AN: Well. this was a little different to write... also kind of hard; please let me know what you think. Also, unless some more inspiration hits me, this is the last chapter of MyChoice. I wanted to end it with Jake and a song line that I absolutely love and inspired this particular pov. Thank you for all your reviews and enjoy!
"Your love shines the way into paradise, so I offer my life as a sacrifice."
~ "I See You" Avatar soundtrack
I should be dead right now, I have had so many close calls… but somehow, ever since I came to Pandora, Neytiri had pulled me through. My teacher, my best friend, my mate, had pulled me through.
I loved her beauty, her grace. I loved her laugh and her smile. I loved how she had a sense of duty, yet could be fun and unpredictable. I loved how she could be fierce fighting upon a mighty Thantor, yet still be gentle as she cradles a paraplegic marine. I loved her wild and free spirit; I loved her.
Which was why I was doing this. Studying the soft glow of the vines above me, I tried not to remember that I now was in the same position as Grace was when she died. I calmly tried to reason with myself that her transfer didn't work because she was already been close to death from the shot wound. Not that we really knew that for sure… it was just a reasonable guess…
In theory it was simple: I would leave my human body, pass through Eywa, and then return permanently into my avatar. It was just the return part that was tricky. Either I would return as a Na'vi, body and spirit, or I get stuck in some in between as spirit in Eywa. Which wouldn't be horrible, I guess… I just wouldn't be with my People, with her. The risk was worth it though. I wouldn't be worthy enough to lead this people, to be called Neytiri's mate, if I didn't give them my all. And that included my life.
As though sensing my muddled thoughts, Neytiri gave my hand that she was holding a gentle squeeze. Our eyes met one another's and held, soaking each other in.
Please Eywa let me see those beautiful eyes again…
I gasped as I felt the silver lit cilia rise and wrap themselves around my body and a chorus of voices swarmed into my mind. One voice however stood out to me the most; I immediately recognized it even though it had been six years since I've last heard it. It was impossible, but the voice was Tom.
Tears threatened to surface, but with Neytiri's concerned gaze and comforting touch I fought them back. I smiled, trying to reassure her.
I'm going to be okay…
Reluctantly breaking off our gaze, I closed my eyes. My love didn't have to go through seeing my spirit leave this body. She didn't have to watch me die.
Breathing out one last time, I followed my brother's voice. Please Eywa… one last favor…
I was home. Not home as in on Pandora home, but as in my childhood human home on Earth. My parents had sheltered Tom and me. We lived in the cleanest, smallest possible town left in the U.S. We even had a tiny, but green yard to play in with the other children who lived in our apartment complex. We even had one tree big enough to climb and play look out with. We were, in my mother's terms, lucky. I could see that now.
I studied the welcoming old fashioned red brick building in front of me, imaging Dad at his laptop working on finances and Mom attempting to perfect that final chapter of her newest story. I imaged Tom and I running around in the living room with boundless energy until one of our parents kicked us out to release it all outside through our many games of exploration or military. I started to walk towards our door number – S12 – and reached out for the handle, but a figure in the tree caught my eye before I could open it.
"Tommy!" I shouted, the childhood nickname slipping off of my tongue. "Impossible!"
My laughter rang in my ears as Tom jumped down from the tree and I saw my blue eyes sparkle with joy my brother looked at me and said, ""Really Jake? I've been dead for six years and when you finally see me you say, 'impossible!?' I'm hurt!"
I couldn't help but give a small smile, though it was gone as I remembered where I was supposed to be and the memory of the last time I had spoken to Tom. Looking up at him, I started to speak. I needed some answers. But I also needed Tom's understanding. Every other human being I couldn't care less about what they thought about my choice. But as much as I hated to admit it, my smarter, older twin brother's feelings about the recent events did matter to me. But first thing was first…
"Why am I still human?" I asked, somehow knowing he would have the answers like always. "And I had thought Eywa herself would judge me…"
"It is not your time to see Eywa face to face," Tom replied with a twitch of a smile, though his voice was solemn. "You have a clan to lead, toruk makto. You have a mate to love and a kid on the way to rise."
