I don't own Ashes to Ashes... (or Uptown Girl)

A few people requested an 'Uptown Girl' inspired fic to go along with the speculations over on TRA... so here it is!

It's not exactly plot free – there is a vague plot that is very easily resolved, and a lot of innuendo throughout, but I couldn't bring myself to do the UG setting without actual reasoning... I'm not brave enough to have Gene dancing, so forgive the fact it doesn't exactly follow the Billy Joel video!

Anyways, hope it's vaguely entertaining....

No smut as yet...



"You are kidding me, right?" Alex said, feeling her lip curl up in disdain as Gene, Ray and Chris all stood smugly on the other side of her desk. Ray and Chris shook their heads in time, though Gene seemed to think such behaviour above him, and simply looked at her with smug approval on his lips. "No," she said quickly, shaking her head and jabbing her finger at the file on her desk. "This is serious," she hissed. "I am not sitting out on this because of a simple case of gender difference! Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I don't know my way around an engine!"

Ray snorted in amusement whilst Chris cringed in embarrassment; Gene raised a challenging eyebrow. "Is that so?" He asked.


He smirked, clapping his gloved hands together once and rubbing exaggeratedly. "Well then, Lady Bols, you prove you know where the gasket is, and you can wear Ray's overalls; deal?"

Alex smiled, straightening up instantly. "Agreed!" She said, turning on her heel. "Come on then; I'm going to prove you all wrong!"

Gene, Ray and Chris exchanged glances, and then obediently trooped outside to the front of the building, where Alex stood beside the Quattro, looking decidedly smug.

Stepping forward, Gene opened up the bonnet, smirking as he exaggeratedly waved at the large engine. "Come on then, Bolly," he said. "Amaze me with your knowledge of my cars anatomy! Get it and I'll-" he broke off as she reached out a hand to rest on the side of the car, looking utterly insulted as he slapped it away. "Don't touch my bloody car woman!"

"How else am I supposed to demonstrate?" She asked sweetly, smiling falsely up at him.

"If you need to ask me that Bols, you should keep yer hands in yer pockets and let us do the work!" He watched anxiously as her hand moved to reach out again, before finally falling to rest at her waist as she perused the engine slowly. Gene tapped his foot impatiently. "Y'know, these two ain't Einstein and Newton," he said, jerking his head towards Ray and Chris, who both glowered slightly at his words, "but at least they know how to handle a car!"

Alex made a small noise of disagreement, turning to the car and muttering under her breath as she looked carefully at the engine, "and yet you all remain hopelessly naive about handling a woman's 'engine', so to speak..." Gene caught the finger waggle, and instantly narrowed his eyes as he leant forwards to speak to her.

"Gasket," he said firmly, nodding towards the car. "Show me."

She looked down, pursing her lips in thought and trying to remember back to her driving lessons; she knew they'd taught her the way around an engine, because they'd asked her questions about it, but since then the only time she'd needed it was when she and Peter broke down, and he was egotistical enough to refuse her help as he fiddled around with the engine until it shuddered back to life... But surely, it couldn't be that difficult? The only problem was, she couldn't for the life of her remember what a gasket was; she knew what it was in sailing, after a disastrous trip with Evan in her youth, but somehow she didn't think a large rope was going to appear in the car engine... Why couldn't he have asked something simple, like, 'which pedal's the clutch?' or even, 'where's the petrol tank?' Why did it have to be the bloody gasket? There was that round thing, with the metal wrapped around it... it was a long shot, but other than admitting she had no idea, there wasn't really another choice...

"And as to handling your engine," Gene murmured huskily in her ear, jerking her from her thoughts as he settled himself close behind, sending a slight shiver down her spine. "I'd only need to rev once or twice to overheat your thermostat..."

Thermostat! She thought. She knew what a thermostat was! Why hadn't he asked her about that? She could tell him where the thermostat was straight away! But he had to pick the gasket, didn't he?

"Fuck it," she muttered beneath her breath, turning to Gene and feigning confidence as she smiled up at him. "Found it," she said chirpily. Gene raised an eyebrow, nodding towards the engine encouragingly and indicating that she should point it out. Fingers crossed behind her back, she pointed towards the object she had noted earlier, smiling triumphantly. "Your gasket," she said, smirking. Gene's eyes followed the direction of her finger, falling on the same object at the same time that his eyebrows raised.

