Disclaimer: I own only the plot of the story. The names of the characters belong to S.M.
CHAPTER 11 – Complete
"Try to rest a bit, Alie. You surely need it. You can sleep in here tonight, and we can talk tomorrow, after breakfast. I will check upon you again later, ok?" Carlisle gently said, worry written all over his face. Great, I was causing him even more pain now. My eyes were filled with tears.
"I am sorry," I whispered. "I am sorry for being such a baby. I didn't mean to cause any trouble."
His palm caressed my face gently, reminding me of my father.
"It's no trouble, at all. We love you, sweetheart, never forget that." He paused, debating whether to say something or not. "He loves you, too…he never stopped loving you. I know the damage seems irreparable, but have faith...Everything will be alright."
He kissed my hair and stood up. "Sleep, honey," he said and left me alone.
As soon as the door closed behind him, I let my tears run freely and my mind drifted to the man who meant the world to me; Jasper…the love of my life, the man owning my heart, now and forever.
The man whom I fell in love with from the first moment I laid my eyes on him; tall frame, blonde curly hair, ice blue eyes, Greek-god body.
It wasn't the looks, though, that made me fall in love with him. I fell in love with his soul and his spirit. He was kind, considerate, obedient son, loving brother, good friend; an angel on Earth. He was always a gentleman towards me; simple, boring, unlucky me.
I never understood what Bella saw in me and decided to be my friend when we first met at the university. At first, I thought it was just pity and her kind heart, so I was very reluctant to let her get close to me. Soon I realized she really cared for me. She really didn't see me as poor Alice, the tiny crippled girl.
While now I was able to walk with my own two feet, I used to be stuck onto a wheelchair for almost all my life. I had accepted my fate, until my teenage years. You see, young people can be very cruel, and that was one of the reasons I practically ran – no pun intended – to enroll at a university across the country. New place, new people, new beginnings.
When I became Bella's friend, I was happy. She always made me feel welcome, accepted, even loved as an equal, both she and her family. I loved them for that, they were my second family and enjoyed every moment I spent with them.
And when I met him, I wanted to get out of my wheelchair and dance from joy. Even by being his friend, I was content and my life had meaning. Becoming his girlfriend was…everything to me.
I pressed my hands over my eyes, once again trying to hold back the tears that were suffocating me.
"Jasper…Jasper…I miss you….I love you…" I repeated over and over again through the sobs shaking my body.
I opened my eyes, startled from hearing his voice calling my name. Was I hallucinating now? Was I so far gone that I had started imagining things?
It was at that moment that I saw him, standing by the bed, looking down at me. My breath was caught in my throat.
"Jasper? Are you really here?" I whispered.
"Yes…I…I had to come…I had to see you," he stopped, pushing his fingers through his hair nervously. "Please, don't send me away. I have been away from you for far too long." He kneeled down, bringing his face closer to me.
"God…Alice…" his voice sounded so pained that brought a new wave of tears to my eyes, "I know how much I have hurt you. I know that I don't deserve you, you are so much better than me. But, I beg of you, let me at least talk to you, explain everything. Maybe then you might find it in your heart to grant me absolution."
He raised his hand shyly and wiped my tears with such tenderness that caused my heart to skip a beat. "My little darling…" he crooned, "I will gladly burn into the deepest pits of hell for the pain I have caused you." He grazed my face with his fingers, his eyes now shining with tears that refused to tumble and fall.
"I was an imbecile, a crazy fool, for pushing you away, for making you feel unworthy of me. It is me who is so undeserving of you."
I looked at him with eyes wide open. He couldn't be serious…he was so wrong. He was too good for me, it was the only truth. I wanted to tell him as much, but he put his finger on my lips to stop me. I nodded. My turn would soon come.
"Alice," he went on, "after the crash, I was depressed. I was never a vain person, but suddenly, I felt self-conscious. I couldn't stand the stares and whispers behind my back, but tried to be strong for you and for my family.
"Imagine my surprise when random girls started pursuing me, completely disregarding the fact that we were a couple, and treating you poorly. I hated that you were hurt by their insults, even though you insisted not to care. I tried to ignore them and fall back in track with my life before the accident but failed.
"My first mistake was my not understanding that I had changed, that I wasn't the same person I was before, and ask for help. If I had talked to someone, I would have found out how depressed I was and would have done something to remedy it. But I never did and things got worse.
"My second mistake was my withdrawing and lack of communication with you. We used to understand each other so well, we were attuned to one another it was surreal. Suddenly, it seemed I wasn't able to convey even my simplest thought to you, like we were speaking different languages. I would then get more frustrated and depressed, and I pulled back even more.