I felt my jaw drop as surprise, happiness and worry washed over in one big wave. "W-what… a kid…Neytiri's preg--?"
Tom winked at me with his still bright smile, "But you don't know that, because I never told you." Translation: I know you have more questions, but don't ask them because I technically shouldn't have even told you what I just said.
I could only stare at him. Then why the hell tell me that if I can't ask anything about it? Oh well. I had more important issues on my mind.
"Tom I'm… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got so pissed at you; I'm sorry that you had to give up your dream and watch me screw it up…" I had more to say; the dam had broken and I could feel my need to just let out the whole story. I hope you understand…
Tom interrupted. "There is nothing for you to be sorry for Jake. We're brothers; we do and say stupid stuff to each other. I didn't realize – though I should have – that those stickers would make you so mad." He paused and I waited, knowing that he was getting his thoughts together. Tom looked down to the grass as though he saw something past that. His face softened as though whatever he saw touched him and he looked back up to me with a stern expression.
"And what do you mean 'screw up my dream?' I died, Jake! It sucks but it's the truth. My dreams no longer matter! You though were and are still alive. Your dreams matter! And you dream of the People, of her! You found something worth fighting for!" Smiling once more, and speaking in a softer voice he added, "And I'm really, really proud of you."
That did it. I knew I was doing the right thing, fighting for these People and giving them my life -- giving my love and life to Neytiri. And no matter what anyone had to say about it, my mind was made up. But the last question I had, my very last doubt was put to rest. Tom understood; not only that but he was proud. My twin, my brother, my blood was proud.
Suddenly, I felt another mind, another soul join mine. Thoughts and feelings became interwoven with my own as they pulled me gently away from Tom, calling me home. ..
I watched as a lone male dreamwalker challenged the nantang. There is a fire in his abnormally small eyes. They told me of a strong heart within that would rival the strongest Na'vi warrior…
"Jake!" I heard myself cry out as I watched with fear. The dreamwalker was now hanging from a cliff, clinging on to dear life. The ikran roared with anger and I felt the fear rise. No, he was so close, so close…
I was trying to catch my breath as we recover from a toruk attack. Looking at my companion I saw him give a grin of relief and watched as he roared with laughter. He was insane. But I couldn't help joining him…
"I have already chosen, but this woman must also choose me," I heard my student, friend and love say. I felt my eyes widened in realization; he loved me also. He was giving his love to me. His words echoed my emotions, my desires.
"She already has…"
I felt my heart soar as I saw him return as toruk makto, the sunset giving him a legendary dream like look and feel. He was truly part of the People, part of me. He had offered his life to me. "I See you…"
I gave a sigh of relief as my mate opens his sky people's blue eyes, all my fear and grief slowly fading away. I had never seen him as sky people before, but I knew this was him in this small pale fragile form. Same man, same spirit in two different bodies. And no matter what he was, he was always my Jake. Because I Saw him as he truly was…
"I better not keep Neytiri waiting any longer," I grinned, allowing her memories to guide me to my new home. Tom jumped a little as startled out of his own thoughts.
"Go back then," He said, giving me a soft shove. "Oel ngati kameie, Jake."
I grinned even wider, "Oel ngati kameie, Tom."
Giving myself one last look around, I spotted a door in the building in which I didn't remember being there. Unlike door S12 this one had no number. Unlike S12 which was painted a clean cheery red, the natural wood of the door was rough and brilliant green vines snaked across the surface. I rested my hand on the handle.
"Come back my love…"
Neytiri's spirit grew stronger, filling my being. I was going back to her; all I had to do was open this door…
The first thing I saw as my eyes open was a large pair of green speckled amber eyes.
I watched my mate smile her pure smile of indescribable joy as I lifted my arm so that I could place a hand on her check and wipe away an escaping tear.
My life had just begun.