"Congratulations, Bols," he said. "That's the solenoid..." He turned towards Ray and Chris, smirking with utter triumph and nodding his head. "Right then, Raymondo, you get to keep yer scrubs, and Bolly here is gunna make us all a brew!" Eyes twinkling, Gene lowered the bonnet. "Mind yer hands," he said, grinning at Alex as she clenched her fists tightly. "Don't want you breaking a nail!"

Alex glowered after him, traipsing in behind the others with a sulky expression on her face and following Gene into his office when Ray and Chris went to their respective desks. The second the door had shut behind her, she spoke up, her voice irate. "You know, just because I can't fix a car, doesn't mean I can't be undercover! I'm perfectly capable of-!"

"Handling a gearstick?" Gene suggested lewdly, throwing a dart casually at the board and hitting triple twenty with ease.

"No, I-!"

"Bouncing on the bonnet?"

"No!" Alex snapped. "I-!"

"Carwash?" He smirked, casting a swift glance over her long, lean legs and winking wickedly. "Sure there'd be plenty of punters, but I doubt the dirty poofter whose been grabbin' people in the streets is gunna go for it..." His eyes drifted up to the apex of her thighs and he shrugged apologetically. "Sorry Bols; some blokes just like a bit of sausage."

Alex wrinkled her nose in disgust, shaking her head. "You know, sometimes, you take Neanderthal too far! Just because I am a woman, does not mean I cannot be in the garage when you make-!"

"You ain't a bloke!" Gene retorted, throwing the next dart violently at the board before jerking round to face her. "You've got two pairs o' lips and tits that jiggle like Pavarotti's waistline! He's a bloody poofter! Unless you're gunna drop a dick out of yer knickers, you're about as useful as a frigid prozzie on the blob!"

"And I suppose the three of you are going to tackle him to the ground using your genitalia, are you?" Alex answered coolly, her eyebrows rising slightly. "Only, the way you all act, I'm surprised you haven't devised a box of some sort to put around your bollucks so that he can't touch you!"

"All I'm saying, Bolly, is that he likes men," Gene growled. "So what use could we possibly have for an arse-jiggling, tit-waggling bird like you?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "I'm not planning to convert him, Gene; believe it or not I have no desire whatsoever to impale myself on the penis of a man who abducts other men, indulges them with anal rape, and then slits their throats and throws them in the canal... Call me old fashioned, but it wouldn't be a very romantic evening, would it?"

Gene reached for his cigarettes, gritting his teeth before lighting up. "Look, Bols, I'm not sayin' you're planning to get down and play homage to his bent bollucks, but what you gunna do, really? You can't fix a car, you can't talk about cars, you can't tell a gasket from a solenoid, and you want me to stick you in a garage an' pretend you're in the trade? If yer stick a bird in a garage, she's either more bloke than woman in the first place, or she's rubbin' 'er tits on some lucky sods windscreen an' pretendin' to wash it!"

"There must be something I can do!" Alex said pleadingly, pursing her lips slightly. "Please?"

"No, Drake; that's final!" He took another drag on his cigarette and turned around to pull something from his in-tray. Alex stamped her foot angrily, moving forwards to jab him sharply in the chest.

"You wouldn't even have this undercover planned if I hadn't trawled through all those statements to find work out the one place they'd all been before they got abducted!" She snapped, glaring up at him. "I'm going to be there tomorrow, and you are not going to stop me!"

Gene rounded on her, his face an inch from hers. "I'll have your badge if you're within two miles of the place!" He growled. "I'm ordering you to stay put!"

"And I'm telling you, that the moment a homosexual man walks into that garage, you'll blow your cover faster than any bloody gasket!" With another pointed jab to his chest, she turned to leave.

Gene grabbed her wrist, his breath on her face as he hissed at her. "Grow some balls, Alex, an' I'll let you play with the big boys; since I can't see that happening overnight, I'm ordering you to stay away from there. Understand?"

