Elliot Meets His Match

I own neither Torchwood nor Law & Order: SVU.

A/N: This idea came from the scene in "Meat" in Torchwood when Rhys and Captain Jack are arguing.

This can take place any time in Torchwood and in Law & Order: SVU.

Elliot Stabler looked through the window into the interrogation room and glared at the man inside. The man sat calmly in his big blue coat with a slight smile on his lips and humor in his eyes. He looked so damned smug and it made Elliot even angrier.

Before heading into the interrogation room, Elliot reviewed in his head what had brought him to arrest this obnoxious man. Fourteen women had been found dead; they were all naked and decapitated. After each discovery of a new body, the morale of the SVU squad shrunk and the frustration grew. The policemen had been getting pressure from all over to solve the case: their bosses were dropping by frequently to ask where the team was at, the newspapers had been giving the case front page status for the past two weeks which only served to amp up the public's fears and anxieties, and their own consciences were keeping them from sleeping.

The only thing the victims had in common was that they were all female and between the ages of fifteen and twenty-seven. The women were all different races, economic levels, and religions. The only thing that seemed to connect the women was the handsome man in the big blue coat who seemed to show up at every crime scene. He had managed to leave the scenes for the first twelve murders before the Elliot and his partner, Olivia Benson, had even arrived. They only knew of his presence because numerous people they interviewed asked why they needed to speak to two separate policemen.

SVU sat all these people down with sketch artists and now SVU had approximately ten sketches of the same man hanging up on their board. In each picture, the man had a strong cleft in his chin and a flirtatious grin on his face. They had begun to rush to the scenes in the hopes of catching the man. At the thirteenth murder they saw him. Elliot and Olivia gave chase but he was quicker and ten minutes later they had no clue where he was. They did however have a better idea of who they were looking for.

It was at the fourteenth murder that they caught him. He ran, they chased, and Olivia tackled. As Olivia got off of the suspect, he said to her, "Getting off so soon? Too bad." Then the suspect gave Olivia a huge, bright smile that would have made Olivia go weak in the knees had she not spent her days catching rapists.

As Olivia patted him down for weapons, he introduced himself, saying, "I'm Captain Jack Harkness. And you are?" He again gave her that dazzling smile.

Olivia's only response was to remove the old fashioned revolver he had stashed in a shoulder holster. As she handcuffed him, Elliot mirandized Harkness and prayed he would not ask for a lawyer. His prayer came true.

Now, Elliot took a deep breath and followed Olivia into the interrogation room. As they entered, Harkness leaned back in his chair and gave them a lazy smile.

Elliot decided to start, asking, "So, Harkness, what were you doing at the crime scene?"

Jack thought briefly about telling the detectives the truth but quickly eschewed the idea. He did not want to sound like a crazy conspiracy enthusiast by telling them that he was in New York City hunting an alien that killed and beheaded young women in order to feed off of their life energies. Jack simply answered, "Walking."

"Walking," Elliot repeated, disbelievingly. "You just happened to be walking past all fourteen crime scenes."

"Yes," replied Jack curtly.

"Are you sure you want that to be your story, Harkness?" asked Elliot with a smirk on his face and anger in his eyes.

Thinking about how dumb his excuse of "walking" had been, Jack changed his answer. "No," he replied to Elliot's earlier question. "I was out investigating the murders just like you."

"How did you know where to go?" Olivia asked, not wanting to tread on Elliot's metaphorical feet but also not wanting to sit this interrogation out. After the hell they had all been going through the past two weeks, everyone wanted a piece of this sicko.

Jack refocused his attention on Olivia and responded really slowly as if speaking to an idiot, "I went where the bodies were – just like you."

"Yeah," Elliot said, "but you knew where the bodies were before they had even been called in. Do you expect us to believe that you just managed to get to the crime scenes after the murders occurred but before the police got there every time?"

At that point Jack could have pulled the gadget that measures rift activity out of his pocket and explained how during every murder there had been a peak in energy levels but he didn't. Instead he said, "yep."

"You know what I think?" Elliot asked him, getting up in his face. "I think you killed those women."

"What?" asked Jack with an exasperated look splayed across his face.

Elliot's face was now so close to Jack's that Jack could see every pore on Elliot's face and every throbbing vein on his forehead. "You heard me," Elliot yelled. "I think you're a sick freak who gets off on stripping women's clothes off and then chopping their heads off. Then, you stick around at the crime scenes and interrogate the people in the surrounding area pretending to be a policeman so that you can be sure no one saw anything. What would you do if someone did? Would you kill them too?"

Jack looked at Elliot's red face so close to his own and raised one eyebrow. Then, turning to Olivia, he remarked with a smirk on his face, "This is quite homoerotic."

Olivia's mouth opened in shock. She had originally thought Jack was a deeply heterosexual man based on his earlier remarks to her and the nature of the crimes, however here he was making gay jokes.

As entertaining as Olivia's facial change was to Jack, it was not nearly as entertaining as Elliot's reaction. Elliot froze and the only movement Jack could see was that big vein on his forehead thumping up and down, up and down, beating an angry rhythm. Then, Elliot, who had been shouting a few seconds ago, lowered his voice to a deadly whisper and asked, "What did you just say?"

In response, Jack leaned forward and kissed Elliot on the lips, relishing the feel of Elliot's taut face.

At first, Elliot was too shocked to do anything but after perhaps two seconds he pushed Jack back violently, knocking over Jack's chair and sending Jack sprawling onto the floor. The look on Elliot's face was a mixture of shock, anger, revulsion, and fear. On the other hand, Jack's face was yet again sporting that flirtatious smile that all the witnesses had seen.

Elliot moved forward to hit Jack again and it was lucky that Finn had rushed into the room when he did to hold Elliot back. Finn and Olivia had to work together to get Elliot out of the room. He was so angry he was shaking.

Once out of the interrogation room, Elliot found himself looking into John Munch's grinning face.

"Not a word, Munch, not one word," yelled Elliot, his angry face warning John of the violence that would take place if he said anything.

Instead, Munch turned to Olivia and told her, "Liv, we have to cut him loose."

"What?" asked a perplexed Olivia. "Why?"

"We just got a call," explained John. "Apparently the U.N. granted Harkness diplomatic immunity about an hour after we arrested him. According to them, Harkness is an investigator who should be given leave to do as he pleases. I was told that if we interfere with him or impede him in any way, we could lose our jobs. We have to let him go and stay away from him."

Elliot, having recovered from the kiss, said angrily, "Fine, let him go. But you have to do it. I'm not going anywhere near that guy again."

There were two more murders after that and Jack was at both crime scenes. Each time Elliot saw him, he would set his jaw angrily and pretend he was looking at something vital on the ground in front of him. Jack just chuckled when the detective didn't return his waves.

The detectives didn't see Jack at the again because after that the murders stopped. While they were relieved that the murders had stopped, they were still on edge because they hadn't found the killer.

A few days later though, John Munch opened his mail and found a note from Jack. It read, "Hello SVU: Don't worry about the murders or the murderer. I took care of it. XOXO Jack Harkness – P.S. Tell Elliot I say 'hi.'"

All Elliot said to the rest of the team was "burn it" and then he walked out of the room.

"I'm going to put this in the file," John told the others as an amused grin threatened to conquer his face.