"Listen, you'll really like South Park, I've lived here for years," Mrs. Johnson said, taking a right onto Marble Street.
Yeah right. "I think you'll enjoy it, plus there are plenty of neighbors around, I live next to this wonderful girl named Wendy, she's a senior in High School, just like you,"
Honestly, I couldn't care less. I just wanted to graduate and leave. I had no interest in Mrs. Johnson's neighbors. "Evelyn? Did you hear me?" Yes… I heard you.
"Eve is fine Mrs. Johnson,"
"Oh, we're family, don't call me Mrs. Johnson" she said. She had graying hair and huge teeth. She reminded me of my old teacher. And we may have had the same name, but as far as blood is concerned, we were not family. She was my biological dad's brother's widowed wife. She remarried, to another man named Johnson. I met her a total of 1 time, before–, never mind. "We're here!" she said joyfully. She parked her car in the driveway to a picturesque suburban house. It was big, so at least I'd have plenty of room to myself. "Well what do you think?"
"It's lovely," It's a piece of shit.
"Dear, you've got such lovely taste in music," Mrs. Johnson said apprehensively.
"There's nothing wrong with the Misfits," I said, walking into the kitchen. I was wearing a pair of jeans, a Misfits tank top and a purple zip up jacket. I didn't think I looked that bad. She was a conservative woman though.
"Oh no," she said, taking a swig of her coffee. "Do you want to take the bus or do you want me to drive you to school?"
"I'll take the bus…" I opted for the bus; I didn't want people to judge me on the first day by having Martha Stewart drop me off. I grabbed my bag and headed for the door.
"Have a good day!"
"Yup," What a bitch. I'm going to hate this school already. I walked down the path from the door and down the sidewalk. It was cold, really, cold. I zipped my jacket up the whole way and tossed my hood up. The end of the Marble Street was my bus stop. I saw a few people standing their already. I heard their conversations from afar.
"Remember when you almost discovered warp speed back in 3rd grade," A boy said.
"Yeah and remember when you pretended to be the Coon, Cartman,"
"Screw you Kyle, you're a dirty Jew. And you're still a dirty Jew; you can't out grow that,"
'Shut the hell up, there's nothing wrong with being a Jew," I walked up and looked at my feet, hoping they wouldn't notice me standing behind them.
"Shit, there's a chick behind us," one said.
"It's probably Wendy–," another one said, quickly turning around, and looking me in the eye. "Or not," the other boys turned too. They were all about my age, 17.
"Who the fuck is this" One of them said.
"Don't be rude you fat fuck,"
"You know what; I'm going to kill you Stan,"
"Hi, I'm Kyle," One said, he had little bits of red hair sticking out from underneath an orange hat. He was a ginger. And apparently a Jew. He was a bit taller than me, but not by much. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
"I'm Stan," another one said, and he was definitely taller than me, and he had black hair. He too was wearing a hat.
"Hi, I'm Eve," I said, trying to sound as confident as possible.
"Well hi; I guess you're new here," Stan said.
"No shit, genius, Hi, I'm Eric," the other boy said. He was a little bit chunky. He had a queer looking teal hat on, and he looked like an overall tool. Then there was another boy, taller than the others, with an orange hoodie on, with the strings pulled sort of tight. Kyle saw me looking at him.
"He's Kenny," Stan said.
"Hi, yeah, I'm new here," I said awkwardly.
"I'm sure you'll like it here, we have loads of fun," Stan said.
"Don't mind Stan, he's gay," Eric said.
"Shut the fuck up Cartman, you're a fat retard,"
"Screw you dumbass, I lost 40 pounds,"
"Yeah, what are you now? 300?"
"I'm going to kick your ass, you lily son of –,"
"Hi guys!" a girl said, coming up behind me.
"Hey Wendy, this is Eve, she's new here," Stan said.
"Oh hi! You're the girl who moved in with Mrs. Johnson!" I couldn't tell if I blushed or not. But I definitely wanted to.
"Dude, Mrs. Johnson's a douche." Eric said.
"You don't have to live with her," I said.
"I feel for you," Eric said. "I live across the street. She backs into my mailbox and she ran over my hamster back in 5th grade,"
"She ran over your hamster?" Wendy said.
"I thought you said she ate it," Kyle said.
"Well its dead isn't it? And it's her fault, she's a senile bitch,"
"Please, tell me something I don't know," I said.
"Why do you have to live with her?" Kyle asked.
"My mom went to jail and she's my last remaining relative who's not incarcerated,"
"Why is she I jail?"
"She stole a car, I think,"
"No biggie, I steal cars all the time," Eric said.
"Yeah right you asshole," Kyle said.
"Why don't you suck my balls?"
"I can't, they're too fat!"
"That's a good thing you fucking douche,"
"For all you know, you're still a virgin!"
"Am not you cocksucker, you're just pointing fingers so it doesn't look like you're the only one who's never gotten laid!"
"Go ahead make more excuses,"
"Go be a tool somewhere else,"
"Go eat some more!"
"I'm on a fucking diet you asshole, I don't rub pussy under you're nose just because you don't get any, but go ahead and fucking tell me to go eat some more, you know what I'm going to kill you,"
"Bring it on tubby,"
"I can't right now, the bus is coming," I just stared at the two of them. They continued arguing right on until the bus rolled to a stop at the corner. Wendy was talking to Stan, and Kenny and I were the only one's not conversing. He mumbled something.
