Esha Napoleon, redsandman99, thanks guys. YourFinalVerse, actually during that time I was pushing for Adam to be written more as a bottom w/ fics like 'Sold to a Hardy'. & no, I don't think it should have been weird. I don't think Adam being a bottom is weird now or should have ever been weird at all. Certain writers came in & declared it weird & said Adam was a strict top. This was their opinion, but ppl followed them. Adam is more than qualified to be a bottom. He always was. Sadly, those ppl even saw Adam as a top to Randy & Matt back then & oddly enough still today. (smh) & there was a time before the 2009/2010's writers messed that up, that Adam bottomed & no one questioned it. Sorry for the rant, but I don't know why it's so hard to see Adam as such. Cal-Wills, I actually like Miz, he's just extra prickish in this fic, lol. Thanks, darling. takers dark lover, killed? In my work? Never ;P Guess you'll have to just wait & see ;) Rhiannamator, it was so much more brutal than I originally planned it :/ I felt really bad for Adam after. Gah, our poor baby. Deff not the best way to come off a dry spell. (shakes head) I think Randy confuses even me, & I'm writing him O.o Poor Phil. Haha, I think finding him in a bathtub would've killed him. I used to be even more addicted to cliffhangers... & thank you, Lovely. (snuggles) KakashiXIrukaLover, thank you. & yes, those things are deff needed. JoMoFan-spot, aw, sweets. You always say things that make me feel awesome about my work. Truly. I love Randy as a bad guy. But I also admire the man himself. I don't write him as a bad guy to bash, but b/c I love him that way sometimes. Effort or thought is usually not put into work. I try to put as much into it as I can w/out being biased. Yeah, eh, I'm prolly a bitch for twists. &, Love, I just adore how you get the story. How you see my work. It means so much to me. (huggles) Sorry, I've kept you waiting.

Lost Memories;
Chapter twelve/ 'Hallelujah'
Rated; M/ L (mentions of rape, angst)

'Maybe I've been here before.
I know this room, I've walked this floor,
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch.
Love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..' Hallelujah, Rufus Wainwright.

Phil thought he was going to die. This was his worst nightmare playing over again in his head. Not again. Not again. This wasn't fair. For a moment he just stood frozen. There was blood on Adam's hips and this big spot on the sheet behind him. Adam was on his side facing away from Phil.

"Adam.. oh, my god.." Phil gasped. Holy shit, when did he get lungs and why were they just now working? The tightening in his chest was unbearable. Everything was a haze and shit whirled inside his head. Memories flashed and raped his subconscious. Phil felt dizzy and he stumbled forward. Everything felt so unreal. Phil found himself by the bed, lifting Adam up in his arms and cradling him, rocking him. "Adam.. please.. oh, god.. wake up.. wake up.. Oh, shit.. who did this to you?" Phil tapped Adam lightly on the cheek. His eyes were closed. "Adam! Adam, open your eyes! Please!"

Adam had been laying on the bed for the longest, or what seemed that way. After Randy and Mike left he just laid there, curled into a ball on his side. He wanted to get up and make his way to his phone. Or the shower. No one could see him like this. Fuck, they already thought he was pathetic. But he just laid there and looked at the wall. Or tried to look at the wall. The wall was spinning. Must of been all those shots he took to the head. He knew he was bleeding. Between his legs he felt so sticky and dirty. His blood and cum. Mike and Randy's cum. He felt disgusted. It was crawling inside him and he was disgusted. Adam raised his arm up, a tired sigh escaping his lips before it fell back down on the bed. He just laid there. So tired. Darkness falling in on him. So tired. Adam had closed his eyes and let it.

Now he felt someone else beside him.

No. Holding him in their lap.

They were saying something, but it was mumbled and incoherent at first. Then he heard the screaming. His name. Phil?

Adam opened his eyes and Phil let out the breath he was holding. He stopped to notice Adam was breathing. Yes, he was breathing. Now he needed Adam's beautiful green eyes to open for him and it was relief when they did.

"Oh, Adam.. you had me so scared.. I thought.. I thought.."

Adam made a grunted sound and closed his eyes, snuggling into Phil.

"No.. n-n-no no.. Adam, open your eyes for me.. look at me.. keep your eyes open.. Who did this to you, baby? Talk to me, Adam."

Adam shook his head. "Ple.. no.."