She jerked her arm away, smiling unnervingly sweetly up at him. "I'm sure it can't be too difficult to grow some," she murmured, "it's not like they have to be very big, is it?" She looked pointedly at his crotch, then back up at his face, seeing the surprise and anger in his gaze before she slammed out of the office, grabbed her coat from her chair, and left.

Irate and pissed off, Gene couldn't help admiring her arse as she stormed out.


"Yeah, but Guv, what if 'e doesn't show up?" Ray muttered, leaning over the desk in the mechanics office. "These bloody overalls are itchin' me crotch! I've got a date tonight!"

"Lose some of that podge, Carling, and maybe it wouldn't be so tight!"

"It ain't podge!" Ray muttered defensively. "It's me di-!"

They were interrupted by Chris knocking on the door, frowning worriedly as he glanced over his shoulder, then back at Gene. "Erm, Gu-" he cleared his throat awkwardly, "boss- there's err... well... somethin' you should see..." Gene frowned, watching as Chris gulped and wet his lips, before straightening up and leaving the office. Ray glanced at Gene with a look of equal confusion, before following him out into the main garage, where someone had parked a deep red Chevrolet Monte. The owner of the old Cortina next to it was eyeing something out of Gene's line of sight with almost hungry eyes, and a moment later, he found out why as the car door opened, and out stepped none other than Alex Drake.

"Blooody hell!" Ray muttered, gawping openly as Alex sauntered over and tossed her keys into Gene's hands, then smiled winningly at the owner of the Cortina. Gene gritted his jaw, feeling the pressure of it and worrying briefly that his teeth might crack. Chris blinked awkwardly, ruffling the hair at the back of his head as though to hide his embarrassment, whilst Rays' eyes travelled unashamedly up Alex's body; Gene wanted to thump him... but not nearly as much as he wanted to jump Alex.

"Ma'am," he ground out, nodding his head in greeting and trying to ignore the smirk on her lips; he failed, and turned his head towards the car instead. "What's the problem?"

"Oh, I'm no mechanic Mister-?" She glanced at his fake name badge, and then smiled. "Mister Hunt," she said, her eyes dancing wickedly.

"Gene," he said, gulping hard and nodding again to the Chevrolet. "Any ideas?"

"Well," Alex said, pressing her hands together. "I've been told several times that there might be something jammed up the exhaust, but I'm afraid I'm not brave enough to try and extricate it myself..." Her gaze was harder then, but it melted away as she kept talking. "There may be something wrong with the brakes, too," she said, unable to stop the little smirk on her lips as she said, "I'm afraid I might have scratched that lovely red car outside when I tried to stop in order to reverse, but I'm sure there's no permanent damage- only needs a lick of paint." She smiled at Ray, then at Chris, and then again at Gene's tight jaw and narrow eyes. Feigning shock, she covered her mouth, "oh my! It's not yours is it?"

"No," Gene said, voice tight. "Shall we step into the office, Miss-...?" He trailed off, one eyebrow raised.

"Miss Ball," she said.

"Singular?" Gene smirked, unable to resist.

"Naturally," she said, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Shame," he replied, sounding totally unsympathetic. "You could use a pair."

Alex smiled, laughing lightly. "Yes, well, it's the subject of many jokes among my colleagues, too," she smiled at Ray and Chris pointedly before she spoke again. "Ironically, they're all men and I don't think a single one of them has a pair, either!" With a tinkering laugh, she sauntered into the office, leaving Ray and Gene staring in shock and outrage. Chris was a few seconds late, and he had to turn towards Alex's retreating figure before the words sunk in, his shock showing on his face. "Did she mean that we-?"

"Shut it you twonk!" Ray muttered, gritting his jaw and nodding towards the car. "Let's 'ave a look at the bloody car; that alright boss?" He glanced at Gene, who nodded his approval, tossing the keys in Rays direction before turning into the office, shutting the door behind him and stopping short at the sight of her.

She'd settled herself into the chair behind the desk, her feet up and ankles crossed with oddly prominent elegance, her long, bare legs stretching upwards until they finally met the skirt of her dress three-quarters of the way up her thigh. The dress itself was black and white in colour, cut above the cleavage, but still showing enough bare flesh to be risky. Her ears were decorated with large, dangly earrings which shimmered as she moved, and she'd settled a large black hat on her head. In her hands, she was holding one of the owner's magazines open, the naked girl on the front apparently not putting her off in the slightest as she perused the open page carefully.

