Okay you guys, I know it's been a like a year since I've up-dated! Ridiculous I know. Just completely lost my inspiration and I had to get a new harddrive for my lap-top and only recently re-found this story again. I'd half written this chapter previously. Sorry if it's not that good, just kinda lost my mode of writing it and all.
Didn't think anyone still cared about it, but I got a message asking me to please update so I decided to do it.
But yeah, I am really, really sorry. I'm going to try and finish it and everything. Have to get back into this story, forgot it was before the 3rd season! So have
to think right back.
Anyways, here it is. Sorry if it's not that great.
Ch:16 – Not how it looks.
"Knock, knock" at the door.
I forcefully pushed Merlin to the floor, I jumped off the bed and hastily pulled on my trousers as another more forceful 'knock' sounded from the door. I pulled on the first shirt my hands touched and stumbled to the door in haste.
Another half knock sounded as I pulled back the deadlock. I came to locking my chamber doors these days, for this very reason, I didn't want to be caught with my pants down so to speak. I wrenched the door open to find the livid face of my Father.
"Arthur, what took you so long? And why was this door locked, it's in the middle of the day"
My Father sounded like he was in one of his moods, great, which meant something was bothering him, which no doubt meant that he'd be taking it out on me and everyone else in the castle.
"Sorry Father, I was just.."
I was stuck for something to say for a fraction of a heartbeat, but my father didn't really seem to be listening as he cut over my scrambling for the next words.
"I don't really care what you were up to, but I want your dressed and down in the court meeting in fifteen minutes, it may have slipped your notice but you have your duties".
My Father gave the room a sweeping look and his brow creased even more, if that was possible, as he took in something behind me, that I could only imagine was Merlin. I couldn't help but feel the heat under my skin and the deadened feeling that had dropped into my stomach like lead as I thought of my Father ever finding out what Merlin and myself were up to moments before.
My Father however seemed to shake off whatever was just on his mind, and gave me one last stern look -
He said before striding out of the room, I watched him walk down the corridor until he turned the corner and out of my sight before letting out a breath and closing my chamber door. I felt sick, ashamed, I was almost caught doing something humiliating, degrading and down right disgraceful.
I turned around and saw Merlin standing near the bed, despite my previous negative thoughts I felt my heart flutter though my stomach churned all the same. Merlin was looking distinctly ruffled, his hair was in every direction, his little red neckerchief undone and his shirt was crumpled and only half tucked. I could see now what my Father had seen, and possibly thought...? I felt bile curdle in the back of my throat.
But as I looked Merlin over, taking in his wide-eyed expression, there was slight embarrassment, though he seemed clueless as to how ruffled and un-presentable he looked when the King had just walked in. Though ravenous all the same. I kicked myself mentally for letting myself think the last thought, but still couldn't help the flash backs to the blissful moment I was having before it was interrupted, even thinking about it for the briefest of moments still made me crave it a hundred times more.
I tried to shake off these unwelcome thoughts, as I watched Merlin pull out clothes from my wardrobe, holding them up to look at them before laying them on the bed. But I couldn't control my thoughts as I watched Merlin bend down to look for a pair of boots or god knows what in the bottom of the wardrobe, I tore my eyes away from this too tempting sight and directed myself to decide what to wear out of the clothes Merlin has just laid out for me.
It had been non-stop since I'd woken up from my sleep/coma thing or whatever it was. I'd missed out on a lot of my important duties as Prince of Camelot and Future King, or so my father kept going on and on about at me since the second I opened my eyes pretty much. Now I had court, this was bound to be mind numbingly dull, some old codger reading out something I couldn't care less about, while all the others then decide to discuss it for the next four hours.
As I was fastening my belt I felt a sudden jolt in my stomach, among other places as I felt Merlin fingers down the waistband of my trousers from behind as he tucked in my shirt. I closed my eyes, and swallowed hard trying to think of the court meetings waiting for me, but they were so dull they held my mind for less than a second. I felt Merlin's hands brush slowly down my back, and every thought of the upcoming court meeting was pushed out of my mind as if they never existed.
I couldn't hold back the spasm that shot down my spine. Merlin came to stand in front of me, avoiding my gaze he reached down to fix the front of my belt, which until that moment I hadn't realised I'd twisted, I saw a smirk around Merlin's mouth as he saw the state he has got me in, and his smirk went further smug as he brushed 'innocently' over my such state as he smoothed down the front of my trousers.
