Okay, so this is my first fanfic on here. I've written previous stories elsewhere, but we'll leave those behind me for the moment. Please be gentle. Anyone that wants to be my BETA I would greatly appreciate it; I know my writing isn't perfect.
Before I get too long winded, I want to give a special thanks to my friend Diana for sticking by me on this and harassing me until I posted it. I hope others like it as much as we do, otherwise we're crazy. =)
*All characters are property of the glorious Stephenie Meyer. Story concept, however, is mine.
Ever thought the universe figured that your life was nothing more than a cruel joke? Something to play with, a toy of sorts? Well, I was sure that was what I was created to be: a perpetual joke, a life for some higher being to take enjoyment from and for me to constantly suffer. Nothing would ever be my own, my existence included. I was sure this is what I was destined to be, alone and bitter, not to mention an eternal sixteen and a half year old shape shifter. I should be accustomed to losing things, first my mother at the age of five, my active father; since he can no longer use his legs, the love of my life to death, and the thing that would end it all, death itself. I couldn't die, but after meeting her I wasn't sure I wanted to anymore. The desire was fleeting.
I never thought love would find me, imprint yes, love no. It just did not seem like something I wanted to take part in ever again. And I never had the desire to imprint on anyone, the whole concept seemed forced and unnatural (I suppose to my human self, I had that notion right, but the wolf in me said otherwise). I had tried to the best of my ability to move on from Bella, but it appeared like the more I tried to fake it until I made it, the worse off I was. I wasn't me anymore; the carefree Jacob that I used to be and I missed my old self (pitiful, I know). Then she happened and I was able smile and laugh again. Too bad it was short lived. Death lurked around the corner without me even knowing; I was blind to it all, she was all I saw.
Then I lost her, just as quickly as I had her. And almost after giving up hope, the universe decided to give me a break, and allow her back in my life again; only she was different. I hadn't ever given much thought to a life without her, after I met her, yet here I was contemplating just that, again. I was always the one left contemplating crap like this. Doesn't this damn imprint mean anything to anyone else but me? Don't the Great Spirits or who the hell ever is in charge of the whole imprinting process have an ounce of control over this? Why is this happening, again? Hasn't the pain that I've suffered over the last five years meant anything to them?
Tears pricked at my eyes as I stare at the choice before hand; either I attempt end myself so I don't have to entertain a life without her or watch her die and take what's left of my heart with her. I wouldn't be able to deal with death taking someone else from me, I didn't have the strength.
I hadn't planned on loving her or anyone for that matter after Bella, and I was in too deep trying to keep my head above water; hoping that in the horizon there would be a ray of hope to drag me from the murky waters that threatened to consume my whole being.