"I'm here, Adam.. You stay with me." Phil reached into his pocket and got out his phone, dialing Matt. It was busy. "Shit. Fucker." He gently laid Adam down and started checking him over. He needed to find out where the blood had came from. Upon closer inspection he found there wasn't as much as he'd thought. Maybe he was exaggerating, but it was damn sure clear that Adam had been raped. Phil couldn't find any wounds other than the ones on his eyes and lip and his cheek. He didn't wanna check down there and risk harming him further. He'd let them do it at the hospital.

Phil cursed again when he got no answer. "Come on, Adam. We're going to the hospital. Stay with me. Please, keep awake for me." Phil talked to him as he wrapped Adam up in the sheets and carried him out of the room.


Jeff looked up at Randy as the younger man walked through the door. Randy smirked arrogantly, strutting to the living room. "Hi, babe. Miss me?"

Jeff regarded him carefully. "Where'd you go? Why're you in such a happy mood?"

Randy rocked back on his feet as Jeff came close to him. Then Jeff stopped, a frown forming on his face. Something was off. Randy smelled different. Jeff sniffed him, breathing him in deeply. Jeff's heart skipped. A dreadful feeling washed over him. Oh, hell no. No, it couldn't be...

Jeff stepped back and swallowed. His cologne, his shampoo... It was overwhelming. "Why do you smell like him? Why do I smell him on you? I can smell him on you. Why didn't you try to wash it off you? I'd know that smell anywhere, Randy. Why do you fucking smell like Adam?"


Phil got Adam to the hospital as fast as he could. They got him back quickly and now Phil sat waiting in the lobby for the okay to go back.

Matt and Chris were the first to arrive. The older Hardy looked shaken and his eyes were wide. "Where is he? Is he okay? Who did this to him?"

"Calm down, Matt. He's.. he's been raped. They fucking raped and beat him and I.. I let him go off by himself, goddammit." Phil tugged at his hair, bouncing his knees as he sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair.

"Did Adam say who did this?" Matt persisted, words couldn't describe the fury he felt right now toward whoever could..

"Yeah. He told me who done it on the way here."

"Did he get a description?" Chris asked.

"Didn't have to. I know who done it. We know them." Phil said seriously, looking up and glaring daggers at the poor wall.

"Who, Phil?"

"I'm not gonna tell you."

Matt sat down sideways in the chair. "Why not? I need to know. I have a right, that's one of my best friends in there, Phil."

"Cause I know you'll go kill him and I can't have you in jail right now."

"Who fucking did this?" Matt ground out through clinched teeth.

"Promise me you won't do anything."

"I make no fucking promises, Phil."

"Randy Orton and Mike Mizanin."

Matt's blood ran cold. "You're serious?" His eyes seemed darker.

Phil nodded. "I got Adam to agree to a rape-kit. He knows who did it. These fuckers won't get away with it."

Phil didn't get to finish before Matt got up and stormed out.

"Dammit, Matt, don't fucking do something you'll regret!"

"I won't regret it!" He stopped Chris as the blonde tried to follow. "You stay with Phil and be here for Adam."

"Matty, please.. Jeff.."

"Is with the fucker." He finished for him. "Randy has no fucking idea what he's stepped in." Matt turned and walked out. Leaving Chris and Phil to watch after him.


"Why do you smell like him, Randy? Don't play dumb. I was with him for 6 years. I'd know Adam's scent anywhere.. What'd you.. What'd you do, Randy? Tell me." Jeff demanded. He felt nauseous.

"It's nothing, baby. I just took care of a little something. That's all. Adam's out of my way." Randy shrugged like it was nothing.

"Your way?" Jeff asked confused.

"Huh?" Randy blinked.

"You said 'Adam's out of my way'."

Randy shook his head. "Our way. Adam's out of our way."

"That's not what the fuck you said."

"Hey, don't tell me what I did or didn't say. I'm not gonna take your shit, Jeff."

"What did you do, Randy? I need to know."

Randy had his hands in the pockets of his jacket, holding the sides of it in front of him. "I got the little bimbo out of my system."

"What the fuck does that mean? What did you do to Adam? Did you fucking hurt him?" His heart pounded. He felt dizzy.

Randy smirked. "He fucking enjoyed it."

