WARNING! THERE IS A CUSS WORD FOR ANYONE WHO HATES CUSS WORDS! I had to get that out there. Any, I had fun with this one, enjoy!
Date: January 14, 2010
Time: 3:00 p.m.
Location: Stock Pot Inn Bathroom.
Psychiatrist: Hello there, sir! Due to your situation, I have come out here to talk with you today because of your request. Now before I begin what is your name?
???: Please, I need paper!
Psychiatrist: Sir, I understand. I'll give you paper after the meeting. Now please tell me your name.
???: Please, I beg of you, paper!
Psychiatrist: We can just skip the name. Ok, sir, what seems to be the problem?
???: There's no paper!
Psychiatrist: I see. That is a interesting dilemma and easily fixable. Here, you can take my old notes.
???: Oh, thank you!
Psychiatrist: Your welcome!
???: Aw, that feels much better, thank you!
Psychiatrist: To continue. Now, is there any other problems that you have?
???: Well, recently when people come to use the restroom and I ask for paper, they run screaming.
Psychiatrist: How perfectly beastly!
???: I don't know what to do!
Psychiatrist: Don't worry, we just need to take this slowly. Ok, well there are several options that you can do to fix this problem. How about you move to a different toilet to live in?
???: This is the only toilet in hundreds of miles.
Psychiatrist: There are always other options! How about you stop asking for paper?
???: But I really need the paper!
Psychiatrist: If it is that important go out and buy it yourself! Stop bothering people for paper when they have to go! If it was me, I would be very pissed off if a hand appeared out of nowhere in the toilet asking for paper.
???: But I can't leave the toilet!
Psychiatrist: I am sure you weren't born in the toilet. I'm sure you got yourself in there for some reason. So you must have lived somewhere else once in your life.
???: But what should I do?
Psychiatrist: Ask Anju to put a sign outside the bathroom that says: WARNING! A HAND MIGHT SUDDENLY APPEAR ASKING FOR PAPER! DO NOT BE ALARMED!
???: Then people will stay away and won't give me paper when I need it because they are afraid of me.
Psychiatrist: Trust me, if you live in the only toilet around for hundreds of miles, people will come. If they are desperate, anything can come out of the toilet and they won't care. Ok, what are some other problems you have?
???: Another problem I face is that people always do their business in the toilet where I live.
Psychiatrist: Sir, that is what the toilet is for.
???: But I live in it!
Psychiatrist: I have two suggestions for you. One is to move away to another toilet or something better. You do need to upgrade your housing. Two is to scare people away.
???: But you just said that if people are desperate then it doesn't matter what happens.
Psychiatrist: Then get use to the smell.
???: I already have, I just want them to stop!
Psychiatrist: Then block the toilet with wood or something! I'm sure many things drop down there in the toilet, so there is sure to be wood down there.
???: I don't know…
Psychiatrist: Then ask everyone to stop going in your home!
Psychiatrist: My logic is perfect! Just do it, and you'll be fine!
???: I guess…
Psychiatrist: Do you have any other problems that need to be discussed?
???: I need paper.
Psychiatrist: …sorry? What?
???: Paper, I need more paper!
Psychiatrist: Sir, that is a past problem, is there anything new?
???: Well, besides for the paper, Anju makes horrible food.
Psychiatrist: What does that have to do with anything?
???: Everything! Not only does it stink up the whole place…
Psychiatrist: It doesn't already stink?
???: … but she also throws the leftovers down here! That is what I have to live off of.
Psychiatrist: She wont be here much longer. She is getting married soon, and is going to live with her husband.
???: WHAT?! What will I live off of?
Psychiatrist: Maybe she will send you a goodie bag.
???: Why me? Why me?
Psychiatrist: I don't know, sir.
???: Can you stop her?
Psychiatrist: Stop her from what? Getting married?
???: Then what good are you? Go away, I don't need you anymore!
Psychiatrist: Ok, have a good day. Sir!
After notes: What the hell is the guy's name? It is going to kill me for not knowing. And why can't he live in a better place than a stupid toilet? I mean, come on, the neighborhood and the smell stink!