Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and storylines belong to S. Meyer. The manips and other crap is all mine.
A/N: This was my contribution to Ninapolitan's Smut Mondays over at Twi'd on 1-2-10. Thanks go to Nina for letting me participate in SM, my Beta V and the LoD for prereading for me, especially Em who did a final read through for me and made some suggestions that were really useful.
This is an outtake from the next chapter of Bad Habit that just won't fit. Pixiekat, this is for you.
Hope everyone enjoys.
The song used is Sin So Well by Rebekah.
Sin So Well
Bellaaaaa...I dreamt of him breathing my name against the shell of my ear, strong, slightly rough hands running up and down my side, drifting forward every few passes to ghost over the side of my breast. His scent permeated my dreams, surrounding me in a delirium-inducing fog. As I gradually awoke, I was certain I could feel the warm length of him pressed tightly against my back. Drifting back to reality, I jolted to full awareness with a soft gasp as I realized that there was indeed someone in my bed with me. A hand tightened on my hip, preventing me from getting up.
"Shhhhhh," he soothed. "It's only me, Bella."
I relaxed instantly. "What are you doing here?" I asked sleepily, snuggling into his body. It wasn't very often I was able to lay in his arms, and I sighed in contentment as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him…
And then I remembered our fight.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I shouted, jerking away from him and out of his arms so violently that I ended up on the floor beside my bed in a heap of tangled limbs and blankets.
Well, there goes my dignity, I briefly thought to myself, followed by a silent snort because, really, I was worrying about my dignity? When it came to Edward Cullen, I had given up having any dignity months ago. Still, I could have tried to regain some, or at the very least acted like I had some…but did I? NOOOOO! Not me. I had to go all spoiled-brat-girly-girl and throw a shit fit. I huffily attempted to sort my arms and legs from the blankets twisted around them but, in my tizzy, it only resulted in me becoming more entwined. Strong arms unexpectedly wrapped around my waist as Edward reached into the Gordian's knot I had seemingly created, plucking me out and sitting me on my bed.
Furious, I glared at him while he just stood there, smirking down at me without a care in the world.
Cocky jerk, I amended.
"What the hell are you doing here, Edward? And while we're discussing it, how the hell did you get in here? The front door was dead-bolted."
He continued smirking at me, his eyes skimming along the length of my body—starting at my feet—causing the corners of his mouth to lift. By the time his eyes were back on mine, his smirk had become a full blown grin, making him look so fucking…just, wow…that I lost my train of thought for a minute. Fuck me, he really was beyond gorgeous.
"What the hell are you smiling about?" I snapped at him, simultaneously reminding myself that I was angry with him and trying to distract myself from how beautiful he was…and the bad things I wanted to do to him…and him to do to me.
His smile widened. "You're cute…no, stunning…no, both. You are somehow, impossibly, both cute and stunning when you're angry. It's incredibly alluring, Isabella."
As he spoke, his eyes dropped down to my chest—where my nipples were plainly visible through the thin material of my camisole. I was suddenly very aware of my lack of clothing…and the very close proximity of Edward…and the fact that we were entirely alone in my house…and would be for hours. He looked up at me, cocking an eyebrow, and then dropped his eyes once again, bringing my attention to the fact that my nipples had drawn up into tight little buds. With an angry exhalation of breath, I crossed my arms over my chest, cutting off his view. The expression on his face slipped into the cutest little pout for just a moment and I struggled to keep from laughing.
He looked like I had just taken away his favorite toy…and, just like that, I remembered not only that I was mad at him, but why I was mad at him. My anger came back full force—I was livid. Fuck him and his gorgeous fucking face…oh, his face when we fuck… Focus! I hopped up, so intent on covering myself with the robe that was draped over my desk chair—directly behind Edward—that I completely forgot about the pile of blankets on my floor. Forming a big loop, my duvet had folded back on itself so that when I stood, one foot landed on the two ends of the loop, pinching it closed.
