping for breath.
"Alien crabs, wonderful." Mikeala added. "An intergalactic STD? Wow, Sunny-boy, you really should be more careful who you interface with."
"Uh, guys? Sitting in his crotch plating, here. Can we not talk interfacing?"
"Get them out!" Sunstreaker's hips rolled in a surprisingly flexible fashion, just as Arcee walked in. He glanced over his shoulder, horrified, as she stopped in her tracks and choked. "Wow, Sunstreaker... I didn't realize you could move like that." She was practically purring, her optics dark. Shooting him a wink, she turned and sauntered out again.
"Never...gonna...fragging....live this down." Sunstreaker lowered his head.
"Look, Sunstreaker." Ratchet struggled to sober his expression. Stepping forward, he patted the bot's shoulder. "Unfortunately, I don't have any fungicides or topical lotions for this. You should just go have a cube of high grade, and get plenty of recharge. If the itching persists, come see me in the morning and I'll see what I can do." His lip plates trembled as he turned away, listening to the humans howling with laughter.
He could even hear the laughter across the base as different bots who'd tapped into the security camera feeds laughed their afts off, and he wouldn't be surprised if the loudest was coming from Sideswipe in the camera room across the base.
"Everyone's out to get me." The low growl was followed by a high pitched yip and the clanks of armor on armor as Sunstreaker practically danced out, looking for all the world like he was having a seizure along the way.
Hope you like it.