Chapter 5

Prune Juice

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, I would be a rich man.

"So how did you know there was a mechanic in town anyway?" Alex asked as he caught up to James.

"Well I kind of figured by looking at that billboard." James said pointing at a giant billboard near where they met Elle. It had a man with a very toothy grin and it read "Come to Curtis's repair emporium! Where the only thing higher than the quality of our work is our prices! We know you can choose to take your business elsewhere, but we know you people are so stupid you will still come here anyway! So kiss my ass and give me your money!"

"I don't know about that guy." Alex said looking at the billboard.

"He seems trustworthy and I bet he will give us a fair price!" James said very chipper.

"Did you even read the billboard?" Alex asked.

"Why would I need to read? When you have a face like that anybody can trust you!" James said happily as he ran off.

"So this is why he gave all his money to that Saudi 'prince'" Alex groaned as he followed him. They eventually found themselves in a junkyard.

"So, his place is run out of a junkyard? I guess I know where he gets his parts?" Alex said out loud.

"Really? Where does he get them?" James asked excited.

"Ebay James, Ebay." Alex groaned.

"I knew it, Ebay, the place of honest merchants. Not like that thieves den Amazon!" James said.

"Sometimes I wonder why Mary married you." Alex said.

"Because I'm sexy!" James yelled.

"I don't think that's it" As Alex tried to look for a door.

"Well, where the hell is the door!" Alex yelled.

"It's clearly a test to see if we are worthy enough to be in the presence of such a skilled repair man." James said.

"Or it's because he is a jackass who likes jerking his clients around" Alex said annoyed.

"How could you say such a thing Alex!" James yelled when a dog jumped at Alex.

"OH SHIT BALLS!" Alex yelled as he stabbed the dog through the head and killed it.

"What the hell was that for!?" James yelled.

"It was another monster right?" Alex looked down, it was a normal dog.

"Well…shit." Alex said.

"Oh god! Let's get our story straight. The dog came at us with a gun and demanded our money. It was self-defense!" James yelled.

"Dude…we could just say it was an accident." Alex said.

"But the cops may not believe us, oh man, I can't go to jail again! Last time it was horrible. The bunnies." James said terrified.

"Damn how bad was it?" Alex asked.

"Our jail was so violent that once a man was murdered in the bathroom by one man. He stabbed him with a knife, beat him with a piece of wood, and then with his fists. The worst part is the guards let him do it!" James said.

"James, stop being retarded…that would never happen." Alex said looking around.

"I'm telling you man the prison was ran by a guy who wore black leather gloves! The only one stopping him was this really nice prison guard but he got killed by an inmate, or was it that guard with the gloves? For some reason I can't remember who killed him…I hope that's not important." James said. No response had come and James noticed Alex was gone.

"Hey!" James ran after Alex. They wandered around the junkyard for a little while and eventually made their way to the front of the house.

"We have passed the repair god's test!" James exclaimed with childlike glee.

"Yay…now let's go in." Alex said as they walked inside. When they went in they saw a very bored man tinkering with a clock, as well as a bunch of clocks on the wall.

"Are you Curtis?" Alex asked.

"No, I'm Jenny Curtis's secretary" Curtis said sarcastic.

"Cute." Alex said.

"Dude don't be gay" James said.

"What!?" Alex yelled.

"What can I do for you?" Curtis said not even looking up from his work.

"Smile like on your billboard!" James yelled.

"No" Curtis said.

"Awh…but why not?" James whined.

"Because shut the hell up" Curtis said still looking at his clock.

"Can you repair things?" Alex asked. This got Curtis's attention.

"No son, I just run this repair shop as a front so I can kidnap people for some sort of religious cult and then I take said people back to our headquarters and butcher them with a saw." Curtis said.

"Okay okay…can you fix this gun?" Alex asked handing Curtis the broken revolver.

"Yeah I see the problem." Curtis said.

"Great so you can fix it?" Alex asked.

"Sure, one million dollars." Curtis said.

"Seem fair." James said as he began to pull out his wallet.

"No, is there anyway you could do it for five dollars?" Alex asked.

"For five dollars I can give you this handgun that only lets you hold two clips." Curtis said.

"Well that does seem better than a broken magnum. Plus I can always carry more ammo." Alex said.

"I meant the gun limits how many clips you can carry on your person." Curtis said.

"How the hell does it do that?" Alex asked.

"Beats the hell out of me." Curtis said as Alex gave him the money.

"Alright!" Alex yelled as he tried to fire the gun. Nothing happened.

"Is this gun broken?!" Alex asked.

"I sold you the gun, I never said anything about ammo." Curtis said.

