Summary: They were always on different side of the spectrum, but somehow Bones and Spock managed to meet perfectly in the middle.
Author Note: This pairing is really rare on FanFiction, despite it being quite common elsewhere, so I thought I'd had a go to see if it worked for me. The end result is shown, so if you have any comments, don't be afraid to tell me.
Bones McCoy was always going to be an emotional human, full of the cares and flaws that were tied into his species right down to the chromosome level. Very little was going to change that short of a miracle. It was the same for the Enterprise's first officer. Spock displayed no sign of changing his attitude, and probably never would, from that of a logical Vulcan, stoic and calm, right down to the green blood thrumming through his veins. At some point though, these two men, these voyagers of new planets and unknown space, were destined to meet in the middle, two opposites fighting against the undeniable attraction between forces that was one of the oldest laws of the universe.
It was an unusual relationship; a destructive habit that once formed neither could force themselves to break. They both thought they could hide it from everyone, trap it in their minds and hearts where no one else could see, and even trying to hide it from themselves in the process. Bones told himself that it was just sex, with no love mixed in to complicate things, to make things harder to deal with, and Spock…Spock didn't understand it either, the illogic of it, the hollowness of their love, but every time he wanted…whatever it was… to stop, he thought about Leonard McCoy and wondered why his heart hurt so much.
They raged against their feelings like screaming men in burning houses. They didn't want it, the loss of privacy, dignity, their souls stripped bare and exposed, with neither wanting to completely admit the possibility that they cared so deeply, so utterly about someone else- someone who was the very antitheist of what they held closest-, but needing the contact, the closeness like a drug, the dosage more and more every time and every time they kept coming back for more.
The symptoms of withdrawal were violent when they tried to stop seeing one another trying to unbalance the balance they'd created in the universe. It got gradually worse the longer they were parted, terse words and minimal contact disguising the anger and hurt buried inside. Bones dreamt of a burning Vulcan and death every night, the face of one particular Vulcan filling his mind, waking up shouting Spock's name, sheets sticky with sweat and his body trembling with longing and fear and need, the emotions staying with him many minutes after the dream had ended. Spock tried to block out these latent feelings, but even he felt the negative effects of their separation, images of the doctor appearing unbidden in his mind even during working hours, remembering the smell of his skin, the warmth of his touch, the way his head fit snugly against the hollow of Spocks neck when he slept.
It was love in a sense, but there was very little conventional about it, no normality within the abnormality of their lives and loves. When they kissed, it was almost harsh, their lips forceful, pushing together as though they were trying to burn something out of them, trying to push the other away while all the time, wanting, needing them to stay. Romance was mostly nonexistent, the sexual element exhilarating and passionate, the emotions they both felt unpredictable and savage. It was an eternal battle; yin and yang, black and white, logic against emotion. The battle lines had been drawn though neither side was winning, both taking casualties. When they argued, harsh words were shouted or spoken, the anger they'd had locked up for so long released like the demons within Pandora's box, black and cutting, both hurting the other with words like weapons, even when they didn't mean to.
Despite all this, there was some hope; a small fragile butterfly, glowing gold in the darkness, flapping it's wings against the torrent of contrasting feelings, feeble at first but strengthening, ascending out of the depths of the box which before had been its prison. The moments of love and affection were always there, shy and full of doubt, hidden like a sun behind storm clouds. Spock sometimes found himself visiting McCoy' med bay for no other reason then to see the doctor, his eyes smiling in a way McCoy was getting to know almost as well as his own expressions. His view of his colleague and partner changed, moving from calling him 'Doctor', to tentatively whispering 'Leonard' to the CMO when he hoped his partner didn't hear him, his tone edging closer and closer to showing true affection, something he usually hid well, like an Alcoholic's empty bottles, never wanting to admit to weakness, to failure in showing emotion.
Bones sometimes caught himself just looking at Spock, imagining tracing the outline of the Vulcan's pointy eyes with the tips of his fingers, and sometimes when they were alone, he just gently allowed his forehead to touch Spock's, wondering whether it really was love to just his tired old heart screaming out for something to hold onto.
They didn't really do 'couple-y' things, didn't go to films like they often saw Sulu and Chekov doing, didn't buy each other romantic flowers that symbolised things like peace and everlasting love, or hold hands in public as though love struck teenagers with their hearts on their sleeves and the whole world ahead of them. Bones attempt to give Spock chocolate on Valentines Day hadn't gone down well, the Vulcan managing to get very very drunk, although it made for great sex afterwards.
But they did hold hands, when they thought no one was watching them together. Bones tried to cook Ulan soup for Spock when the Vulcan became ill, knowing that it was his partners favourite meal, if Vulcans had favourites. Spock left an unsigned parcel on McCoys bed for his birthday, despite Bones already knowing who it was from, but not telling Spock so the Vulcan could save face. Both worried like hell when the other was ill , Bones stabbing all number of hypos into Spocks neck, and the Vulcan using the doctors medical tricorder to scan McCoy even when it was obvious he was only suffering from fatigue. It was just little moments that nobody saw, or nobody commented on, but they were enough, the two holding close to each other despite the barrier of their differences, and neither wanting to let go.
Maybe that was just enough to make it work