Winter Bitterness

A/N: Okay so this KainxCecil fluff and Cecil angst. I tried to get Cecil's past as close to the games story as possible. It takes place modern day and it is Cecil telling about his past and Kain trying to comfort him! Please enjoy and comment! Some cursing.

The wind was a sharp sting on my face, the snowflakes leaving every inch cold, wet, and numb. The mid-December air burned my throat as I breathed in heavily; trying to keep back the tears so they did not freeze my cheeks. It wasn't working out to well. I starred at the large grey stones in front of me as the snowflakes mixed in with the salty tears, causing me to rub my cheeks in a vain effort of warmth.

I was lonely in this cold deserted cemetery.

That's what I wanted.

It was my way of seeking forgiveness from them.

"I'm sorry, mom and dad..." my quiet words whispered through the air, the warm breath spiraling up towards the sky. It was December 10th, the anniversary of my mother's death. It was also my birthday... If I wasn't born today sixteen years ago she would still be alive... and my own brother wouldn't hate me.

I was at fault for father's death too, according to my big brother Golbez. No one ever said what happened exactly (except Golbez but do I trust him?), all I could understand was that father was murdered the day mother found out she was pregnant with me. My first set of foster parents told me it was just any old burglary; that they didn't aim for father intentionally. Brother told me otherwise.

Brother had said that father was brutally beaten because no one liked his way of thinking, and that they just didn't want more children like father running around. One Harvey child was enough. My father according to the records was "a unique mayor of Baron" and apparently people didn't like whatever he was planning on doing to Baron so they decided to beat the shit out of him.

If only my parents' records would have said that, then I wouldn't have ever had to go to Golbez when I was six and confused.

That's all my parents were anyway to me: Golbez's harsh stories and records.

Oddly enough I preferred the confusing records to Golbez's screaming about how it was all my fault.

Of course no kid wants their parents to be records.

But that is all mine are to me… That will never change.

"I'm sorry Golbez…" I whisper my next apology, rubbing my nose a little trying to get some feeling back in it.

Golbez was only four when everything happened. Finding our father (or would it just be his father?) dying in an alley near by the mayor's office … He had the most pleasure describing that scene to me when I was six.

I can still hear the venomous words threatening to rip up anyone who got in his way…

'Daddy's blood was everywhere! Picture yourself lying in a puddle of thick red water! You bones snapped and bruised! He barely looked like he was a normal human like he was only that morning! His arms were going in opposite directions! His breathes were ragged and choked with his own blood! IT"S YOUR FAULT! Damn you-you little bastard! He died so painfully! You deserve to suffer the way father did! I hope you die the same way he did! No wait WORSE! Because you killed our- no MY father! My Daddy!' The ten year old boy who looked so much like me fell to his knees sobbing. 'Damn you! I hate you Cecil! Go away!'

I broke down sobbing from the vivid memories, my breaths ragged and choking me while I try to keep them even. The salt water blinds me, burning my eyes and blurring out the icy landscape of the cemetery around me.

I'm sorry everyone.

Mother…

Father…

Brother…

Both sets of my foster parents…

That was another sad story. I've had two foster homes so far. Hopefully it will stay that way.

I was kicked out of my first foster home because they put me and big brother together. They couldn't have been more stupid… I was with them for six years, and with Golbez. My brother just avoided me as often as he could. He never could get close enough when I was an infant. My foster mother had to always feed me and watch over me… When I turned four it was like I vanished from her mind. She never held me once the new foster baby came in. It was like I didn't exist really. My foster father paid attention to me at least and kept me away from brother's death glare for two years at least. When I was six Golbez could finally get to me without either of our foster parents getting in the way.

I barely knew brother. Honestly I still barely know him. But he thought he knew me.

When we were finally alone once did the foster care finally notice who Golbez pinned all his built up anger on. Me. I still never felt as much pain as I did that day. Brother hit me so hard I went flying back and hit my head against the wall. I left a nice dent for them to remember me with. I remember crying and trying to run away from him, only ending up tripping and tumbling down the stairs. The scarlet stains were difficult for them to get out; I think they had to change the rug. My leg broke from that fall, and my wrist was twisted, which only made Golbez break down into tears from the memories of seeing father that I brought up by lying there.

