June 4th, 20XX

Dear Ivan,

I'm really sorry. I was such a shit friend and I totally understand if you never want to talk me but I just-

June 5th, 20XX

Dear Ivan,

How are you? I know that we haven't spoken in a little over a month, but I was just writing to see how you're doing. I spent the first part of the summer in Canada with my dad and Matthew and now we're back in New York with my mom. Been here for about a week. I friended you on facebook but I guess you never check it. Anyways, I just wanted-

June 5th, 20XX


What the fuck is your problem, dude? Seriously. You can't just write a letter like that and then never fucking talk to me again. Fucking accept my friend request. Answer my emails. Something! Don't just fucking ignore me. It's really annoying and really shitty of you. How am I supposed to-

June 6th, 20XX


You fucking suck and I'm writing this letter to tell you that if you ever want to talk to me again don't bother because I will not write back. Because you are an asshole and-

June 7th, 20XX


Ok, just for the record, I totally like girls. So please stop sneaking into my dreams. It's really weird. And creepy. And weird. And it really confuses-

June 7th, 20XX

Dear Ivan,

I miss you. Ok? I'll admit it. And I also sort of think I might [the words have been scratched out so many times the paper is torn.]

June 8th, 20XX

Dear Ivan,

…Why am I even bothering? This is probably the twentieth letter I've attempted to write. But it's not like I know where you are or if you'd even read this. I just want to know that you're ok. I wish you'd try to get in touch with me. It's not like you don't have my email address. I guess I just… Never mind.

June 9th

God it is so freaking hot in this apartment. Why do I have to work today. I don't want to. Ugh. Why is my life so haaaaaard. Why does Mattie get to work in a nice little doctor's air conditioned office when I have to friggin wash dishes from five to ten Thursday to Monday. Ugh. When does school start? This place sucks. I'm too awesome for manual labor.

Speaking of school, I never checked my grades… Guess I should do that. Do I even remember my password?

Alfred F. Jones
Spring Semester Final Grades

Macro Economics: C

Creative Writing: B

Trigonometry: C

Basic Design: F (I didn't even know I was taking this class. Oops.)

French I: B

June 9th

Sooooo not showing mom my grades.

Arthur Kirkland will be in the US of A tomorrow night. I hope you all didn't miss me too terribly much.

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Arthur Kirkland you forgot to take your pills again, didn't you? I knew it was a bad idea to leave you to your own devises.

Kiku Honda I'm looking forward to seeing you, Arthur. Perhaps now Alfred will stop moping around my house.

Arthur Kirkland likewise, luv ;) I'm terribly sorry you had to deal with my pathetic best mate; hope it wasn't too much trouble.

Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones I DO NOT MOPE. AND STFU ARTHUR.

June 10th,

I took the day off from work so I could clean up around the house and get Arthur a welcome home gift. We're gonna throw him a little party. It was Matt and Kiku's idea but I like parties so I'm all for it. Mom's on-call tonight at the hospital anyways so we've got the apartment all to ourselves. I wonder if we can get him a male stripper, just to see what he'd do… Oh man, he'd probably kill me. But it would so be worth it.

Oh my god.

So, I'm on the sub right now and there's someone sitting a few feet away from me with really light blond hair… and he's wearing a scarf. He's got his head buried in a book, but I'm sure it's him. What the fuck is he doing in New York? I have half a mind to fucking-

June 11th

So yesterday me and Kiku and Matthew met Arthur at the airport and then we took the sub back to my place where we proceeded to get completely shit faced and we had a sleepover and it was awesome because I had like, all of my favorite people with me and we played video games all night and Matthew dared me to drink a whole gallon of milk and I did but then I threw up but it was still really cool. Kiku caught it on his camera so the entire world will now be able to witness how awesome I am.

But um… I swear to god that I saw Ivan on the sub yesterday. I was totally going to give him what for since he's, you know, in fucking New York and didn't fucking tell me, but then we stopped and he got up to get off and I wasn't completely sure that it was him so I didn't say anything.

I sorta hope it was him… Just so, next time I see him, I can rip him a new one.

From: Alfred Jones
To: Maria Santos
Subject: sup

Hey Maria, it's been ages! Sorry I haven't emailed in a while. Been pretty busy with work and stuff… Anyways, what's up? How's the Sunshine State? I betcha can't wait to see my beautiful face. ;) Don't worry, we'll all be headin for FL in about three weeks. Gonna make Francis throw me and Matt a birthday party and I know a certain sexy lady who has to be there. :D

Anyways, I was just wondering if you could tell me if you know what Braginski is up to? I'm just curious, you know. Haven't spoken to him in a while… Have you talked to him? I was just wondering.

