The Black Vial
Main Characters of this fanfic: Kyle and Stan and Butters
Related Episode(s): Tsst, The Ungroundable, The F Word.
By: Akamaru Dog Lover
Last week was the most peaceful and the best week of my life. The really best sweet fucking week! Eric Cartman (formally known as (f.k.a.) Fatass) is strangely kind and smart and seriously, he'd would be a new Cartman that I didn't know existed… Like, I mean the last time he visited me and said he ran away from and the next day he want us to kill his mother, then the day after that, his mother's still alive and him being as kind as an angel, wait no, more like a saint. And you would say that's too fat to be a saint or an angel, you thought wrong. He'd lost like 40 pounds. FORTY FREAKING POUNDS!! I thought he would never go to any gay-ass fat camp and yet he lost 40 pounds, what the hell is going on with him. I don't give two shits about it.
Today I was going to Stan's house and found out Stan's dad reading last fortnight's newspaper that has a headline titled: "Eric Cartman VS Super Nanny". And there's Stan holding a magazine, the cover said "Eric Cartman cancelled Nanny 911 reality show" and tell all sort of rubbish about nannies which can make me puke my balls AND guts if I didn't stop Stan.
"So who win? Super Nanny or Cartman?" I asked Stan, pointing at the newspaper headline that Stan's dad is staring at. "Er, Kyle? Didn't you read last Thursday's newspaper??" replied Stan. "What do you mean?" I asked. Stan brought me to his dad's room and picked a newspaper on the end table and I saw the disgusting, large headline that says: "Super Nanny No Longer Super" and a picture showing Super Nanny/ Jo Frost eating her own shit. At the bottom at the picture, wrote what she said, "IT'S FROM HELL!"
"Holy Jesus tap-dancing while sitting on a toilet bowl Christ! Holy Shit! Holy Moses! Dude, what the fuck did Cartman did to her?!" I yelled. "I'm absolute sure that… that… that…" Stan said, "Come on, let it out!!" I said.
And before I could even get my brain to command my muscle to flee away from Stan, I've got brown puke all over my orange shirt. Oh, shit! Stan's puke on my shirt again, my mom is going to kill me and collect my DNA and create 50,000 more me and kill all of them with a flamethrower. The last this happened, my irrational fat bitch of a mother gave me a 4 hour lecture of cleanliness and scolded Ike for no apparent reason.
"Oh… that's much better! What I want to say is…" continued Stan. "SCREW WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY! Look at my shirt!" I interrupted him and point at my shirt. "Oh, dear…" mutters Stan "First, Wendy's shirt and now this… and now the washing machine's spoilt…" "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IT'S SPOILT?!" I yelled. And Stan slapped me to cool me down. And that actually worked… "Ok, what I was going to say is how are we going to clean this mess up now when your washing machine's spoiled? And I won't go back half-naked or my shirt washed by sink water," I said. "Dude! What's wrong with sink water? And why would you be so interested in fatass's war against nannies anyway?" asked Stan. "Ok, 1. My mother can smell sink water like five miles from here and 2. I was interested of fatass's war against nannies cause he was a saint the last time I saw him and he actually lost 40 pounds!" I replied quickly, especially after no. 1.
"Seriously, you're kidding right?? Eric Cartman, a saint, and lost 40 pounds?" asked Stan and laugh like mad. "Gah! Screw it! Stark's Pond, NOOOWWW!!!" I yelled like Mayor McDaniels yelled: "You four boys in my office, NOOOWWW!!!"
"Ok, ok, ok! Stark's Pond now? Right? Bwgh, hahaha!!!" said Stan loudly still giggling. "Yes, NOOOWWW!!!" I yelled. "LET'S GO NOOOWWW!!!" And right before the church clock strike 3, we've arrived Stark's Pond. Which is the only thing to matters is to clean my shirt and get the hell outta here fast!