The day was gloomy and it wasn't because of the rain clouds falling over the town. Amu felt herself tapping the side of her coffee cup. It was a slow, 'clink clink' that was easing her mind of the worry it held.
Sighing deeply to calm her nerves, she felt herself close her eyes. She was never too sure why she sighed. There was something calming about the release of air from within. Like a weight had been lifted; only to return again the instant she drew in a breath.
Amu was forced to ponder her own thoughts as she waited for him .For him to come meet her.
The violence that brought such confusion rushed through her mind every time his face appeared in her mind. It wasn't a huge factor in her mind although she knew it should be. Sadly, even Amu was realizing she wasn't bringing up a lot of emotions lately.
She was holding back and she had no reason to do so.
It only hid the truth from her.
Sitting alone in the café booth, waiting for him to come, there was a nervous twitch crawling up her back. An itch of nervousness or was it disappointment.
"Go away." She muttered to herself, under her breath as she lifted her head back. Resting back on the seat.
There was enough pressure in her chest. Stress would make the situation worse.
If the situation could get any worse.
Hearing the chime of the café's door bell, Amu's eyes followed the sound to the door.
He was here.
Her eyes captivated his and in the same instant, they both looked away from one another.
In a slow dull silence that hung under the voices of the café, he approached her. Slipping into the booth as quietly as he had entered.
Seated in the corner of the café, Amu felt alone although she was surrounded by people.
Surrounded by such unsuspecting people.
As much as she dreaded the silence, Amu waited for him to speak. Even she knew that there was no words that could answer the questions she didn't have.
Closing her eyes, Amu felt anger wash over.
Anger over what he had done.
Anger because they were here.
Anger that it had come to this.
Gritting her teeth in the displeasure of their silence brought on the onset of violant thoughts.
'Why won't you just fucking talk? Or is that too hard for you?'
Wasn't she taught better then to think such things?
'Amu,' His voice said gingerly, as she listened to the ruffle of his coat as he reached for her. 'I am sorry.'
'You fucking should be.' She felt the words lingering on her tounge.
With her hands on the table, she felt a soft hand drape across her arm in consolation which was pitiful.
Thing was, even he knew that he had to console himself before he could do so for anyone else.
As she proceeded to go through the stages of acceptance, a tinge of pain flooded her body. Biting her lip as she felt the feelings she had pushed down all day rise to the surface, she fought back tears of over welming emotion.
Amu could only lower her face.
How could she look at him, when she didn't understand.
'I don't, understand what happened Tadase.' She whispered to him threw the hair infront of her face.
She wasn't sure how, but somehow in the mist of what happened, Amu had lost herself.
Her feelings for him.
Feelings for the man she was to marry.
For a instant, Tadase gripped tighter only to let go.
Amu had known him long enough to know that that was a sign of sadness. Something he rarely tried to show her.
"Youre making this so much worse by not speaking." Amu thought as the silence filled the air once again when they both came up short of a voice.
She waited in the dull silence feeling her emotions licking at her heart, trying ease the uneasiness she felt. The sickness, Betrayl, and guilt she had inside her for him.
He had never been like last night. Even in her past memories of childhood, it had never been that extream.
'Amu, ' Tadase started again. A quivering of sadness flicking over his tounge. 'Last night, I wasn't myself-'
'I think we both quite understand that.' Amu hissed back at him
. Of all her emotions and feelings, the only one that wasn't failing now was the one she had relyed on the most during High School. 'Cool and Spicy'. The only thing that was preventing her from running out of the café in tears.
Her glace lifted to his face, and she watched as the words stung much as there was guilt in watching him react to what she said, there was also a deeper happiness in it. One that wasn't forgiving him, or excusing him from what he did to her.
What he didn't do to her.
'Amu please just let me explain.'
She said not a word at his request although ,deep inside she fought back the urge to yell at him.
As much as she liked to be 'cool and spicy' she was an adult now. Not a child. Yelling would make the situation much worse.
Weren't they there to fix things?
