This just sorta started writing itself so I've just been letting it. It's once again foreign territory, but I'm becoming brave to step into it more and more. Phil's (yes, Punk) losing sleep over his lost lover Morrison and Adam's losing sanity over Jeff. Both heartbroken and lonely, will they be able to find comfort? Flashbacks to Phil/Mor and Jeff/Adam. Matt/Jeri, Jay/Evan, Randy/Jeff (gasps) Total AU, OOC, non-wrestling, language, angst, sex as usual, drinking. Phil, Mor, Matt, Chris, Adam, Jeff, Randy, Maria, Mickie, Jay, Evan in my cast so far. Let's see; Adam & Mor bottoms. Jeff tops just Adam, Randy and Matt are ultimate tops. Italics are dreams or memories/thoughts.

I own nothing, not making cash!

Lost Memories;
Chapter one/ 'Ghost of a Rose'
Rated; M/ L, (drinking)

"Promise me, when you see, a white rose you'll think of me
I love you so,
Never let go,
I will be your ghost of a rose..." Ghost of a Rose, Blackmore's Night.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall before him. Bags had formed under his tired olive eyes. He was thinner than usual. Sleeping less. Having more nightmares than usual. All clouded. Jaded. Hard to understand. Yet so damn clear. Clear and indisputable, yet he didn't want to understand.

It took him awhile to realize his name was being called.

"Phil..? Phil, you with us?"

Phil, as he was known, turned to look at the man who said it. Matt Hardy. His long dark hair framing his face, free-flowing for once rather than pinned back in the usual pony-tail. Hardy's dark eyes stared at him quizzically.

"Yo, Brooks, the least you could do is once in awhile give us some sign you're alive, since you insist on being all mopey all the damn time."

That loud-mouthed remark came from Matt's other, Chris Irvine. His short blond hair poking up in the front, making him look like a porcupine had sat on his head. Matt elbowed his lover in the ribs and Chris grunted.


"You know what. Now hush."

Chris shrugged. "Well?"

Matt clinched his teeth. "Shut up, Chris."

Phil cracked a dry smirk and shook his head, making strings of onyx hair fall in front of his eyes.

"Guys, really, I'm fine." Phil placed his hands on the top of the table stand that stood against the wall underneath the mirror. Careful not to knock over the vase of roses that sat on top of it.

"We're sorry, Phil.. We're just concerned is all.. I mean, it's been.." Matt stopped, but Phil finished.

"Six months. It's been six months, Matt." Phil reminded, looking up into the mirror with just his eyes.

Matt nodded and swallowed thickly. "So, you coming out with us tonight?"

"No." The ravenette said simply.

Chris was shifting anxiously on the balls of his feet. "You sure? You're killing yourself over this, y'know. I mean, I don't giv'a damn about that Straightedge bullshit, Brooks, this shit is killing you faster than any drink ever could."

"I'm perfectly aware of my health status, Chrissy. I'm fine. I said I was fine and I am."

Matt sighed, apparently denial was a much better place to dwell in. "Okay then. Remember we're always here for you, okay?" Matt patted his friend on the shoulder sympathetically before escorting his sometimes inconsiderate lover out the door.

"Why'd you have to run your mouth like that?" Matt asked after they both got inside the car.

"Me? I was just stating the facts, Matthew. Phil's going to Hell in an hand-basket." He snapped his seat belt as did Matt.

"Yeah, well.. He's just still hung up over Mor." Matt replied softly, starting up the car engine.

"Well, I wish he'd let it go. Can't hold onto it forever. Plus he reminds me too much of Adam." Chris huffed, folding his arms as Matt pulled out and onto the road.

"That's way different, Chrissy. Adam and Jeff broke up.. Mor just.." Matt sighed, still not understanding himself. "I dunno anymore."

"Adam and Jeff didn't just break up. Your little brother dumped Adam. Just steamrolled over his poor heart."

Matt sighed again. "I wish you wouldn't do that shit. This isn't easy on me, y'know."

"That your best friend is suffering because of your baby brother?" Chris challenged.