Can't wait to see ya!

From: Maria Santos
To: Alfred Jones
Subject: Alfred~~! xxoo :D

Darling, where have you been all my life? I feel like I haven't talked to you in years! I'm doing well; been perfecting my tan. ;)

Why do you ask? I mean, I haven't talked to him, but I heard from Alvarez who heard from Matthew who heard from Gilbert who heard from Antonio who heard from Lovino who got an email from him a while back saying that he was doing well.

Hurry up and get your ass down here!

From: Alfred Jones
To: Maria Santos
Subject: (none)

Um… No reason. Never mind.

To: Alfred Jones
From: Maria Santos
Subject: (none)

Oh honestly, Alfred. He made Lovino swear not to tell you, and I wasn't going to say anything either, but since you asked… I'm just going to put you both out of your misery.

He's interning at the School of American Ballet over the summer. I swore I wouldn't say anything to you, but since you asked…

Dammit Alfred, just go talk to him. Ok?

To: Maria Santos
From: Alfred Jones
Subject: I KNEW IT


I so saw him on the subway the other day. But anyways…

To: Alfred Jones
From: Maria Santos:
Subject: …

Just admit it, Al. You like him.

…Don't talk to me until you've seen him.

To: Maria Santos
From: Alfred Jones
Subject: :(

You're mean.

To: Maria Santos
From: Alfred Jones
Subject: (none)


June 13th

Ok, so I'm still really freaking pissed at him for ignoring me, but still. Damn… I'm kinda proud.

Ivan's… well, he's doing something he loves.


I hope he's happy.

June 14th

So for the past few days I've sort of been thinking up every excuse I can to take the bus or the subway to 9th Avenue around the same time so I can catch him again, but I haven't seen him since the other day and I'm getting kind of pissed. And Matthew and Arthur are kind of getting sick of me disappearing at the same time everyday without an explanation, but what I am supposed to say? "Oh, brb guys, just going out to stalk my ex-stalker! Har har har!" Yeah. I didn't think so. And I think stupid fucking Kiku is on to me.

Yesterday when I left to "go pick up some groceries" he followed me to the door and asked if I wanted company. I was like, "Oh, haha! No thanks, pal!" And then he asked me if I was meeting with someone and I said no and he gave me The Look and made that "mhmm" noise he makes when he knows that something else is going on.

Anyways, I'm off to see if I can catch him today. I'm gonna have to sneak out this time though…


So… Arthur and Kiku and Matthew totally followed me in a cab all the way to the Lincoln Center, but they didn't tell me that they'd stalked me until I'd been there for a while. So pretty much they watched me sit on a park bench, sweating my ass off, and feeding pigeons as I stared at everyone that walked by.

"Erm, what are you doing?" Arthur asked, coming up behind me and scaring the living shit out of me.

I made up some excuse about how I just liked to go there to sit and think, but I guess that was a bad excuse cause they all sort of scoffed when I said that. Well, Kiku tried to be polite and covered it up with a cough, but I still heard it. The bastard. And then he was like, "Are you sure you don't just like coming here because of a certain dancer?"

I gave this fake laugh and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Kiku! It's not like I'm here to see Ivan or anything!"

They all just sort of stared at me. And Arthur looked like he was choking on one of his Death Scones or something.

Yeah that was definitely the part where I blew my cover. I patted myself on the back for that one. Way to go, Al. Way to fucking go. That was probably the most awkward bus ride home.

…I'm going back alone tomorrow. And I'm going to make sure that those nosey little butt heads mind their own friggin beeswax this time. And… and this time, I'm actually going to go inside!


…Stupid Kiku.

Security Camera: The Lobby
June 15th 11:45 AM
The Juilliard School of Dance, Drama, and Music

Alfred, wearing a plain red t-shirt and cargo shorts, sauntered up to the information desk. The middle-aged receptionist smiled at him warmly. "How can I help you?" she asked.

Alfred flashed her a big smile, trying to conceal his unease, and casually leaned against the counter. "I was hoping you could tell me where I could find Ivan Braginski?" he asked.

She raised a brow, turning away from her computer and giving him her full attention. "Who?"