When she didn't response, Tadase knew it was his time to talk. His blue eyes looked from her to the table infront of him. He couldn't look her in the eye as he whispered, 'Last night I cheated on you.'
There was a pinch in Amu's chest as she watched his face contort as he said it.
"Cheat?" Amu's mind screamed at her, as her hands slip off the table.
Her body going into a surreal shock.
She had never said the word out loud or heard it till it now was bringing up her own guilt. A feeling she thought was buried deep inside.
'I was, half intoxicated last night.' Tadase continued. 'My batchelor party, it - - it got out of hand and I did the unthinkable. I was sobering up by the time I was done but, there was this- this,' He was stuttering over his words and Amu knew that he could barely remember what happened. 'This over welming desire to rule everything. To be incontrol, to have the power. When I saw you coming up the stairs, my mind hazed. I felt like I needed to posess you , claim you as something; for something.'
There was a pause as Amu recapped him chasing after her down the stairs.
Tadase noticed Amu's body slightly shaking at the thought and as much as he wanted to help; only in understanding would Amu feel his guilt.
He leaned over the table, slowly reaching for Amu's face. Although her eyes closed in fear before he touched her, he gently moved a piece of hair from her face.
'I never ment to hurt you Amu. When you fell,' He pulled back from her as he looked down again. His own guilt rising up in him. 'I didn't know what to do. I tried to reach for you but you fell before I could catch you.'
He sat back in his place. Quiet for a moment before Amu could hear his voice lower as if he disliked the words he was saying.
'But when you're boss opened the door to our own house, and snatched you from me; then there was nothing I could do.'
Amu's eyes flickered up to look at Tadase when he brought up Ikuto. Ikuto wasn't the person on trial here but ,Tadase's voice indicated more then what he led on.
Although one would assume that Tadase was done, from his disposition ; Amu knew better. There was more to say and she knew there was more. There was always more with Tadase. More then he tried to lead on.
Knowing that fact, she stayed silent. Waiting for it .
'I don't like him Amu.' Tadase started after a moment of silence. 'I don't like how he knows where you live, makes you work overtime all the time, and how he takes you from me.'
Amu huffed at that.
'I don't like knowing that you can go all the way with some random woman but when it comes to me you can't.'She snapped although the guilt pulled at her when she said that.
Amu actually didn't care that he had sex with someone else. If anything she was feeling a bit releaved knowing that she wasn't the only one who was cheating.
The difference was, Tadase couldn't help himself. Amu could.
He had no come back for that. He sat in silence for a moment which, Amu knew was his way of trying to sort things out.
More the anything the whole conversation was spoken more in silence then in words.
"Althought I , don't know what he has to figure out," She thought rudely in her head. "It all seems pretty clear to me."
Even so, there was something inside Amu that was pulling her to talk.
To confess. A guilt deep down in her chest.
He had confessed so why couldn't she?
The words were trickling on her tonge."Tadase, Ikuto and I are having an affair.."
No . That one didn't suit the mood.
"I've been cheating on you with him."
No, that didn't work either.
No matter how Amu put the words together in her head, they could never come out right or, didn't sounded at all remourseful. If anything, the phrase just seemed mundayne, bare of emotion. It was like she was just saying them to say them so he knew. Not so she would feel any more guilty about them.
She bit her tounge in agonizing discontent.
Telling someone should be the hard part. Not the guilt attached to it.
Little did Amu know that she had been zoning out the whole as she thought .Suddenly, when she finally did notice that she was absorbed in her thoughts, Tadase was frantically waving his hand infront of her face.
"Oh, that's right," Amu chuckled inside." We were having a conversation."
Although it wasn't the funniest of things, it did make Amu smile.
Her zoning out seemed to have broken the tension there was between them for a moment.
Sadly, Tadase brought it back again.
'I'm really sorry Amu.' He stated once she was back to normal.
Amu huffed as she folded her arms infront of her chest. She leaned back more agitated then when this conversation began.
'You should be sorry. I'm glad I hadn't ordered food or I would have thrown it at you by now.'