I saw the smirk turn into a total grin as he turned his back on me to pick up the red jacket that was on the bed and then proceeded to help me into it. I closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths trying to settle myself down. I forced my thoughts away from Merlin, and to my father and how he would react if he ever found out. This seemed to work somewhat, and I took that to flee to the door before Merlin could do anything else to drive me back to the edge again.
Just as I wrenched the door open and was about to leave, I heard Merlin say from behind.
"I won't be able to come later tonight, Gauis needs my help with something. I can't remember what it was, I wasn't really listening"
I hesitated for the briefest of moments before leaving without a word and closing the door behind me, a little harder perhaps than I intended to. I didn't know why I felt a sudden surge of anger, or was it anger? I couldn't quite tell what the feelings were as I traipsed down to the court dealings chamber. All I knew was that it wasn't a good sign I was feeling any form of such strong emotions about not seeing Merlin for just one night. It was ridiculous. And as I forced myself to feel nothing of it, I still couldn't help the niggling annoyance at the back of my brain as I entered the chamber where my Father and the others were waiting impatiently.
Later that night...
"Lancelot! Psst" I whispered from behind a plinth in the wall. Lancelot turned around at my voice and a appreciative smile spread across his face.
"Merlin, there you are! I went down to Gauis's and he said you weren't there and didn't know where you were"
"Shhh" I said, "Don't talk too loud, you're not suppose to be in the castle remember?" I said gesturing that he follow me down a corridor. I was happy to see Lancelot again, it was strange but I'd almost forgotten that I found him attractive. Then I felt guilty for thinking that at all. I shouldn't ever be thinking or looking at any other men, not since having Arthur back and being so close to losing him.
I pushed open the door to find Gaius weighing herbs and bypassed past him and into my room, Lancelot followed. I sat on my bed and indicated for Lancelot to close the door behind him as I heard Gaius ask me what I was up to, though his voice was cut off by the door closing on him.
"So good news then, about Arthur and all" Lancelot said taking a seat opposite. I couldn't help but beam, and nodded. "Yeah, he's doing great, like he was never cursed at all. Lot's of energy and everything" I said happily, letting my mind wonder briefly to this morning's activities before they were interrupted.
Though the next words out of Lancelot's mouth drove those blissful moments out of my head.
"What are you going to do about Uther? You promised that Druid Woman that you would kill him before the month has ended. Merlin it's already been two and a half weeks, you only have the shortest time possible to do this in. Have you thought about that at all? How you are going to do it?"
I really didn't appreciate the accusation in Lancelot's voice, like somehow I was deliberately slacking off with this dire task. I wasn't. I just had other things that frequently had been distracting me since Arthur had a woken, Arthur for one.
"Yes, of course I've been thinking about it. I mean I know I can do it, but I just.. I don't how I'm going to get away with it" I said feebly. Lancelot gave me a stern look. I didn't know why he was taking such an interest all of a sudden. I hadn't heard a word from him since that night when Arthur woke. Then this morning I received a letter telling me to meet up with him, that he had something of most importance to discuss.
"Didn't you say you had something important you wanted to talk to me about?" I said changing the subject. Lancelot gave me a sweeping look before speaking slowly, as if to an inept child. "Merlin, this is the important thing I wanted to discuss" It did seem obvious now that he said it and felt my cheeks flush slightly.
"Oh? Merlin, have you got any thoughts on how you are going to pull this off?" Lancelot persisted annoyingly. I shrugged. To be perfectly honest I hadn't really given all that much thought into it. Sure I had thought about it. But just other things seemed to be more important, or well, more pleasant. So I've half been putting it out of my mind. I didn't appreciate Lancelot being here and reminding me so forcefully, especially in the tone he was using. It was very much not like him at all.
"Lancelot, I know what I've got to do. I know I have to kill Uther or Morgause will curse Camelot. But..." I hesitated. Lancelot raised an eyebrow. "But what?" He said in a heavy voice.
"But" I continued, "what if I stop Morgause from doing the curse? If I could stop her, or at least do something against her or the curse she is planning to do, then I wouldn't have to kill Uther at all" I said gauging Lancelot's reaction.
Lancelot's brow furrowed and he seemed to be in thought, after a moment he laughed lightly under his breath. "Merlin, I know you are a powerful sorcerer. Do you really believe that you could stop this Morgause?"