It was strange that despite the pain I was in I tried to crawl over and comfort my brother. He hit me for coming near him and just screamed how much he hated me. I can still picture the black around my right eye.

Our foster parents demanded we were removed because we were a 'bad influence' to the others there. I don't see how my brother beating on me made me a bad influence.

Foster care learned after that and separated me from Golbez, yet they foolishly kept us in the same town. What made things worse was the town was his birth place of Baron. Golbez kept getting moved around but my parents seemed happy with just me (which must have been hard considering I was silent and just limped around on my crutches for several months).

Only things worth mentioning from the past ten years were Golbez bullying me in and out of school…

And him coming into my life…

As if on cue, familiar long arms wrap around my snow covered shoulders, holding a hot cup of coffee in front of my blurred vision. I try to choke down my tears and, pushing his arms away, wipe the tears away from my burning eyes.

"I was hoping this isn't why you ditched me on your birthday…" the deep voice says from behind. My friend walks around the bench and sits next to me.

His ice blue eyes are burning holes into my face.

"K-Kain you sat in sn-snow… J-just go home and sit by a warm f-fire place l-like a normal human w-would do," I force myself to stutter, my voice cracking despite my attempts to stay strong.

He stays silent.

God damn his eyes, they can always pull anything towards them if he glares long enough. I finally let my eyes look over to him. He was lightly tanned compared to my pale white skin (which only looked worse in this god damn cold) and his blond hair hung half way in his face and down to his shoulders. I look down at his lip stud, trying to avoid his eyes in fear that I will just crash again.

"Cecil…"

He knows I'm trying not to look right into his eyes, he always knows when I'm about to break down. I look at his eye brow piercing instead, hoping it looked like I was looking at him.

"Cecil…" he says with more impatience. God damn it even his voice made me want to blurt out everything and just curl up in his warm, welcoming arms.

I finally drag my purple eyes to meet with his icy blue ones, "Y-yes...?"

Instead of forcing his worries out like most humans did, he held out the hot cup, "Drink. Now."

Nervous hands grip the cup and his warm gloved hands help steady my shaking ones. Damn how does any human stay this warm out here…? The warm lid burned my mouth but I quickly sip the bitter burning liquid, the hot feeling a welcoming from the iciness I had been sitting in. Kain slid his arms around my cold slender form, the warmth becoming a slight shock to my numb body.

"Do you care if I stay here? I'll leave if you want."

As if that idiot didn't know my answer.

"Y-you can I-I guess …" I take another burning sip and press closer to the warmness of his chest. Kain smiles gently and rubs the numb excuse for an arm.

"You shouldn't be sitting out here… You're going to catch your death."

"W-w-well maybe it's better that way…" my stuttering whisper receives a rough smack to the back of the head.

"If you say anything like that again I'll have to duct tape your mouth shut."

Why does he sound so caring even when he threatens to gag me?

"W-well it's not like people don't feel that way…" I look back at the stones.

There is another painful smack to my head, "Only one bastard says that. And you shouldn't even give a fuck what he says!"

His hits hurt. But, it's nothing like brother's beatings. Kain only hit me because he cared, and he was sure to let me know that. I feel my face get colder and finally realize I'm crying. The walls around me tighten and Kain moves a hand to gently wipe my face. His leather covered hand just makes me cry more. Why does Kain always have this effect on me? I can never stay strong around him. Next thing I know my face is hidden in his neck and the coffee cup had spilt on the white snow near our feet. Kain strokes back my long silver hair and gently kisses the snow coated top of my head. I feel like a child hiding within his arms and sobbing uncontrollably.

I am still a child I guess with the way I act.

***

The next few hours (or I think hours) were all a blur. I think I remember being dragged by Kain into his car. It all feels like a dream. One numb, frozen dream…

I started to pay more attention when we entered Kain's house and he forced me to sit on the couch near the burning fire place. The heat was such a foreign feeling that I moved to the very edge of the couch hoping to warm up. A hot cup of coffee is placed on the table while Kain sits close. My friend's arms pull me back against him and he embraces me tightly to try to help the fireplace. Damn Kain only doing this to keep me warm. I wish he would do this more often… Damn it, the cold is finally messing up my thoughts. Or it's clearing them up… Why does Kain seem so different now? No I shouldn't be thinking like that… He is my friend…!

