Maybe death won't be so bad. There are a lot of things I would never have to do. Like getting married, paying bills, growing old while Edward stayed the same age. That was the only one that actually mattered though.
He still didn't want me. If he did, he would have told me. He would have grabbed my face, and told me. But he didn't. And so, here I am thinking of how nice death could be.
"Bella, I can't" He's been saying this for hours, even though I've stopped answering. We've had this particular discussion before; many times. I think that all that's going to be said, has been said. In as however many forms he wants to put it, it goes like this; 'Bella I don't want you, I want you to die so I don't have to deal with you for an eternity.' Ok, those weren't his exact words, but they might as well have been. Long story short, I'm going to die. No, he's letting me die.
"Bella, I can't"
"Edward, I heard you the first time."
He took his head out from behind his hands and looked at me. His beautiful topaz eyes, they didn't look so beautiful anymore. He usually doesn't let me see his emotions, but I suppose he didn't really mind right now. There was so much pain. Beautiful but painful. It's exactly how it's always been; for both of us.
He got up from his chair across the room and headed toward me. He remained standing though, which was odd. Was he smiling?
"Edw-" I was going to ask him what was going on, but I was cut off. He lifted me from my hospital bed, undoing all of the wires that were on me. One of the machines started beeping wildly, and we were gone. He was running. I missed this; the feeling I get when I run with him. It's been so long.
We were at his house in a matter of seconds. He set me down and told me to ask Esme for a pair of clothes. I walked into the house, leaving him outside.
"Esme?" I asked. She came down the stairs and stood right next to me.
"Bella dear? What do you need?" I couldn't stand it. I would miss Esme, I just remembered how much I would miss all of the Cullens. I started tearing and flung my arms around her. In response, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. I tried to ask her for clothes through tears, but I couldn't.
"Ja-sper" I choked. Esme nodded and called for Jasper very lightly. I didn't look up but I could tell when he came down. My tears subsided immediately. I looked up from Esme's shoulder and saw three new arrivals to the room; Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper. All of them with looks of confusion and understanding. It was an odd mixture of feelings to have all at once.
"Esme, may I please borrow some clothes?" I remembered why I came In here in the first place.
"Of course dear." She left and went up stairs.
Alice ran over to me and look my hand. She kissed my cheek and I realized that I would miss Alice more than I should.
Esme returned a second later with clothes in her hand. I took them and went off to the first floor bathroom to change. When I closed the door I could hear them asking each other what was going on. Nobody knew, including me.
I walked back out to Edward, who was standing exactly where he was before, only he was facing towards the forest.
"What was that for?" He turned to face me a second before I spoke. I stopped walking towards him, as he was already by my side in a matter of moments.
"You'll find out soon love. I want to make sure you have a great day." His voice saddened toward the end. I knew what he was doing now. He was taking me out for my last day with him. Ever.
"This is my last day." It wasn't a question.
"Time to go." He lifted me into his arms and we were off.
I must have fallen asleep, because I don't remember traveling very far. Though, I knew we had gone quite a distance.; the sky was blue, not gray. The sun was shining, though we were in the shade. Why would he bring me here, to somewhere he could be exposed? There were, to my knowledge, no people around. I couldn't see anything but trees and grass. I liked it, it was very green.
We continued to move at incredible speed for at least another hour. I could see the ocean now. It was beautiful, of all the years living in Arizona I've never once seen an ocean. "Oh!" I exclaimed as we made a sudden stop.
"I thought it would be nice to visit California. It would be a first for both of us." He set me down on the sand, it was warm. So different from my preferred place, but it was nice. He sat next to me. In the sun. I looked around nervously for people passing by.
"Calm down love, I made sure no one would intrude on us. Just relax." How could he be so calm? It was my last day, and he was calm…? He wanted me to be calm!?
"Edward, why won't you change me? I thought you loved me?" I hit a nerve. His face got serious, and it had a hint of pain. I shouldn't have added that last part; but a part of me was glad I had said it.
He didn't answer me, instead he took my face and kissed me. It wasn't that normal, careful kiss he always gave me; it was serious. I never wanted it to stop. But, of course, it had to. He lifted me onto his lap, and I sat there. He wasn't so cold when he sat in the sun, not really.