"You know- really tall, really light hair, big nose, wears a scarf…" He made wild hand gestures to try and get his point across. "Ivan Braginski. Russian dude? Does ballet? Kinda weird? Teacher-person-thing?"

She made a slight "Oh!" sound and nodded. "May I ask the nature of this visit and what your relation is to Mr. Braginski?"

Alfred faltered and scratched at his cheek. "Erm, well… Friends? I think?"

She raised a brow. Again. "I see," she said. "Well, Mr. Braginski is busy right now, but if you'd like you're more than welcome to sit in the lobby and wait. I'm sure he'll be on his lunch break soon; I'll notify him that you're here to see him."

Alfred frowned and started to fidget. "No, you see, I have to see him now; it's really urgent."

The receptionist was starting to lose her patience. "Sir, if it's that important then you'll just have to call him-"

"But I don't have his number and I really-"

"Then you're just going to have to wait," she cut him off.

Alfred pouted and crossed his arms, glaring at her.

She narrowed her eyes. "Over there, sir," she said, pointing to a small sitting area near the opposite wall. "Like I said, I'll notify him."

Alfred grumbled under his breath and walked towards the sitting area, pulling a face and mocking her as he turned around.

He watched her for a while and not once did she pick up her phone. He narrowed his eyes and was about to say something to her when she got up from her seat. She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse and headed for the main entrance to take a smoke break.

Alfred smiled to himself. He waited until she was sitting at a bench a few yards away then stood up and walked through a set of doors to the left of her desk, a set of doors that quite a few people- many of them dancers- had walked through.

June 16th

Oh my FUCKING GOD. What the fuck. He fucking- I don't even- I just-


Ok. So first of all, that receptionist lady was such a complete bitch. I mean damn. I just wanted to see someone, it's not like I was there to shoot up the place. Stupid hag wouldn't let me in! Luckily she went out for a smoke, so I just snuck in. Man, I'm good.

So anyways, I just sort of walked around, peeking into rooms. There were few offices, but most of them were dance studios. I didn't want to barge in on a class though, so I just tried to act cool (It wasn't hard) and asked this kid that I came across where Ivan was.

As soon as I mentioned his name he began to shake. It was the weirdest thing. "H-he's in room 2-211. Th-that's his office," he stuttered and scurried off. I couldn't help but laugh; knowing Ivan, he probably scared the shit out of these kids.

So anyways, I took the stairs two at a time and walked down the hall till I came to the right door. But as soon as I reached it I totally froze. I mean, it's not like I was scared or anything, but, ok, I was a little freaked out. I mean, I had no idea what I was going to say to him, ya know?

So I just stood there. And stood there. Aaaaaand stood there some more. Until I heard this strangled gasp from behind me. I jumped about fifty fucking feet in the air and whirled around… and came face to face with Ivan.

…I guess it was a good thing I hadn't knocked yet, since he wasn't even in there and all…

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Sweat clung to his brow and he was only wearing a pair of shorts. (Why did I even write that? What the fuck.) Anyways, he was holding a pair of slippers in his hand; I guess he had just gotten back from class or practice or something.

I stared at him for a minute and then just sort of blurted out, "You should have kept in touch."

He frowned. "Please leave," he said.

Well that had been unexpected.

I blinked and frowned. "What?"





Insert staring contest here. He was the first to look away.

"I am very busy, Alfred," he sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Why don't you-"

And that's when I said it. I swear to god, I must have been channeling one of Kiku's Asian soaps, or a thirteen year old girl, or Lifetime or something, because the next thing I knew I'd told him, "I miss you."

I just stood there, a little shocked I'd actually said it. I mean, I couldn't look him in the eye because, you know, well, it was fucking embarrassing admitting that, but I still said it: "I miss you."

And it was true.

But then he didn't say anything and like, five years passed by so I had to look up to make sure he was still breathing and, and he-

God, he was fucking blushing. Like, hardcore. And then he was smiling and giggling and ugh then he pulled me into a great big you're-gonna-need-a-body-cast-when-I'm-through-with-you hug and I couldn't breathe or move.

And do you know what he said? Do you know what he fucking said? As he fucking twirled me around like a fucking rag doll?

I'll tell you what he said.

He said (And this is fucking word for word): "I knew that giving you the cold shoulder would work if I was patient! Oh, and my story! Did little Alfred enjoy my story? It tugged at your heart strings, da? I knew it would! You are such a silly, emotional creature!" And then he giggled some more, put me down, and proceeded to pet my head.


