A/N: The following scene was inspired by Ambrant Arandel's Negima fic, A Day Indoors. Used shamelessly as a form of flattery.
When Wizards Meet
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 15: Haruna and the Magic Hookers!
Disclaimer: The Dresden Files belongs to Jim Butcher. Sci Fi (now Scyfy) are geniuses to have managed to ruin it. Negima belongs to Ken Akamatsu. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Raistling Majere is the creation of Tracy Hickman and Margaret Weis. I'll throw in Rand Al'Thor by James Oliver Rigney Jr. He counts, right. They're not in this story, but I felt like mentioning them. Everyone loves wizards!
Harry frowned. "This can't be right," he said, checking the tracking spell he'd cast on the wing-shaped pin he was using. He looked up at the building scowling at it. "Crap."
"Is something the matter, Harry?" Negi asked.
"This building belongs to Gentleman Johnny Marcone," Harry said. At Negi's blank look, he added, "He's a crime lord."
Negi perked up. "Oh, does that mean he has a hat and a pinstriped suit and a Tommy gun?"
Harry took a moment to count to five. It wasn't Negi's fault he wasn't really that familiar with the bounds of human evil. And that he watched too much TV. Man, he wished he could watch TV, if only to have something else to make fun of. "He probably has people to carry Tommy guns for him," Harry said diplomatically.
"Negi-sensei, what Mister Dresden means is the man who owns this building is a criminal, and probably uses this building as a front for criminal activities," Setsuna said, smiling in tolerant exasperation. "Whoever the Ala Alba member in there is, they might be in danger."
It took her two heartbeats to realize this was exactly the wrong thing to say.
She barely managed to grab Negi in time as he made a frantic run towards the building. "Negi-sensei! Be reasonable! I'm sure there are other ways we can do this!" She looked at Harry pleadingly at these words.
He sighed. "Yeah, there is. You two ever talked to a criminal mastermind?"
The two thought about this for a moment. "Not sure. Do mad scientists bent on reorganizing human civilization as we know it be revealing the existence of mages in a manner that the whole world will not be able to deny no matter how much the try count?" Setsuna asked.
Harry glared at her. "I'm the wizard around here. I'm supposed to have the wiser ass!"
One of the things Harry absolutely HATED about Marcone's operations was that more often than not, they were not completely evil, immoral money machines intent on material gain through human suffering and evil.
"Sir, I'm afraid the children can't come in here," the receptionist said as soon as she got a good look at them. "We are not that sort of place."
See? Absolutely hateable.
Setsuna flushed red and would have started sputtering if she'd been talking. Negi just blinked in ignorant confusion. Harry was ready to deal with this problem, though the secretary's words had thrown him a little off track. Had he been less of an awesome dude, he'd likely have been as embarrassed as Setsuna. As it was, his red tinge was completely due to his righteous indignation of the evil perpetrated by Marcone's organization. REALLY!
Before he could put his daring and meticulously thought out plan into action– really!– Negi gasped and pointed. "Nodoka-chan?"
Setsuna, Harry and the receptionist turned to look. He was pointing at one of the establishments… employees– hem, hem!– a slim, compact woman with dark-purple hair and a rather fetching pair of glasses. She was wearing the establishment's standard uniform, which made it quite clear that everything about her was slim and compact. This did not seem to a problem for the gentleman she was escorting to the back. Perhaps it had to do with how she was holding on to his arm, or that half-lidded look she gave him that said, quite plainly, "Yes, I want to do you, and HOW!"
"Ojou-sama?-!" Sestuna suddenly cried, pointing at another girl, a long-haired one that was coaching another man who was lifting weights. He was doing it slowly, surely so as not to hurt himself and not at all because her stance basically meant he was looking up into her breasts, which were only a few inches from his face.
Harry blinked, and got into the act by also pointing. "Hey Setsuna, isn't that you?"
Setsuna turned to look and squeaked, staring at a near-duplicate of her assisting someone else with his stretching exercises. Let's leave it at that. The reason it was a near-duplicate was soon obvious, once you stopped focusing on the shirts and legs… they looked older. They looked, as they say, barely legal.
Harry took note of this, scanning the room. Some of the girls he vaguely recognized from past visits here– purely for work purposes, now shut up and get your head out of the gutter!– but others… he saw a girl who looked like Kaede who was straining her shirt even more than the other girls were. He saw a blonde woman who looked like Evangeline's older form, but with slightly shorter hair. He even saw what looked like a long-haired, girl version of Negi.
Setsuna began to growl. It was a very good growl. Having been on the receiving end of many growls in his life, Harry was something of an expert. This growl was definitely somewhere in the top five. "There is only one person evil enough to behind this…"
"SAOTOME HARUNA, BECAUSE OF YOU, I'VE SEEN HELL! PREPARE TO DIE!"
Negi looked quite surprised as the usually easy-going Setsuna charged at the girl standing off to one side of Johnny Marcone's desk with a big grin on her face. Marcone seemed quite surprised by the reaction, and Hendricks was already going for his gun, moving to put himself between the swordswoman and Setsuna.