Jeff squinted his eyes. "Enjoyed it? Oh, god no. You didn't.." Jeff jerked Randy's hands away, his eyes landing on the dark red stains on his jeans that had to be blood. Jeff swallowed and backed away. His expression blank, eyes gleaming. He couldn't believe this shit right now.

"Had the bitch screaming my name." Randy boasted.

'Randy, stop.. please.. Randy.. oh, god please..' He still heard him. Still felt the warm blood coating his dick.

Jeff ran his hands over his face. "You're sick."

"He wanted it."

Jeff shook his head. "No.. Adam wouldn't.. you.. you're fucking sick... This wasn't part.."

"C'mon, Jeff.. don't act like we were monogamous or anything. You're the one who's commitment phobic."

"That's not the fucking point, you asshole! Don't turn this shit around on me! Us playing around is one thing! Mike was one fucking thing! But you had to go out and rape Ad... rape my ex? What the fucking hell is wrong with you? You were supposed to leave him alone!" Jeff shouted, shoving him.

Randy grabbed Jeff's wrists and shook him. "Don't fucking start with me, Jeff! This is your own damn fault in the first place! Don't fucking act like you give a damn about him now. This shit is on you." He pushed Jeff away.

Jeff was silently seething. He looked down and back up. "You know what, Randy? You're right. It is my fault. I had Adam. Adam was mine. And I had to fuck that up with you and believe your shit! I let you make me think I couldn't take care of him!" Jeff shook his head. "Uh-uh... not anymore.." He muttered to himself.

"What the fuck is your problem, Jeff?"

"You. You're my fucking problem. Get out." Jeff glared at him, pointing at the door.

Randy rolled his eyes and exhaled. "I think you need to calm down, okay."

"No! You're fucking sick. You go out and rape my ex, come home smelling like him.. what the fuck are you trying to prove?"

"Jeff? You're acting crazy."

"I want you to get the fuck out."

"Jeff, come on."

Jeff put his hands over his ears, pulling at his hair in the process. "Get out." He said through clinched teeth.

"This is ridiculous."

"Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!" Jeff screamed angrily.


Jeff sat alone on the couch. The room dark. He tried calling Adam, but he got voicemail so he didn't say anything. He felt terrible. Guilty. How could he have let this happen? Of course he didn't believe Randy about Adam wanting it. He knew Randy was a heartless prick. He didn't know why it took him this long to break up with him and get rid of him. So many reasons. The first reasons and Randy's reasons and the shit Randy would tell Jeff he'd do if he left him. Hurt him. Hurt Adam. Or something. Jeff stayed with Randy in the long run to protect Adam. But he'd failed so badly. Adam would never willingly fuck Randy. Jeff knew he couldn't. He knew Adam in and out. Adam wouldn't even do it to get back at Jeff, which was another thing Randy shot back with as he left.

"He just did it to get back at you, you know. Fucked me to hurt you."

"You're delusional. Get the fuck out now."

Randy had once claimed that Jeff knew he wanted Adam and Jeff had taken him right from out under him. Jeff had sold his soul to the fucker.. After awhile, he thought Randy just forgot about it. It was old news. But Jeff had been thinking about leaving the asshole anyway. Mike was the breaking point. Jeff didn't want to be his whore too. Jeff guessed Randy didn't like that none. Oh, god.. it was his fault.

The sudden sound of the door nearly being busted open made him jump.

Matt came in and flipped on the light, ignoring Jeff's blood-shot eyes as he looked around. Matt was seething. Matt was pissed and Jeff could guess why.

"Where is he, Jeff? Where the fuck is he at?"

"Matty.." Jeff whimpered, sniffling.

"Don't give me bullshit, Jeff! I want to know where the hell you're hiding your little boyfriend at!" Matt checked the bedrooms and the bathroom. "Where's he at?"

"Not here." Jeff sobbed quietly. His heart hurt at the thought that Matt thought he'd hide Randy after he did something like that to Adam. But maybe he had a right to. He'd let shit get too far and he couldn't take it back.

"I'm going to find him, Jeff. And when I do, I'm going to fucking kill him." Matt growled from the other room and Jeff heard the sound of racks scraping on the metal bar in the closet as Matt shoved them aside, growling and cursing when he found no Orton. "Your little boyfriend is fucking dead. Y'hear me, Jeff? I'm going to kill the fucker with my bare hands.. Do you know what he did, Jeff? The fucker attacked Adam in your old apartment. He was waiting on him! He forced himself on Adam."