My right foot swung forward, catching the loop end and sending me straight to the ground. Hard. At least, that's what should have happened, would have happened if there was anything like fairness in the world…but there wasn't. Doucheward was in front of me. Instead of landing on the floor—which would have been preferable to the gloating I just knew he was going to engage in for having to rescue me yet again—I slammed into his chest. Hard.
"Careful there, Bella!" His voice was gruff, and I could feel his words rumble pleasantly through my body because my chest—nipples still poking out like two built-in divining rods pointing the way to the source of the world's best orgasms—was pressed against his firm, cotton covered one.
The tension in the room—that I had so far been able to successfully keep at bay through my anger—was suddenly so thick in the air that it felt as if I was underwater. We took matching, ragged breaths, prompting me to move my eyes from his chest to his face. It was with a strange detachment that I noted the darkness of his eyes and the tenseness of his jaw. Not feeling so Goddamn pleased with yourself now, are ya? Asshat. Of its own accord, my hand reached up to his face and softly stroked the hinge that was practically vibrating from the force with which he was clenching it with.
Before I could remove my hand, Edward grasped it in one of his and, looking me in the eyes, brought it to his lips and kissed the palm. He trailed his lips up a bit and repeated it, kissing the inside of my wrist. And then the jackass had to go and ruin things.
"I'm sorry. I…"
I snatched my wrist away and brushed past him. Yanking my robe off the chair, I slipped my arms into the sleeves before hastily and haphazardly wrapping it around me and securing it with the belt. I kept my back to him as I made my way to my bedroom door and held it open, indicating the opening with a jerk of my head.
"You need to leave. Now. You're not welcome here. Ever. In fact, if Charlie comes home and finds you here, he's gonna flip his lid." I was taunting him childishly, but he knew it was true—there was no love lost between the two. Try getting out of that with one of your snappy comebacks, I thought, not quite able to keep the look of smug satisfaction off my face as I pictured Charlie catching him in my room.
"The Chief's working graveyard all week. He won't be home until around nine tomorrow morning."
How did he…? Nice try, but not gonna fly.
"Well, he'll be driving by to check on me. Won't be too happy to see your car in the drive at—" I glanced at the clock beside my bed, "—eleven at night. Might even arrest you. Breaking and entering is a felony, you know? I think the medical program at the U frowns on those. You probably don't want to get one if you plan on finishing medical school. So, you should go."
"I parked at Jazz's house. His parents are out of town and he and Rose are at my house for the night. I'm not stupid; this isn't the first time I've snuck into a girl's house, Bella."
His words pushed the button, detonating the bomb. I saw red. Realizing what he had so smugly said, Edward's eyes nearly popped out of his head and his jaw dropped open. Sputtering, he searched for the correct sequence of words that would deactivate the live warhead currently counting down in front of him. It was actually quite comical, and I would have laughed had I not been enraged beyond belief. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself.
As soon as he could manage to get words to come out of his mouth, he immediately started backpedaling. "I didn't mean…Bella, that's not…I wasn't implying…fuck!" he said, inching his way slowly towards me, his hands held up in front of him, palms out. When he was close enough, he reached for my hands.
Wrong move, buddy.
I slapped his hands away from me and exploded. "Don't you dare fucking touch me, you bastard, especially not when your hands have been on that fucking whore. I mean, I get that you don't owe me any kind of explanation…after all, I'm nothing to you. I'm just the girl…a girl you like to fuck on occasion. I get it, I really do, but we had an agreement. We may not have been exclusive, per se, but we agreed to stop fucking if either of us decided to fuck someone else.
"Stupid me—I actually believed you would honor our agreement. How naïve could I be? What, was I not enough for you, Edward? Was I not satisfying you and you had to go get it elsewhere? Fine, whatever…but why keep up the charade with me if you weren't happy with our arrangement?