Kain seems to notice my argument with myself and he hugs me tighter, "Are you okay Cecil? You haven't said I word since before the car ride…"

I don't even want to respond. What if I said something stupid and chased him off? He was so comforting and warm. He cared so much.

"Cecil…?"

"I-I'm fine…" The words come out cracked, my throat hurting from the silence. He pushes me away slightly and his eyes stare at my face. Damn it how often will he do that in one day?

"… Come on you should get into some dry clothes…"

I look down to notice my jacket is soaked through, like every other article of clothing on me. I reply with a silent nod and he gets up so I obediently follow the blond. Quietly, I sit on his bed and look at the pictures of us being idiots that he had tacked up to his night-blue walls. I looked so happy in every picture… Especially the picture of us at the boardwalk after Kain made me go on my first rollercoaster. I was scared shitless on it, but that just made it funnier when we got off at the end. I let a small smile creep across my lips at all the memories. They were the best moments I've ever had in my life.

My happy thoughts were rudely interrupted when a pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt obscured my vision. Kain had thrown them on my head like any bastard would do. Damn you Kain…

"Well get changed," he says, sounding like one of those over protective mothers on TV.

"Okay. Thanks mom."

Kain scowls and storms out of the room with exaggerated anger, a smirk tugging at his lips. The door closes with a loud slam, leaving me to change.

I take my time putting on Kain's spare clothes; the pants to long and barely on my hips and the sleeves past my hands. I examine myself in the mirror, looking at the black clothing while I brush through my silver hair with cold shaking hands.

Damn it will I ever warm up?

Okay maybe not, I did want to suffer in the cold…

Taking Kain's black blanket and wrapping it securely around me, I make my way into the living room. The rooms empty and silent, except for the crackling of the fire place.

Where the hell is he?

The still burning coffee beckons me over and taking a large sip I carry it with me to the kitchen to find Kain.

The blond was stirring a steaming pot on the stove, humming some familiar tone. Kain looked so carefree as he stood in the kitchen. Crap why am I thinking like this now? Have I always seen him as more than a friend? I sit the cup on the counter so I don't forget it's in my hands. If I broke a glass Kain's parents would kill him!

I step forward and wrap my blanket covered arms around his waist, pulling him into a tight hug. He jumps slightly holding up his arms and glancing back at me. His shocked expression turns to a bright smile.

"Took you long enough, Cecil. I don't even think a drag queen takes that long to change! You didn't even do anything special."

"Fuck you, Kain…" I burrow my face in his back as he starts to stir whatever he was cooking. It smelled like chicken broth. Why was Kain making soup?

"Nah not now," his chest shakes lightly while he laughs, "You need some soup first anyway. It's the best way to get you warm."

Did Kain really just say that? Not now…? Damn it why does he have to tease me like that… I can feel my face starting to burn up from a new shyness, so I press it harder against his back.

"Cecil you're going to break me in half…" Kain puts his free hand over mine, which were locked together around his waist. I immediately loosen my arms, not letting go of him.

"I-I'm sorry…" I whisper quietly. Seems like that's my favorite word today, huh?

I hear the gas burner click off and Kain turns around in my arms, "You don't ever have to apologize to me. Well of course if you're an idiot you do, just not if it's me teasing you!"

I look up into his icy blue eyes. They were full of… something I never really saw before. It was nothing I was used to seeing in anyone's eyes. It made me feel awkward around him.

"Why are you looking at me like that…?" Kain says gently, cocking an eyebrow.

God damn it why can't I talk? I can't even look away from his eyes…! They're just so beautiful and confusing. They're so comforting, even when he doesn't mean it.

"Cecil…?" he asks, now truly worried. Kain places both hands on my shoulders and holds me at arm's length.

"S-sorry Kain I-I'm fine…" I manage to stutter out, still not able to look away from those eyes. Damn it they were so glasslike and unique. No one could have eyes like his.

"You're looking at me in that weird way again…" Kain was truly worried and he pushes a piece of hair out of my face, his warm hand brushing against my cheek. That one gentle touch was so comforting and felt so natural, but why did I feel a sudden rush of shyness? My face goes beet red and I finally pull my eyes away.

