Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.

Summary: One Shot. Bella goes to see a sexologist after one too many failed lays and finds exactly what she was looking for. BxE


Looking around the lobby, I cringed slightly thinking of what had brought me here. Something was wrong with me. I don't know what it is, but it's destroying my life. Completely. My sex life that is.

It had been three and half years since I had a good lay. Two years ago I started to think that maybe something was wrong with me. Now? Now I know there's something wrong with me. My last escapade was just… A shiver ran its way through my body and I think I puked a little in my mouth remembering him.

Remember, Alice's dad said that this doctor is renowned in his line of work. And if things start to get too uncomfortable for you just repeat the mantra that Rose gave you:

I am a grown woman and I have no problem talking to a professional about my sex life. I am a grown woman and I have no problem talking to a professional about my sex life.

Taking a deep breath I made my way to the receptionist.

"Hello, I have a three o'clock appointment with Dr. Cullen?" Way to say that as a question Bella. Real confident.

"Ah yes, Isabella Swan?" She said with a sneer after pretending to type for a few minutes. I'm a receptionist myself so I know all the tricks. We don't actually have to look anything up. It just looks more professional that way. She gave me the up-down look before giving me a fake smile and telling me Dr. Cullen would be with me in a few minutes.

I could just feel her judging me as I walked away. Hey guess what sister? I wanted to say, I may be getting counseled by a sexologist, but you… well you work for a sexologist. Who's more messed up in the end?

Sitting down, I picked up the first book I saw and started reading. Of course it ended up being "Your Body and You: How to feel fully comfortable with the skin you're in".

Wow, really? I mean I realize this is the sexology floor, but have they ever heard of normal magazines?

I sat there for a few minutes reading all about "forcing yourself to look in the mirror and realize how beautiful you really are" waiting for Dr. Cullen to come escort me back to his office.

You know I always wondered what they're doing back there that the client can't just walk back the office and knock on the door. I think it's just to try to get the client – me – to build an appreciation for how busy the doctor was – not happening – so that he or she doesn't feel ripped off for the amount of money their paying – really not happening.

As I set the book down, I heard a man clear their throat. Looking up I saw my doctor for the first time. Clad in an expensive looking black suit, he was the personification of sex.

The only job that would fit him more would be prostitute, but that's a lot less respectable I guess… so I suppose sexologist works.

"Isabella Swan?" I stood up and walked forward, hand outstretched.

"That would be me," I replied with a smile, trying not to betray how much I wanted to throw him on the floor and ravish him—in front of his receptionist.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," he answered taking my hand shortly in his before turning. "If you'd follow me this way to my office we can get started straight away."

Yes we can Mr. Doctor Man, yes we can.

I followed him down the hallway to a comfy-looking office. The dark green and brown colors of the room were obviously picked to have a soothing effect. The whole room was warm and had a homey feeling to it.

Dr. Cullen turned and pointed me towards the sofa in the middle of the room, "Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable Ms. Swan."

I complied easily and watched as he settled himself down in the chair opposite from me. He really was a handsome man. He had startlingly green eyes—they almost matched the color of the walls—and full, red lips that I silently dared to form a pout just so I would have an excuse to stare at them more. What got me the most though was his hair. It was a complete mess! Like someone had just spent an hour running their hands through it.

I wonder if that's what he was doing while I was waiting…

"So Ms. Swan, why don't we start easy? Tell me about yourself." I started, brought out of my musings of him fucking another woman in this very room while I waited.

"Well," I cleared my throat, "First off, please call me Bella. All that Ms. Swan business gets me flustered." Ain't that the truth? Can you picture it? I'm the teacher, he's the student, he's been naughty and I have a ruler. Mmmm… "I live in Seattle where I work as a receptionist at the McCarty- Whitlock Law Firm while I go to school to get an English degree. My two best friends in the whole world are married to my bosses. Jasper Whitlock and Emmett McCarty and honestly that's just a little awkward, but whatever right?"

He just nodded along and made notes here and there. "Anywho… why don't we just cut to the chase? Honestly we aren't here to talk about my day-to-day life, I'm paying you to help me with my sex life."

Silence followed my bold statement and I had to rethink what I said before I understood why. "Wait, that came out wrong." Dr. Cullen just chuckled not saying a word.