"I don't speak for Jeff, Chrissy. I wouldn't of had them break up for the world based on the hell it's put me through alone. Adam always crying to me. Why can't he cry to you or Jay for a change?" Really he was just tired of feeling like Adam thought Matt could do something about it. He was tired of feeling responsible for the whole thing.

"We're not his keeper." Chris knew that was a lie. Jay and Chris had always been Adam's keeper and always would be.

"Neither am I."

"Well, someone has to be. Adam's gonna drink himself into a damn coma."

"Schmuck's just heartbroken and lonely.. It has to pass one day, right?" It was more statement than question.

"Speaking of the little rainbow haired heartbreaker; Where has Jeffers been?" Chris asked, flipping the visor's mirror down and checking his reflection. Making sure there were no food in his teeth. Feeling satisfied, he flipped it closed and gazed toward Matt who had been rather quiet.

"I dunno." Matt stared straight forward, ignoring the feeling of Chris' blue eyes searching him for answers. He knew what Chris was thinking. Matt did know and he just didn't want to face the facts; His sweet little baby brother was out on the town, sleeping with almost anything with a dick to fill whatever void that plagued him. Chris wanted to tell him his brother was a cheating whore who didn't think Adam was good enough. Matt knew he'd never admit it. They neither one would out loud. But they both knew it was true.

"I just hope he doesn't show up. Adam doesn't need that." Chris finally stated after another uncomfortable silence.

"They neither one do." Matt said quietly.

Chris sighed loudly.

"What?" Matt looked over at him for a second. A flash from a streetlight over the blonde's face showed his disdain in the darkness. "Don't do that. Fucking break-up hurt Jeff too.. it's why he's.."

Chris cocked his eye, wondering if Matt's stubbornness would finally allow him to say it. Finally come to terms with what Jeff had become.

"Why he ain't been right." Matt said instead.

Chris shook his head and looked out the window into the dark. Lights from the streets of the city shown their way. So ominous and glitzy at the same time. "Least we don't have to worry about Phil drinking himself to death like Adam, eh?" He said watching the moon follow them.

"Nope. He'll die from lack of sleep and worry first." Matt turned on the radio, hoping to sway the conversation to something else. Some commercial for car insurance was on instead.

"That's not much more comforting, you know?" Chris pointed out.

"I know."


Phil picked up the ring off his dresser. Out of its little black velvet box. It had been a promise ring he gave to Morrie. Another thing just left behind without a reason or why.

He turned the ring as he held it between his fingers, letting the light shine off it.

"I got you something."

"Oh, really? What is it?"

"You have to come and get it."

Phil closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall into the memory.

Mor chased him around the house, Phil held the black velvet box above his head as Johnny reach for it. Wrestling him down. The brunette giggled as he tried to get the velvet box from his wily lover.

"Gimme, Philly, you're not being very fair." Morrison whined, still grappling playfully with the slightly older male, making them both topple over onto the bed.

Phil chuckled. "What'd ya give me, doll?" He was on his back, box held above his head still.

Mor smiled sweetly and leaned over him, pressing his lips to Phil's and kissing him. Phil smiled under it, his freehand coming up to run through Mor's long brown hair. So soft. So heavenly to the touch. Phil pretended not to notice John coyly reaching for the box before snatching it away. He raised up and held the box tightly.

"Ha!" Mor proclaimed triumphantly as he bounded over to the other end of the bed.

"Hey, not fair." Phil 'pouted'.

"All's fair in love and little black boxes, lover." Mor grinned, his tongue curling up out of his mouth as he opened the box. His face instantly melting to complete awe as he saw the little gold band. "Ohh, Philly, it's beautiful." He said taking the band out of its slot in the box and examining it.

"S'a promise ring. I want the world to know you're mine. Always." Phil said warmly, wrapping his arms around Johnny from behind as he sat on his knees on the bed. Nuzzling his face against Mor's neck. Breathing him in as if it'd be the very last time.

Mor stared at the gorgeous ring, unshed tears sitting behind his soft chocolate eyes. "Awe, Philly. I love it." He turned in his lover's arms and hugged him tightly. "I love you so much."