"Funny thing is--I could almost, if not forgive you, then at least get over the fact that you lied to me and have been fucking someone else on the sly since the first time we…since we…since that day in the woods. Granted, I still wouldn't be fucking you ever again, but I could have gotten over it and…maybe even…eventually…one day it would have been possible to be around you without wanting to smash your face in.
"But Jessica Stanley? Seriously? Jessica? Do you have any idea what your two little fuck-buddies said to me?"
His head snapped up and he interrupted me. "Two of them?" he asked, looking curiously perplexed.
I rolled my eyes. Way to pretend to be innocent, but don't you think you're overdoing it a bit? "Yeah, Jessica and Lauren, Edward. What, are you fucking so many girls that you can't keep track of them all?" I scoffed angrily before continuing on.
"It was shocking enough to hear that you were fucking that trampy little lemming, but to hear about it from her and Lauren…well, it didn't feel very fucking good. I didn't even know the two of them were speaking again, let alone having threesomes with you…guess the joke's on me. The shit those two bimbos said was—enlightening. You are scum, Edward. You are seriously a complete scumbag, waste of space, piece of shit and I don't want to see or speak to you ever again!
"After everything Lauren did to me—hell, she drugged you, but I guess you got a blowjob out of it, so…whatever—but after everything she did to me, you actually hooked-up with her and still claim to be my friend? I understand that every guy wants to participate in a threesome, but I'd be willing to bet that it wasn't your first time at that rodeo, cowboy. How can you even look yourself in the mirror? You disgust me."
I was aware that I was coming off as an irrational girl—screaming at him all psychotically—but I just couldn't seem to stop myself. I was Mount Vesuvius, vitriol erupting from my mouth in huge bursts of molten hot lava. I got it all off my chest, and as soon as I had expelled all the anger that had been simmering inside me for days and my tirade ended…I promptly burst into tears. I expected him to leave—most of the guys I had known over the years were squeamish about tears—but Edward Cullen wasn't most guys, never had been, and it wasn't the first time he had ever seen me cry. So he didn't leave, but he also wasn't willing to leave me be.
He immediately spoke. "What the fuck did they say to you Bella, and why the fuck would you believe them?"
I looked at him incredulously. Really? Why the fuck wouldn't I believe it when I heard someone discussing fooling around with him? After all his dalliances that I had been witness too? Of all the fucking nerve… I sucked in a deep breath, prepared to go off again—
"Okay, stupid question. Whatever. For the record though, I didn't sleep with either of them."
I rolled my eyes and snorted, "Right, Edward."
His eyes blazed and he threw his hands in the air. "What the fuck do I have to do, Bella? What the fuck do I have to do to get you to believe me? I. Didn't. Fucking. Touch. Either. Of them. I wouldn't touch them with Rose's dick. I swear to fuck. I haven't touched anyone other than you since we our deal was brokered."
Dropping to his knees, he splintered before me. His eyes bored into mine, imploring, begging, saying the things that he couldn't give voice to. It was a strained moment, both of us as emotionally raw as we had ever been in front of each other—or anyone for that matter—and it could have gone either way.
When he finally spoke again, his voice had dropped to a strained, broken whisper. "What the fuck do you want from me, Bella? I told you I couldn't do this…that I'm not cut out for this. I'm trying here, actually trying…"
All the apologies or denials in the world wouldn't have changed my mind—I expected those and was numb to them. I had simply heard too many hollow, tired, and trite ones over the years to place much stock in them, but those two barely audible, broken off words from him…I'm trying…cut through my defenses like a hot knife through butter.
I closed the distance between us, shutting the door to my room as I did only because my hand was still on the knob. I dropped to my knees in front of him. "You swear?" I asked through my fading tears.
…my flesh has got control of me…
The lost look was still there in his eyes when he looked up and answered me—"I fucking swear it, Bella."—but there was also a spark of something else there. I like to think that it was hope…maybe. Regardless, I didn't care to explore it any longer. Not when I had better things to explore. And maybe I was letting him off too easily, finding anything that I could latch onto that would allow me to let him off the hook. Maybe…but I couldn't find it in me to care.
