The party had been a failure, a true and unimaginable failure. How had that vile clown gotten on the guest list? It had to have been Sakura, she had to be the weak link that allowed his name to be entered in, along with every single rogue that Konohagakure had somehow gained in the past few weeks. Even a few he hadn't known about, like the Green Flasher!
How in blazes did they get on the list so easily? He'd checked the list twice, and they had definitely, somehow, been on the list that was kept securely in a triple-locked safe. That he had checked again a day or two ago. It wasn't until he noticed someone had left a cat-shaped miniature model inside, which exploded and caused the Inuzuka hounds to chase him that he realized it wasn't secure really. Unfortunately for him, he found out that whoever had left the little 'harmless' explosive had laced it with urine from a bitch in heat.
He was going to RIP OUT THEIR THROATS AND SEW THEM IN UPSIDE DOWN FOR THIS! No, he was the hero, the savior of Konoha, he had to be the good guy, the dark knight that stands tall against the injustices of the world. He could put off things like petty revenge for such a noble goal. No matter how much he might want to violate the warranty on several devices by anally inserting them into the perpetrators of these heinous crimes against his personage.
And thus he was brought to a new and startling revelation. With the sheer number of evil ne'er-do-wells in his fair village, he would require an assistant or two to aid him in his crusade against the vile clown and his fellow rogues. But whom could he trust with such a vitally important position as that?
As he sat down to brood, he heard a loud farting sound, and felt a nervous tick beginning to form under his right eye. That cur had dared to use a whoopie cushion against his dignity?
He was so angry, he didn't notice the clone poof out of existence after finishing putting itching powder in all his underwear, 'whoopie cushion' seals on all his chairs and seal arrays containing custard pies behind every cupboard door... and that was just the start.
After all, he was in his sanctuary, his safe haven from the madness of the world. He was in his brooding corner, and that was all that mattered.
Several hours later, a glowering Sasuke arrived at the training grounds, looking at Naruto and Sakura with a glare as feathers dropped off his tar-soaked uniform. "DO NOT... ask." He growled, "I have not had a good day."
Bits of pie crust dripped off his face, as he randomly was scratching himself, when his hand got stuck in that rather compromising position he looked up just in time to get pelted by enough feathers to fill a pillow factory for years. Apparently, someone had played some pranks on him.
Naruto, being the consummate professional prankster he was, had to compliment the person that had pulled off these pranks so masterfully. He was so glad that Harley had volunteered for this run, maybe he ought to pick her up some treats on his way to the meeting tonight.
"I'm sorry I'm late..." Kakashi said, as he arrived, looking like someone had attacked him with a rabid dog or similar, "Some prankster planted a exploding cat in my book collection and caused the Inuzuka hounds to chase and attack me for the last hour."
"You today?" Sasuke groaned, wincing at the memory, "I don't know which person has a cat fetish and a hatred of us, but it's not fun..."
"Sakura-chan! Mark it down! Sasuke-kuuuun said a whole sentence without using 'Hn'!" Naruto gushed dramatically as he faux-swooned towards the rosette. Who promptly slammed her fist into the top of the blonde's head, leaving him cratered into the ground. "Ow..."
"Anyway, We have a mission to fix up the old abandoned old abandoned apartment building on the other side of town, in order for any rogues that are captured doing these misdeeds to be able to be housed in it," Kakashi stated, importantly as the trio of gennin before him all sweatdropped in unison.
"Old abandoned... old abandoned?" Sakura asked in confusion, for Kakashi to look at something off in the distance, his eye misting over with an ancient memory.
"Apparently, it had become old and abandoned, some ANBU recruits were fixing it up, then it became old and abandoned again when those recruits were sent into the field against the Kyuubi-no-Kitsune." Kakashi answered reverently, pointedly not noticing that Naruto squirmed a bit at the mention of ol' foxzilla. "Anyways, it's going to be repaired into the newly minted Arkham Asylum for the Insane and not ninja."
"What about the insane who are ninja?" Naruto asked, flippantly, "Do they get a place too?"
"Sure they do, they get to rent the jounin apartments, or are trained by Maito Gai as his apprentice..." Kakashi answered just as flippantly, giving Naruto an evil eye smile in return. The other two trainees face palmed at the terrible humor the two males were using.