Phil rubbed his hand over his face, sitting the ring back down into the velvet box before trudging over to his bed. None of this shit made any sense anymore.

Phil laid down on his side and wrapped up in the covers, vaguely aware that he was still in his clothes and not caring. He didn't know why he was even entertaining the idea of this sleep thing at all. He knew that whenever he closed his eyes all he saw was his Morrison. It was a losing battle. It had been six months now and Phil hadn't been happy since. It was way too late to dwell on it now. There was nothing he could have done. Phil yawned, letting his heavy eyes close for a second. Just a second or two. That's all.

Phil watched himself walking down the hallway, passing the off-white colored walls and ignoring the pictures of himself and John hanging on them as well as the ones of family and friends. As well as all the home interior decorations Mor had put up and the vase with the roses in it. Phil bumped into it and for a brief moment his heart caught in his chest as he watched it tilt and tumble off the stand, crashing down to the floor. He saw the red flowers bounce as they landed, the clear vase shattering on impact. The water pooling out onto the floor and splashing onto the walls.

Phil blinked and the roses were suddenly not on the ground as a major mess to be cleaned up, but they were still sitting on the stand. Untouched and untainted.

The raven-haired man groaned tiredly and ran his hands over his face. Noticing the sound of the bathroom water running. He could've swore he hadn't heard it a second ago, but he also could've swore a second ago that the vase with the pretty roses had leapt of the table stand to their untimely death.

Phil looked up toward the bedroom door. The one he shared with Johnny. Just a little ways down the hall, third door on the right. It was half open, a dim light falling out into the floor of the darkened hallway. Calling to Phil. Urging him forward. He didn't know why he felt like walking to the light was a death sentence. Into the same room he entered every night. The same room he shared with his lover and the same room he held him in while they slept. While they made love.

Phil swallowed and tightened his fists at his sides, placing one foot in front of the other slowly as he made his way towards the room. The water getting louder as he approached. Almost deafening. Like it was right in his ears. In his head. Phil's stomach was twisted in knots, his heart clinching in unexplainable anxiety. He didn't want to walk into the room. He wanted to turn and run from it. Run out of the house and forget...

But he knew he couldn't. He had to go in that room. Be damned what he find.

Phil placed his hands on the door, the water drowning out his thoughts. Splattering and pounding in his head. Taking a deep breath, Phil shakily opened the door and walked in, turning his attention to the other door he'd have to get passed. The bathroom door. It was wide open, the overhead light spilling out into the dark bedroom. Phil closed his eyes, biting down on his lip piercing. Now or never. It had to be done.

Phil felt his way, passing the threshold of the door. The water was rushing madly, gushing out onto the floor below the tub. The steam from the water making the bathroom stuffy and humid. Making him feel like he couldn't breath. He was dying. He was slowly dying. That's what it was. He had to open his eyes, but he didn't want to. He knew what he'd see if he did.

Suddenly a hand grabbed his and Phil opened his eyes..


The club was already packed by the time Chris and Matt got there. They got in pretty easy. Course it helped when you knew the owner like they did. Night 13 was founded by the town billionaire's daughter, Stephanie McMahon and her husband at the time, Hunter Hearst Hemsley. Hunter wasn't exactly what anyone would call the well-rounded type. In fact he was a bad boy in his younger days and even headed a gang called Degeneration-X. No one knew what Stephanie saw in the big blond brute. Some say it was just to ruffle her daddy, Vincent Kennedy McMahon's, feathers. Either way, the two met, dated, married and she dished out enough money for Hunter and herself to start up the nightclub.

Oddly enough after Hunter's old DX running mate, Shawn Michaels, came back into town and Stephanie caught Hunter cheating on her with his old friend (who Hunter had given a job to as a bartender) the marriage was put on ice and ended in a nasty divorce. The assets were split and divided and to put an end to a boring story; Steph is still a spoiled daddy's girl and Hunter got to keep his nightclub. Stephanie still reaps profits, but as long as Hunter gets to keep and run the club, he's happy.

