It was yet another joyous and carefree day in the fabled realm of Equestria and all the ponies in Ponyville were attending a very special ceremony in the middle of the town's square.
"Listen everyponies, we got a problem!" Said Twilight Sparkle, princess Celestia's prized pupil, from the slightly higher point she stood, like any main character when receiving the attention of less important people. "Due to yesterday's Applejack's 'corrected' apple juice party… "
"YAY! PARTIES ARE FUN!" Yelled Pinky Pie from the crowd, much to everyponies' annoyance.
"Yeah… right. As I was saying" resumed Twilight. "Because of some idiot's little cider-based prank…" She paused a second to give a deadly glare to little Spike the dragon, who was shying away at her side. "… Applejack's party was a complete and utter disaster! Thankfully, being the awesome organizer that I am…"
At that point, someone from the crowd whispered the words: "Pretentious Bitch."
"I was able to hire a last minute replacement to help everyponies with their daily chores. So, without any further ado, let's give a warm and fuzzy welcome to our brand new friend from the wonderful city of Sparta…. Kratos!"
With that said, a rather ominous theme with lyrics in ancient Greek began to play and a cinereous white half-naked bulky human with blood-red tattoos, a pair of chain-linked blades and a very, very, very angry expression, literally came out from the depths of the Hades - flames and everything.
Kratos just stood there, heavily breathing and intently staring at something with the most vicious and threatening face anything in the whole wide universe could possibly muster, as if waiting for something to happen.
"He looks mean." Commented Fluttershy, although she was barely audible.
"Yep.. strangest pony a' ever seen!" Added Applejack.
"Why does he look so… angsty?" Asked Rarity.
"Yeah, what's his problem!" Added Rainbow Dash.
"Oh don't you worry… he's just suffering from post-traumatic stress after slaughtering hundreds and hundreds of mythological creatures… nothing to be worried about!" Reassured the purple unicorn.
Kratos was still in his little, ultra-violent, world.
"OH! OH! I know… this calls for a PARTY! LET'S SING EVERYONE!" Began Pinky Pie.
At this point, Kratos snapped. "VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE!" And in one swift move of chained blade, Pinky Pie's newly severed head found itself circling in midair while still trying to intone a happy-go-lucky song about accursed Spartans and genocides.
Everyponies stared at the maddened, currently drooling Spartans in disbelief for about a second.
"Eh… I like him already!" Said Rainbow Dash.
Everyponies agreed and applauded.
"Okay, that was fun and all… but it's time to get back to work!" Twilight remarked; the words "bossy bitch" whispered by someone immediately after. "Okay, Kratos… show everyone what you can do."
"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Answered Kratos, before dashing to somewhere like a rabid wolverine on drugs.
"Aaahhhh… so energetic." Concluded the bossy bit- errr, I mean, the beautiful equine.
My Little Kratos, My Little Kratos
Ah… My Little Kratos
I Used to kill everything I hate
My Little Kratos
Until you all shared its magic with me
My Little Kratos
Big ass kill
Tons of gore
A beautiful heart (in my hand)
Bashful and strong
It's an easy feat
And magic makes it all complete
Yeah, My Little Kratos
Do you know, I'm going to kill you
"Oh hey, Kratos" Greeted Rainbow Dash. "I'm rounding up some clouds here… too bad you can't FLY like me!"
The testosterone-induced Spartan answered to that sentence by grabbing the flying equine, ripping her wings off in the goriest way possible and attaching them on his shoulders. Now Kratos could fly like a cute little Pegasus and slaughter the clouds.
"Why hello there." Greeted Rarity. "Would you care helping me by wearing this clothes, I'm in desperate need of a male model."
The life-hating mass murderer began an exhausting quick-time event sequence in order to properly fit in those horrible girly clothes.
"Well… what do you think of them?" After asking that, Rarity's shop was set on fire with the poor pony left to burn inside. "Everyone's a critic." She commented.
The ashes of the equine's body glued themselves onto Kratos' flesh. He just became "The Ghost of Ponyville"!
Much, much later.
"Oh I can't wait to greet my little animal friends" Thought little innocent Fluttershy as she headed towards her favourite part of the woods.
When she arrived, Kratos had already finished eating them all.
Her cry of terror was so loud that the Spartan was forced into a technical retreat in order to avoid being turned into stone.
So much later.
A wings-deprived Rainbow Dash, a hundred-degree burnt Rarity (with her hair strangely intact though), a scarred for life Fluttershy, a very amused Applejack and a very concerned Twilight Sparkle stood in front of a blood-stained Kratos in the middle of town's square.
"Uhm… Kratos? This is not easy to say… we appreciate your efforts and everything, we know that you're trying your best…" Began the purple unicorn.
"HE TURNED ME INTO A FREAK!" Yelled the crippled unicorn.
"HE DIDN'T LIKE MY DRESSES!" Yelled the roasted horse, epically missing the point.
"…it's okay pretty bunny the head will grow back you'll see…" Rambled incoherently the shocked nutcase.
"He made ma' miserable life more enjoyable." Thought out loud the southern cow-pony.
Kratos looked genuinely puzzled.
Twilight continued: "What we're trying to say is… we can no longer accept your services for this community. I'm really, really sorry… but you're fired."
For a moment, it looked as if the howling mad Spartan was about to burst into an unprecedented fit of corpse-producing rage… but he ultimately end up crying like a baby and running away while yelling: "THE GODS OF OLYMPUS HAVE ABANDONED ME! NOW THERE IS NO HOPE!" And Kratos cast himself from the highest mountain in all Equestria.
"Uh… that was a bit harsh, Twilight-hun, don't cha think?" Said Applejack. "He didn't hurt nobody important, after all." Then everyone else beat the living scat out of her.
"Dear princess Celestia," was writing Twilight Sparkle in her house "today I've learned a valuable lesson about Friendship: if you really love someone, you need to let him go to pursue his own path. I just received a letter from Kratos. He's going very well with his current job and I couldn't be happier for him (although I miss him a little) and I hope he can find his own happiness with this new promising career!
Today was a very good day in Ponyville, and I'm convinced that all of my pony friends have too learned something valuable about friendship.
- Your beloved student, Twilight Sparkle."
"Aaah… there is nothing like Friendship!" She said once she finished.
"You're still a bitch!" Someone yelled from outside.
Meanwhile, on Shang Tzu's Island.
Kratos Wins! FATALITY!