I don't own Bleach!
Fun With Soul Candy:
The activity in the room came to a crashing halt at the word. Renji and Ikkaku who were playing cards were forced to throw their game and grab their swords. Yumichika stopped flipping through channels and sprang off the couch. Rangiku ran out of the bathroom, still wrapped in a towel and looked wildly around.
"What's going on?!"
"Matsumoto! Put your clothes on before you come out here!" Hitsugaya roared, throwing down his chopsticks in disgust.
Ichigo came bursting into the room, hand on his Soul Badge. "A Hollow?! Here? Now? Come on! Just one day without- What the hell are you guys doing in my house?!"
Rukia searched the room for the box. "Where is it?!"
"Rangiku had a box right here with Soul Candies in it. We have to get you guys out of your gigais!"
"Ah! Forget this! I'll go!" Ichigo pressed the Soul Badge to his chest, forcing his soul out. "I can handle the Hollow by myself! You guys stay here."
"Hey! That isn't your call!" Hitsugaya called after him. He turned back to Rukia. "I don't care which one you give me. Just get me a Soul Candy!"
"But Captain, didn't you bring one with you?" Rangiku half whined.
"I did…" He turned and rounded on her. "… but you took it away from me and said that you'd place it somewhere for safekeeping! Now look where we are!"
Rukia shoved Kon into Ichigo's mouth before grabbing something from behind the couch. "I found them!"
"That's your safekeeping?! Behind a chair?!"
"Don't yell at me, Baldy!"
Yumichika looked in the box with a disappointed expression. "Aw… They're all mixed together. I can't tell which one is mine."
"Just give me it!" Hitsugaya reached inside the box and took out the first Soul Candy he got his hands on. He popped it into his mouth and escaped from his body. "I'm going after Kurosaki. The rest of you hurry it up!"
At his command, the others reached in the box and pulled out random Soul Candies. All at once, they leapt out of their bodies and followed him out into the street.
"Kon!" Rukia called over her shoulder. "Look after the others! Make sure they don't leave the house!"
Kon pouted. "You're not being fair! All I ever get is orders! I'm always being ordered around! What do I get?" Then he started to think about it. If he was left alone with their bodies, which included Rukia's and Rangiku's, then that meant… "You guys have fun now, you hear! Don't you worry about a thing! I can hold down the fort!"
With the others long gone and their gigais beginning to stir, he was ready to have some fun. If he remembered correctly, Rangiku's Soul Candy was Momone, which was just as big a pervert as he was. He could have some fun with this!
Rukia had Chappy, Gringo belonged to Yumichika, Ginnosukem was Renji's, Bruce was Ikkaku's, Momone was Rangiku's and King belonged to Hitsugaya. Those were the Soul Candies.
And this was his lucky day! Kon rubbed his hands together gleefully. "I love my life!" He hurried over to Rangiku's body and laid on the charm. "Hey, there, miss. Need some help?"
Her hand reached out and grabbed him around the neck. Rangiku's light blue eyes were cold and dark. "Don't you talk to me that way, you rat!"
"Huh?!" This wasn't anything close to what he had expected. "But- but wait! Aren't you… Aren't you Momone?"
"Hell no! I'm Gringo!"
"AAAHH!" Hitsugaya threw his arms over his head in fright. "Don't yell so loud! You scared me!"
"Hey!" Ikkaku wagged his finger in a girly fashion. "Don't-choo-won't-choo yell so loudy-owdie! I might have to hurt-choo-wurt-choo!"
Oh, my God…
Hitsugaya crawled behind the couch, whimpering in fear.
"Um, guys..?" Yumichika mumbled. "Maybe we should just sit here and be quiet…" He had Hitsugaya's Soul Candy!
Rukia jumped onto the couch and curled up. "If anyone needs me, I'll be over here taking a nap, meow!"
Kon felt dizzy. This was all screwed up! Everyone had switched Soul Candies! But wait! If Rangiku has Yumichika's, then who has..?
"Oh, my goodness..!"
If Kon had a real heart, it would have stopped beating. He turned and saw Renji crawling towards him in a seductive fashion. "Please don't tell me that's Momone…"
Renji started to unbutton his shirt and showed Kon his shoulder, teasing him. "How 'bout it? Want some?"