"S-Sorry it's n-nothing…"

My shyness just increases when Kain pulls me into a tight hug and brushes back my hair. "What is wrong Cecil? I want to help you…"

"I don't even know anymore Kain!" I press my face into his neck when tears start to pour down again. Damn it why did I have to be so emotional? I can't hold anything up for long enough, I don't want Kain to worry!

The blond holds me and strokes my back gently, "It's okay Cecil… I'm here for you, and I always will be. Remember that…"

More tears fall out onto the collar of his shirt. No one had ever said they would always be there… It hurt that only one person said that but I'm glad it's Kain. I never noticed how he truly loved me; I never want to lose that.

I nod my head and mutter into his neck, "Th-thank you Kain. I-I love you."

Kain freezes and his body seems to tense. Damn it maybe that was the wrong thing to say. Could I have just destroyed our entire friendship? I try to pull away but he refuses to give me leave. Kain's pink lips move down next to my ear and gently whisper, "I love you too…"

There was definitely something in his voice that matched what he showed in his eyes before. I pull always slightly so I can see his face, our faces coming close together in the process.

We both blush lightly. I can't even think of something to say to him. He always had something to say but it seems even Kain was out of words. Before my brain functioned what was happening, my lips gently met with his. Kain's lips were so soft… I just want to get lost in the moment.

Wait damn it did I just kiss Kain?

Did I kiss my guy friend?

I quickly pull away from his pleasurable lips. "I-I'm sorry Kain!"

I'm going to regret that, damn my feelings! I rush off away from him, dropping the blanket, and run towards the front door. I had to get away from Kain before he says something and I lose him forever.

"Cecil Wait."

Damn my obedience.

I stand right in front of the door, motionless and even more depressed then before (which was apparently possible). More salt water rolls down my cheeks as I look at the wood door blocking my path.

"Y-y-yes…?"

Damn it why can't I run and spare myself from losing him for a little bit.

"Don't go…"

I tense up, why didn't his words seem discussed?

"I did say I loved you didn't I?"

Wait did Kain really love me? More than a friend? I'm too busy thinking to notice his approach until his arms wrap around my waist and pull me close.

"I don't want you to go..." he lets his arms drop but stays close against me, "but you can if you want..."

"Kain..." he was so sweet and willing to sacrifice his happiness for my own. Instead of responding I turn around and look up into those icy eyes. "..."

"Yes...?" Damn it there was so much pain in his voice. Did he really think I'd leave him?

"I-I shouldn't have done that..." I shake my head back and forth rapidly and step back. "S-Sorry it was wr-wrong..."

He looks down, the pain clear on his face, "Nothing was wrong with it... But if you want to leave you can. You can forget this ever happened..."

I can't stand the look on his face. He was so hurt from what I was saying. But wasn't it wrong for me to like him? Kain did like me back, did that make it right?

"I-I don't want to forget it..." The words shock even me. Kain glances up through emotionless eyes.

"Are you sure?'

Of course I wasn't sure, this all felt so wrong. But it was as if my heart was speaking for me, "Y-yes..."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Hell what was I supposed to say? I just kissed my best friend who was a guy. But did I love him more then what our friendship was? I had to have; he was always closer than other friends were. Or at least from what I saw. I stare at his blank face; he was hiding so much at the moment. I don't want him to hold back his emotions.

"K-Kain... I'm so confused..." more tears poor down my face. God damn it will they ever stop today?

He steps closer to me and grabs my hand to give it a tight friendly squeeze, "its fine... Come on just go eat

your soup."

And once again Kain is putting me before himself.

"Damn it Kain!" He blinks with shock when I suddenly snap, "Stop hurting yourself for me!"

"... Cecil that is what friends do... Or anyone who cares about another."

"Well it's not like I would ever know!"

Kain's wounded expression stabs me in the heart. Why was I yelling at the one person who always showed me compassion? I'm such an idiot.

"Sorry Cecil..."

"N-No Kain I didn't... Sorry... I just don't want you risking your own feelings to make me feel better and more comfortable..." I couldn't sound like more of an idiot.