I shrugged, "I don't know for sure, but I believe that I have a good chance that I'll be able to. I mean even if at the worst, she manages to curse Camelot. There would have to be something I could do to break it. Right?" I said. Not knowing how confident I felt in this plan.
Lancelot seemed to be thinking it over, he smiled and nodded. "Well, I have faith in you Merlin. But you'll be walking a very thin line to pull it off. But, if you feel confident that you'll be able to succeed, might as well give it a shot." Lancelot looked more confident with the plan and my abilities than I felt right now. But, with all things considered, I'd rather try and stop Morgause right now, than kill Uther Pendragon.
Lancelot and I talked late into the night, and I couldn't say what time we fell asleep. Next thing I knew however, I heard Arthur's angry voice in the other room before my door banged open with some force. I sat up straight in my bed, half disorientated.
"Who? What?" I mumbled blinking in the bright sunlight that was pouring into my room through my open window. Lancelot who had been sleeping on the floor jumped and hit his head on the corner of my bedside table and cursed loudly.
We both looked up to see Arthur standing in the door way with a furious expression on his face and his eyes darted between myself and Lancelot, who was now rubbing his head looking irritable.
"What is the meaning of this?" Arthur said through his teeth, looking directly at Lancelot who was pulling himself gingerly to his feet. I saw how Arthur's eyes narrowed as Lancelot used my bed to steady himself.
"Sire" Lancelot said in his most polite voice and did a small half bow.
"Arthur" I said jumping out of bed and looking around the room for my jacket. "What's the time" I said, fearing that I'd slept in.
Arthur gave me a furious look, "Oh I don't know? How about, let's see Merlin. It's past lunch time!" His voice was cruel and sarcastic. I faulted in fixing my neckerchief and looked open mouthed at Arthur. I couldn't have slept in that late, could I? I did notice however that the sun was coming in through my window at rather a different angle than it should.
"Arthur, I am really sorry. I didn't... I didn't realise.. I.. I slept in" I said lamely while fixing my clothes. Arthur just gave me a disgusted look before his eyes darted back to Lancelot who was trying to make his hair lay flat and looking oddly ruffled.
"My Chambers, two minutes" was all Arthur said before leaving and slamming my door behind him.
I flinched at the sound. I looked at Lancelot as Lancelot looked at me. There was an awkward pause before I mumbled about having to go see to Arthur. Lancelot nodded and said he had something he had to see to as well and that he'd meet me again this evening. Before I left and hurried up to Arthur's room.
I took a steady breath before pushing the door open. Arthur was sitting behind his desk looking murderous. "Hey, got yourself dressed and everything" I said trying to sound playfully teasing. Arthur's expression just became darker. Ignoring my feeble attempt at breaking the ice he said.
"Why was Lancelot in your room?"
I didn't like the accusation in his voice any more than I liked the furious look on his face. I hesitated. I knew I couldn't tell the truth about the real reason for Lancelot's visit. But I decided to tell Arthur some of the truth.
"Well, remember how you were in that cursed sleep?" I said, Arthur just continued to glare. "Well, I went on this trip to try and find a cure to save you. And well... Lancelot decided to accompany me to help, as he felt it was mostly his fault that you were cursed to begin with. So he's here really just to check up on how everything was doing and to see if you were fine and all." I said hoping this sounded innocent enough.
Arthur's expression darkened even further if that were possible. "So it was Lancelot's fault I was cursed?" - "I told you that it was the assassin who was after Lancelot that cursed you, so that's why he feels it was his fault" I reminded him. Arthur just made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat.
"Did Gaius really need you last night?" He asked, there was dangerous edge to his voice, though I found this a odd question to ask.
"What do you mean?" I said slowly, nonplussed.
"You told me, did you not Merlin. That Gaius needed your help with something and that was why you couldn't come last night" His voice was harsh, still with that dangerous edge to it.
I'd actually forgotten I told him that. I lied quickly, "Yes. I helped Gaius last night with one of his antidotes" I said swiftly. Arthur's eyes looked furious and he stood up and walked around his desk and over to me. I felt a sudden thrill go through my body.
Arthur walked around me, eying me like he was choosing the right place to strike. He stopped behind my back, and I felt his grip on my arms before he pulled he harshly into him. I struggled feebly, but it was obvious that Arthur wasn't about to let me go.