She looked completely shaggable, Gene noted, and he hated it. Gulping hard, he walked forwards, whipping the magazine from her fingers and tossing it onto the desk.

"I told you to stay away," he snapped.

"No, you told me if I grew some balls, I could come," she corrected him, lowering her legs and crossing them as she sat. "And since I'm using the alias of Miss Ina Ball, I thought I deserved credit for effort, if nothing else!" Smiling wickedly, she reached for the magazine again, moving to open it to the same page; Gene's hand slammed down on the desk, pinning it to the surface and making it impossible for her to return to her reading. She sighed, glaring up at him. "I was reading a very interesting article about how to fix a leaking petrol tank; I thought you'd be wholly supportive of my mechanical education?"

"There ain't any articles on petrol tanks, Bols," he growled.

She pouted, and then shrugged. "You're right," Alex sighed, resting her chin on her hand and smiling coyly up at him. "I was reading about how best to obtain a blowjob; very enlightening, in fact!"

"Why are you here?" Gene said, gritting his teeth. "You want to blow our cover?"

"No," Alex said, glaring at him. "I'm getting my car fixed, and whilst doing so, I'm going to enjoy a coffee and pastry over at the quaint little cafe across the road!"

"It's a working men's greasy spoon," he glowered. "Go in there looking like that an' they'll be on yer like a rash!"

"Well, I suppose that's true..." she said thoughtfully. "But whilst sitting at home last night, I made another significant note on this case, and it might be of interest to you..."

"I very much doubt it," Gene growled, narrowing his eyes. "Unless its gunna get you out of here, I don't give a dog's left testicle!"

"Well, it'll help you catch the murderer, but if that's less important than getting me out of your hair, then I'm sure Ray will be more than happy to-!"

"What is it?" Gene snapped, grinding his teeth. Smirking, Alex stood up and walked around the desk, settling herself in front of him and reaching a delicately manicured hand to toy with the zipper of his overalls.

"Well... all of the victims were married... and all of them were having-" she paused, wetting her lips before glancing up at him coyly and finishing, "having trouble..." She smirked, her eyes dancing as she murmured, "So, I was thinking...?"

Gene had to frown to cover up the uncomfortable lump in his throat.

"You just stood out there tellin' everyone you're a singular Ball, Bolly," he pointed out, catching her hand and placing it on the table. "And actin' like yer didn't know me... so I'm thinkin' if the scumbags around, he'll 'ave cottoned on a bit..."

"Well, that would be true, if you hadn't been so blatantly open about the fact you knew me; really, Gene, you could have at least acted like you were leering; Ray managed it perfectly well... Even Chris looked a bit perky..." she smirked, standing up. "Plus, there's the slightly indecent way you ordered me into your office when, I'm sure, the other customers simply stand outside and tell you what's wrong..." She looked up at him. "So... are you going to play along, or shall I go and molest Ray's perm into disarray?"

"Why's it matter if they were married?" Gene asked, narrowing his eyes. "He's a poof; why would that bother him?"

"Gay rights?" Alex suggested. "There's no legal gay marriage; could be jealousy?"

"Doesn't explain why he'd need to rape 'em," Gene said, finding a cigarette and lighting up. "Not like he's planning to marry 'em, is it?"

"It's to make a point, Gene," Alex sighed, rolling her eyes. "He wants the legal right to what all straight couples have; by selecting men who have exactly that, he makes a public demonstration of his own desire for equal rights."

"By shovin' 'is pipe in the wrong 'ole?" Gene asked, frowning.

"It's really not that complicated Gene; he's sodomising not only a subject of marital bliss, which he has no way of getting, but also the very culture that refuses him that right!"

"So you want me to pretend to be your husband, so that some poofter can whip out his spanner and try to shove it up my exhaust?" He took a shaky, long drag on his cigarette and shook his head. "Not to mention slitting my throat and dumping me in the canal for a nice long swim."

"Well obviously we're not going to let him get that far!" Alex said, rolling her eyes. "Just act friendly, until you have some genuine inclination to arrest him... and that doesn't mean that he looks at you the wrong way!"