Through furrowed eyes, Amu watched as the blonde haired man wore a look of complete guilt. Something she was glad he wore at this moment. She was a bit irritated by his lack of control of his emotions. Not just around her, but others as well.
As much as Amu wanted to be mad at him. She couldn't. The sick pool of guilt in her stomach held her back. She too should be guilty.
'I know Amu,' He half whispered too her through thin lips. 'I hadn't ment to do this to you. Being so intoxicated and unsure of our marriage just brought me to- -'
'Wait, ' Amu blurted out as she leaned foreward on the table. 'What did you just say?'
"Oh this is not the time to act all 'Cool and Spicy' on him." She told herself. But it was like words were sprewing out of her mouth without her control.
Tadase was confused, as he should have been. Her mood had suddenly changed and now she was standing up to him instead of mouthing him off. That was new.
'I said I'm sorry?' Tadase said more as a question then anything. Questioning her if that was what she wanted to here.
'Unsure about our marriage?'
Tadase was starting to get uncomfortable in his spot. He never did re-like living things he had said. It was like someone put his thoughts on repeat and he had to contantly listen to them said to him, over and over, and over.
He knew what he said, he just didn't want to re-hear it.
'Yes that,' Amu raised and eyebrown as both of her arms once again folded across her chest. 'What is that supposed to mean?'
As much as Tadase knew that this was a typical trap girls set where they ask what something means but don't really care what it means, He knows that usually the girls , they just wanted a reason to justify their anger towards you. With this knowledge he knew he still couldn't avoid not answer in it.
Better to rip the bandaid off then to slowly peel it off.
'You know what I mean Amu. I already pre-explained it.'
That reply caught Amu a little off guard but, she retaliated quickly; thinking as fast as she could about what he was talking about.
As usual, there was only ever one thing that Tadased ever talked about with such dislike.
'Ikuto?' Amu asked as confusion rippled across her pale face.
He didn't even have to say a thing. She already knew.
That darkening gaze of hate was settling in Tadase's eyes, and his lips were slowly loosing all signs of contentment that he may have had. It was like a shadow washed over him.
'My boss, Tadase?' She questioned although she already knew the answer. 'I thought you were better then jelousy.'
Tadase huffed angrily.
'You thought wrong then.'
The aura that was radiating across him, was similar to yesterdays. The same evil, angry aura that wanted to distruct everything in it's path. Once again Amu was in the middle of it.
Now she couldn't get out.
'Tadase, once again you need to let it go.'
"Actually, I know you're right. You know something is going on,Don't you,Tadase." Her mind echoed as she talked, trying to convince him that nothing was wrong although everyone knew there was.
His anger was now justified. Amu had done this to them. Tadase had done nothing to hurt them.
'He's myboss. I've been working overtime to get a head of the game. You know I'm new.'
"And apparently a pretty good skank."The guilt yelled back in her mind.
'I just wanted the extra credit to pay for our wedding.'
'I just thought I could help us out.'
Amu couldn't turn off the guilt feature in her mind. It just kept echoing no matter what she did.
Amu shook her head in irritation but thankfully, Tadase had no idea of the real reason of her irritation.
'Everything is going to be ok though right? Our wedding is in a few days, Everything is all sorted out, and I won't work overtime until then, ok?' She tried to smile.
It was all she could do. Even as the guilt pooled in her stomach, she had to smile.
The guilt was just too hard to bare at this point.
Tadase seemed pleased once she was done but even Amu knew there was more for them to figure out. Maybe not at this moment but at some point, Amu;s kind heart would make her crack.
He watched the rain lightly start to patter against the window as Yoru's voice filling inside his head.
The boy was still talking, and to much of Ikuto's discontent, that ment he had to listen.
Luckily enough, the topic was of interest to him.
'So, ' Ikuto said once he heard the drilling of words suddenly stop in his head. 'You're telling me that Amu and I were once friends?'
Yoru nodded. 'Yes, as children you were good didn't like has never will.
As much as as Ikuto liked the idea that he knew Amu before, he wasn;t about to believe it.