"Really? Are you quite sure about that Merlin?" He said into my ear through his teeth. A shiver went down my spine, Arthur strengthened his grip on my arms to the point that it was beginning to hurt. "Yes?" I said uncertainly. This wasn't what Arthur wanted to hear.
He pulled one of my arms behind my back into a painful angle. I let out a gasp of pain. Arthur spoke into me ear, in his most deadly voice.
"Well that's funny, because I asked Gaius how late he had kept you up last night, and you know what Gaius told me?" Arthur twisted my arm harder, "I don't know" I cried out in pain. "He told me that he hadn't kept you up at all" I felt myself beginning to sweat and also a pang of anger towards Gaius, I could have sworn he'd have covered for me. Obviously he hadn't.
"Well I found that a bit strange" Arthur continued, tightening his grip on my arm and twisting to the point were I had to bite down on my bottom lip to yell out in pain. "So I asked Gaius, what he'd needed you help for last night. You know what he said?" Arthur said yanking my arm harder. I didn't answer but just made a sound of pain.
"He told me that he hadn't needed your help at all last night, and that you have been in your room the whole night" Arthur twisted my arm so hard I couldn't help but yell in pain. "And now I see the real reason you didn't want to come last night, you wanted to spend it with Lancelot"
At this Arthur loosened his grip on my arm, I didn't have time to feel relieved because he threw me roughly down onto the bed before pushing himself down heavily into my back, he pinned my arms to either side of my head. I struggled against him, but it was useless.
"Arthur! It wasn't like that at all" I said muffled. "Oh?" Arthur said angrily, I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. "Then what was it like?" "And Merlin" Arthur pushed into me painfully, "Don't. Lie" he articulated both words into my ear. I could feel tears prickle the corners of my eyes. I didn't know what to say, but I had to tell Arthur that what he thought wasn't true at all.
"It wasn't like that" I said again, "I just... I admit I lied about helping Gaius." - "You don't say?" Arthur said coldly. "I didn't tell you the truth, because I didn't know how you would feel about me seeing Lancelot, and if you'd let me go or not" This obviously wasn't the right thing to say and regretted it immediately after the words left my lips.
"So that's what it's like is it? Didn't know how I'd feel about you running off to meet up with other guys after hours, in your chambers. Might give me the wrong idea?" Arthur's voice was almost trembling.
He suddenly let me go and I breathed in deeply feeling the oxygen fill my lungs as his weight was lifted off me. I pulled myself onto my hands and knees. I looked around and watched Arthur walk to the other side of the room. Everything was going wrong, I had definitely said the wrong things and mentally kicked myself.
I slid off the bed slowly. "Arthur, I didn't mean it like that. At all. It's not like I chose Lancelot over you" - Arthur turned around sharply and glared at me. I forced my self to think of the right words, make it clear that what Lancelot and I had was nothing like that.
"Arthur, he sent me a letter yesterday morning telling me he had something he wanted to discuss with me. So I went along to see what it was. That was it. Nothing more than that. You know I'd rather have spent the night here with you. It was just one night away from you" I didn't know if I was making myself clear or not. I could feel the tears in my eyes, and blinked them away, I felt sick.
"What ever you want me to believe Merlin, I don't care. You are dismissed for the rest of day. Leave my sight" Arthur said dismissively and turning his back on me.
I walked over to him, I hesitated before grabbing his arm and trying to pull him around to look at me. "Arthur" I pleaded, he pulled his arm roughly from my grip and pushed me away. "Don't touch me" He said giving me a look of deepest loathing, his voice was dead cold. I felt like I'd swallowed broken glass. His voice, his words, the hatred in his eyes ripped there way painfully through my stomach and my heart.
"Arthur" I said again, though it only came out as no louder than a whisper. "Just go!" Arthur demanded of me, another emotion seeped into his voice. He turned away from me. "Arthur please. It's not what you think". Last night meant nothing" I tried pleading with him. But at the mention of last night he turned around and grabbed the back of neck and led me to the door. I protested but he just ignored me and threw me out into the hall, hard. I hit the wall opposite and slid to the ground.
"I want you out of my sight until further notice" He said in that dead voice again, before slamming his chamber door on me. The sound ringed through out the stone corridor. I curled my knees to my chest and couldn't help but letting the sobs escape my throat. Everything had turned out so wrong.
Well there you go, don't really care for this chapter at all. I have the whole timeline of this story written out, just have to put it into words and all.