"Well you're the one always risking your health for others..."

... Well shit he was right... I'm such a damn hypocrite.

"But that's..."

"Different? Fuck that Cecil my emotions aren't as important as your health or your freewill."

"You're so much more important than me Kain! You're more important to me then my health...!"

The blond blushes lightly, "Well you're important to me to Cecil and I don't want you hurting yourself."

Damn it why did he have to have such a good point? I step up to him and embrace him tightly, as if he would vanish right there and then. "I can't help it... I'm just such a screw up..."

"You're letting that asshole change how you feel about yourself. You're special, downright fucking amazing. So stop letting him put you down!" Kain and his great vocabulary...

"I can't help it... I feel horrible for fucking up his life..."

"You didn't fuck up anyone's life! He fucked himself for living in misery and anger... and not getting to know a great person like you!"

Great? I'm a great person? I pull away and cross my arms bitterly, "I am not a great person...! I'm a stupid orphan that no one likes!"

"I like you moron! Do you still not get that?" Kain snatches my hand and drags me over to the couch and forces me to sit. Why did I keep saying stupid things? I know Kain likes me, but no one else does!

"I do! You're just the only person!" He sits next to me and glares into my eyes. I feel like Kain's ice eyes are going to swallow me up until I drown.

"No I'm not. And if I am everyone else is an idiot! Do I need to make a list of all the great things that I love you for?" My face was burning. It felt weird having Kain use the word 'love'.

"You probably couldn't..."

Kain grunts angrily, "Well you're the sweetest person I've ever met, you care about people who don't give a fuck about you, and you'd do anything to help others!"

"... Kain..." I look down shyly; his words made me feel awkwardly surrounded by his feelings.

"I am not done yet." Fuck this would last forever wouldn't it? "You're a genious, you're just plain kickass," I laugh quietly at his choice in words before he silences me to continue, "You're fucking amazing, you're..." he mutters the next word quietly, "beautiful... And you're just plain perfect Cecil! Maybe your past isn't but you are now!"

My face burns brighter. Did Kain just call me beautiful...?

"I-I'm not perfect..."

"Well screw what you think because you are... You're everything I said and... That's why I feel this way about you..."

"Kain..." I feel surer about my own feelings then ever after hearing Kain talk. He had to love me enough to say all that... Which I still doubt is true about me. "I... I love you too... Everything about you..."

The blond smiles brightly and then teasingly says, "Why because I said you were beautiful?"

"N-No...!" I blush brightly and look nervously at my hands, "Because you're you..."

I look up into his eyes and move closer, sure that I want to kiss Kain again but still nervous of how wrong it probably is. Before my lips can connect with his, Kain's warm hand is placed on my lips.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I nod shyly. "Cecil don't force yourself to kiss me, especially if it's just for me."

"I'm not..." I mumble against his hand, "I want to..." Or at least I'm pretty sure I do.

His hand moves away and holds onto my own. I slide closer to him on the couch and lean in more, so our mouths are only centimeters apart. I pause for a second, causing Kain to attempt to pull away. Damn it what am I doing stopping? I quickly catch his lips before he pulls away too far and stop him. His lips were so soft against my own. I moved my mouth against his, enjoying the pleasure coming from the innocent kiss. Kain responds by moving his lips gently with mine, obviously having lost the battle of letting me make the moves. He presses against my lips more and slides his hands from mine to my waist. I can barely find proper thoughts; his lips were just so distracting. My arms move themselves so they're around his neck and I press close to his taller frame.

This moment felt oddly... perfect. I was weird how I just melted into his arms and lost myself in his lips movements. The feeling was still there even when he moved his lips away from my own. He silently put his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.

"I'm glad you came for me today Kain..."

His eyes flutter open and look into mine. His perfect blue eyes. They were sparkling with happiness, "Of course I would have came Cecil... I was worried about you..."

"How did you find me?" It was a good question. I never told Kain what my plans were for the day.

"I called your house and no one answered... The first place I could see you going to today by yourself was the cemetery..."

"I could have been out with my foster parents."

"Ha. And I could have been in Hawaii enjoying the sun."

I roll my eyes, "You hate the sun."