…I'm human and by nature, weak…
I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing his face down to mine, and then I proceeded to kiss him with all the passion I could muster. It was a desperate kind of kiss—my anger and fear and self-doubt and lust and desire all blending together—but one that he returned in kind. We wasted no time with preliminaries; our need was much too great for that. His hands tore at the belt to my robe, loosening it, and then roughly shoved it off my shoulders, forcing me to lower my arms from his neck.
…cuz humans make it hard to be so holy…
Not able to keep my hands still, I busied them with getting his pants off. I was only able to get as far as unbuttoning and unzipping his shorts before he grabbed me by my shoulders. He roughly spun me around and pressed me back onto the pile of blankets that were still on my floor. Once I was spread out before him, he launched himself at me, attacking my puckered nipples—still hidden behind my camisole—with his whole mouth. He switched back and forth from one pinkened peak to the other, his fingers plucking whichever one wasn't being expertly played by his lips and tongue.
…angels close your eyes to this…
While he lost himself in my dirty pillows, I ran my hand down the muscles of his back until I reached the hem of his shirt. Slipping my fingers underneath, I explored his body as I inched his shirt…up…and up…and up…until I was unable to proceed any further without his help, I tugged on the garment and managed to gasp out, "Armssssss…up."
…my conscience can't compete with him…
He lifted his torso from mine--causing me to whimper from the loss--grabbed the bottom of his shirt and ripped it over his head himself. Tossing it blindly over his shoulder, his hands reached down and agitatedly attempted to tug my tank off. He had little success, and finally gave up. Slamming his lips against mine with bruising force, he growled, "Shirt…off…now!"
He pulled his lips from mine just long enough to allow me to pull my top over my head, and then his mouth was back on me—kissing my lips, leaving a trail of tiny pecks along my jaw, dragging down my throat, placing wet, sucking kisses over my belly and soft, teasing ones along my legs and the backs of my knees. His teeth nipped at my ear, tugged at my nipples, placed tormenting bites on my thighs and scraped over my still-covered sex. His tongue rasped across my collarbone, the underside of my breasts, dipped into my belly button and lapped everywhere else.
…heaven help this tendency, it's not the way I learned to be, but being bad is such a guilty pleasure…
The entire time his mouth moved over me, his hands roamed eagerly. He was greedy in his quest and not an inch of my flesh went unexplored. He worked me into a frenzy of molten need and white hot desire, turning me into a trembling, quivering, quaking, aching mess. I needed him inside me right the fuck now. Using my feet and hands, I managed to push his shorts and boxer briefs down his hips—grateful that I had taken care of the fastenings earlier because with the way my hands were shaking I wouldn't have been able to manage it.
…what shall be the consequence, when all they've taught I've gone against…
"Now…E-Edward. Can't wait…ple…ungh…!" He entered me in one thrust before I was able to fully articulate my plea.
…and knowing all this, still I go again…
I was so worked up and over-stimulated that I immediately clenched down on him and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. Seized by an orgasm out of the blue, I couldn't even manage a moan. Edward groaned loudly when he felt me around him…clench…release…clench…release…but continued to forcefully drive his hips into mine, making it incredibly intense for me…almost unbearably so. It had never been like this between us before.
Our joining were always rife with nearly brutal carnality, but this was rough and fast even for us. We just didn't seem to be capable of slowing the manic pace. It wasn't lovemaking; it was so much more than that. It was absolution for imagined sins against the other, a reaffirmation that we hadn't lost whatever had begun between us…even if it was just a mutually beneficial agreement to provide each other with orgasms…at least that's what we were calling it, but it felt like more to me.
Whatever label we put on it, it was both heaven and hell and pleasure of the sweetest, most torturous kind. Panting and groaning and moaning and wailing, I thrashed beneath him, meeting each hard thrust of his hips with one of my own. I was certain I would have bruises by the time we finished—or at least be incredibly sore—but I loved every minute of his rough, hard fucking. No one had ever controlled my body the way he did, and just when I thought it couldn't get any better…the boy started talking.