Gene glared, crossing his arms on his chest and glancing at the clock, his jaw tight, thinking for several moments, before sighing. "What do I do?" He asked, resignedly.

Alex grinned, her eyes glittering. "Act like I'm the most important thing on the planet and you'd like to shag me senseless every night for the rest of your life..." She fluttered her eyelashes up at him, smiling sweetly. "Do you think you can do that?"

He watched her carefully, eyes on her face before he murmured, "What do I get?"

She giggled in excitement, lifting herself onto tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "I'll let you touch my headlamps?" She said, glancing suggestively down at her breasts. Gene gulped, but shook his head.

"Don't think you want this enough, Bolly," he murmured, hand sliding to her waist. "Could be puttin' meself in mortal danger... need more than a flick of the headlamps..."

She smirked, giving a dramatic sigh before answering him. "Oh, alright," she conceded, "you can strip off my exterior..."

"Tempting," Gene conceded, nodding thoughtfully. "But there's no point in me stripping it if I don't get a good play with the chassis..."

"You drive a hard bargain," Alex murmured, meeting his eyes and bringing her face within an inch of his. "But then there are lives at stake..."

"Mmm," he nodded again, gulping. "Maybe you could give me drive shaft a quick oiling while we're at it?" He suggested, his hand sliding higher up her waist and resting just below the curve of his breast, thumb gently teasing. Alex shivered, taking his hand in hers and meeting his eyes carefully.

"I'll squeeze you in as soon as possible," she murmured, eyes glittering. Gene smirked, and allowed her to lead him from the office and out into the garage.


Ray and Chris were busy puzzling over the Chevrolet, but it didn't stop them both looking up in shock when Alex and Gene walked from the office hand-in-hand, she looking positively smug, whilst Gene looked as though he were struggling with some mighty task, that, given how Alex looked, might have been keeping his hands off her. Ray's eyes followed them with unmistakeable jealousy, his jaw dropping as he muttered, "jammy bastard!"

Chris simply frowned, scratching his head as he spoke. "Thought they hated each other?"

"Oh-ho-ho!" Ray chuckled to himself as the two senior officers walked out into the street and turned to face one another. "He'll be inside downstairs tonight, I bet!"


She turned to him on the pavement, draping her arms around his neck and tangling her hand familiarly in his hair; Gene gulped, hands resting on her waist awkwardly.

"I know it's been difficult," Alex said, her voice reasonably loud, but not enough to rouse suspicion. "But I'll happily be Mrs Hunt again, if you're willing to admit that asking me watch you have anal sex with Roberto was a little too far!"

Gene spluttered, pushing her away and staring at her in horror. "You bloody wha-?"

"Gene, it's nothing to be ashamed of!" She said, giggling slightly as she patted his cheek. "You're a mechanic," she sighed. "You're fascinated by how things fit together- I understand that! And now that you've realized that you do, in fact, prefer the way a man and woman fit together to how-!" Her giggling speech was cut off as Gene covered her mouth insistently with his, hoping to God that if he kissed her hard enough, he'd be able to shut her up. He wasn't banking on her returning the gesture, but a moment later she'd wrapped her arms so tightly around him that he wondered if she was genuinely attempting to kill him. Her lips were soft, her body slender and gentle against his own, mouth warm and inviting while her hand slid into his hair eagerly.

Eventually, he broke it off, drawing his head back and cupping her face in his hands, trying to mask his surprise. She blinked in surprise, lifting her fingers to her mouth for a moment as her breathing hitched. Gene nodded, satisfied, and a moment later he muttered, "I'm not a poof." Alex simply nodded, patting his arm absently as she frowned to herself. "Go an' have yer brekkie," he murmured, drawing back and pushing her gently towards the edge of the pavement, "don't want you fallin' on yer face."

Alex nodded, leaning up to press her lips swiftly to his cheek, pausing at his ear to whisper gently to him. "There's a dent in your bonnet, Gene..." Her hand slid across his crotch as she drew away, and Gene groaned, eyes closing tightly for a moment until Alex had disentangled herself from him. When they opened again, it was to see her stumbling into a broad, glowering man dressed in denim jacket and jeans. She teetered slightly on her ridiculous heels, and a moment later Gene had to grab her again, rolling his eyes at the other man as he spoke.