"So by that logic, you yourself are insane, correct?" Naruto asked curiously, while raising his eyebrow in challenge.
"Sometimes, I wonder if we're the creation of a insane moron who should have trusted his instincts the first time," Kakashi muttered, before answering, "Show me someone who is guaranteed sane here."
Naruto simply waved a hand to where Ayume and Teuchi were busy making ramen for the morning crowd, daring Kakashi to refute that.
"Exactly. And they aren't ninja." Kakashi agreed while nodding his head sagely, "All ninja are, to some degree, insane, because we have a death wish."
"What about Iruka-sensei? He seems sane to me..." Sakura asked, a little offended that Kakashi considered her insane, and the voice in her head agreed quite loudly. Yep, not insane at all.
"Sakura, Over time, you'll come to find that there's something about everyone that makes them mentally... different." Kakashi explained..
"Like your pictures of Chouji and his dad in speedos Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto chimed in while looking over the jounin's shoulder into his book.
"YOU BRAT!" Kakashi snapped, the Naruto looking over his shoulder poofing out of existence, "Where is he really? I'm going to kill him!"
"NO NARUTO DON'T USE MY LADLE TO GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES!" Teuchi cried from the ramen stand, cluing the entire crew into where their blond bundle of annoyance was.
"Tch, let's go get the dobe..." Sasuke grumbled as he began marching over to where the two ramen chefs were fighting valiantly to prevent their favorite customer from potentially blinding himself permanently.
Ten minutes later, the group was standing at the base of an old, abandoned, decrepit, partially destroyed building. "Why are we at my apartment?" Naruto asked curiously as he finally got the mental image of Kakashi's fetish flushed from his brain.
"..." Kakashi 'said', his mouth hanging open, as he tried to think about the fact the one place people assumed the Kyuubi had destroyed, but actually just no-one giving a damn had, was Naruto's apartment building. It was about this point that he remembered having visited before, and just how bad the interior was. "We're here to assist Jounin Pennington in renovating the place..."
"Join the massive crowd over there," a man with a boxy object that looked like a photo camera over his shoulder explained, except it had some kind of seal array on it instead of a place for the film.
"Umm... okay... but first, where's my stuff?" Naruto asked curiously as he looked around to find the large crowd leaning against a wrecking ball. "What's that for?"
A brown-haired man walked up to him and handed him a sealing scroll. "Hi, my name's Ty, but you may call me Jounin Pennington. So, this is your house?"
"My apartment building... I have the apartment up on the top floor..." Naruto corrected, pointing to the one section of windows not completely boarded over.
"Well, that scroll contains everything salvageable we found in that place. Most of it is... well... worthless junk, and we actually checked with Sarutobi whether or not you needed some items," Ty explained while patting the diminutive blonde on the top of his head. "Oh, and don't worry about your pet. He's safe! . . . At least I think it was a he..."
"Pet? I don't... unless... no way... you caught the ramen monster from under my bed?" Naruto shouted in surprise as his eyes bugged out of his skull.
"So that's what that was... yeah, he's with some nice scientists..." Ty answered awkwardly before regaining his energy. "Now Naruto, do you know what to say to detonate explosive notes?"
"TENTEN!" Naruto called into the megaphone that had suddenly appeared in front of his face courtesy of the jounin, for the brown-haired trainee to somehow appear at his side with a trail of brown and pink blur following in her wake.
"BAKU!" Tenten screamed, causing the entire building to erupt in a fiery blast, causing most of them to leap out of the path of incoming debris.
Once the smoke had settled, Ty peeked out and looked at his explosives expert worriedly. "I thought you said it would be safe?"
"That was not the explosives yield we were expecting." The expert half-muttered worriedly as he rechecked his notes, "Somehow, the girl amplified the explosive yield of the notes with her cry..."
"Isn't she wonderful when she obliterates?" he declared proudly while wiping away a sham tear from his eye. Tenten just walked away from the rubble with a smug grin.
"My work's done here! Now to see if Gai-sensei will let me use explosives in the field..." she declared while practically skipping along the way back towards her training ground. Ty and the expert both looked dumb-struck, the cameraman looking at the departing figure worriedly.
"I thought those two special jounin I worked with last were bad..." The cameraman declared, "She... she's lethal."
