Not Another Lemon!

By Galaxy1001D

Kim Possible and other Disney characters are © Disney Co.

In his evil lair, the villainous Doctor Drakken laughed manically. "Bwa-ha-ha-ha! It's time to begin the countdown! In less than ten minutes a massive tidal wave will wash across the country! The United States will be destroyed! When the flood has subsided, laser-satellites will dry out the country and this land will be mine!" With those words, the blue-skinned villain pushed a button on his control panel and a set of numbers appeared on a computer monitor.

A girl's voice rang out. "Not so fast, Drakken!" Up on the catwalk overlooking the massive chamber was—

"Kim Possible?" cried Drakken in surprise and despair.

"And don't forget Ron Stoppable!" said the petite redhead's plucky blonde sidekick who stood next to Kim with a naked mole-rat perched on his shoulder.

"How did you find me?" bawled the mad doctor.

Kim pulled out what appeared to be a hair dryer with a grappling hook loaded in it. "Next time you try to blackmail the world, remember that the United Nations has Caller ID." The grappling hook discharged from her hair dryer and a rope spooled out. The grappling hook lodged itself in the ceiling and Kim grabbed Ron and swung down to the floor.

"Nrgrah!" groaned Drakken in frustration. "Shego!"

As cool techno music played from hidden loudspeakers, the mad scientist's beautiful enforcer leaped into view. Although she was only average height, her athletic figure radiated power. Her pale skin contrasted with her midnight black hair. Her cruel green eyes matched her green and black outfit. In contrast, Kim appeared dainty and underdeveloped. Only the redhead's eyes revealed her skill in unarmed combat.

"Hi, Kimmy!" Shego smiled as her fists ignited with an eerie green glow. "Ready for a beating you won't forget?"

Kim's eyes betrayed no fear. On the contrary, she smiled in anticipation. "Bring it!"

With an aggressive growl, Shego lunged at Kim, attempting to rake her with her glowing claws. Kim leaped over Shego's charge and struck the villainous vixen with a back kick as she landed. "Ron! Stop the countdown!"

"I'm on it Kay-pee!" cried the skinny boy, his voice an octave higher than he intended. He dashed towards the control panel and the criminally insane Doctor Drakken. "Rufus, find a way to stop the countdown while I keep Drakken busy!"

"Roger!" chirped the naked mole rat as it jumped off his shoulder and landed on the control panel. As the hairless rodent pushed buttons, Ron tackled the mad doctor.

In the meantime, Shego body slammed Kim, sending them both tumbling to the floor. As they rolled across the chamber, Kim seized Shego's wrists to keep her deadly glowing hands from touching her. When they had stopped rolling, Shego was on top, her emerald green eyes were less than a foot away from Kim's. Her face was feral, exited, primal. As they wrestled, the two fighting females brought their faces closer… closer… closer… until…

They hugged and fondled each other in a passionate embrace as they sucked on each other's mouths.

After nearly an entire minute of groping and kissing, Shego pulled herself off Kim and made a 'T' shaped gesture with her hands. "Okay, time out," the raven-haired beauty announced. "I can't do this. What's my motivation?"

"Excuse me?" Kim raised an eyebrow as she wiped her mouth off.

"Kimmy, we were trying to kill each other and suddenly we're making out?" Shego protested. "I know this story is a lemon, but it needs to be sorta real. I can't act under these circumstances."

"What's the big?" Kim asked as she stood up and brushed her orange-red hair with her hands. "You've been in lots of stories where our actions don't make sense. Why did you save me in the pirate episode? That was canon and I still don't get it."

"The point was I was getting paid a lot more, Princess," Shego frowned, "and I wasn't on screen and naked for eighteen chapters!" She pulled a sheaf of papers out of a holster strapped to her leg. "Let's take a look at the script."

"Okay, it couldn't hurt I guess," Kim agreed as took a copy of the script out of her backpack.

"Hey, what's going on down there?" Ron asked. "Are you two making out or what?"

"Why didn't you tell us you two were taking a coffee break?" Drakken sneered. "The buffoon and I beating the tar out of each other and you two are taking a load off!"

"Yeah!" Rufus added as he brandished his tiny fist.

"Okay guys hold on," Shego said in a condescending tone appropriate for a patient mother. "I just want to check something out before we get back to the porn."

"Sorry guys," Kim apologized. "Our bad. We should have told you we were taking five."

"I'm going to get something to eat," Drakken grumbled. He glanced at Ron. "Care for some corndogs?"

"Pop-Pop Porters?" Ron asked.

"Yeah that's what it says on the box," Drakken replied as he took a box of frozen corndogs out of a nearby freezer.

"Um, yummy-yummy!" the naked mole rat rubbed his stomach with his forepaw.

"You're speakin' my language, Doctor Dee!" Ron grinned.

"I doubt it," Drakken muttered as he put three corndogs into the microwave. "You two use so much teen slang that half the time C3PO couldn't tell what you're saying."

"Star Wars ref!" Ron gushed. "Awesome Doctor Dee! Way to go with the bondiggity pop cult ref there!"

"What?" Drakken looked back in confusion. "Sorry buffoon. Didn't catch any of that. I rest my case."

Meanwhile the two girls were paging through the script. "What?" Shego shuddered in horror. "What the heck is this?"