"Last, but not least, I was so messed up that somehow ended up believing that you were better off without me, though, if I want to be completely honest, I must admit being terrified of you leaving me first. I convinced myself that you didn't love me enough, so, if I let you free, you would be able to find someone else to love and be happy."
He chuckled mirthlessly, his blue eyes now black with fury and despair. "At least, I hoped you would find happiness…even if it wasn't with me…" he whispered, mostly to himself, and lowered his head on his hands. I tried to get a better look at him and gasped in surprise.
His body stance resembled a man lost, whose last hope was God. He was on his knees, hands clasped in front of him, his head resting on them in resignation. He was praying to God and all the powers above to make me listen to him, maybe even forgive him.
I never expected to see him ever again, despite what Bella and Rosalie had told me earlier this evening. They would never lie to me, but still, I had a hard time taking all in and believe the truth in their words. Sometimes, I was too stubborn for my own good.
Yet, seeing him here so unexpectedly shook me to the core, a powerful jolt running through every single fiber of my body. I love this man….my whole existence vibrated from the intensity of my emotions. I love him, hopelessly, madly, forever. And I knew I would never be able to be apart from him.
I laughed silently. How could an angel like him beg me to love him? What could I ever offer him? Nothing; only my half self. I could never be enough for him. I could never touch him, love him as he should be loved. But, at the same moment, I wanted to be selfish for once in my life and be with him.
Is it enough? To love someone so much, even if you are not enough? Does love really conquer all?
Suddenly I was panicking. I didn't want to know the truth
"No, I can't do this. It is too much," I muttered. "I can't do this," I said, louder this time. "I have to go, I must leave. I can't stay here. Can you call Bella?" I asked, fighting tears.
His head shot up immediately, his expression one of pure terror. "Please, don't leave. Don't leave me, Alice. I know you love me and you are scared. It's all right, I am scared, too. I love you…please…forgive me for hurting you. I swear I will never hurt you again…Stay…" he paused, looking intently at my face.
I froze. What was he asking me? What was he looking for? A lot of emotions flashed through his eyes: empathy, anxiety, longing, lust, and something I could not believe…love? It couldn't be! But his face became unreadable again.
"I will never hurt you, Alice…This is the last time you have shed bitter tears because of me. Your happiness is all that matters to me. Just give me a chance to prove myself to you, to gain your trust and your forgiveness. Will you do this? For me…for you…for us…" he pleaded, taking my hand into his own. "Unless…unless you don't…love me…anymore. That would only be fair after everything I have done…" he whispered. He turned his burning gaze at me, a hopeless man grasping at shreds of sanity.
"I can't take this…I feel like my soul is been ripped out of me, not knowing what you are thinking, what you want…baby, please…stop running away from me…tell me the truth. All this time I have been hoping against hope. Do you still love me? Do you still care for me, after all the crap I have put you through? Tell me the truth, the whole damned truth. I am done with the lying and the sacrifices. It has done us both no good, only heartache," he whispered.
My head shot up. What? What did Jasper mean? I wanted to ask, but he was waiting for my answer, as if his life depended on it. I then made my decision: tell the truth and be free. We had lost so much time. I took a deep breath and…
"Jasper," I whispered, my free hand reaching out, cupping his face, "I love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you. You are the most caring, gentle, loving man I have ever known. For me, you are an angel in disguise.
"I will love you always and forever. Nothing will ever make me change my mind or my feelings for you. I never blamed you for anything, you have done no wrong. I should have tried more to talk to you, to understand what you have been thinking and try to make you realize how much I love you.
"I missed you…so much…all this time…I couldn't breath, I couldn't eat…I could barely focus on my studies…You are the one that counts, the one giving meaning to my life. If you want me, I am yours. Your love is essential to me, it's my own personal shield to the world's malevolence."
I glanced at him once. "Do you understand what I am trying to say?"
He looked into my eyes, his blue ones a smoldering fire, as if he was trying to see inside my soul.
"Alice," his anguished face was suddenly very near my own. He gently caressed my face, wiping my tears away.
In seconds, his lips were crushing mine, fiercely and gently at the same time. My lips opened instantly, allowing him entrance, and his tongue intertwined with mine, savoring his sweet taste in my mouth. I felt intoxicated by him, like I was dreaming. But I let the dream sweep me off my feet, storing up this memory in my mind.
His hands traveled from my face down to my neck, my arms and then rested on my thighs.
Suddenly, he unlocked his lips from mine and, in a flash, he leaped on the bed and lied next to me, swiftly taking me into his arms. I allowed myself to snuggle content.
The feeling was overwhelming. His lips were on me again, his body so close to me…I started feeling dizzy. I pulled away to catch my breath. He was panting too.
"What was that?" I said breathlessly. He grinned.
"That was me showing my love for you."
"You…really…love…me?" I whispered. He nodded.