"Excuse me?" he mumbled again. I had to look up at him, because he was much taller than I was. "I really don't know what you're saying." He grumbled, and slipped his hood off, revealing a shaggy head of blond hair.
"I said, 'I'm glad you're here, now I'm not the 5th wheel anymore,'" he said, referring to Kyle and Eric, and Wendy and Stan.
"Oh, is this how it is every morning?" He flipped his hood back up and nodded. "You don't talk much?" he shook his head. "I'm going to like you,"
"She's a nasty whore," Eric said. I was sitting next to Eric and Kyle. The girls at South Park didn't exactly like me. No worries though, I like these guys better than girls anyway. I especially like this kid named Tweek. I was kind of hoping for another episode so I could bang him. Oops. Too much information. Anyway, we were in lunch. I had nothing but a can of soda; I didn't really want to eat today.
"I thought she was kind of skanky…" I said. We were talking about this girl named Bebe. She was a rich brat, I could tell. The first day I was here she asked me which goodwill I bought my shoes at. What a bitch. I was going to call her a nasty fucking bitch, but Eric took care of that for me.
"But she's so hot," Butters said. He was pretty cool, Eric told me he was gay, but whatever.
"It doesn't matter if she's hot," I said, "She's probably got every disease you can think of,"
"Disease?" Butters said.
"Yeah like herpes," Kyle said.
"And chlamydia. I hear she's got that," Eric said.
"Yeah, yeah, you guys want to come over after school and play some Halo?" Stan said.
"I'm in," Eric said.
"Me too," Kyle said. Then Kenny mumbled something.
"Speak up Kenny," He mumbled again.
"Of course she can come you tard, Eve you can come too," Stan said.
"Sweet," I looked at all the boys at the table. There were a few bangable ones. Tweek, he's twitches just turned be on. I guess I just like blonds. Clyde, he was hot, but he seemed kind of a tool. Kyle, I definitely would tap him, even though he was a ginger. Kenny too, I only ever saw his face that one time on the bus stop, but he was really cute. And Eric was pretty bangable too. I could just imagine him in bed. He'd be one of those aggressive dominating types. I had to squeeze my legs together. I closed my eyes real quick.
'Hey, are you all right?"
"Fine," I said, trying not to look guilty.
"Ok, anyway back to what I was saying, she fucking digs me," Eric said.
"Yeah right, she probably wants your money,"
"You know what, screw you Kyle, you'd know something about money stealing whores you fuckin' Jew,"
"Just go to hell, you're a fucking stupid idiot,"
"Screw you man," Suddenly something whizzed past my head. Kenny mumbled something. Everyone looked over at him. His eyes were opened wide.
"Holy shit!" I said. There was a fork sticking out of the side of his temple.
"Who the fuck threw a fork at Kenny," Stan yelled.
"You fucking bastards," Kyle yelled across the lunch room. Kenny just sat there. I reached my hand up to the fork at gently poked it. It was really in their. Kenny winced.
"Oops sorry Kenny," I said.
"Who's taking him to the nurse,"
"I took him last time, when they pushed him down the stairs," Kyle said.
"I took him when they shut the locker on his head,"
"I took him after those emu got loose in the school, I tried pecking his eyes out,"
"Make Eve take him," Eric said.
"Whatever," I said, "Come on Kenny," I said. I was worried obviously. It probably was in his brain or something. I walked around the table and grabbed Kenny by the arm. He stood up and stiffly walked next to me. I linked arms with him and we walked out of the cafeteria and down the hall. "Are you alright Kenny?" he mumbled in response. "Ok," I said apprehensively. We finally came to the nurse's door. There was a big sign that said "Out to lunch, back in an hour," "Come on…." I said. I mean, there was a guy with a fork in his brain, and she was out eating. Kenny mumbled something. He reached his hand out to the doorknob and jimmied it. The door swung open, revealing the nurses office, with no lights on. Kenny walked in, dragging me behind him. He kicked the door shut, and headed for a cabinet. I just stood their awkwardly. He walked over to a mirror above a sink and tugged the fork out of his temple. He yanked his hood off and quickly threw a bandage over the fork wound. He put the fork in his pocket and turned around. My jaw was touching the floor, figuratively.
"What?" he said.
"Nothing," I said immediately. "I mean, are you okay? You just had a fork shoved in your head,"
"I've had worse," he said, tossing his hood back up.
"Worse? Like a knife wound maybe?" I said sarcastically.
"Yeah," he lifted up his jacket, t-shirt and all, and pointed to a rather long scar on his side.
"Holy shit, someone stabbed you?" I said incredulously. I poked the scar, which wasn't alone apparently.
"I get stabbed a lot," he said pulling down his jacket.
"What the hell are you doing that you get stabbed?"
"I never really do anything," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Oh," I paused. "The worst wound I ever got was when my mom ran over my foot with her car," he laughed. "What the hell is so funny?"
"I get hit by cars all the time," he said.
"Then why aren't you dead?" I said, crossing my arms.
"I'm just lucky,"
"Some people wouldn't call that lucky,"
"I'm not some people," he said walking towards the door.
"Well don't go and think too highly of yourself," I said, grabbing the door handle and walking out.