…Where do I land if I fall from grace?
"Fuck, Isabella!" I would never tire of hearing my full name roll out of his mouth when he was inside of me—it infuriated me and turned me on all at once. "What are you doing to me? God, you drive me crazy. I can't control myself when I'm around you. I can't-can't seem to g-get enough. I can't get you out of my system."
…Will I be redeemed if I seal my fate?
Each tortured sentence was punctuated with a particularly rough, deep thrust—and as hard as he'd been since the beginning, that was saying something, trust. He was driving the tip of his cock into my cervix with all the subtlety and force of a battering ram…but I wasn't complaining. I wouldn't be able to last much longer if he kept it up.
…I'll do my penance and rosary…
"God, why do I crave you when I can still taste you on my lips?" The agony that had been in his voice only moments before had been replaced with anger and he fisted a hand in my hair, pulling almost harshly and causing me to cry out. As painful as it was, there was still pleasure there, because with Edward there always was just as much pleasure as there was pain. The only variance was how much and of which one--physical or emotional.
"Why do I want you again when I'm still buried inside of you?"
…but will you pray for my purity?
"I feel the same way, Edward. The exact same way…oh, fuck! Shit! I'm so close. S-s-so c-close…."
…Mama doesn't like when I sin so well…
"God, I don't know why I can't get you out of my head, Isabella…but, God help m-me, I don't know if I really fucking want to."
…heaven's kinda far, but I swear that when I'm cumming it's close…
He thrust once more and I spun out control. Pleasure radiated from me in sweet, undulating waves of blissful perfection and I screamed out his name…over…and over…again…and again…until my throat was raw and my voice hoarse from it. He continued thrusting, seeking out his own release. Finally, just as the tingling throughout my body started to fade and I slowly began to regain feeling in my extremities, he found it.
His thrusts became increasingly erratic as his orgasm descended upon him. Caught in the grips of it, his hips stilled altogether when he came deep inside me. He allowed me to pull him closer so that most of his weight was rested on me, and then he claimed my lips with a sweetness that belied the fury of what we had just engaged in. Basking in the afterglow, Shorty smoked a cigarette and tweeted her friends with the news (because yes, my vajayjay had a computer and twitter account)—Oh Em Gee! Unexpected wind storm sprung up. My screen door just got banged. Hard. Jealous?—while my inner girly-girl giggled over the fact that we hadn't made it to my bed—only two feet to my left, his right. At least we had managed to land on the mess of blankets that were still on the floor after my earlier tumble out of bed.
I looked around the rest of my room, noting that the path we had left in the wake of Hurricane BellWard. The chair from in front of my desk was on its side in front of the door, the folded laundry I'd stacked on it was strewn across room like bits of bread, the trail marking the chair's route. I tilted my head back and looked behind me to see my alarm clock hanging by its cord from the side of my nightstand, which itself was sitting all askew. The pictures that had been sitting on top of it were on the floor—the glass on at least one frame cracked—along with various other things.
I tried to remember any loud noises or crashes occurring mid-coitus, but I couldn't recall hearing a single solitary thing. I hid the silly smile that erupted on my face against Edward's shoulder. And then I saw the state of dishabille that we were in. I bit down on my bottom lip trying to suppress the laughter threatening to spill out of me.
We had both lost our shirts amongst the ruins of my room, but the rest of our clothing was still half on. My robe clung to me via the belt knotted up belt still tied around my waist, and my barely-there pajama shorts and panties were dangling from one ankle. One leg of Edward's cargo shorts and briefs were bunched up just below his knee, while the other leg was caught on the shoe still on his foot—the result of trying to kick them off before saying fuck it—and his missing shoe was sticking out from underneath my bed. We were wrecked, my room was trashed, but with Edward still between my thighs, I couldn't care less—I was in a happy place.