"You know what? Screw this!" Alex yelled as he stormed outside.

"Thank you come again." Curtis said looking back as his clock.

"I have a question." James said.

"Shoot." Curtis said.

"Do you have a dog by chance?" James asked.

"Yeah, she is a good dog, in fact she is about to have puppies. Why?" Curtis said smiling.

"No reason, look it's 2:06! I gotta go!" James said running away. Curtis just chuckled.

"Dumbasses." Curtis said as he turned the safety off the revolver and shot the clock he was working on.

Alex was just crossing the bridge as James caught up.

"I hate that bastard! I swear I'm gonna kill him."

"Well you did kill his dog so…does that make you even?" James asked.

"Not by a long shot!" Alex yelled as he walked to the street.

"Hey guys." A raspy voice said.

"Alex, from one bro to another, work on your anger." James said.

"Hey guys" The raspy voice said again prompting James to look at it.

"Would you guys like some prune juice?" an armless figure asked.

"NOT AGAIN!" James screamed as he launched at the armless figure and began to beat it to death with his fists. Before too long it was dead.

"Dude what the hell!? You said I have anger issues!" Alex yelled.

"I've seen this before, or something very similar, almost ripped off." James said.

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Alex yelled.

"They must have unionized. I'm going to find the nest and kill them." James said grabbing Alex's gun and pulling a clip out from his jacket.

"You had ammo?!" Alex screamed.

"Always be prepared." James said as he ran off.

"What in the hell just happened?" Alex said as he began after James. He ran back down the streets and heard gunfire coming from the cemetery. As he walked in he saw more prune juice salesmen lying dead from gunshot wounds. Alex continued through the cemetery and eventually to the courtyard where he saw James standing over two other prune juice salesmen.

"This world has been cleansed." James said.

"Dude, do you hate prune juice or something?" Alex asked.

"What are you talking about? I love the stuff!" James said happily.

"I am not even going to ask." Alex said looking around.

"Why the hell are we back here?" He asked.

"Maybe we are destined to become grave robbers!" James said as he ran over to a tomb and tried to pry it open.

"What in the hell are you doing?" Alex asked.

"I'm going to loot this grave! Their dead they don't need their valuables!" James said pulling on the door.

"Point taken." Alex said as he punched the door and it flew open.

"Whoa! You are the brawn and I am the brain!" James said.

"I doubt that very much." Alex said.

"So here is the coffin!" James exclaimed.

"It looks like it's locked by this weird puzzle contraption; let me try to unlock it." Alex said reaching for it as James shot it with the gun and the coffin opened.

"Don't let the MAN tell you how to solve puzzles." James said.

"James how did you know to shoo…" Alex said as he looked over and James was unconscious on the floor.

"What the hell? Oh there it goes." Alex said as he passed out.

When Alex awoke he was lying in the middle of the street. James was already up and looking around.

"James? What the hell happened? Where are we?" Alex asked very groggy.

"Either we are in Silent Hill or Budapest." James said.

"Budapest?" Alex asked as a building nearby exploded!

"What the hell!?" Alex screamed.

"Never mind, we're in Detroit." James said. Suddenly there was movement inside the building.

"Is someone in there?" Alex asked.

"Next time COUGH blow up the bombs COUGH after you steal the loot." A man in a blue coat said as he walked outside and fell face onto the pavement.

"Wait…I know that person!" James exclaimed.

"Oh…that voice…hey James" The man said not moving and still lying face down.

"Walter! It's been too long!" James said happily.

"Not long enough it seems." Walter said again still lying down on the ground.

"Wait Walter the guy who got drunk at your wedding and tried to sleep with the bridesmaids?" Alex asked. Walter looked up and made eye contact with Alex.

"Wait don't tell me…Alex Shepard?" Walter asked.

"I'm surprised remember considering how drunk you were." Alex said.

"You know what they say, it isn't a wedding until someone pees on the mother of the bride!" Walter said climbing up to his feet.

"He's right, that makes the wedding." James said.

"So what brings you to town?" Walter asked.

"I don't know how we got here we just woke up in the street." Alex said.

"So business then." Walter said when there was a scuttling behind them.

"Is that?" Alex asked as he looked closer. He saw Josh running into the a building.

"There you are you little shit!" Alex yelled as he ran past Walter and towards Josh.

"Nothing's going to get in my way this time!" Alex screamed.


Well, that took a while…almost a year. But here it is! A new chapter! Hopefully there will be more frequent updates. I also plan to update Stupid Network as well, but we'll see how that goes. I'd like to think everyone for being so patient. Here's hoping I get off my lazy butt and update more often.