He had no recollection of them ever meeting, ever being friends, or even meeting Tadase. Something was completely out of place. As a child, you remember things more vividly then you do as an adult.
And right now, Ikuto couldn't remember a thing.
As much as he wanted to search into the truth of what Yoru had said, he also could't bare to hear about her anymore.
She was disappearing through his hands, although she had been right infront of him for so long.
Ikuto was never good at loosing anything.
'I know that you're hiding something Yoru,' Ikuto said as he watched the unsaid truth write across on Yoru's face.' But,' Ikuto began again just as Yoru's mouth started to open. 'I'll take it for what it's worth.'
'What it's worth Ikuto,nya?' Even Yoru was confused by that.
'Yes, ' Ikuto replied. 'No one wants to tell us the real truth about anything. You haven't told me while Utau doesn't like her, where I met Amu, how I met her, how I met I don't remember anyone if I used to know them.'
Stretching back in his chair, Ikuto placed his feet up on the table. Being as cocky as he usually was arrogant."
Basically you've just told me a complete bullshit sentence and expected me to believe it for truth.'
Yoru didn't say a thing. The truth was definitely out.
'But, ' The word seemed strong in amoungst the betrayl that was going on. 'I will take it. I know that you're a good friend. If you can't tell me, then there must be something deeper here at play, Right?'
With a smirk, Ikuto watched Yoru's face squint as he bit the inside of check.
He was right an as much as the questions were burning down inside him, Ikuto was starting to figure that this was becoming deeper and deeper. Something he had to get to the bottom himself.
Just as his cocky arrogance started to reach a new peak , He noticed a glimmer of pink from the corner of his eyes.
As a moth to flame, he followed his eyes watching her past the window .
Trying to not stare, Ikuto found himself doing just that.
Yoru didn't seem to notice till Ikuto stood up,grabbing his coat simutaniously.
'Nya, Ikuto?' Yoru called out as he watched his friend scuttle out of the booth quickly.
Ikuto felt himself wave at his friend, as he flung on his coat.
'Sorry Yoru, ' He yelled back. 'There's something I have to do.'
'But Ikuto!' Yoru yelled just as he saw Ikuto fly out the front door.
Feeling a tinge of embaressment, as Yoru nnoticed the eyes on him from the café at the sudden outburst; he sunk into his seat feeling a bit set off.
'Nya,Ikuto you always leave me with the bill.' Yoru whispered tohimself as a feeling of irritation washed over him. Sighing his arms crossed over his chest.
This routine was normal.
Should it be?
'Shit,'Ikuto cursed himself as he ran around another block. 'I've lost her.'
Litle did Ikuto actually know, the girl he had seen was not imagination was only playing games on him.
Or was it telling him something?
Aimlessly walking in the cold air, Ikuto blew out a breath from his lungs.
Luckly for him the rain had subsided and he could walk to clear his heard of all
Aimlessly kicking a rock, his thoughts drifted to what Yoru had said.
That pierced, smart-ass punk of a friend was on to something and he couldn't put his finger on it.
Or a thought on it either.
Yoru had refused to tell him anything other then what didn't make sense.
In all of his childhood memories he couldn't remember one that included the Pink haired beauty he had come to know and love.
"Pfft, I keep using the word love when it doesn't exist."Ikuto stumbly thought to could only refuse what he didn't believe.
Or didn't want to believe.
Suddenly there was an extream pain in his gut that made him stop ; cringing in pain.
A moment passed.
As soon as it came it was gone.
It left him breathless, and as he sucked in the cold night air trying to replace the air in his lungs,an overwhelming feeling of sadness struck him .
Something was out of place but what was it?
The air stung his throat as the air traveled down.
It was such dry, cold air, and before he could stop himself, he felt a cough start that burned in his chest . It burned with an intensity he had felt before but had long forgot.
Trying to stiffle the coughing until it was nothing more then a hallow echo in his mouth, Ikuto turned his attention to the street he had been passing.
Ironically or not, he knew the street far to well.
Swallowing as he tried to moisten his dry mouth, He turned upon his feet following the direction of the street he was going to pass.