"GAH! NO!" Kon jumped back completely grossed out. "That's nasty!"
Renji pouted. "Ohh? Nasty?" Then his smile twisted into a mischievous grin. He ripped open his shirt. "Just how nasty do you want me to be?"
Kon covered his eyes. "AHH! No! Don't do that! That's so gross!"
"Think about it! We're both guys! You're in Renji's body, not Rangiku's!"
Renji looked down, apparently not noticing the difference until now. "Oh, I see… Then we'll just have to have a little yaoi action!" He threw himself through the air over to Kon.
"That's enough!" Ikkaku body-slammed Renji to the floor. "There will be none of that! Yaoi is indecent! I can't have you doing anything grossy-wossy!"
"But I don't mind! I can swing either way!" Renji drooled. "Even you look pretty good to me, Baldy-boy."
Ikkaku twisted his arm.
"OW!" Renji hollered. "What'd you do that for?!"
"I told you that I'd have to hurt-choo-wurt-choo if you didn't behavy-wavy!"
"Ow! That hurts!"
Kon crawled away from the group and went to hide with Hitsugaya behind the couch.
Hitsugaya screamed the moment Kon came into view. "You scared me!"
"You scare too easily!"
Hitsugaya's eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry!" He crawled away and hid under the coffee table.
A crash from the other side of the couch caught his attention. All the gigais were fighting with each other! Renji and Ikkaku were still bickering with each other, Rangiku had Yumichika in a head lock and Rukia was cheering them all on while staying far out of their way.
Kon groaned. This wasn't turning out the way he thought it would. But perhaps he could fix this. He still had Ichigo's Soul Badge. He could always reverse things for the better. Maybe he could get all the Soul Candies out of their bodies and back into the right ones, which meant that he'd have Momone in Rangiku's body and therefore have her all to himself. It was a perfect plan if he did say so himself. He picked up the Soul Badge and got to work.
"Hey, guys, catch!" He threw the Soul Badge into the air over their heads.
A couple of them actually reached up and tried to make a grab for it. Yumichika and Renji to be precise. The moment it touched their fingers, the Soul Candies jumped from their mouths and onto the floor. The empty gigais fell to the ground soon after.
Yes! Two down!
Rangiku snarled. "Ha! I'm not falling for that!"
Rukia meowed. "Me neither! Nice try!"
Ikkaku picked up the Soul Badge and examined it. "Hey! You wanted to force us out of these gigais, don't you? That's bad, you meanie!"
Kon sighed. "I should have known you were too smart for me. Why don't you give yourself a hand?"
Ikkaku clapped his hands together, pressing his open palm against the Soul Badge still closed in his other hand. Chappy was forced out of his body and rolled across the floor.
"Ha! In your face!"
Rangiku cracked her knuckles and marched towards Kon. "I'll murder you good, you freakin' moron!"
Rukia cheered her on. "Go! I'll stay here and watch!"
Kon gulped. The easy part was over. Now he just had to deal with these two and they were the hard ones. Especially the one trying to kill him. "Now wait a minute. I don't mean any harm… I was just…"
Rangiku threw a punch at his head. "You're finished!"
He ducked and rolled over to Ikkaku's body and took the Soul Badge out of his hand. He pressed it to her stomach and out came the Soul Candy. "Ha! I win!"
He looked up, but Rukia was no longer there. She must have run off when she saw that Soul Badge in his hand. Smart…
He went searching for her, paying no attention to the frightened Hitsugaya trying to climb out the open window to escape the craziness.
"I told you I could handle it. Why don't you guys trust me?"
"Ichigo, it's not that we don't trust you. It's that-"
"It's our job since we're on a mission here. You have no business butting in."
Ichigo's eyes twitched. "Then might I butt in on why you guys were all in my house, or isn't that my business either?"
Hitsugaya growled. "Orihime was cleaning and needed us out of the house. If we had stayed, we would have had to deal with that lemony smell all afternoon. We didn't want to discuss important business on a rooftop, even if no one was around. And it looked like it was going to rain anyway. Long story short, it looked like no one was home at your place so we decided to crash there for a little while. Satisfied?"
Ichigo snorted and folded his arms. "You could have at least told me."
"You weren't around at the time."
"I was in my room! You could have gotten me!"
