DISCLAIMER:I don't own any of the main characters, only the plot.
As the car kept moving through the secluded road, I glanced at Bella who was driving swiftly the dark blue car. His car. I loved this car, because it belonged to him.
Jasper. The love of my life, the man that owned my heart, now and forever. The man whom I fell in love with from the first moment I laid my eyes on him. Tall frame, blonde curly hair, ice blue eyes, Greek god body.
But it wasn't the looks that made me fall in love with him. I fell in love with his soul and his spirit. He was kind, considerate, obedient son, loving brother, good friend. An angel on Earth. He was even a gentleman towards me. Alice. Simple, boring, unlucky me.
I never understood what Bella saw in me and decided to be my friend when I first came to Forks to live with my dad. At first, I thought it was just pity and her kind heart, so I was very reluctant to let her get close to me.
But soon I realized that she really cared for me. She really didn't see me as poor Alice, the tiny crippled girl. She always told me that I didn't see myself clearly, although I couldn't understand what she meant.
All I ever seem to consider myself was that I was disabled.
You see, I was paralyzed from the waist down since birth. I have never walked or felt my legs. I never seemed to mind the situation until my teenage years. Young people can be very cruel, and that was one of the reasons I came to Forks. New town, new people, new beginning.
When I became Bella's friend, I was happy. She always made me feel welcome, accepted, even loved as an equal, both she and her family. I loved them for that. I considered them my second family and enjoyed every moment I spent with them.
So I was glad to be invited to spend Christmas holidays with them. Whether Bella knew about me loving her brother, she never said anything and I was grateful.
"Alice, are you alright?" Bella's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked at her. She stared at me, concerned. "You seem very sad. Why? Don't worry about Charlie. He will be fine with Sue." I smiled, thinking about my dad and his relationship with Sue, the only woman to get to his heart after mom.
"Try to have some fun or else Jasper will deal with you." I frowned at her.
"No, Bella. I am not worrying about my dad. I know he is in good hands. It's just me." She gave me a last glance and turned her eyes to the road.
Then, I realized that we had arrived at her house. She entered the garage and parked the car at its usual spot. It was at that moment that I saw him. He smiled at me.
"Good evening, Alice. It's good to see you." He opened the car door and scooped me swiftly into his arms.
"Jasper, please, put me down. I have a wheelchair to move around. You don't have to do this," I objected. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone, especially Jasper.
"Alice, please. It is better this way. Besides, you weight almost nothing, so any man in this house could lift you with one arm. Don't you want to be wheelchair-free for a while?" he asked lovingly, kissing the top of my head.
I stopped arguing after that kiss. He was right. Edward, Jasper, Emmett, even Carlisle - their father- all were strong enough to carry me around. So, I just asked Bella to pick up my bag and put it in the room I would be staying in for the holidays.
"Ok, Alice, don't worry. It is settled. You are here to have fun," she said with a smile.
"I'll make sure she does," Jasper answered and moved towards the living room, putting me down on the love seat in the middle.
"Hey, guys! Alice's here!" he shouted, and suddenly the room was full. Their parents, Carlisle and Esme, were the first to greet me. Then came Edward, Bella's fiancé; Emmett, the other Cullen brother, and his girlfriend, Rosalie.
I was suddenly crushed by four pairs of arms until Esme came to my rescue. "Kids, give her a break. She will be with us for a few days, so each of you can have a chance to torture her," she joked.
I smiled at her. "Thanks, Esme, I love you too." She winked at me and went back to her cooking. The rest of us went on talking colorfully about life and work.
Well, mostly the others were talking and I was just listening, as always. Nothing in my life was worth mentioning. And I didn't think that my feelings for Jasper were something that my friends would like to talk about.
My feelings for Jasper… What an understatement. I didn't just have feelings for him. I loved him, hopelessly, madly, forever. And I knew that my love would never be reciprocated.
I laughed silently. How silly I was, thinking that an angel like him would ever love me. What could I ever offer him? Nothing. Only my half self. I could never be enough for him. I could never touch him, feel him, love him as he should be loved.
"Alice, what do you think?" I blinked. I turned to my friends, all staring and waiting for my response.
"Sorry?" I blushed like crazy.
"Alice, what has gotten into you today? You seem a little lost," Bella teased, looking at Jasper and then me.
I panicked. I didn't know how much she suspected about me and her brother, but I didn't want her to know for sure. "No, I am just tired. Would you all mind if I went to bed early?" I asked.
"No, not at all," everybody said. Immediately, Jasper picked me up bridal style and climbed the stairs towards the rooms. I put my arms around him, breathing his manly scent, feeling somehow intoxicated by his mere presence.
Suddenly, I realized that we had passed Bella's room and we were inside his bedroom.
"Why I am in your room?" I asked him, puzzled. He gently put me down on his bed, and closed the door behind him. My eyes were wide open now. He came closer.
"Are you afraid, Alice?" he whispered.
"Why am I here, and not in Bella's room? I am sleeping with her, you know," I tried to joke, trying to hide my worry. Jasper backed up and went to sit at the other end of the bed.