Now he was following it. Taking it where he knew it would lead him.
And within a few minutes he found himself standing under the dimstreet light as a few cars wizzed by, not noticing the turmoil he was going through.
How could anyone notice something he could barely pin-point himself.
Another puff of white smoke came out of his mouth as the air seemed to become colder.
With his large blue eyes, he looked up into the only window that was dimly lit.
Again without a second to react, the gut wrenching pain returned, and he clutched it diligently with one of his hands, as he tried to not keal over in pain. There was something more pressing he needed to address.
He waited for the vision to fill his eyes.
The only thing that seemed to bring him somewhere. Somewhere where he felt he belonged.
For a moment, he looked away, as a drop of water landed on his shoulder.
Feeling his gut once again scream in pain, Ikuto turned his gaze to the window.
Squinting his eyes he saw a figure in the window.
'Amu?' His mouth whispered as he watched a porcelain skinned beauty stand up in the window frame in nothing but a sheet.
For a moment, Ikuto felt like he was in fantasy heaven. The girl he was so fascinated with was standing in the window with nothing more then a sheet.
A bed sheet.
"Wait ,what!" His mind screamed as the smile faded from his face.
He lightly staggered back as if something had suddenly hit him. Something had hit he thought would never happen.
As quickly as her face came into view, it seemed to lock eyes with his. Knowing the power of what he was seeing, Ikuto felt himself start to crumble where he stood.
The pain in his gut traveled up the cavity of his chest to his heart, striking it withmore force the he had imagined.
His chest felt as though it was was being ripped out of it's shelter.
A pain he had never felt in his life. One of desperation, sadness and an overwhelming helplessness.
'Amu' He whispered. Even feeling her name on his tounge made his heart sting.
Was this heart break?
Was this how it felt to be torn to pieces?
As much of a man ikuto was, He couldn't compare to this pain. Not knowing what to do, he did the only thing he had done.
Followed his feet away.
Away from her.
Amu felt herself running down the stairs. Thoughts racing through her mind.
Ikuto had always been there for most valuable thing she had in her life was the joy he had given her. The life he breathed into her. The lust she had been searching after.
Yet he had seen it all yet seen nothing.
They both knew as surely as they both knew the sun would rise.
Still, even Amu knew that it was gone.
For this time it was really gone.
Tadase had been good.
Yet not good enough.
He was nothing compaired to Ikuto. Her Ikuto.
Everything she had wished to have disappear finally had been taken from her.
The Emptyness it replaced with Guilt. Just like she was being burned alive from inside out.
In no time, she reached the front door, and with fumbling hands of insecurity she undid the lock.
Her vision was hazy as she ran into the street.
Thecold water of the rain trickled down her back with a sickening feeling of humanity. Something she hadn't felt in a long time.
She had played Ikuto and Tadase like they were pawns on her chess board and that she could do whatever she pleased to them.
The reality of the situation was nothing of what she thought it was.
It was heart breaking and sad.
And now she was running after a man she knew she belonged with more then the one she was with.
For a moment her thoughts were clear.
Ikuto was the one she wanted.
But as she ran down the street after him in the pouring rain, she felt her own emotions leak from her eyes and blur the clear vision she had held.
'Ikuto,' She could hear her body say, without her trying, as she felt herself stumble as the ground below her began to feel looser then she had imagined.
She tried to keep running after him but, the guilt, and the pain, and the anguish was just too much to was left falling to the ground with her an arm outstretched.
Stretching, reaching, pleading to grab on to him.
Amu laid pain in her chest too much to bare and her will to easy to break
He was gone.
He could hear her screaming his name Behind him in the most heart breaking voice he had ever heard.
Ikuto wanted to stop.
He wanted to go back.
But he could no longer bring himself to do it.
The time for them had come and gone, and they were both leftstanding with something as invaluable to others as it was for them.
An empty heart.
OMG IM DONE?
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I WILL ANSWER THEM ALL IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.
Btw, you'll love the next juicy chapter ;)