Chapter 1

How am i going to survive with out Edward?

I thought that we would be together forever and then Victoria and her newborns come along and attack and take away my everything. Of course Charlie is worried about me and the cullens want to help me but how can i let them help me when they dealing with 2 losses because of me.

Edward Had managed to kill Victoria and we were on our way back to the clearing when a new born grabed him from behain while another tore him to pieces all i could do was scream. Esme had come to me to see why i had screamed only to be attacked and killed herself. One of the more older newborns burnt the peices so they couldnt be put back together While Emmett and Carlisle foughtn the rest to save me if i werent for them i would be dead i wanted to be dead, because of me my family are in pain.

Because of me Carlise has lost his son, his first creation the one he turned so he was not alone and even worse he has lost his mate his everything, his world. How can i possibly face them this is my fault.

As i lay on my bed cring from the soul mate i lost charlie Knocks on my door

" Bella she's called again. She says they miss you" charlie said

" Dad i just cant face her they are dealing with enough to deal with my sadness, please if her or the rest of the cullens i will call them soon"

" You know that the memorial is in two days you have to face them sweetheart i know its going to be hard but Alice says they need you"

Damn the memorial is going to be hard how to i face a family when im the reason for their loss. Charlie left my room after i promised i would call. As i sunk into my sadness someone spoke to me.

" You know your really hurting Alice by not calling her" the beautiful Blond haired vampire said

" Rosalie what are you doing here?"

" You may not be my favorite person Bella but our family needs you, you make them happy so i cant sit here and watch them feel like they have lost 3 members of our family" Rosalie said

" But its my fault they are sad, its my fault that Eward and Esme are gone how will they stand being in the same room as me?" i said as tears streaked down my face

Rosalie explained to me that not being there was killing them and that they didnt blame me. She said that they would have fought for me if they didnt love me. I told her to be down stair in 10 minutes and she told me that Alice was already waiting. We drove silently to there home a home that was missing two of the most wondeful people ever.

As we pulled up to the whitehouse i was consumed with sadness and guilt. This was going to be hard. I hadnt been her since the night of the fight. Jasper came out and sent me wave after wave of carmness, i thanked him and he said we could chat later if i needed to. Emmett then grabbed me up in one of his bone crunching hugs.

" Emmett-cant-breath-human-remember" emmett laughed

" Sorry Bells but ive missed my blushing baby sister dont you ever stay away that long again who else am i going to pick on and make blush without getting my arse whooped" all i could do is nod in responce

How can they welcome me back after what i have done to their family. How can they still accept me so warmly, what have i done to deserve these loving, careing people. Just then i heard Carlisle call out and ask if i was here, even though with his super vampire hearing he knew it was me. Then at human speed he decended down the stairs god he was beautiful but he looked so sad. He walked over put his arm around me and asked if I wanted to go for a walk and talk so i agreed.

" How are you doing Carlisle?" i asked

" Its hard real hard i miss everything Esme, how she cared for everyone, how perfect she likes everything, her compassion, i even missed her smell, and Eward i miss conversing with him wether it be about books or medical promlems or simply talking about his love for you " Carlisle said and right then i knew if he could cry he would have been.

" Im so sorry Carlisle, maybe if you guys hadn't of come back you would still have your beautiful wife and son?"

" Bella please dont feel bad i wasnt your fault we love you, im glad we came back Edward and Esme cared so much for you thats why they protected you, we all knew what we up against, we all knew how strong newborns are, please dont feel guilty and please dont stop seeing us i couldnt bere losing another member of my family, we need you and you need us"

Just then i broke down i could no longer hold it im tears i was totally consumed with sadness and i colapsed from the pain my heart was feeling. It had all been to much the guilt the hurt the pain and then this great family saying they love me still and dont blame me for a thing. My heart was breaking and yet i still had love in my heart for this great family, my great family. Carlisle picked me up and carried me to his study where he held me in his arms while i sobbed and he joined me crying dry tears.

I dont know how long we sat there but once my tears dried up i promised myself that i would be there for Carlisle just as he had been there for me. Promised i would make it up to the family any way i could.

It was true i needed this family and they needed me.