"Oh, who cares? You know what I mean. Obviously I'm not paying you to fuck me," although if you want to you may find I'm receptive to the idea. "Okay you know what? I think it's your turn to talk." I said blushing crimson as I did.

"Okay, Bella," hmmm, say my name again Dr. Cullen. "As you put it let's 'cut down to the chase'. Why don't you tell me exactly why you're here?"

I sighed heavily before starting on my story. "Okay, so basically I haven't had a good lay for about three and a half years now and I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. I mean, I've been trying, but the men I've been attracting… they… well they are very, very bad. And not in a good way either."

"Why don't you tell me about one of them?" He asked, completely comfortable as I started to blush a deeper red.

"Okay so, take the last guy I was with. His name was Mike and he… well I think there's something wrong with him… mentally. Here we are laying in bed, working up a good sweat… whatever… and just as he's about to enter me he says the most inane thing I swear I've ever heard!"

"What did he say?" He asked sounding truly curious.

I put my head in my hands to hide my face, "'Open up those legs cause here comes the choo-choo train.' And then he expects me to say 'chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-choo-choo'."

"May I ask what you did then?" He asked sounding very much like he was trying not to laugh.

"I got up and left! I'm not going to lower myself to letting the 'train boy' put his dick inside me. I may be horny, but I'm not desperate." I said slightly offended that he had to ask.

"Yes, I can see why one might not want to finish the job after that sort of comment." He replied softly, trying to appease me.

"Let me ask you another question. Why do you think that attracting men like the 'train boy' has any sort of reflection on your own sexuality?"

I sighed and laid down on the couch. Stretching my body like a cat would before settling down. "Well, if it were just the 'train boy' I wouldn't think there was anything wrong with me, but … my god… this has been going on for a good three years now. Surely, it must be something I'm doing right. I mean I can't even count the amount of men who I tried to bed who turned out to be two-pump chumps, or who wanted to cuddle. I haven't even been able to masturbate because all I ever see is one of the idiots touching me with their clammy hands."

"Surely, you must have had some sort of release in the past three years."

"No! Well, okay there was one guy, but that that was a disaster. Here I am, finally with a man who knows what he's doing and he's actually getting me off when his mom comes charging into the room with a basket full of clothes and starts screaming her head off when she sees us. Now at first I'm like, 'my god, chill out woman, your son is a grown man and you're the one who decided barging into his room without knocking was a good idea.' Only turns out, he's not a grown man. He was seventeen. He was in high school. I nearly puked my guts out right there on his floor. Here I am thinking that I finally broke my bad luck with men and it turns out I wasn't even with a man."

I shuddered remembering the awkward conversation I had to have with Jacob's mom. That was one of the worst days of my entire life.

"Well, I think your cure is perfectly obvious," he stated professionally and formally, "You just need to find someone who you know will find the key to your release and will pleasure you well."

"And where exactly am I supposed to find this 'someone,' cause I've been looking and that man has alluded me thus far." I replied using the same formal tone he did.

"I actually have someone in mind," I turned, giving him my full attention and gazed into those beautiful green eyes of his.

"You're going to set me up? Is that allowed?"

"Not really, but I'll make an exception for you." He smiled sweetly down at me. "Now this man, he is well-established in his line of work and very kind. He plays piano and I have heard that his fingers can work magic on any woman. I've been told that he is incredibly sexy and often the object of many women's fantasies."

"Wow," I interrupted, "sounds like someone's got a man crush." He threw his head back and laughed, eyes twinkling madly.

"Not a man crush, just a very big ego," my breathing picked up when he empathized the word big.

"Dr. Cullen, are you suggesting that we take this relationship beyond patient-doctor care?" I asked in my husky voice.

"Oh, I am going to take very good care of my patient just not as her doctor. You see?" He prowled over to the couch and kneeled in front of my face. "And Bella?"

"Yes?" I breathed lightly and gave a silent victory dance in my head when he closed his eyes in response.

"I am definitely not a 'two pump chump'," he whispered before diving in and kissing me full on the mouth.

"Why Dr. Cullen, do you treat all your patients like this?" I asked dreamily.

"No, just you Bella. Just you."

A/N And then she ended it because as an author she is evil! Review and I might turn this into a two-shot. Smiles sweetly.