"Yes, I really, truly do love you. Oh, Alice, my Alice…why is it so hard for you to believe?" he asked.
I glanced outside the bedroom window, watching the moon shining over the forest surrounding the house.
"Isn't it obvious? Why a god-like angel like you would love a simple girl like me? You can give me everything, while I have nothing to give you in return," I answered.
"Nothing to give me back?" he argued. "Alice, you have your precious, wonderful soul to give, and I am more than willing to have you. I love you, from the first moment Bella introduced us. You were always caring and loving towards me. She was the one who urged me to talk to you and save us both from our misery," he said, smiling shyly.
I raised my left hand and cupped his cheek, and rested my other hand on his arm.
He gazed intently at me. "You are mine and I am yours. We belong together, and we have been apart for a long time. It's time to make up for lost time. I want us to be together. I want everybody to know that we love each other, and that it will be forever".
He caressed my cheeks, my neck, my lips. He pecked my face with light kisses and then went down my neck, nibbling all the way. "Will you be my love forever?" he whispered low in my ear.
I snapped my head towards him. "I love you and that will never change. You don't have to promise me anything. I will be yours for as long as you want me to be."
My words were abruptly cut short by his soft lips pressed against mine with so much passion and love that I felt my eyes tear up again. This is heaven on earth, I thought. I was lying on my back, with him hovering above me. I suddenly realized that this was what I was dreaming for a long time. Him kissing me, his body molded to mine, his hands roaming all over my body. I shivered from the sensations that were flooding me.
I hugged him tightly and put my face on the crook of his neck. His sweet smell was all over my head, taking me to a fantasy world where only we existed.
"Will you marry me?" he said breathlessly.
"What?" I gasped. Did he really say that? "Are you serious? Do you really want to marry me? Living with me can be very hard...I don't want you to regret this."
He abruptly pulled away and I found myself alone on the bed. I looked at Jasper. He was standing near the window, his back towards me. He was angry, I knew it.
This is the man of your dreams asking you to marry him, I scolded myself, and all you can say is he should think it over? As if he hadn't thought it over thoroughly already.
I sighed. I could be so dense some times.
"I am sorry, my love. I know you have considered everything before you decided to propose to me. It was stupid of me. Please, forgive me," I said, ashamed of myself.
He relaxed a little. "It's all right, Alice. I know you didn't mean it like that." But he was still tense. I had to continue.
"Jasper, your asking me to marry you is a dream coming true. If you want me, I will be eternally happy to take you and become your wife, and I will do my best to make you happy." I closed my eyes, feeling the tears streaming down my face.
He must have sensed my tears, because he had me scooped in his arms in seconds.
"Sweetheart, please don't cry. I only want your happiness. Baby, I love you always and forever, don't ever doubt me. I know that you love me, too. I am not trying to rush things, it's just that I am a traditional kind of man, who believes marriage is the next step for two people in love." He kissed me passionately. "Thank you," he continued and pressed his body on mine again.
I was lost in the sensations of his body on to mine. It was strange but I never had felt more alive, more whole than this before. I felt complete, like I could do anything I wanted.
Suddenly, I was feeling bold. Here I was, with the love of my life, having agreed to marry him. I wanted him even closer, I wanted to become…his. I grabbed his face and looked in his eyes. All his love shone in his blue eyes.
"Jasper, my love," I whispered, "I want you. Will you make love to me, please," I asked shyly, feeling my cheeks turning pink.
My words took Jasper by surprise. He stopped kissing me and stared at me.
"My pixie…You don't have to prove anything. I am sorry if I made you feel pressured to have sex with me. Let's get married first, and then, we will have all the time in the world to make love."
He paused and gazed at me, his eyes full with love. I turned my head, rejection and understanding in my heart at the same time.
He grabbed my chin and made me look at him again. "Baby girl, please, I do want you. God knows how long I have waited to hear you say this to me. I really want to make love to you. But, today was a difficult day for both of us. We are both overwhelmed and exhausted. Let's get some rest, and we can talk again tomorrow."
As if on queue, I yawned, realizing now that it was getting very late. He laughed.
"See? You agree with me. Come, it's time to sleep. Do you need to go to the bathroom?" I nodded.
He helped me to the bathroom. After I was finished, Jasper ushered me to the bed again, helped me put my pajamas on, and tucked me in, kissing me softly. His gentleness brought tears in my eyes, and I made my decision.
As he stood up to get to the couch, I grabbed his wrist tightly. "Love, I don't want to sleep alone. Come lie beside me, please," I begged.
He smiled, and, moving swiftly, he got in and lay close to me, his arms around me. I snuggled as close to him as I could. As if he knew, he moved me so my body was glued to his.
"Goodnight, sweetheart…Sleep well," he said. I smiled, and drifted peacefully in sleep, in my true love's arms.