"There has been some change of plans," he said and, after glancing at me briefly, he continued, "You see, Edward is staying with Bella, and Rosalie is staying with Emmett, so the only place you can stay is here, in my room. I know it's not ideal, but, don't worry, I will be a perfect gentleman. You can sleep in my bed and I will sleep on my couch," he gestured with a smile.
I was shocked and mortified. "You are very kind to agree to this, but I don't want to cause any inconvenience. If I had known about this, I would never have come."
I was angry at Bella. She had assured me - until the last minute – about our sleeping arrangements, and then suddenly she changed them without telling me? I started wondering…how much did she know about my feelings for Jasper? Did she approve? Was the whole sleep-change situation deliberate?
"No, I can't do this. It is too much," I muttered. "I can't do this," I said, louder this time. "I have to go, I must leave…I can't stay here. Can you call Bella? I have to talk to her," I said, angry with myself.
"Alice, what is it? What do you mean? Don't be angry at Bella, it's just sleep," he tried to calm me.
"Please, call Bella for me or I will call my father," I whispered, trying to fight the tears. Jasper approached me, kneeling down at my feet.
"You are not afraid of me. What are you afraid of, Alice?" he paused, looking intently at my face.
I froze. What was he asking me? What was he looking for? A lot of emotions flashed through his eyes: empathy, anxiety, longing, and something I could not understand…love? It couldn't be! But his face became unreadable again.
"Are you afraid of...yourself?" he finally said. I stared at him, like I was seeing him for the first time, and suddenly, I realized that he knew. He knew I loved him, and he knew just how intense my feelings were.
"How long have you known about it? Who else knows?" I said, looking at my feet.
"A while. And everybody in this house," he responded, not looking at me.
I just wanted to die. I wanted to disappear. Just my luck. I hid my face in my hands.
"Please, have mercy on me and let me go. I can't be here now, while everybody knows about poor Alice's crush on her best friend's brother. Oh, wait till everybody in town finds out about it. They will have a good laugh!" I chuckled darkly.
"Why is your loving me funny? And neither I nor my family likes to gossip about our personal lives." He was angry at me, this I could tell, but why? Then I realized I had insulted him by insinuating that they would gossip about anything.
"Alice, stop running away from me, and tell me the truth. All this time I have only been guessing," he paused momentarily.
"Do you feelings for me? Because I do, and they might surprise you," he whispered.
My head shot up. What? What did Jasper mean? I wanted to ask, but he was waiting for my answer, as if his life depended on it. I made my decision: tell the truth and be free. I took a deep breath and…
"Jasper," I whispered, tears running down my face, "I love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you. You are the most caring, gentle, loving man I have ever known. For me, you are an angel in disguise. I will love you always and forever, even if I know that I am not worthy of you."
"I don't deserve you. I can't be the right woman for you. I am just a half of a woman, never able to love you the way you should be loved. I know you don't feel the same, though you do care deeply for me, because you are the most wonderful person in the world."
"But, don't feel bad. Don't say anything to make me feel better. I am at peace with myself. I know that I will always be alone and I am fine with it."
I glanced at him, but he seemed to be in deep thought. Suddenly, he looked at me, as if he was trying to see inside my soul.
"Is there anything else you have to tell me or may I speak up now?" he asked.
"Only one more thing," I continued, "before you call Bella to take me home. Now that you know, you must realize that I can never see you again. I am too ashamed of it."
"But I have a favor to ask; I told you that my heart will always be yours…keep it safe. If you are happy, I will know and be happy too. Now, please, Jasper, let me go…." I sobbed. I hated that he had to listen to all this, and that I made him feel bad for him not returning my feelings, but he insisted.
"Alice," he whispered, his face suddenly very near my own. He looked into my eyes, his blue ones a smoldering fire. "I think you are under a misapprehension. You think you know my feelings, but you are wrong. Do you really want to know?" he breathed in my face, wiping my tears away.
I nearly melted to the intensity of his words. I nodded. I wanted to know, even if it killed me.
In seconds, his lips were crushing mine, fiercely and gently at the same time. My lips opened instantly, allowing him entrance, and his tongue intertwined with mine, savoring his sweet taste in my mouth. I felt intoxicated by him, like I was dreaming. But I let the dream sweep me off the ground, to store up this memory forever in my mind.
His hands traveled from my face down to my neck, my arms and then rested on my thighs. Suddenly, he pushed my legs apart to position himself between them, and snaked his hands around my waist.
The feeling was overwhelming. His lips on mine, his body so close to me…I started feeling dizzy. I pulled away to catch my breath. He was panting too.
"What was that?" I said breathlessly. He grinned.
"That was me showing my feelings for you." I gasped.
"You are lying. You are just feeling sorry for me. It's impossible. You can not …." I couldn't say it. It was unbelievable. He…loved…me? Is this what he was trying to tell me, hands around my waist, his face near mine?
"You…really…love…me?" I whispered. He nodded.
"Yes, I really, truly do love you, Oh, Alice, my Alice…why is it so hard for you to believe?" he asked.
I glanced outside the bedroom window, watching the moon shining over the forest surrounding the house.
"Isn't it obvious? Why a god-like angel like you would love a simple disabled girl like me? You can give me everything, while I have nothing to give you in return," I answered.