Chris used to work waiting tables at the club which is how he knew Hunter and also how he met the heartbreaking Hardy brothers, Matt and Jeff. Matt was a regular at the club and would sneak his younger brother in. Chris hadn't fell for Matt immediately. In fact at first he thought he was too much of a stubborn prick. And Jeff was just a flirting harlot looking for the next man to eat. One of Chris' best friends, Adam, also worked the club. He fell head over heels for Jeff and Jeff soon has his emerald eyes set on Adam and his black painted fingernails dug into blonde.

Matt fell for Chris. Hard. Immediately. He spent the better part of that year chasing the blonde male until finally Chris gave in and agreed to go out with him. He learned Matt was not so much a prick (he was still stubborn as hell, but Chris found that to be an enduring quality) and sparks soon flew between the two them. Jeff knew Phil from high-school, they hung out some here and there, but Phil found himself closer to Matt than Jeff. And the Hardys were fond of Phil's long-time boyfriend, John Morrison.

Matt had Chris, Jeff had Adam, Phil had Mor, and about a year ago Jay (Adam's adopted brother) met Evan. Everything seemed so damn perfect. Their family was whole. That was.. Until..

"See blondie and Jay-Jay anywhere?" Chris asked as they made their way through the dancers.

"Not yet. Jay said they'd be here." Matt replied as they searched the room. Matt pointed when a slender arm waved them over to a table. A bright smile was attached to it.

"Matt, Chrissy! Over here!" The voice belonged to Maria Kannelis, the girlfriend of Mickie James who was also a good friend of Matt's.

"Great, the ditz is here." Chris muttered in sarcasm.

"Watch your mouth, Chris." Matt grabbed his lover by the arm, dragging him to the table. Mickie was busy sipping quietly on her drink. Maria was saying something unheard to a small dark-haired male beside her. Evan Bourne, Jay's boyfriend. Jay sat next to a tall downtrodden blonde. His hand placed on his shoulder in attempt to comfort the male.

The blonde just sighed, taking another drink and downing the brownish liquid before slamming the glass down. Matt held the chair for Chris, ignoring the little huff he got for trying to be a gentleman.

"So, Addy, how ya holding up."

The blonde, Adam Copeland, shook his head. "I still feel like total shit, Matt."

"Come on, Adam. It's the weekend. You're out with friends. You're supposed to be having fun." Jay said, rubbing his brother's back.

Adam just continued to shake his head. "I don't wanna have fun." He folded his arms down on the table, plopping his head down in them like he was a kindergartener at quiet time. His eyes were puffy and red from crying.

"I know you miss him, Addy, but I think it's time you moved on. There's other guys out there." Jay continued.

"They're not Jeff." Adam mumbled into his arms.

"Poor little guy." Maria cooed sympathetically. "Hey, we were just telling Adam how we should all go to the lake. We could go boating and fishing."

"Ooh, and water skiing!" Mickie chimed in excitedly.

"And we could camp out and have a cook out and roast marshmallows by the fire. It'll be fun!" The red-head nodded happily.

Chris' blue eyes lit up at the sound of that. "Uhm, marshmallows. Hey, Matty?" He turned to the darker male hopefully.


"But, you dun even know what Imma say." Chris whined childishly.

"Yes, I do. You want that ooey gooey caramel melt thing and if you get it you'll be all hyper and drive me insane. No." Matt stated in a 'I have put my foot down on the issue' tone.

Chris just stared at the older Hardy before folding his arms. "You're mean to me!"

Matt smirked. "Thought you liked it when I was mean?"

"Not like that, I don't." Chris pouted.

"Awe, poor Chrissy." Matt cooed.

Chris giggled as Matt nuzzled his neck. Adam let out a loud pout, burying his face back in his arms.

"Sorry, Addams." Matt said, feeling guilty.

"S'okay." Adam mumbled, raising his head again. "Glad y'all are having fun."

Matt sighed. "Maybe it really is time you put it behind you, Adam. I mean.."