I take it back. I so didn't miss him.

Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones and Ivan Braginski are now friends.

Five people like this.

Maria Santos I take it things went well? :D

Ivan Braginski I had fun last night, дорогой. See you tonight ;)

Arthur Kirkland WHAT?

Francis Bonnefoy Mattieu and I were wondering when you'd finally come around, Alfred ;)

Arthur Kirkland Don't encourage him, Bonnefoy. Again I say: WHAT?

Francis Bonnefoy do try to be more supportive, rosbif.

Matthew Williams Stop fighting! And al- why didn't you tell me? :( I KNEW something was going on. I'm happy for ya :)


Feliks Łukasiewicz yeah, that's totally not how you spell business, hun

June 18th

You know what? I don't even want to know how he knew where I work, but I'm not gonna lie- it was kind of funny, watching him come through the front door and sit down quietly at a booth. He, uh, watched me mop. And it didn't weird me out so much. So I have come to the conclusion that I'm probably crazy too if his creepiness doesn't bother me so much anymore, but whatever.

Anyways, after work we took the bus. He said he'd see me home, but I fell asleep and we missed my stop so I stayed at his place.

We watched… Moulin Rouge. Don't ask.


If Matthew does NOT stop asking me what is going on between me and Ivan I am going to fucking kill him.


Because nothing is going on.


Because I am not gay.

June 26th

Holy shit.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit.


Did that just… Did we just…

Oh my god.


So I'm sitting in my bathroom because I totally need a moment. I just… I just fucking…


Sandmndjkefnjew OMFG OMFG I DON'T EVEN-

Five minutes later

I just fucking made-out with Ivan.

One minute later

Like… made-out. Like, I didn't even know tongues could do that.

…Another minute later

Ok so one minute we're hanging out like usual, just sitting there on my couch watching fucking Sponge Bob and eating pizza when he's all, "You've got sauce on your cheek."

So he wipes it off, no biggie. It's not like he kept his hand on my face longer than usual and it's not like we did that weird Eye Contact thing and it's not like I licked my lips and kept doing that weird Eye Contact thing and it's definitely not like I moved a little closer… But the next thing I know he's all, "Wait, let me make sure I got all the sauce off. With my tongue."

And then somehow I'm on top of him and his shirt is missing and we're like… making-out.

No idea what happened to his shirt. Still can't find it, actually.



Oh my god. Does that mean I'm gay?

The End
(for real this time.)


It took Alfred an entire month to admit that he liked Ivan, but Ivan was ok with waiting because they still made out. A lot. And went on a lot of dates that Alfred swore up and down were "definitely not dates." And poor Arthur- he almost had a heart attack when he found out that they were dating and Alfred really did have a heart attack when he heard Arthur use the 'D' word in reference to his and Ivan's, "relationship that is totally not a relationship." Even if they did move in together when Alfred graduated.

Ivan became a full time instructor at the School of American Ballet and Alfred decided that his calling in life was journalism. Ivan also started speaking to his sister again; after much prompting from Alfred he finally worked up the nerve to call her. Their first telephone conversation lasted well over three hours. He and Nicoloz still disliked each other, but they decided to put their differences aside for Katyusha's sake. Neither Ivan nor Katyusha spoke to, or of, their uncle ever again. Katyusha asked the two of them to visit, and so they began to vacation in Russia whenever they could afford the holiday.

And one summer, Ivan finally got to show his sister the ocean.

As for everyone else, Matthew and Francis were happily "married" and moved to Quebec to study to become doctors, Kiku and Arthur decided to stay in New York and opened a little book store (because Alfred wouldn't forgive them if they moved out of the country), Ludwig and Feliciano moved to Chicago; Ludwig became a police officer and Feliciano opened up his own restaurant, Antonio and Romano decided to stay in Spain, Roderich still couldn't decide between Elizabeta or Gilbert, and Natalia…

Well, Natalia never did make it to New York. She was caught stabbing a man to death who made the mistake of hitting on her and spent the rest of her life in prison with no option for parole.

... :D

A/N: Thank you all so much for seeing this to the end; I honestly don't think I would have been able to do it without all of your kind words and support. Seriously, I've never been able to see a fanfic through, so I'm really excited and I'm really grateful to you all. I hope you guys enjoyed it; Dear Diary was very fun to write. And yes, what a stupid Afterward. But really, it's Hetalia. XD