"She get's like this sometimes," he explained. "It's the oil." He nodded towards the garage as Alex's hand slid to his shoulder. "She goes crazy over it," he slapped her behind and smirked as she joined in.

"Nothing like a good bit of lubricant," she teased, patting his arm with a smirk before standing up straight again. His arm stayed around her waist as the other man's eyebrows rose in Gene's direction. Alex glanced up at him carefully, seeing Gene's lips tighten slightly as he nodded, then looked down at her. "Go on love," he muttered, "'ave yer brekkie before I decide to test yer suspension out." He winked at her, pressing his mouth to hers for a brief moment and marvelling at the ease of it before pushing her towards the cafe. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she disappeared through the front door, and then turned to meet the unnerving gaze of the other man, whose hands were shoved in his pocket.

"So," Gene said, frowning. "Need a mechanic?"

The other mans eyes narrowed for a moment, before he nodded, pointing to a red motorbike a few metres away before he spoke. "Bought that in a couple of weeks ago... is it fixed?"

Gene glanced at it, frowning thoughtfully. How the fuck should he know? "Give it a go shall we?"

The man nodded, his eyes flitting towards the cafe before he spoke. "That your girlfriend?"

"Missus," Gene muttered, hesitating for a moment before adding, "Just about, anyway..."

"Oh? How come?"

Small talk, Gene thought. Oh holy bugger; small talk with a bloke. He gulped. "Had erm... a rough patch..."

"Sorted now?" the other man asked.

"Think so," Gene nodded, glancing towards the cafe and catching sight of Alex near the window, batting off a leering admirer with a wave of the hand. A moment later she caught his eye, and nodded. "How 'bout you?" Gene asked, looking back at the other man as he motioned to Ray, then to the motorbike, and mimed keys.

The man chuckled, shaking his head. "No, no Missus."

"Shame," Gene said sympathetically.

"Not really," he laughed off. "I never really warmed to anyone, so to speak..."

Uncomfortable, Gene itched at the back of his neck, glancing at the other man and trying to find another topic of conversation; he did. "You alright mate?" He muttered. "There's blood on yer collar."

The man blinked, glancing down at his collar in slight surprise before he shrugged, smirking. "Little sod the other night – got a bit carried away."

"Thought there wasn't anyone?" Gene said, cringing. Oh fuck, where was Alex?

"No birds," he corrected, watching his reaction carefully. Gene gulped, taking the keys from Ray and moving over to the bike, saying nothing for a while. "You seem tense," the other man said eventually, edging slightly closer behind Gene, who clenched his fist around the keys and gulped hard, slipping them into the ignition and remaining quiet.

"You should get someone to look at you," the other man said, his voice lowering slightly.

"Yeah..." Gene gulped, "well, the Missus is busy, so I guess I'll have to wait."

"No," the man said, chuckling to himself. "It could be someone else..." the moment his hand touched Gene shoulder, he was being punched in the face and grabbed by the wrists despite his flailing arms.

"You're nicked!" Gene growled, twisting his arm around his back and nodding to Ray, who was walking over within a second. A moment later, the man kicked backwards, catching Gene firmly in the groin and causing him to double over in pain, letting the other man go by accident as he grunted something incoherent. He was vaguely aware of a key stabbing into his hand, and a string of swear words that were quite imaginative, even by Gene's standards, before he kicked the motorbike and ran. Gene stood up slowly, wheezing for breath as he watched Ray and Chris take off like complete imbeciles, Chris still grasping a spanner in one hand. Alex burst from the cafe a moment later, ran a few metres in her heels, then turned back and scurried over to him like a posh piece of skirt.

"Don't say it!" Gene growled, seeing the expression on her face. "Don't say-!"

"Bet you wish you were Miss Ina Ball now, don't you?" She teased.

"That..." Gene muttered grumpily. "Don't say that."

Alex laughed, prying the keys from his hand and putting them into the bike ignition, throwing her leg over with difficulty before looking at him. "Come on! If we hurry, we can catch up!"

Gene grunted a complaint about women, before walking over and jerking his thumb at her. She frowned. "What?"

"I ain't ridin' behind a bird, Bolly, shift it!"

