az: Might be because I looped that OSM fanvid with SuG's Umbilical track. And considering I was stumped atm... and that clip gave me BL thoughts...

Because Shinji insisted I write this.

Please tell me your thoughts about this piece. =w=


Unexplained Affections

Written by Izzu alias honou-no-izumi

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He never thought there would be a day that he would come to bear such intense feeling of love towards a person so much. Oh... he used to. And not for just one person.

Though, he always thought that the feelings he had was just one-sided for him. Probably because that person was long dead. He used to think he was unloved, by just about everyone that he thought he loved. His mother... his grandfather... his father who had ran off on him. And oh, him...

That time, when Ryosuke had first walked towards him in that rotten cell... he thought he'd collapse in gratitude. His brother was not dead. His one and only... Ryosuke was alive. Of course, Hasebe Nagisa had shown him his picture before, but he had been sceptical then. It could have been a mean trick conjured out of nowhere to put him off guard. But the moment Ryosuke had appeared, he knew it. In all actuality, Ryosuke wouldn't have had to use his powers to prove who he was. He knew it, his heart confirmed it. But it seemed, after twenty years or so... there wasn't even a hint of recognition in Ryosuke's eyes when he saw him. He couldn't blame him though, Ryosuke had only been what...? Two years old since then? How could he even—even he himself wouldn't be able to remember anything when he was a toddler as well.

It was then he had decided to get out. And not just by any normal means that he used to ponder about—during his idle periods. He had to escape. He had to help Ryosuke accept his own powers, he had to make him independent. And most of all, he hoped that Ryosuke would be able to save his soul. But to do that, he also had to make his younger brother hate and despise him.

It had been a very painful task to do. Every time he had hurt Ryosuke in any way, taunt him; his heart would always jerked painfully. For some reason, Ryosuke had always been able to unleash his every emotion to him through that fond face of his. Whenever Ryosuke felt pain in his heart, it always showed on his expressions. On his gestures, his words... his voice. He never thought he would meet someone who could convey such raw emotions out so easily... but that was his brother.

Whenever that happened, he always felt as if he should wrap his arm around his body. Comforting him, apologise to him to say that he hadn't mean to hurt him so much. He had never been able to do that, because that would defeat his very purpose as to why he had started all of this. No matter how painful it had become, because he loved Ryosuke so much... he had to do it.

In the end, despite the outcome had been slightly differed from what he had initially intended, originally planned; everything worked out well. He was alive, but stripped of his godly powers. He didn't mind that though, it should be fine for him.

The past year after had been satisfying. He had acquired a job, none too fancy... but enough to support his simple life. Being able to watch over Ryosuke from afar was a slight perk. Still, he was satisfied enough.

When Nagisa had told him of their initial plan to surprise Ryosuke, he actually thought it would be fine. For him to get close again to his beloved brother. It was nothing, right? It was not such an expensive thing to ask. Shame on him to think it was...

xxx

Shinji looked up towards the big screen monitor that displayed Ryosuke's vital signs. He never thought he'd face a nightmare as bad as this. He glanced back towards Ryosuke's form on the bed as he lowered himself and kissed his brother. First on his forehead, then his cheeks, his li... he had to bite himself to stop from doing something that he would regret later as he sat back on his chair.

There was no reaction. Ryosuke's form was still unmoving, lifeless.

If not because of the monitoring equipments, he would have thought that Ryosuke might have already been lost. That image, was something that he couldn't bear to see. If there was anyone who should go first, it should have been the older one. Not the—but Ryosuke would have chastised him if he still thought about dying now.

But still...

Shinji lifted Ryosuke's hand close to his cheeks before kissing it softly. Inhaling his scent, feeling his skin touching his own... should he even love his brother to this extent?

Tears started falling from his eyes as Shinji made no move to wipe it away. His face would probably be even more haggard come morning but he didn't care. Why care when everything that was important to him rested on the very edge of a sword, threatening to slip away from him should he even think of letting Ryosuke's hand go for even a second?
He sobbed.

"Please wake up!"

Silence.

"Don't leave me alone... I love you."

"Ryosuke!"

Shinji held Ryosuke's hand tightly. Ryosuke was not just a brother to him. He was his one and only brother he had... and he was sure as hell do not want to lose him. Even if Death wished to do so himself.