"Wow you catch on fast." His eyes sparkle again. Kain you jackass.

"... Well thank you for coming to comfort me... I needed you... But I still wish I was freezing my ass off..."

Kain sighs and instead of smacking me like I expected he just pulled away and walked off.

"Kain?" I rush after him worriedly. What did I do to chase Kain away?

I follow him into the kitchen and tilt my head as I watch him rummaged through the cabinets. What the hell is he doing? He pulls out something and then rushes over to the stove and grabs the pot of still steaming soup he left. That's when I notice he had a thermos in his hand. Why was he putting the soup in a thermos? I watch his every movement as he pours as much soup as he can fit into the large cylindrical container. He caps it and grabs another thermos out of a cabinet and goes over to the full coffee pot.

"What the hell are you doing?" I finally ask while he pours the coffee into the cup and adds in a ton of sugar and milk, the way I liked it.

"We're going out," he replies, putting down the thermos and dragging me off towards his bed room.

"Out where?" He lets go of me and digs into his closet, grabbing his thickest fur lined black leather coat and a pair of snow boots.

"To celebrate you're sweet sixteen with someone special."

I blink with confusion and he tosses the coat at me. Before I even get it on he pulls me out of his room. Fuck what is he doing? I stumble after him trying to pull on the warm coat with one arm. Once we get to the front door he grabs two scarves and his own jacket off the coat rack.

"Who are we going to see?" I ask innocently as I put on the boots he grabbed for me.

"Stop asking questions and hurry up." Kain already had on his coat, boots and scarf. How the hell does anyone move that fast? He decides to help me out and puts a black scarf around my neck as I fumble with a pair of cotton gloves.

"I'll be right back." The blond rushes off to the kitchen quickly, returning with a picnic basket. "Well this is all I had to carry the thermoses in so let's go."

"But Kain where..." he gives me a peck on the cheek and drags me out the front door and into the freezing white hell outside.

***

"Kain are we there yet?" I mutter bitterly crossing my arms. Kain decided last minute that I should be blind folded. What the hell is he doing?

"Just shut up and wait here..." he says demandingly, stopping his small black car somewhere and getting out.

"Damn bastard..." I was tempted to take off the blind fold, but I didn't know if Kain was close enough to see.

What could Kain possibly be planning? At least I was in a nice warm car while I waited for him. But why did Kain have to bundle me up so warmly? God damn it why was he talking so long?

The driver's door finally opens and the car is turned off. "Kain?" The door shuts again with no response. What was going on?

This time my passenger good opens and a hand grabs my arm and yanks me out, scaring the shit out of me.

"Come on Cecil." Kain familiar deep voice says and the door is shut.

"Why won't you let me see or know what's going on?"

"Just shut up and take off the blind fold." he pulls me abruptly to a stop.

I pull my scarf off from around my eyes and squint as the white snow blinds me. When I recover from the

blinding color, I notice the basket and a dozen roses sitting on the familiar bench in front of mother and father's tombstones.

"K-Kain..." I choke out. Was Kain going to suffer in the cold so I could stay by them?

"Happy Birthday. I figured you would want to spend it near your parents." He smiles sweetly with his hands in his pockets.

"Kain... You don't have to sit out here with me..."

"Yes I do." I tackle him into a hug and tear up.

"Thank you Kain..." I pull away and we sit on the bench, Kain immediately shoving the thermos of soup into my face. He himself takes the coffee and sits close so we can share each other's warmth. His arm drapes itself around my shoulders.

"These are for you... To give to your parents" Kain picks up the roses and holds them out to me, "I stopped on the way here to get them."

I smile sadly and take them, leaning forward to place the roses in between the grave stones. "Thank you..." I lean back and kiss him sweetly on the lips.

"Of course..."

We snuggle in closer and silently sit together watching the frosty landscape around us. To some people this would be the weirdest birthday ever. But oddly, it was perfect for me. My eyes were finally cleared and Kain was now closer than any friend could ever be. Also, he understood how I wanted to spend my birthday by my parents. But, Kain made it so I didn't torment myself and mourn, instead I enjoyed spending the next few hours with Kain quietly sipping away the coffee and soup besides their tombstones.

It was as perfect as today could get, and I was fine with that.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!