"I think I'm gonna hurl," Kim gagged as her face lost all its color.

"There is no way I'm sticking my tongue in there," Shego growled. "I'm not being paid enough for this!"

"This has got to be the sickest, most degrading story ever written…" Kim muttered in disbelief. "I can't believe that anyone sick enough to write this watches the Disney Channel."

"He probably gets off looking at the underage stars," Shego retorted. "Trust me, Pumpkin, whoever wrote this is sick!"

The sound of a microwave chime was heard and Drakken handed Ron a hot corn dog. "So are we ready to get back to work now?" the blue skinned scientist asked irritably. "Are we going to do this or what?"

"Take your time," Ron said while he and Rufus munched on their corn dogs. "We'll be ready in a minute."

"Well you're gonna have to do it without me," Shego announced. "I'm outta here."

"What?" Drakken gasped. "You can't do that! This whole story is about you and the cheerleader getting it on with each other."

"Yeah, you two have done this before," Ron chuckled as he winked at his naked mole rat. "It's no big, right Kim?"

"Sorry Ron," Kim said timidly, "but I'm with Shego on this one."

"What?" Ron gasped. "But… but… you've been in lots of Kigos! Lots of 'em! You've been in nasty stories where horrible stuff happens too! What's the big with this one?"

"Ron have you even read this story?" Kim shook the script in her hand for emphasis.

"Oh yeah!" Ron jumped up in the air and clenched his fists in youthful enthusiasm. "I'm not in it much until chapter eleven, then Yori shares with me the secrets of the orient! Ron Stoppable gets his tubes tied ninja style!" He used his thumb to give Rufus a 'high five'. "Can't wait for chapter eleven!"

"That's… um, great Ron," Kim stammered. "But doesn't the degrading porn and lack of plot get to you?"

"No way!" Ron giggled. "No one is going to be reading this for plot, that's for sure! They're going to be reading this for—"

"Ron!" Kim frowned in irritation.

"Sorry KP," Ron shrugged. "Look you've been in lots of nasty stories before. Half of 'em are on this website. You've been a lesbian, a rape victim, a single mother, a teen suicide and a murder victim. I don't see what the big deal is."

"The deal is that at least the other stories had some literary or redeeming value," Kim retorted indignantly. "This story is pure filth from beginning to end! It's non-stop smut that degrades both men and women! It's horrible!"

Shego walked out a doorway carrying a suitcase. "Okay, Doctor Dee, I'm off to Hawaii," the emerald enforcer announced. "Bye guys, see you next time."

"Shego, I'm barely in this!" Drakken protested. "This story is all about you! What am I supposed to do in the meantime?"

"I don't know," Shego shrugged. "There's a chapter featuring you and Warmonga. Maybe you could do that. Have a lemon all to yourself. That would be fun wouldn't it?"

"Are you kidding?" Drakken growled. "That woman is over ten feet tall! How am I supposed to satisfy a woman like that? If it didn't kill me, making love to her would get me hospitalized for weeks!"

"Don't worry about a thing, Doc," Shego handed him a copy of the script. "Get a load of this."

Drakken stared at the page in disbelief. "There's no way…" he gasped. Thrusting the script back in Shego's hands, he ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him. The sound of a zipper being undone was audible, and the others could hear Drakken shout. "I don't believe it! It's huge!"

"What is he talking about?" Ron scratched his head in puzzlement.

"I dunno," Rufus shrugged.

"Is saying what I think he's saying?" Kim asked her emerald nemesis.

"Yup," Shego nodded as she pointed out the part in the script. "It's like a blue anaconda. It figures," she blew a strand of her onyx hair out her eye in frustration. "This is the story where I'm a lesbian. He's never equipped like that in a Drakken/Shego story I tell ya…"

"Stop," Kim gagged. "Hurl factor reaching critical here!"

"You won't believe it!" A pale and shaken Drakken announced when he reentered the room. "It's freakishly huge! I'm like a tripod or something! Now I know why I wear a coat that goes down to my ankles and wear such baggy pants!"

"Kigo story," Shego growled. "Man, I could just kill the sadist who wrote this!"

"Come on Ron, let's go," Kim sighed.

"Go?" Ron protested. "But what about chapter eleven? While you and Shego are doing the Kama Sutra, Yori and I were going to get it on! Come on, Kim! I need this!"

"You've had lots of lemons of your own Ron," Kim sneered. "It's time to go. If you wanna stay here, go ahead. I'm leaving."

"Hey Princess, I'm going to Maui, wanna come with?" Shego offered. "As long as we're in a Kigo, we may as well make the most of it."

"Sure, why not?" Kim shrugged. "Ron is getting a little too weird right now anyway."

"Hey! Come back here!" Ron cried as the two green-eyed vixens walked out of the complex. "We can't do this! I know there's a lot of smut in this one but the main story is Kigo! Hey do you hear me? Come back! Hey…!"

Drakken looked down at his shoes. "I feel so dirty…"

"Drakken we can't give up!" Ron announced as he struck a dramatic pose and pointed the ceiling. "I'm going to make out with Yori in chapter eleven no matter what. This isn't over!"

"Yeah!" Rufus affirmed as he imitated Ron's stance.