"Nothing to give me back?" he argued. "Alice, you have your precious, wonderful self to give, and I am more than willing to have you. I love you, from the first moment Bella introduced us, but I couldn't say anything, because you were my sister's friend and I didn't want to make you feel awkward when you were at our house."
"You were always caring and loving towards me, but you kept those feelings' true intensity hidden. Although Bella and the others seemed to know the truth even before we did. She was the one who urged me to talk to you and save us both from our misery," he said, smiling shyly.
I raised my left hand and cupped his cheek, and rested my other hand on his arm.
"So, everybody else knew we loved each other but us. Now what?" I asked him.
He gazed intently at me. "You are mine and I am yours. We belong together, and we have been apart for a long time. We need to make up for lost time. I want us to be together. I want everybody to know that we love each other and that it will be forever".
He caressed my cheeks, my neck, my lips. He pecked my face with light kisses and then went down my neck, nibbling all the way.
"Will you be my love forever?" he whispered low in my ear.
I snapped my head towards him. "What do you mean? I love you and that will never change. I will take anything you wish to give me. You don't have to promise me anything. I will be yours for as long as you want me to be."
My words were abruptly cut short by his soft lips pressed against mine with so much passion and love that I felt my eyes tear up again. This is heaven on earth, I thought.
He pushed me back and I was lying down on his bed, with him hovering above me. I suddenly realized that this was what I was dreaming for a long time; him kissing me, his body molded to mine, his hands roaming all over my body. I shivered from the sensations that were flooding me.
I hugged him tightly and put my face on the crook of his neck. His sweet smell was all over my head, taking me to a fantasy world where only we existed.
"Will you marry me?" he said breathlessly.
"What?" I gasped. Did he really say that? "Are you serious? Do you really want to marry me? Maybe you should think it over. Living with me can be very tough and challenging. I don't want you to regret this."
Suddenly, I was alone on the bed. I looked at Jasper. He was standing near the window, his back towards me. He was angry, I knew it. This is the man of your dreams asking you to marry him, I scolded myself, and all you can say is he should think it over?? As if he hadn't thought it over thoroughly already.
"I am sorry, Jasper, I said, ashamed of myself. "I know you have considered everything before you decided to propose to me. It was stupid of me. Please, forgive me."
He relaxed a little. "It's all right, Alice. I know you didn't mean it like that." But he was still tense. I had to continue.
"Your asking me to marry you is a dream come true. If you want me, I will be eternally happy to be your wife, and do my best to make you happy." I closed my eyes, crying silently.
He must have sensed my tears, because he had me in his arms in a second.
"Alice, please don't cry. I only want your happiness. Baby, I love you always and forever, don't ever doubt me. I know that you love me, too. I am not trying to rush things. I just believe that marriage is the next step for two people in love." He kissed me passionately. "Thank you," he continued and pressed his body on mine again.
I was lost in the sensations of his body on to mine. It was strange but I never had felt more alive, more whole than this before. I felt complete, like I could do anything I wanted.
Suddenly, I was feeling bold. Here I was, with the love of my life, having agreed to marry him. I wanted him even closer, I wanted to become…his. I grabbed his face and looked in his eyes. All his love shone in his blue eyes.
"Jasper, my love," I whispered, "I want you. Make love to me, please." I felt my cheeks turning pink, ashamed of myself.
My words took him by surprise. He stopped kissing me and stared at me. "My pixie, I love you. You don't have to prove anything. I am sorry if you felt pressured. We have all the time in the world to make love."
He paused and gazed at me, his eyes full with love. I turned my head, rejection and understanding in my heart at the same time.
He grabbed my chin and made me look at him again. "Baby girl, I do want you. God knows how long I have waited to hear you say this to me. I really want to make love to you. But, today was a difficult day for both of us. It was revelations' day," he tried to joke to relieve the tension, "and we are both overwhelmed and exhausted. Let's get some rest, and we can talk again tomorrow."
As if on queue, I yawned, realizing now that it was getting very late. He laughed. "See? You, too, agree with me. Come, it's time to sleep. Do you need to go to the bathroom?" I nodded. He picked me up and helped me inside the bathroom. I looked around and realized that it was different from the last time I was in it. It was remodeled to accommodate people with disabilities. He did it for me, to let me take care of myself.
After I was finished, Jasper picked me up again, helped me put my pajamas on, and tucked me in bed, kissing me softly. His gentleness brought tears in my eyes, and I made my decision.
As he stood up to get to the couch, I grabbed his wrist tightly. "Jasper, my love, I don't want to sleep alone. Come lie beside me, please," I begged.
He smiled, and, moving swiftly, he got in and laid close to me, his arms around me. I snuggled as close to him as I could. As if he knew, he moved me so my body was glued to his.
"Goodnight, sweetheart. Sleep well," he said. I smiled, and drifted peacefully in sleep, in my true love's arms.
A.N.:I hope you like it. Please review. I really appreciate the feedback……
I am currently re-writting this story as a multi-chapter one, and I am almost done, only missing a chapter. Hope to finish soon and start beta-ing it.