That's how we spent that entire day; and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We were utterly alone and nothing disturbed the peace we felt. We just sat. He occasionally would put his hand under my chin and lift up my face so he cold kiss me or he would re-position my body to become closer to him.
The realization that I was dying, and this was the last day I had with Edward struck when the sun went behind the horizon, and it became dusk. All of the fears I let myself forget today came rushing back to me at that one second. I didn't want to die. It was hard to believe that I ever had wanted to. There's no going back now, I haven't got a chance. Well, actually I do; but he's too stubborn to comply.
"Edward did Alice tell you how I was going to die?" I wasn't so sure if I wanted the answer,. I looked up at his face; he was thinking. Hard. He looked down at me, and kissed my forehead.
"She said that your heart was going to fail you tonight, and that I should make sure you remember your last day; when you're in heaven." My heart? But I feel fine? Must be some sudden thing.
"I wouldn't let her tell me. I didn't want to be able to count down the moments of your death. Bella please know that I love you, and I always have. I always will." He hugged me closer to him, and we watched the sun go completely behind the water and the moon rise up.
She was in my arms one second, and on the sand the next. Her eyes fluttering and going back in her head. I could hear her gasping my name and calling for me with what little breathe she had left. There must not be a god, he wouldn't let this angel die like this.
"Ed-" Her voice cut off and she started crying from the pain. Her grip loosened on my hand and I knew that she wouldn't be in pain much longer. I took her head in my hands and kissed her one last time. That kiss would last me forever. I would never get a new one. Ever.
We were all awkwardly quiet. All 6 of us. The TV was off and none of the chess boards were out. No books, no sketch pads, no iPod's…nothing. Jasper wasn't trying to cheer any of us up right now, I didn't blame him. The room's atmosphere was harsher than I ever remember. We were all waiting for Edward's call. The one that would confirm what we already knew would happen.
"There's the phone." I whispered as Carlisle grabbed it from his pocket. Jasper tightened his arm around my shoulders and I dug my head into his chest. I didn't want to hear what Edward had to say.
"Alright. Bring her home Edward. She would want to be home. No, we'll take care of that; just come home son." He hung up the phone and returned to the couch. Is eyes told us all we needed to know.
"He'll be home in a couple of hours. He's bringing her body home. If you don't want to be here, we won't judge you if you leave." He spoke with no confidence, no emotion. Just words.
This was the second time I had lost a child. The feeling of that can not be described. My heart, however dead it may be, had taken another monumental toll. I reached for Carlisle's hand and he took me into his arms. Across the room, I could see Alice and Jasper head upstairs. Rose and Emmett went out to the garage, and I heard Rosalie's car start up.
We were alone with our thoughts. It was torture; knowing that Edward would bring here body back to the house. It's one thing to know she's gone. It's another entirely to see it for myself.
"She's really gone Carlisle. My third daughter…Gone." I was broken beyond repair. I loved Bella like I loved any member of my family. She was family.
"You still have her in your memories and in your heart Esme. As long as you have that, she'll never really be gone." He said it, but I could tell that he didn't mean it. He would miss her just as much as I would.
Her body was limp and lifeless. Although she was still beautiful. Her hair wrapped around her ears and falling down off her shoulders. Her eyes closed and her eye shadow showing. Blue. She always wore blue. She was beautiful in blue.
I was expecting her body to come back to life and her eyes to open. But as every second passed, It became more and more obvious to me that it would never happen. She would never wake up to me by her side, and smile. I would never see her graduate high school, or college. I would never get to see my mother's wedding ring on her finger. I would never get to see her in a white dress walking towards me. Never see her grow old. Never see her die of old age. It was the life I wanted for her; us. I would never see it happen. I don't know what I'll do. She was the reason for existing, and without her…existence isn't worth it anymore.
Unfortunately, this will probably be the last chapter. If i get a few reviews with ideas of what to do next, there's a possibility that i will continue. I have just run out of thoughts(: Anyway, hope you like it! Review plzzz ;D