Before anyone else could react and try to regain control of the situation, Haruna's grin grew wider, and her hands suddenly blurred. Harry had seen ninja ghouls and ninja vampires move slower. He practically expected there to be a sonic boom. He caught sight of a book floating in the air and what looked like a quill pen moving light lightning on a page, there was a burst of that sensation that accompanied Negi's kind of magic, and suddenly Setsuna had been tackled by several teenaged girls with long dark hair, all of whom were completely naked.
"Set-chan!" they all chorused. "Make love to us!"
"Fuck us! Fuck us hard!"
"Do us here, do us now!"
"Screw me, bitch! Put it in me!"
"Set-chan, I love you!"
"Lick me, Setsuna! Lick me!"
There was a geyser of blood from Setsuna's nose, and suddenly the swordswoman collapsed, unconscious.
"Well," Marcone said, taking a handkerchief and dabbing at his cheek where some blood had spattered. "You don't see that every day." He looked up. "The cleaning bill for that ceiling is coming out of your pay, Miss Saotome. Honestly, I thought you had to cut someone's throat for blood to reach that high."
"Sorry, Big Boss," Haruna said, her grin completely unrepentant as she closed her Artifact book in satisfaction. "Girls, please restrain Setsuna for now until she wakes up. If she makes a bother, one of you stick your ass in her face."
"Hai, Paru-sama!" the Konoka-golems all chorused.
"And please clothe your employees, Miss Saotome," Marcone continued. "We are not that sort of establishment. This isn't Cambodia."
Haruna sighed, and her hands blurred again, the Konoka-golems suddenly being clothed in an assortment of extremely slutty lingerie and swimsuits that somehow was even worse than them being naked, despite the fact that it covered the important bits. "Stupid American prudishness. When I'm in charge, things are going to be different."
""But until that day comes Miss Saotome, I expect your employees to be clothed, if barely," Marcone said easily. This made Harry blinked. Marcone did not take challenges to his power easily or lightly. If it looked like he was, that was because he was about to screw you over with an intercontinental ballistic missile with-giant-drill-attachment up the rectum, and was merely waiting for the most profitable time to do so. Yet his response to Haruna had been… fond. Fatherly, even.
Negi was standing there in mute shock and embarrassment, both hands over his eyes. " 'Do'… 'lick'…'make love'… I know what these words mean, but I don't understand…!"
"Don't put down your hands," Harry warned him. "And promise me you'll be a good boy and not try and find out about those terms until your… sixty seems a good time."
"Indeed," Marcone agreed. "I take it, Mister Dresden, that you and your young friends are here about Miss Saotome?"
"We're here to take her back!" Negi said defiantly at where he thought Marcone was. Since his eyes were covered, he didn't know he was actually talking to the telephone on the desk.
Marcone leaned back, exchanging a look with Haruna, who shrugged and smiled fondly. "Well, that would be problematic. Miss Saotome is a highly valued employee, who will soon be up for a promotion."
Haruna's head snapped at Marcone, her eyes wide an avaricious, her grin belonging on someone named 'Bruce'. Shark or Wayne, take your pick. "Boss?" she said.
"Promotion?" Harry repeated, having been lost at sea some time around the naked girls appearing out of thin air.
"She will soon be assisting Miss Demeter in the day-to-day running of this establishment," Marcone said, eliciting a squeal from Haruna. "So you can see how taking her away merely to live with one of your friends when she could continue to earn a living for herself and learn skills that would be extremely valuable for her in later life might be problematic for her."
"Aw, you're the best boss ever!" Haruna said. "I'm getting you a new mug!"
"Skills?" Harry said. "Like how to be like you?"
"Indeed," Marcone said, and Harry blinked at this straight forward reply. "The young lady has a promising and interesting future ahead of her. It would be a shame to see such potential not nurtured."
"Potential for what?" Harry just had o ask.
"World Domination," Negi and Haruna both said, the former sighing in a tired sort of way, the latter punctuating her statement with a thrust fist and a "WOOT!"
Harry turned to stare at Negi blankly. "Are you serious?"
"It's all she ever talks about in our career counseling sessions," Negi said. "She could actually pull it off."
Haruna preened. "Queen Haruna, no EMPRESS Haruna, Ruler of the World! Has a nice ring to it. About time someone gave it a shot. And what better place to learn all the managerial skills I'll need than from Big Boss here?"
Harry sighed. "The vampire was a clue, wasn't it? You're all actually here to take over the world."
"Ooh, that reminds me, I'll need to ask Eva-chan on tips on how to be evil," Haruna said. "Sorry Big Boss, but I'll need a bit more style where I'm heading."
"I leave such considerations to you, Miss Saotome," Marcone said.
Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. Why could this have been a nice normal day where someone was trying to kill him, and he had to unravel some convoluted web of clues to save the status quo of the world?
- To be continued...
A/N: Haruna learning from Marcone. Frightening. Be glad she's not with the Denarians. I'm terrified she might be able to out-evil Nicodemus. Not even Evangeline, in my Eva-fanboy opinion, can really do that. She's too moral, in her own way.
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.