"He cheated on me, Matt. With Orton. I found out today that he'd been cheating on me with one of my best friends.. I don't get it.. He told me he loved me. He kissed me and made love to me and told me he loved me. He wanted to be with me forever... How could he do this to me..? What'd I do wrong..?" Adam let his head fall into his hands, a sob escaping his lips as his fingers pulled at his hair. He was so confused and torn and he just didn't understand anymore. Adam was lonely and broken and tired.

Matt sat silently. Vacantly staring past Jay as he hushed Adam. Patting on the blonde to calm him down. It was doing zero good. Nothing was. Not anything anyone said. Not alcohol. Not condolence. This would have to pass eventually on its own. Matt knew Adam was in pain. But, it was something Adam would have to feel and let go. Love sucked like that sometimes. Matt knew all too well. He was in love once with a girl. A fiery red-head named Amy Dumas. He lost her to Mickie's ex girlfriend, a beautiful blonde by the name of Trish Stratus. Matt shook his head. It was just one vicious circle after the next.

"Oh, my god. Matt?" Chris shook Matt by the shoulder and Matt looked to see Adam staring straight forward. A horrified look on his face.

Matt turned his head and looked in the way the two Canadian's were to see why. Jeff was dancing with Randy Orton on the dance floor. They were a little too close. Their hips grinding together. Jeff turned and reach back behind him to grab the back of Orton's neck as he rubbed his ass into Randy's crotch. Matt gritted his teeth, watching as Jeff spun back around. His slender hips swaying to the beat as he reach up and wrapped his arms around Randy's neck. Orton's hands went to Jeff's hips, jerking him close as Jeff wiggled against him. Jeff pulled Randy down towards him and Matt paled as he watched them kiss. Sloppily. Distastefully.

The sound of Adam moving to get up brought back the older Hardy's attention. The blonde basically leapt out of the booth and stalked off away from the display. Ignoring Jay and the girl's pleas for him to wait.

"The nerve of your brother." Chris finally spoke.

"Shut up, Chris." Matt sighed, getting up himself and making his way over to his little brother and his new boy toy. He could throttle Jeff right now for this shit. "Jeff, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Matt snapped, jerking Jeff away from Randy.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing, Hardy?" Randy tried to pry his way between them.

Matt shot him a warning glare. "I wouldn't even try to act like I have a dog in this race, if I were you, Orton. This is between me and my brother."

Randy scoffed and waved them off. "Whatever. I'm going to get us something to drink, Jeff."

Jeff nodded and folded his arms, glaring at his older brother.

"Answer me, Jeff. What the hell are you doing?"

"Dancing. What the hell does it look like?" Jeff shrugged.

"Foreplay." Matt said dryly.

Jeff made an agitated sound and turned to go back to Orton.

Matt's voice stopped him. "How could you do this in front of Adam, Jeff? I get it, you two didn't work out. Life moves on. But, you don't have to continuously rub his face in it. Are you that damn heartless, Jeff?"

Jeff turned back around. "I didn't know he'd be here, Matt. Randy knows Hunter too, y'know. And if you'd kindly excuse me, I'd like to get back to.."

"You're going to leave, Jeff. Go somewhere else." Matt commanded.

"It's a free fucking country, Matthew." Jeff retorted, tossing his hands up in the air in agitation.

"Don't you care about him anymore at all?" Matt asked helplessly.

Jeff looked down at his shoes before looking back up at his brother. "I did."

As with every story, I become increasingly frustrated that I can't put the puzzle pieces of it together. Punk and Edge are not the bad guys. Neither is Jeff really. Matt/Amy/Adam didn't happen, Amy left Matt for Trish in here. Imma just write, I'm not even gonna make excuses or try to explain or apologize for it. But, I was watching some Punk/Mor videos on You Tube and thought 'hey, they are kinda cute'. This is far FAR from how I like Punk written (bratty and tormented). I made him seem (gulps) normal, haha.

I think most of this story is even a mystery to me, so... I'm also not too happy with the title and that may change. I'll be honest, I wanted to see if I could turn this into a Phil/Adam fic. So far it's so not cooperating b/c I'm not finding any chemistry between them.. yet.. But, if I made a Cena/Adam scene work, then I can make this work.. right..?