"You haven't seen her around sharp things yet..." Naruto commented as he shuddered at the memory. "Sparring against her is always intense."
"Anyway, let's get together the build team and make it HAPPEN!" Ty said, regaining his energetic persona after the shock of such a massive demolition occurred, several large sealing scrolls being unpacked from a truck as they began clearing away the debris, the cameraman putting his camera down to help.
While everyone else was busy, a familiar white face appeared on the broadcast feed and smiled widely into it. "Hey there folks! I just wanna say I love the new place you're making me!"
"Some joker's hacked the feed!" a man called from a large truck to one side of the demolition area, several odd objects sticking out of the top.
"No, no, no, not a joker, THE JOKER!" the clown faced man called back with a ear splitting laugh as the feed cut off and they were no longer sending for broadcast.
"Running commercials, we'll keep it in," they grumbled, resigned to the fact they couldn't edit him out.
"Aww... I just wanna say my thanks, and give a little cutie a kiss..." Joker whined as he set the camera he'd hijacked down and walked towards the trio of trainee ninjas, looking completely outta place with his huge grin.
"My name's Ty Pennington, so, Mr. Joker. You're one of the people who this place is being renovated for?"
"You bet your buttons Penny-boy!" Joker called out proudly as he slung an arm over the brunette's shoulders, "Say, can I get my room done up like the Bat-cave?"
"No," Ty answered, directing him towards the designers, "You can however tell them what you'd like your apartment to be like, and hopefully, they'll be able to provide. We cannot however offer anything that could be used to leave the facility or that is someone else's property."
"Ohhhhhh!" Joker gasped as he stopped dead in his tracks. "Then I want a mural of Harley, Catgirl, and a few other girls doing the horizontal mambo!"
Ty was quietly thankful they were on commercial, since it was just before the watershed where they broadcast to. This was going to be a difficult build... not helped by his boss screaming, "GET THIS HARLEQUIN OUT OF THE PRODUCTION TRUCK!"
"Aww... But all the commercials you're broadcasting are so boring..." Harley whined as she was shoved out of the truck, "What's the point of watersheds?"
"Well my prrrrrretty mistrrrress... they are fun to loop arrrround..." a cat-eared woman purred from on top of the production truck with a proud smirk. "As in this is going out live."
"So... Those guys in there are meant to bleep out whatever bad language we use and cut away when Joker uses lewd language until... 9pm in some country several days journey away?" Harley half-read, looking at a piece of paper, "That sucks. Well, go call the rogues. We've got a design team to terrorize."
Ty suddenly realized that the people handling the pre-watershed censorship would be having a very bad time of this. Thankfully, the reveal WAS after 9pm, as he heard Harley and the catgirl talking about a dungeon.
"CATWOMAN!" the black clad feline fetish model shouted as though reading his mind. "Get it right! Or I won't tell you that the censors are all sleeping right now!"
"Damn," Ty summed up neatly, as the cameraman picked up his camera since the last of the rubble was cleared, counting down from 5, "Just don't film Catwoman until the watershed's passed."
It probably didn't help that directly behind Ty's back, Kakashi was reading a familiar orange book, while the Joker was regaling Sasuke with a magazine with a fold out center showing a woman that seemed to burst from the page. In fact one might suggest she had her 'bursts' done.
A few hours later, Ty Pennington left Konohagakure, his head in his hands, and telling Sarutobi that he was thankful they only needed him once to deal with the rogues. His production company was threatening court action if they had to deal with so much rampant breaching of the watershed again.
The good news for Konohagakure was that Arkham Asylum was completed. The bad news however, was that the rogues had effectively designed the facilities for each of them themselves, rather than the planned method, which would have involved padded rooms.
Only one room was full of restraints and items of torture, and Harley and Catwoman didn't care one bit about the fact, since they asked for that. Naruto also now had a new apartment a few feet up the road, well, more a small house that Ty had built as his secret project, since he'd fled the site after an hour.
In fact, it was Naruto's clones that had done all the work on the new Asylum. All the others rushed over to help Ty with his secret project, save for the camera men, who hid in the production truck as the broadcast was taken over by the rogues. Made especially worse by Harley, Joker, and Catwoman's color commentary often falling into the lewd categories.
Another disaster in the life of Konohagakure, all thanks to their friendly neighborhood rogues.