"Oh, please! Now is not the time to-!"

"Do you know how to drive this thing?" Gene snapped, breathing heavily. Alex opened her mouth, faltered, and then glowered, shifting back in the seat and waiting for him to get on. He breathed deeply, and then swung his leg carefully over, settling himself as comfortably as possible before starting the engine, pausing slightly to glance back at her.

"You could've sat a bit more attractively!" He muttered as her arms slid around his waist. He started the bike and urged it forward, tearing off down the street

"Thought you'd like the straddle!" She shouted over the engine.

"You're straddling the wrong side you daft tart!"


Back at the station, with the suspect being questioned by Ray and Chris, Gene drew Alex into his office, sitting down at his desk with narrowed eyes. "I should 'ave your badge." He said, glowering.

She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. "Excuse me?"

"I told you to stay away; you disobeyed a senior officer."

Alex spluttered, staring at him in disbelief. "If it wasn't for me, you'd never have caught him! What were you planning to do? Intercept every time a man started talking? He had to think the victim was married!"

"And I'm sure your helpful addition about my romping with Roberto was a necessity in your plan, was it?" Gene glowered at her, his eyes narrow.

Alex shrugged, grinning slightly. "Well, I thought it might be a little leverage in our favour... particularly if he thought you were a closet case wrapped in the stigma of a straight man; it worked, didn't it? Not to mention that I found it highly amusing!"

"I noticed," he answered sourly. "Y'know, if you ever got driven yerself you'd probably find it a lot less entertaining to joke about some poofter molesting my gearbox!"

"I find that highly unlikely," Alex laughed, smirking. "And as for me being driven, I had several offers today for a thorough inspection of my clutch ability, and an 'accelerated shag' to 'put the brakes' on my relationship with you..." She sighed, shaking her head. "You know, some men take innuendo and plays on words to the limit! I think one of them even offered to have a fiddle in my bonnet and check his injection pump! Now I'm not old fashioned or anything, but that was just-!"

"Shut up, Bolly," Gene growled, tapping his pen on the desk in agitation. "You shouldn't have been there."

"You could have sent me home, but you played along," Alex pointed out, smirking. "I hardly think dismissal would be a fair punishment after that!"

"Course I played along!"Gene retorted. "You could've got us all killed if I'd told you to bugger off back to yer poncy palace! Not to mention the fact you were dressed to the nines an' offered to oil up me brake shafts! I was hardly gunna say no, was I?"

Alex tapped her foot impatiently, pouting slightly. After a while, she frowned and spoke up. "It's your fault, I disobeyed" she said, glowering. "If you'd let me on the team, I'd have never had to come along all dressy!"

"Yes you would," Gene answered, smirking. "Wasn't shoving you in them overalls for anything, even if you did get the gasket right!"

Her eyes lit up. "I did get it right, didn't I?" She asked, grinning excitedly.

Gene chuckled, but shook his head. "No, Bols; you really don't know your way around an engine, and it really was the solenoid."

Alex glowered, and then shrugged. "Fine... I'm going out for dinner."

Gene's head snapped up, his eyebrows raised. "Who the bloody hell with?"

"A mechanic," she smiled, waving her hand in goodbye.

"No you bloody well are not!" He retorted. "What about my touchin' up yer headlights?"

Alex smirked. "You're the mechanic, Gene," she told him with a wink.

Gene blinked, and then stood up, grabbing his coat and walking around his desk to tow her from the room by her elbow. "Screw dinner, Bols," he muttered in her ear. "Shove the key in the ignition, fire up the engine and rev till the tyres pop; we can fill up the tank later."

She giggled as he led her across to Luigi's, smirking wickedly. "Oh, I'd better fasten my seatbelt!"

"Or," he suggested, "You could just get under me mighty engine an' tell me how good it looks?"

"Sounds awfully worthwhile," Alex agreed, leading the way up to her flat. "But I personally think there's a leak in my tank that you should have a look at first, being a mechanic and all...?"

Gene nodded, smirking as he pushed her through the front door. "Right you are Bols; don't want the engine sputtering out halfway through! Open up yer bonnet an let me get me toolbox!"


... I have nothing to say, except apologise profusely to Billy Joel for ruining his video...

Mage of the Heart