Car Ride with the Homunculi

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Envy, we are not there yet," said Father, who gave a sigh of air, gripping onto the wheels of the automobile. This was why he hated going on trips, not even an hour into driving, and the car had gotten stuck in traffic. Within Ten minutes, the car had erupted into chaos.

"I'm hungry, can we stop by Burger King?" asked Gluttony.

"You just ate, Gluttony," said Father.

"But I'm hungry again..." whined the Sin. Father was quickly regretting the whole idea of going on vacation, Sloth couldn't come along because he was too big, Lust had recently died, and Wrath was the Fuhrer President of the whole Country, and had no time for such things. It was a rather simple idea, but now it had turned into a nightmare.

Envy looked out the window, bored, when he saw a twelve year old making faces at him from the window of another car. Envy at first tried to ignore the human, but it didn't work, he always had to glance back and the kid would make another face at him. This time he had his tongue up against the window. Envy was becoming more and more agitated, his impatience also making him pissed. His slit eyes wandered to the other car's window to see the kid giving him the middle finger.

This was the last straw, and soon Envy was making faces back at the kid. From sticking his tongue out, holding his cheeks with his hands, and putting his face against the glass window. Pride looked at Envy with disgust, then back to his book on Biology. He was the only one not causing chaos throughout the car. He sat there, at times looking at the other's antics in disgust and then reading a book. He was like a good boy scout, er, evil boy scout. It was quickly becoming obvious was Pride was Father's favorite. Slowly, they were going forward, one car at a time. No matter home times up, the car with the child was still at their side, making faces at Envy, who made faces back. At last, Envy couldn't take it anymore, his shape began to change as he created the most horrifying face he could think of, and trust me, when you're as batshit crazy as Envy, it's gonna be pretty bad. At this point, the kid stopped making faces and cuddled up against himself. Envy transformed his face back, red and yellow sparks touching his face before leaving. Pride extended a Shadowy tendril and backhanded Envy who was sitting next to him.

"Ow! What was that for!?" yelled Envy.

"You know what you did," said Pride, "By doing that, you have made that child aware to the presence of our kind."

"Quiet you two," growled Father.

The new greed looked out his side of the window bored, and what did he behold? On the road, was a very shiny penny. His eyes lit up and he grinned. "A penny!" He exclaimed. He wanted everything, Money did not escape his wants, and he wanted all of it, including this small penny at the side of the road. "Can I get the penny?" he asked.

"No Greed, stay in the car." sighed Father.

"I'm still hungry," whined Gluttony.

"But wanna get the penny!" said Greed.

"Are we there yet?"

"Mcdonalds?"

"A nickel!"

"Are we there yet?"

"Change!"

"Wendy's? Can we got there, I'm hungry?"

"C'mon, free change! Damnit, I'm gonna get them if it kills me."

"Get back in the car Greed!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Can I eat Greed?"

"Are we there yet now?"

"ENOUGH!" roared Father, "Gluttony, no we're not stopping somewhere to eat and you can't eat your brother, Greed, get your ass back in the car, and Envy we get there when we get there!"

Everyone was shocked by Father's outburst, minus Pride, who kept on reading his book. At that moment, Greed came back into the car with a handful of Pennies, Nickels Quarters, and dimes. "Jackpot! Look at all the change I found on the road!" He gloated with a sharp toothed grin.

Pride raised an eyebrow at this, "How many times did you get run over while getting all of that?"

"Oh, just four times," smiled the greedy homunculus.

Pride burried his face in his palm with a deep sigh. How he was related to these idiots he had no clue.

"Haha! A Cen and forty three cents! I'm 1.43 cenz richer!"

At this point Envy's boredom had taken to a new level. When an idea came into his head.

"One Million bottles of beer on the wall! Beer on the wall-"

Father hammered his head into the wheel. This had better be equivalent exchange for what was to unfold in his plans.


My second attempt at a Comedy, the idea came when on vacation myself when we were stuck in traffic. I had been reading Volume 13 and I began wondering what a car ride with some of the Homunculi would be like.

All characters belong to the Genius that is Hiromu Arakawa