Hitsugaya was no longer listening. "By the way, Matsumoto, what possessed you to take all the Soul Candy and throw them all into one box like that? What were you thinking?"
"I thought it would be easier that way to have them all together… I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't thinking. But I was going to take a bath and I couldn't do it with my clothes on and my Soul Candy was in my outfit so I thought that I should store it in a box for the time being. But then I was thinking about how rough those two were getting…" She pointed to Ikkaku and Renji. "… and thought that they were going to spill all their Soul Candy, so I put them all into the same box."
"Yeah, where they all spilled out anyway making it impossible to tell which one's which. Way to go."
Ichigo walked through the front door of his house. "It doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, no one's home at my place. Did you really need to use those Soul Candies?"
"What if someone were to walk in and discover a bunch of lifeless bodies? I wasn't about to take that risk."
"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you!"
"Fine, whatever." He led the others inside.
There they found everything in chaos. Kon was laying on the floor with Yumichika bouncing up and down on his stomach and giggling like a maniac. Ikkaku was making out with his reflection in a mirror, Rukia was sitting quietly on the floor with a zoned out look on her face and Rangiku was meowing and sitting on the kitchen table watching everyone else.
Hitsugaya's jaw dropped. "What happened here?"
Kon looked up and reached out for their hands, eyes pleading for help. "Please… Help me..!"
Yumichika bounced harder on Kon's gut, still laughing his head off. "He's been fussy-wussing ever since you left! Isn't that right, Konnie-wonnie?"
"Please… get him… off me..!" Kon struggled to breath.
The real Yumichika looked down at his gigai. "What in the world is going on? That's not my Soul Candy. I use Gringo."
Rukia helped push Yumichika's gigai off Kon's body. "What is going on around here?"
"Rukia!" Kon tried to hug her, but she pushed him back onto the floor.
"I see what this is," Renji said. "With all the Soul Candies mixed together, we had no way of knowing whose was who's. We all switched Soul Candies."
Kon managed to wriggle out from under Rukia's foot and tried to explain. "It was much worse before. You see, you all had swapped Soul Candies, so I tried to fix it. I used Ichigos' Soul Badge and got all the Soul Candies out of the gigais but then I couldn't tell which one was which so I ended up putting them all into the wrong bodies all over again. I'm sorry. But I did try to fix things for you guys!"
Rukia allowed him a smile. "You did good. At least you tried."
Kon threw himself onto her again. "Oh, Rukia! I knew you cared!"
Yumichika, or rather Chappy, had to disagree. "But you were only trying to do that so that you could cuddle-wuddle with Rukia and Rangiku's gigais by putting in the same Soul Candies that Ikkaku has now."
What little pride she had for Kon was now long gone. "You did what?"
"But you were!"
"Y- yes… b- but- but-!"
She slammed him back onto the floor. "Forget it. Let's just fix things."
They went around the room and collected the Soul Candies. Finally everyone was back into their proper gigais… that is, except for Hitsugaya.
"Where the hell is mine?"
"You lost my gigai?!"
"Lost is such an ugly word! I'd say… misplaced."
Before Hitsugaya could take out his rage on Kon, there was a knock on the door. They opened it to find Tessai standing in the doorway with Hitsugaya's frightened gigai.
"I found this hiding in the bushes outside our shop. I was told to return it."
Hitsugaya pulled his doppelganger into the house. "Thanks. We can take it from here."
"You couldn't even keep your eyes on him?!"
"All he did was hide! I didn't think much of it! He's scared of anything that moves!"
"What? It's true!"
Ichigo held up the Soul Badge. "Alright, can I get my body back, please?"
Rukia turned to him. "Think about it. All the Soul Candies are mixed together and we can't tell which is which. We're going to have to test each one in order to sort them all out. Kon would make the perfect guinea pig."
"What?!" Kon cried.
"But why does it have to be in my body?!"
"He's the one who decided to be a dumbass!"
"But I didn't do anything! This isn't fair!"
"But you were going to! Now hold still."
Ichigo growled and walked to the next room. "Punishment for Kon? Please! If anyone's being punished it's me. It's my body their using. And Kon's gotta come out of there anyway for them to put the other Soul Candies in anyway. Who's really being punished here?"
I hope it didn't suck. I just decided to write it all of a sudden for no reason other than I was bored.
Thanks for reading! Please review! ^-^