Jeff listened, crying a little harder.

Matt came out, dissatisfied that he couldn't find Randy Orton or Mike Mizanin anywhere. "Not that you care though, right?"

"Shut up, Matt!"

"Where's Randy?"

"Not here! I know, okay! I know! I threw him out. I didn't know what else to do... me and Randy are done.."

Matt watched his brother as Jeff pulled at his hair. His face wet from tears.

"I'm so sorry.." He gasped. "Addy.." Another gasp. "I'm so sorry.." Jeff folded his arms over his knees, leaning forward to bury his face in them as he cried. "I'm sorry..."


Phil sat beside Adam, stroking his hair as the blonde slept. The everything of the day had died down and Adam was going to be okay physically. His lip was cut but didn't require stitches. Bruises would heal fine. He wasn't stabbed or shot or anything like Phil had initially feared. He didn't lose that much blood. Adam required two stitches to repair the rip in his rectum. Of course the doctor warned against heavy lifting, prescribed stool softeners and warned against any sexual activity for a sometime while he healed. But naturally the doctors or Phil didn't think it'd be a long while till he was ready for that. It depended on Adam if that would even be a future possibility and how badly it affected Adam emotionally.

A rape-kit was done, DNA collected, which thankfully the sick fucks left a lot of evidence, and statements were collected by the police. Phil was sure the apartment would be looked over for more evidence. Phil hoped they just caught the assholes and there was enough to convict them and send them away. And if not, then him and Matt, Jay and Chris were going to find them and it wasn't going to be pretty. Phil wanted nothing more than to get his hands on Orton. The more he thought about how the fucker had hurt Adam, the madder he got. Jay had assured him that he needed to be here with Adam. Jay, Matt and Chris were combing the streets for Randy and Mike. They even told Hunter to keep a look out at Night 13 and have Cena and Batista on hand to get them. Phil rested with the knowledge that Randy and Mike were not getting away with this one way or another.

Matt had called and told him Jeff knew and kicked Randy out and claimed he had nothing to do with it at all or knew about it prior to Randy coming home smelling like Adam with stains on his jeans. Phil could care less. Let Jeff rot. Jeff had caused Adam and Matt both so much pain it wasn't funny.

The important thing was that Adam was fine. Adam was going to be fine. Phil would make sure of it. And now Phil sat there, holding Adam's hand and petting his hair as Adam slept soundly. They had gave him something to put him out.

"I'm so sorry, Adam.. I failed you. I should have never.." He sighed and kissed Adam's fingers. "Never let you go off alone. I should've stayed with you. It's all my fault." He rested his head on the bed beside Adam, he hadn't even realized he'd started crying.

'Maybe there's a God above,
But all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.
It's not a cry you can hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light,
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..'

Ugh, I'm trying. I had so many notes & after the rape, some didn't seem to fit. I didn't know it was going to be /that/ brutal.. & certain things changed from the notes. Randy isn't stable. Maybe his or Jeff's reasons make sense or not. & the above rant, ugh. I'm just tired of being told that "I can't see Adam as a bottom, or a nice guy," or "During a certain time Adam could not have bottomed". Srsly, why does this matter? I see & love Adam as a bottom & there's others who do too. He fits in that role perfectly. Period. & to the some of you that see Adam topping Cena, Randy, Jay & Miz & shit, wtf are you on? I don't SEE that at all, but you can't see Adam as a bottom, so.. hu'uh. & also, I don't review fics where Adam rapes a helpless Cena (gags) & ask 'why the hell do you come up w/ such awful shit?', even if I disagree w/ it. So, why do I get comments on why I bottom Adam & that it's strange? & yeah, I'm still bitter on being the one to get called out on Adam bottoming to Jeff during that fucking time. It's even in fics like this that I gave them Jeff being fucking double-teamed by Miz & Randy & it still wasn't good enuff. Jeff actually hasn't topped anyone in this fic! There's some out there that hate their tops/bottoms methods being questioned to the length that they call the person questioning it a "gay basher" & that fucking sucks. Well, stop fucking questioning what I do w/ Adam. I'm sorry (not really) to anyone that can't see Adam as a bottom. But I hate that you can only see him as a top (or an evil rapist asshole). & plz, concentrate more on the fic than the rant, you've heard it all before from me. No one listens anyhow.