Once he caught his breath, Edward moved to roll off of me. I wrapped my arms and legs around him tighter and whined, "Nooooo…too soon. Not yet."
His chuckle vibrated through him in the most delicious way. "You can't be comfortable right now. I'm crushing you."
"Uh, unh. It's cozy." He settled back down on top of me, happily snuggling against me—which was so out of character for him…not that I was complaining. I refused to let reality come crashing back in just yet. I wanted to hold onto the moment for as long as he—or my bladder—would allow. Ignorance is bliss and all that… All too soon, I needed to get up. "Edward…?"
"Bella…?" he replied back, his voice sounding happy and content—completely throwing me off.
"Think you could stop crushing me now?"
"I don't know. I'm pretty comfortable here. I have my own Bella-shaped mattress. You should get one." He rolled off of me, but took me with him and made no move to let go of me once he was comfortably situated. I needed to go to the bathroom, but I was afraid that if I left his side, I would come back and find him gone, or regretting all of this—and I wasn't sure which would hurt worse.
He kissed my hair and, as if he could read my mind, he softly said, "Go, Bella. I'll be here when you get back. I'm not going anywhere." Disbelief clearly written on my face, I pulled away just enough to get a good look at him. He chuckled and pulled me back to him—first smoothing and then kissing my hair again. "I promise. I'll be here when you get back."
I slipped my arms into the robe that was still tied to me as I got up, hating each and every molecule of air that came between us as I left his arms. "I'll be right back. I just need a…"
"Human moment?" he questioned, cutting me off.
I blushed slightly. "Yeah. Be right back."
…cuz we sin so well…
Stopping only to nap or grab food from the kitchen, we had sex three more times before morning came and Edward had to leave or risk coming face-to-face with Charlie Swan and his department-issued 9mm Beretta. Each time was progressively gentler until, by the final time—just as dawn began to break through our reverie with the promise that morning would be here soon and the reminder of his impending goodbye—he was barely moving inside me.
Our arms were wrapped around each other, with me on top, my legs circling his waist as he sat Indian-style on the floor. Our lips tangled and teased and sucked at times, while at others they just touched softly as we stared into each other's eyes. We slowly rocked against each other until the pleasure coiled in on itself, the spring tightened…more…more…more…more…and then…with soft exhalations breathed against each other's lips, blessed release claimed us.
…lead us not into temptation…
As the tempest died down, we clung together, trembling in each other's arms, survivors of the storm. Replete and sated, I must have slipped off to sleep in his arms, because the next thing I remembered I was being lifted on my bed and covered with a blanket. Edward pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to my lips before turning to leave. Of course, I sleepily protested his departure.
"I have to go, Bella…it's morning."
"No, no, it's still nighttime. Stay…"
…cuz we sin so well…
He fell onto my bed beside me, and pulled me close. "I can't stay, Juliet. Not unless you want The Chief to shoot me."
"Good point, you have to go…" I gently nudged him.
"Nope, you said it was still nighttime, so it must be true."
"Fine…hold me for a moment, and then off you go," I sighed.
…lead us not into temptation…
He complied, holding me as I drifted off. I wanted nothing more than to hold him to me, take him inside me and keep him forever when I felt him leave me, but I couldn't make my limbs work. Another gentle kiss to my lips, one more on my brow and, pausing once more, he placed a final kiss on the top of my head before whispering something too softly—and sounded much too distant—for me to understand. I struggled towards consciousness as I heard him move away from my side. I made it close enough to the surface to hear him stop and say, "Oh, to answer your question from earlier, I climbed in through your window." And then he was gone.
…oh, but what a way to go…
For a few brief moments before sleep reclaimed me, I felt peace and contentment instead of the confusion and heartache that nearly always accompanied our tête a têtes. I knew it wouldn't last, but I held onto it for as long as I could. It was moments like this that kept me chasing the dragon, just like a heroin addict.